Australian writer, drawer, and general FoE nut.
The major antagonists of FiM discuss a plan of revenge on the Mane 6 and Celestia. However, with contant interruptions, sidetracking and lack of interest, things don't exactly work...
Starring Discord, Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Flim, Flam, Gilda, the Diamond Dogs and Trixie THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!!!
Thanks to the ever-awesome SStwins for the cover image.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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HA, chapter 2. I know you were planing on leaving it here but I want to know what happens to Luna (although I can probably guess).
This could work, but the characters don't always, well, stay in character.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png Diamond Dogs are done well, as is Gilda, but Chrysalis is a mess, Nightmare Moon and Trixie are half and half, Flim and Flam don't get fleshed out too much or kind of assume the identity of the over-the-top duo quite well, and Discord is... adequate. Nothing too exceptional nothing too bad, just an adequate Discord.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png
It's a decent plot set-up but you'll need some character refinement before this story cultivates into anything halfway tasty.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rarity.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rarity.png
743638 Yeah, I know this wasn't the best story in the world, and some of the characters were a bit poorly represented. But, if it helps any, I wrote this on a whim, and really didn't take it as seriously as I do most of my fictions. But thank you for the advice, it's most invaluable.
By the way, how would you recommend I portray some of these characters?
743397 I'm not really planning on writing a chapter 2, and to be honest I like it where it is. But if I have time, I may write a follow up. May.
744095
Nightmare Moon needs to act omnipotent and regal all the time, with a slight touch of arrogance and a dash of ham for good measure.
Chrysalis needs to be sinister, but maintain a degree of vulnerability. Re-watch the battle between her and Celestia, she was pretty surprised to have beat out the Equestrian equivalent of God.
Discord needs to be more silly, but in a focused, chaotic way, not a random, loud, obnoxious way.
Trixie's fine, just maintain the illusion that she's always performing. Consistent 3rd person is good.
Flim and Flam just need to be more... showy. More loud and boisterous. Not necessarily in the style of Discord, but very much more mustachio'd barbershop quartet (or duo) kind of pairing. They smile and seem like nice guys and actually are pretty cool dudes, but they won't hesitate to stab you in the back with a rusty knife if it would mean a few more bits their way.
The critical part of a villain crossover is that all the characters play their parts correctly, because that's why readers are going to read the fic. It's all about seeing these varying egos interact with each other in over-the-top ways that captivate us, the readers.
Quite frankly I want to see a Chapter 2, see if you can improve any more.
744617 Many thanks, I'll keep that advice in mind. I was originally considering making this a one-off, but it seems that a chapter 2 might be in order.
that was funny make a chapter 2 or discord will get you
I really liked this. However, I did spot a grammatical error. "Plus the royal guard'll won't be on our side." Chrysalis mentioned.
Otherwise, great story!
753032 Thank you for pointing it out, I've fixed it.
It seems a chapter 2 is in order.
Clever title.
3091781 I know, right?