"Professional" Fanfiction author. With a grand total of one story!
It's now been a year since Pinkie's Party of One, and Pinkie won't let herself be surprised by her friends this time! She has a plan to infiltrate her friends and get some sweet revenge. Pie flavoured revenge.
This is my first story, and I truly hope you all enjoy! Make sure to leave any criticism in the comments to help me improve as I write more!
Cover art made by me, here's the original image.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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LOOOOOOOOOOOL
This was awesome!
6961808 Thanks CatStar! Really glad that you liked my first story! Expect more stories like this coming in the near future!
6961820
Yay! Look forward to reading them!
Nice profile picture
Not bad for a first timer. The only problems I see are some small grammar blips and the text formatting. (Italics is usally reserved for thoughts and narration, not dialogues, but each to their own.)
Aside from that, good work and I wish you luck in your future endeavours!
Well, that was a fun twist at the end! I panicked a little when Rainbow took a bite, but didn't expect her to just reform like that O.o I can't tell if Pinkie was playing dumb (in order to surprise her friends) or if she really didn't know how to turn back, but I think the ambiguity there is effective :P
Oh, and I like the title. I didn't realize what it meant at first, but once I began reading, it all made sense to me
As Hclegend already said, there are a few grammatical errors here and there (a few that caused me to stumble in my reading as well), but focusing on those details probably wouldn't be helpful (mostly comma/punctuation usage, and a missing or incorrect word or two, like "lipping" instead of "licking") . I agree with Hclegend's comments about the italics as well, although that's more of a stylistic convention than an actual rule.
As for other criticisms, I believe some of the sentences were slightly run-on or were inconsistent in their pacing at times (going from long to short and vice versa), and I feel as though Twilight's characterization and dialogue (yes, this is only a short 'one-off' story, but I felt it was worth mentioning as you wanted criticisms) was a bit off; it didn't quite feel like her at times, but perhaps that's just me.
Keep writing! You can only go up from here!
Tesh