*Update* Found an editor to go through the story and make so changes. For those who have read it before let me know what you think of the changes as they come.
This story was written to encourage those who need it to seek out help, and not be ashamed of doing so. It was inspired after reading Twilight Nightmare's Good Night Sunset, Good Morning Sunrise and Finding Home by Cirrus Sky
Here are the links
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/229197/goodnight-sunset-good-morning-sunrise
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/293922/finding-home
A teen runaway appears in Canterlot a few days after the new school year begins, the last one for Sunset Shimmer and her friends. This newcomer's heart has been hardened by past experiences, will the running teen find something that is sorely lacking, or will the loneliness and sadness end an innocent life that only wants to find peace?
Note; I do not own any of the canon MLP EqG characters or the world.
Looks really good. I'm already hook!
6956020 Thanks, but the credit for me writing and posting this story goes to my editor, Sphinx_Herald. He encouraged me to take this story from a whim idea to actually being written.
This could be an interesting story. I would put a link to the story that inspired this one in the description so people will know what happened in it.
6956124 Thank you for the idea.
Link for Finding Home http://www.fimfiction.net/story/293922/finding-home
Link for Good Night Sunset, Good Morning Sunrise
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/229197/goodnight-sunset-good-morning-sunrise
can't wait for more chapters!!! :D
Hey, for those who have read and liked the story so far, what about it have you liked in the first two chapters?
So is she going to run or smartly just give up? I get the feeling that she will try and run, but Crissy will take her down with ease.
6961716 You'll find out in the next chapter or two
I wonder what happened? Hopefully the next chapter will come out soon and tell us! Interesting chapter here so Sunset may be gaining a new Aunt here soon it sounds like.
6972387 You shall see, I'must about a third or a quarter into the next chapter
So poor Moonshade has just had a NDE. I hope she opens up and gets the help she needs. Great chapter and enjoying the direction the story seems to be going.
6977771 NDE? What is that? Wait, isn'the that a near death experience? Darn brain is more focused on the next chapter. Also, I'll give you one free guess as to who the officer is.
6977810
It is most likely Shining Armor.
Wow they are moving fast to get her away from her previous family. I hope we see her get justice for has happened to her. Plus will you be addressing just how Cadance and Celestia are related in this story?
6981200 yea, though I haven't quite figured it out yet. And I already have a foundation for the 8th chapter.
That is always the first step but for some one like Moonshade it will be difficult. Hopefully she can be explained to that her foster parents and case worker are about to have a visit from the man. I hope the next chapter is from Moonshade's perceptive so we can have her interact with Sunset Shimmer.
6983565 chapter Nine will be in Moonshade's pov, next chapter is Chrysalis' pov
Ah vigilante justice! I get the feeling that she should be targeting the case worker who allowed this to happen. ThIs could blowup in her face badly and possibly expose Sunset to the type of attention she wanted to avoid. Still who would want to mess with anyone who controls a MiB like group.
Well things are moving fast. I get the feeling that Lily will be a major boon in helping Moonshade coming out of her she'll as she is now free also.
On the side that is some sweet art of Moonshade!
6998677 We shall see what the repercussions of Chrysalis' actions will be and how things will go with the situation with Moonshade and now Lily.
And I'm glad you like the picture
Wow now I see why you are splitting off the story. It sounds like Lily and Moonshade's family is beyond messed up and hopefully quickly delt with. Looking forward to the new story!
7007218 You shall see what happens
So ... do you have an idea when pt. 2 will come out?
7008073 give it at most 2- 3 weeks. Though within a week would be likely
Where did you get the picture of Moonshade?
7012010 Drew it myself, why?
So this story...... 3/5 right now, but it has a lot of potential for more.
First let me congratulate you on completing not only this story but also its sequel, that is a lot of hard work and you have created something....good....
There isn't a lot to this story as its conflict is resolved almost immediately after it begins, but I find that the most trouble this story has is with its focus. The average reader may find difficulty in establishing a connection with either Chrysalis' or Moonshade's characters strictly because of the switch in narrative perspective. Switching between characters is a difficult thing to do, but you have managed to do an adequate job in telling the this story. A solution to this is simply by having the first handful of chapters be exclusively through Moonshade's perspective, the switch after they meet one another, then continuing with Chrysalis until they meet again.
Another solution to the conflict in this story is simply have Moonshade out longer than a day trying to survive, that way the reader can connect more with this girl and her struggles. This same development can also be achieved with Chrysalis is you delay her interactions with Moonshade in order for the reader to have a better understanding. You have accomplished this characterization with Chrysalis through the change in narrative perspective, but that takes away from Moonshade's time which brings down her struggle.
Now, I have not read the sequel yet. I plan to soon but life is getting in the way at the moment. This story can be truly great, but it does tax a lot of time and energy. You do not have to take this advice or even acknowledge it if this angers you in any way, but I just cannot stay quiet when I see such amazing effort being poured into something that needs only minor adjustments to be something extraordinary.
7288154 thank you, for the feedback, both good and bad. I'm definately up for ideas on how to improve my stories and will accept any and all help I can get. I am continuing with a third story in the series, though it hasn't been started yet.
Hmm, interesting start.
7366327 thanks, hopefully you like the rest
Hey, this is actually really interesting. Not sure what to else to say though. Onwards to the next chapter!
I think that's supposed to be 'As I shield my eyes.' Didn't spot anything else with just my casual reading.
7430128 thanks, surprised it got missed by so many people, and I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far.
7012023 I'm looking for people to draw my OCs, do you do requests?
7630447 Not really, have you tried looking for someone through the group Art for Fanfiction, or one of those similar groups? If you have we can talk about the details and I'll let you know if I can do it or not.
Born to be wild! I can picture Chryssie singing that when riding her bike.
It's the popo, cheese it!
'Sunset and two of her friends come into few' - into view
8848856
Glad you are enjoying the story, I'm working on the rewrite currently
A horrible accident when trying to open a bag of chips.
'and put on of those goofy smiles I like so much to boot' - put on one of
'I know today isn’t over, with but it seems like today is a no go' - isn't over with, but
'and surprising loose around my legs' - surprisingly
That went well.
'multiple scars going in every which direction and are made at various lengths' - remove are
'me as rough cloth surrounds me to the point where it starts to itch' - cloth engulfs me
Go Chryssie go.
I feel like I missed sumę backstory, though, is this a continuation of something?
'and pick me up, got it.' - got it?
'I just hope things aren’t too too bad with Moonshade' - remove one 'too'
Neeeeeeeeeerd!
Huh, now I wonder what happened to Chryssie.
Secret agent Chryssie!
'after Luna called her sister and saying she’ll stay here' - sister, saying
'something terrible going, on I do not want' - going on, I do
'Hopefully they comply' - they'll comply
That was quick.
'Also, it’s a chance to show you a better life is available to you' - show you that a better
'renters' - re-enters
D'awwww, Chryssie loves children.
Those are some seriously effed up parents.
'I bought her, to including the new pair of boots and headband' - I bought her, including the new pair of boots and a headband