"Yer not gonna say something about Dusk the whole jumping the gender gap?

Might want to change this a bit.
"Yer not gonna say something to Dusk about the whole jumping the gender gap thing?" Just a sugestion.

"That was all Duskie, I don't what causes it to happen."

"That was all Duskie, I don't Know what causes it to happen."

Dude. When proofreading, go somewhere private and read this stuff out loud. You will pick up on errors like this much more easily when you can hear them, otherwise your brain fills in the blanks based on what you want it to say and you wont even notice them.

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I agree. I also don't see any reason for Spike to listen to Twilight and Big Mac since he barely knows them. How can he be so sure that this isn't negatively affect Dusk in anyway? Even then there's no reason for him to not inform Celestia, Twilight's worried she'll freak out but that sounds very out of Celestia's character and who cares if it could save Dusk's life.

I've got to agree with Dark_Star.
This has amazing potential to be excellent, but the pacing has to be controlled. Scenes got to be longer and pauses of calm action and description between scenes are a must.
As it is, you barely finish unzipping your pants before the sex scene is already over.

Good chapter! Normally I don't read mature fics, but there's just something about this one that keeps bringing me back for more.