I write imaginary stories about cartoon horses.
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Inspired by the short story by Shirley Jackson, Twilight Sparkle and Spike unwillingly take part in the annual Ponyville tradition called "The Lottery," an event which will determine the fate of their very lives, as well as the lives of their friends and neighbors.
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Well I can honestly say if anything happened to spike or Twilight it would not end well for Ponyville so I don't think you would be in their best interest to involve them in the lottery in fact I'm pretty sure unless Celestia knew what was going on which I doubt that very much things are going to end badly either way
6960032 You know, I believe you're right. I got so excited when I was writing this, that now I realized that adding Twilight and Spike was not a great idea. I'll probably revoke this and do a complete rewrite.
This happens to me a lot.
6960105 well I like it the I like the story it was based on to it was a very good short story in this was a good one too very dramatic very sad and very suspenseful I thing I can suggest is that with Twilight and Spike a living there now the town would probably have to do it in more secret and make sure she is distracted or away visiting somebody or on business before they can perform it fact that they would probably did you their hardest to make sure she never found out about it accidentally or not this was a good story I liked it
Interesting to see a classic short story transferred to Ponyville. Now how about "Silent Snow, Secret Snow?"
This is okay, but you should really add some context. Shirley Jackson's short story worked without it because the characters were complete strangers to the reader. The horror came from the reversion of ordinary humans into something baser, more bestial. Here you don't have that luxury. These are all characters that we, your audience, have an emotional investment in, to a greater or lesser extent. For myself, instead of a building dread at what was to come, I mostly just felt an intense and jarring anger that ponies I know and like would act so out of character. A bit more background would, I think, make a world of difference in your story's immersion and believability.