This looks entertaining. I like your writing. I only noticed one error.

Octavia watched, entrhalled,

I think you meant enthralled.

Otherwise, Seems cool. Hope this pans out. You get a preemptive thumb up.

Very intrigued. Please, moar. I require moar Octavia + Vinyl.

Like, loads more; so much in fact I might need to create some form of disease that infects people to make them write more.

Interesting! We don't often see one of this duo in a position of authority over the other, so that alone should make this an interesting change. Looking forward to more!

Awesome! I need more, please!

I like it

Bring me another

Okay, you have my attention.

Please continue.

Tavi and Vinyl are my favorites, after all.

Yay! Another Scratchtavia that seems worth reading.

*waits for next chapter* Let's hope the narrative gets going well.

>>730204730204

Thanks for catching that for me. And for the kind words.

Actually, I appreciate everyone's kind words.

Still going good. Only found one error.

"This is the only opportunity my agent for me. "

I think you meant "This is the only opportunity my agent had for me."

Otherwise I'm enjoying this. Keep it up!

yea looks good keep it up

Damn, two chapters in one day?  That's pretty awesome.  And both chapters are quite good.  I can't wait for the next chapter.

Cheers,

jangledorf

Nice. I've read a few VinylXOctavia but this one has a different view and feel. So I be that you continue!

Good show

Not just another generic they met and instantly have to be bickering and hateful type fic.

It'll be fun to watch this develop

Thats good, I like the style here. Also very well written. I'll be looking out for more

Nice. Really nice!

Still as great as ever.

Good quality writing my good sire, feel tracked.

"...a hooffull of delis..."?!?!?!?!?!

ARE YOU SAYING THEY EAT MEAT?!

I'll be back in a minute

>>740641740641  Deli's can often have sandwiches, and sandwich making materials, along with cold veggie and pasta salads, pickles of all varieties, and olives in brine.  Additionally there may very well be tofu cold cuts, and some ponies may have a meat tooth, to borrow a term from another story.  Brainpower takes protein.

>>740641740641

Maybe they were wandering through Little Griffonia.

Image: http://cdn.overclock.net/2/28/287d2b5d_1298305804533_MOAR_LOLZ-s450x516-143512-580.jpeg

Luna, I'll never live this picture down.

More, please.

Also, desperate need of DJ emoticon.

I'll join the cries of MOAR! Paced very well and flows perfectly when reading

Now get to writing

>>740641740641

I was kinda going for the idea of a deli as a place to get a sandwich, not so much a place that sells meat.

Maybe I should reword that as "sandwich shop" or something.

*watch*

Still going good! I didn't notice anything this time. Good job!

Yes... very interesting indeed! Great work and keep it up!

I agree with Vinyl, Octavia's perfect for the work. Well done!

The chapters are shorter than I like but the story is really good.  Can't wait to read more.  

CHARGING THE BASS CANNON!!!

GAH!  I didn't realize you were posting this here!!  XD  Got myself caught up, looking forward to the next chapter! :3

Was that a Warhammer 40,000 reference I saw?

“And this is Cadia, my other bouncer,"

Rock on......

>>740641740641

Equines are omnivores anyway, in that they eat insects.

That said, since these ponies are sentient, intelligent, and societal, it's likely that they eat meat. You think Big Mac and Applejack got so strong eating hay and apples? What the hell is IN hay and apples that would support someone who does nothing but hard manual labor? Oh wait, nothing. :V

Not to mention all the baked goods they eat. Eggs have to go into that, you know. All the cakes and cupcakes, brownies. Eggs. You think they keep chickens for fun?

"You’re my number two, my deputy."

YOU'RE MY FAVORITE DEPUTYYYYYYYYY

Things are going to get a little WubWub around here

I don't get why some writers consider that Octavia would get in trouble for the "Pony Pokey" incident. All she did was take a request. It's not like she was the one who was bumping other ponies or making them dance. Why would the elite screw her over along with Pinkie, especially since she has played with those elite before? (The description says they're her clientele, meaning they have hired her before.)

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just asking some questions, because I'm trying to wrap my head around this. Why does Octavia get in trouble for this when she played for them before? Why do some authors use this angle a lot in Octavia fanfiction?

>>784104784104 A valid inquiry, but think of Pinkie Pie as John Wilkes Booth, and Octavia as Samuel Mudd. =P

Also, this story is awesome! =D Can't wait for more!

... The image alone has got me interested.

"that your a cellist"

Image: http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzyxrl1vjb1r0whnto1_500.jpg

But other than that, awesome.

>>784104784104

Think of it this way:  The "elites" in pony society, or really in any society for that matter, are like a super selective club or fraternity.  Difficult to get into, and even if you do there's no guarantee that you'll ever really be accepted.  It doesn't matter whether or not she ACTUALLY did anything wrong, all that matters is that they feel that she acted in a way that someone in their group shouldn't.  Add into that the fact that most of them would cut ties with her, or anypony else for that matter, if it was necessary to save face, or even if just one of the really high "ranking" members of heir group turned their back on her.  Being part of the group becomes more important than the individual members of the group.  Is it right?  No.  But does it happen far, far too often in real life?  You bet it does.  As much as I may dislike that kind of an attitude, it is unfortunately highly believable.  

As for the story itself, good work so far.  It's an interesting take on the Vinyl / Octavia relationship and I'm excited to see where you're going to go with it.  As someone else said before, longer chapters would be nice, but if this is how you make your best work then keep doing what you're doing.  Better to have a shorter chapter that's really good than a longer one that leaves much to be desired.

for it,” Vinyl finished, cocking her head as if pondering the mare across from her.”

And don't forget to scratch off that second quotation~

Loving the story, by the way.

in your face That-one-guy i read it before you >.<

>>784256784256

So you're saying the most likely explanation is that a close partner of Octavia stabbed her in the back when said partner needed to save face?

Sounds legit to me. I'll take that answer.

Wonderful story, not what i was expecting in this piece of fiction, and i love surprises, keep working and write more.

... This seems to be moving at a very rapid pace with me, not exactly a story with a smooth flow.

>>784305784305

I was more referring to all of the people she used to perform for, in a general sense, rather than anypony specifically.  She violated what they would consider "acceptable" behavior and, rather than risk being seen as "different" by their peers for not condemning her for it, they threw her to the wolves so to speak.  I hesitate to label it as being the result of any one pony simply because the author hasn't implied that in the story so far, so mob mentality gets my vote instead.

Nice to see that Vinyl is a real nice gal.

Yep she be a-falling fast!

'vines the' I think there should of been a comma between those two words.

You got a good pre-reader or something? Because I feel that this story needs a good polishing.

>>784026784026

*points at the muscles of a real life horse*

*points at what a horse normally eats*

Case closed

And on the chickens, you already answered that yourself, they keep them for eggs. Cows for milk. The one thing I'll never understand is the pigs though. Only reasons I can think of is pets and fertilizer. The second one becomes moot since they got cows though.

Onto the story, I might be biased since I LOVE Octavia but damn I like this story alot.

Let's just say that I wish that I could write like you can. (Yeah thats not sickness, green with envy)

Thumbed up and faved.

>>784341784341

Well, I meant more along the lines that the one pony started said mob mentality. (I.E. They trusted this pony's "wisdom" over hers.) It only takes one before the rumors start to fly...

Well done on the feature.

I think forgoing things like sleep or food might give you more time to write. Just to uhm... yes, get a feeling of Octavia's predicament of course.

WRITE MORE! GO!

Awww yeah! Let's get this party started

Oh ho ho. what have we here? This has captured my attention quite well. I'm looking forward to its progression!

>>783965783965

Yes, actually. Since Cadia is the Gateway to the Eye of Terror and the first line of defense against Chaos battlefleets, it seemed a fitting name for a bouncer or guard.

>>784104784104

Because it's a convenient segue into the story that ties it into the cannon a little. And like the others have said, it's not a matter of Octavia really having done anything wrong, it's a matter of the upper class taking a dislike to her because they perceived her playing the pony pokey as both infantile and contributing to the disaster the Gala turned unto.  

>>785024785024

Aziraphael already explained it to me, but thank you anyway.

I can't blame Octavia though. She probably thought denying a request from a bearer of an Element of Harmony would have been impolite.

>>785087785087

I doubt she even knew that Pinkie was one, seems like most ponies are ignorant of that.

>>783965783965

There are plenty of people who name themselves Cadia without referencing the stout men and women of the Cadian Imperial Guard. xD

>>783690783690 You have the coolest avatar I have seen so far. Bloody Awesome!

>>785871785871

Thank you.

Okay, you've got me hooked. I can't wait for more of this!

keep up. deffantely wourth my fav.

Darn straight Vinyl has much to learn. She should have been going over duties with the staff and making sure they all knew each other, especially Octavia's part, well before opening the club.

>>786334786334

I guess I should have made it more clear, but I meant it to be read that Vinyl's already had time to work with the other ponies and for them to get to know each other. Octavia was more of an impulse hire, literally the day before the grand opening. This is going to be Tavi's time to sink or swim.

loved it. only TaviScratch story I like better so far is University Days by DawnFade but he just updated chapter 12 so we shall see how long this statement stays true.

>>740685740685

fun fact... wild horses and zebras knawing on bones to get the protien and calsium...i think every ''big'' herbivoor needs it ones in a wile

It's feeling a bit middle-of-the-road so far; I guess we'll see how it comes along once things really get rolling. It only really suffers from run-on sentences, missing commas, and occasionally awkward sentence structure, all of which I've found to be common enough problems in fanfiction. However, there were a few instances where you seemed to use very uncommon words (or an uncommon usage of a word) more in an effort to appear erudite than to actually improve the delivery of what you were trying to convey. There's nothing wrong with using extended vocabulary for the sake of variety in your writing, but it's important you don't do so unnecessarily, and that you only use the right word for the right situation.

>>786689786689

No, I had assumed at least that much on her part. I'm just saying that she probably could have used an hour or two to get introduced before being thrown into the deep end.

>>785024785024

Image: http://t.qkme.me/3ol3y2.jpg

And I can't wait for more

>>784365784365

i rememer hearing someone say something about using the pigs to hunt truffles.

also they are a good way to dispose of food scraps.

Ayayaya~ These chapter lengths kill me. But the writing is excellent, the story is believable, and to top it off, it's a great ship. Overall, I love this story to Makai and back. Just can't wait for the rest.

Nice work! For some reason I've very rarely read a story with Octavia and Vinyl as the main protagonists (right word??) that seemed to be much good at all, but it definately looks as though your story will easily buck the trend Keep up the good work and remember to put your life on hold as soon as possible so you can bang out some updates for us fans please!

Very good job! I always love to see an "out of their element" story, and Octavia is my favorite back-ground pony, so this is great!

These chapters are quiet short but your righting stile is excellent and for the most part is grammatically correct

Good Job Sir

Can't wait to see more from you

D'awww- MORE!

Hmm. This just keeps getting better!

Another fine chapter. Vinyl's going to move in with 'Tavi but they haven't even had a first date yet.

Also on a side note how is it in every fafic I read Octavia's drink of choice is Jura whiskey?

Never been to a rave you make them sound fun.

I shall now begin muh stalker stare...

*Leaves her computer, then comes back with a truckload of Monster, and sits down in front of the screen*

And so it begins...

The back end felt a bit rushed... several weeks of relationship building reduced to a couple lines, but I suppose since that part of their relationship wasn't the focus of the story, it makes sense.

>>828703828703

I first saw it in the fic Allegrezza, which was the first MLP fic I read. I mentioned it as a bit of a subtle shoutout.

>>828719828719

To be honest, neither have I. I just went with what I imagine they'd be like, based on movies and tv shows and such.

splendid

Thinly veiled innuendo with Vinyl and Octavia...  defiantly looking forward to more.

This will probably the first, and only, mare-on-mare romance story that I'll like. IT'S JUST THAT GOOD!!

You know, I'm honestly surprised that Vinyl didn't try to convert some of the back rooms into a small apartment or something for herself.

It's not that unusual.

This can only lead to sexy teims.

Hmm... I feel this chapter was a wee bit rushed. There just doesn't seem to be that much of a gap between "we're new co-workers" to "we're great friends". Just a bit jarring is all.

>>828735828735 Allegrezza is pretty much the universal fic that even started the whole ship in the first place.

THE fic that started everything.

I don't want to be a manager of a rave, now...

I had pulled this up to to reread a few hours ago, and paused just before I started to check my email. I found the update notification and was like . Things like that rarely happen, but I absolutely love it when they do.

So, great chapter! I'm glad that nothing went HORRIBLY wrong for the first night. That would have sucked. Now I just have to wait and wonder what happens next time...

>>828871828871 I concur, In the words of Will Feral's Anchorman,

Image: http://i.qkme.me/3on4v6.jpg

"...and then they made sweet, sweet music together."

"Also personally, tell less and show more: I'd rather see what happened than be told --- or at least shown in a summarized manner."

>>730204730204 *Trollface* (Sorry, but there's a second error.)

She wasn't thrilled about being assigned a nickname by a pony she had just me,

I assume you mean met, yes?

This is the only opportunity my agent for me.

I think you're missing a word there, chap.

EDIT: Wow, I'm special! I was your hundredth comment and your 200th thumbs up! XD