There have long been elements of unrest in Equestria. A monarch who has reigned for a thousand years will surely be called a tyrant by some. Those who plot Celestia's downfall know the princess herself is beyond their reach, but they can still strike at those she cares for.
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No gore? i might just check it out :D
but combine the chapters and make it at least around 1000 words so that people have something to read.
just a friendly suggestion before i read it heh
This certainly has potential- you've managed to craft a real feeling of uncertainty, which is good.
On the downside, it does seem to move slowly. That's probably not so much a fault with the writing, as it is with chapter length and update frequency...
Some bastards are about to get cooked. I like mine crispy.
367501
Yes, my updates aren't as frequent as they should be. I'm afraid that's all me.
On the other hand, the fact that this is leaning more towards emotional exposition than action probably doesn't help. That said, I plan to introduce some more action in the next chapter or possibly two chapters.
Oh, sweet, merciful fuck. I can only hope there are more of those bastards left, so that they can die in agony.
Death to those that would hurt Twilight.
Stripping her of her horn, out of spite... wow. I'm deathly curious to see how this plays out, the aftermath is sure to be tragic. If this plays out how I think it could... death might have almost been merciful, and preferable, for Twilight.
448809
To be entirely honest I'm still debating the total consequences of this. But, as you, it will certainly earn the "tragedy" tag. Honestly, I've got so many ideas about this I've damn near decided to handle all (or most of) it in a sequel fic.
Welp, they didn't exactly think Operation Kidnap-Physical-God's-Kid all the way through.
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I don't think they expected to deal with Celestia herself. After all, if you kidnapped some random world leader's family you would be worried about cops and special forces units. Of course, random world leaders aren't solar deities. Yeah, they really didn't think that through at all.
Yikes, that got grim and gory pretty fast!
Hoping Twi has a change in luck at some point...
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>I don't think they expected to deal with Celestia herself. After all, if you kidnapped some random world leader's family you would be worried about cops and special forces
I'd assume they were done for in any case. They might have been able to take down some guards, but there's no way they'd beat them all.
DEATH! Yea, I was expecting something like that. Maybe the element of magic can do something? Proxy a horn or something?
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Maybe it could . . . if I intended for things to be that easy for poor Twilight.
Wich timeline does this follow? Before or after the Discord event?
470462
For the sake of simplicity, lets say it is post-Discord but before the Royal Wedding. Essentially, sometime in season two. I didn't really consider a chronology for this story, though.
470962 Heh well it would be problematic if Discord broke free now. Twi lost her horn after all.
A quite captivating story. Favorited, looking foward to reading more.
498636
Thank you. I'm working on the next chapter now.
I do hope Twilight gets her magic back eventually. I think you should delve more into Celestia and the anti-royalists as well as how the element of Magic deals with not having her magic and what ever it will take to get it back.
The feeling of useless was nicely done and the expance of twilight was well thought out considering her usual busy lifestyle. Though I do wonder what the princess is doing, I'd like to see the events here unfold. Good work :)
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Thank you both. I do agree we need to see more of Celestia. I intend to deal with that next chapter. I didn't want to muddle up this one more than it already was, so I opted to keep Celestia out of it for the moment.
Things are rather grim for poor Twilight.
They really need to try the elements of Harmony- they have a regenerative effect (as seen in S1E02).
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I assume you are referring to when the Elements restored Rarity's tail.
My headcannon says that the Elements can't be wielded without all of the Bearers present and linked to their Elements. Further, with Twilight incapacitated, I think that makes her unable to use the Element of Magic. Without it, the Elements of Harmony are powerless. Hence, no magical regeneration for Twilight. At least not by that route.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo
We're only 3 chapters in, damn it!
good, but still tragic!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
638594
Thank you! I was hoping to maintain the tragedy of the whole situation while giving everypony a decently happy ending.
sucks that twilight lost her magic though that quick death was to good for the rebels they better be glad i didn't get to choose the punishment especially if i suddenly shifted sexs and became Celestia then they would be in for it (wait wouldn't i shift sexs anyways dammit now i'm confused)
I'M LEAVING BEFORE I MAKE MYSELF LOOK LIKE A BIGGER IDIOT
That was a great story! I hate it when tragedys are only sad halfway through. You did a nice job of making it an emotional story.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lww5rrKKvV1qel7a2.gif
Don't know why, but picturing Rainbow Dash stretching like you described is the most adorable thing ever.
I can't control it.
The urge is just unbearable! 
It's like I'm playing tug-o-war with 
. That line just get's closer and closer, no matter how hard I fight to resist. I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! 
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!!!
First.
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i agree in every regard, i was half expecting twi to get her horn back some way but this works out just as well, man you write such a good story here it made my feels twice implode
keep it up man, i look forward to reading more of your stories
well...........
I should not have been eating when I read that. Nearly choked on my chips...
Oh, and WHAT?!
I know a solution!
)
see reference story "Pinkie's strap on Magic" (that was an alternate name but i liked it better
no remains hmm?
i'm getting a vibe that twilight isn't really dead.......
So, I spent the last say 6 hours reading your other story. I started that just after midnight and I hate to say it, but I can't read this right now. I shall read it when I get the chance however and it will be going into my read later list. Great work on the other story and I'm very excited to see the next installment!
You really should combine this and the first chapter together. Get rid of their tiny lengths, and end it on one whammy of a cliffhanger.
And now I'm hooked.
Uhhh...
This story kinda makes me cry. 
And not for the reasons you wanted. Not the "omg the feels!" kinda way. It made me cry because to me it rose like a phenix early on and seemed like it was going to be one of the better stories that I'd read in a long time. However, in the end I feel like it crashed. That's the short version of it, below I'll go into more depth if you care to read it.
It felt like we had two stories here. The 1st (which was the majority of what you've written down) is a tragedy that explores a bit between Twilight and Celestia's relationship and how an anti-Celestia group targeted Twilight, Celestia's reaction and then the struggle and heartbreak in dealing with losing the very thing that for so long had been a major factor in Twilight's life (her magic). And then the second story (which was like the last 2 chapters or so) was a Twi-Dash shipping story.
You started out really strong with Twi's death, or what everyone thought was Twilight's death. There was the wonderful scene with Twi's friends as they joined together to ward off the pain and suffering, and then there was the great moment of realization for Celestia that Twilight WAS her child, even if she didn't give birth to Twi.
You did a good job with Celestia personally leading the strike team to strike against the insurgents and her moment of reunion with Twilight. And you also did a good job with the sense of hopelessness that Twi was undergoing and getting the groundwork set for what looked like was going to be a struggle to get her to lose the sense of worthlessness and give her a sense of hope.
And then shipping happened. It wasn't like a romance that had been slowly built over the past several chapters but it was something that seemed to just suddenly appeared. For the most part the story had been about Twi's relationship with Celestia with a sprinkling of Twi's relationship with her friends. However, the sudden development of the the shipping was, to me, rather jarring and felt just unnatural. To suddenly go from Celestia and Twi with a little Twi and her friends to focusing almost solely on Twi-Dash was large contributor to that.
To me the stories focus was completely blindsided by the shipping. Something that also hindered the stories rise to greatness was the fact that I felt like you could have deleted Rainbow Dash's name and put in any other name and it would have work just the same. I didn't feel like there was a strong sense of "This is Rainbow Dash." Partly I feel like that's because this part of story felt particularly rushed. The Twi-Celestia relationship seemed to all but evaporate from the story and only reappeared for a few brief moments that felt a little awkward and almost OCish for the Celestia you'd developed. Again it felt like two stories pressed into one.
It just didn't feel like the same story any more.
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I have to personally agree with your assessment. This was the first work of fiction I undertook to write, and even though I had (have?) raw talent and skill with language, obviously I lacked a real sense of timing and plot development when I introduced the element of shipping into this story.
In reality, you are correct that this reads like two separate stories. Eventide Falls was originally intended to encompass the plot from the beginning to Twilight's rescue and shortly thereafter. Her recovery, dealing with the loss of her magic and the development of a relationship between her and RD was slated to be material for a sequel. However, a few factors led me to essentially slap-dash tack that portion onto the end and make it a complete story by itself. Most important was the fact that I didn't feel this story was well-written or popular enough to really deserve a sequel and I decided to take what I learned by writing it and move to other projects. However, I'm too much of a sucker for happy endings and I couldn't leave Twilight without one, so I tried to make it up to a fictional character by giving her a love interest as her consolation for losing her self-defining magical abilities.
As you said, I feel this makes for a jarring shift. While I realize this now in retrospect, I thought it was a good idea at the time. I'm genuinely sorry that my lack of skill made this story less enjoyable than it could have been. However, I'm grateful that you read it, and more so for your constructive criticism and analysis. People like you pointing out my mistakes is the only reason I've improved, so thank you kindly.
1870252 Uh... you're welcome.
I found this after reading your Octy/Vynl story so I was a little surprised by the slapped on... ness... of this one because I know you know how to write a tale
As a 1st story I would say it's really good... except for the double story bit where it kinda collapsed under it's own weight of awesomeness that didn't show up... of course I can't blame you for being a sucker for happy endings... I am SOOO a sucker for dem as well
...also don't be so hard on yourself!
Damn! Everything I was about to say Treilacl said not even a day ago, and better at that. Ah well.
I think the writing of the early chapters was a bit choppy. Please don't take that as an insult--the later chapters were very engaging and more eloquently written, showing marked improvement over the course of a mere few weeks. And the early ones weren't unreadable by any means.
It seems like the earlier chapters could have been consolidated into larger increments, or had their events expanded upon. At the very least, I think the first two should have been fused together. The first chapter ends on a rather un-dynamic note.
The shipping kind of came out of left-field. It's not that it was badly done, but it seemed like you were juggling three important plots and themes (the anti-monarchists, Celestia's parental feelings for Twilight, and Twilight dealing with her missing horn) and then someone tossed in a fourth ball, and you focused so much on keeping the fourth one airborne you dropped the other three.
Some resolution on Celestia's end of things--especially concerning her protectiveness of Twilight--would have helped immensely. I was a little let down when I realized that Celestia walking in on Twilight and RD was the end of her character arc.
Of course, I always accentuate the negative in anything I comment on, so don't think this is a terrible piece by any means. I liked this story and thought it had some great interesting elements. Exploring the anti-monarchy sentiment against Celestia was good, and the moment at the end of chapter 6 when we learned that they took Twi's horn was heartbreaking and instantly hooked me on the story, earning a fave as well.
The fact that you didn't cop out at the end and give Twi her horn back, but still let the story end on a happy note, was a big plus in my book as well. Too often you read tragic fics where the author either doesn't have the guts to follow through with it, or they go off the deep end and kill/maim/psychologically destroy every member of the cast in horrible, brutal ways. This story struck that sweet spot where things got dark, and the consequences stuck, but it didn't become so dark as to become unreadable. The best kind, in my opinion.
So kudos to you!
1824822 6 hours? It only took me 30 minutes... Then again I read really fast...
Don'cha think you should've included that in your initial summary, guard? Not that anyone appeared to give a shit. They got the news in Canterlot, traveled all the way to Ponyville with plenty of time for conversation, were concerned only for one of the library's two occupants, and upon learning that he was alive, not one of them was even slightly relieved. It's sickening that Spike's life is just an afterthought—a late afterthought—to every fucking character involved here.
Looks like got out of his coma and left the hospital with no fanfare whatsoever, and didn't even get any fucking dialogue. I wonder if any of his
friendsacquaintances bothered visiting him.I would say the overall summary of this fanfic's reason for being is: the importance of Twilight, her connection to her demographically similar friends, and Celestia's status as her mentor....with a few tiny, meaningless footnotes about why the most dedicated and supportive person in Twilight's life (an orphan whose whole fucking life revolves around her) only matters enough to exist within a few sentences, in the peripheral of the lives of the much more important characters.
If I had read this from start to finish, I would've likely hated every word, no matter how much time, effort, skill, or emotion was put into it. Fanfics like this demonstrate why I hate this fandom more often than love it, and why I will never be able to get back in touch with the good feelings the mane six once inspired.
1453551 second
367545 Bring me back fried Pegasus legs.
449916 This fits the situation. THEY FUCKED UP! THEY FUCKED! THEY FUCKED!