just kind of here, i guess.
Six kids. Three popular. Three unpopular. They are forced to compete with each other as the representatives for Canterlot High in the Friendship Games. At first, they decide to go their separate ways, but when their competition is revealed, they see that they have to work together.
Thank you to everyone who submitted OCs!
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I want to squee so hard right now.
But I must wait to squee.
Layla needs to appear.
I'm pretty sure you'll get her right.
Scratch that.
I'm 120% sure you'll get her right.
I am not dissapointed.
In fact, I'm giving you a cupcake.
I want to hug you so hard right now.
(>^~^)>
I love the way you portrayed Skye. Exactly what I was thinking she'd be like.
Bravo.
38.media.tumblr.com/c26b20d3523d58572c00a59fabfc6650/tumblr_mtzmeqC16Z1qcga5ro1_500.gif
6891510
Layla will come soon, promise. Thanks for the fave!
6891604
I'm glad you enjoy it!
Not bad, though Coalstone isn't that shy like a Male version of Fluttershy, part of the issue is that people think he's scary or aggressive, which granted he can be due to how blunt he can be when he talks to people along with his own short temper.
Not saying it's bad, just saying.
6891667 I just realized what's been nagging at me in my head! Skye sounds like Aria!
No wonder I was like 'how come this seems strangely similar to something?' I like it, still. Don't get me wrong. I can't believe I didn't notice that when I first read it.
EPIC.
6891754
Okay, thank you! I'll apply this in the future.
6892025
Oh my gosh, she does!
6892179
Thanks!
You know I like a lot of your stuff Stardom!
But...
Pace wise the first half of this chapter felt off.
I think it was the rapid fire descriptions of each character that did it, I know each character needs to be brought forward but with a lot of people being descirbed one after another, it broke focus for me and I found myself being pulled out of the story.
I think if you are introducing more than three characters in a single chapter you have to up the word count to prevent this from happening, a way longer chapter would have flowed better.
But being so cramped up I have to give pacing a "C" for now.
Spacing was ok
Too early to grade story.
Detail was here
but boy!! oh boy!!- Too much rapid fire character intros made it feel a bit over used here. I've said in other reviews Detail is a balance game too much waters down the story and too little you go flat.
Here it's tipping a bit on the too much side....I felt the detail was given to the characters which is ok but I failed to really get a picture of what was around!- Remember the setting is a character too.
Characters: Now this was interesting, I liked most of the characers here, they each poped off the page for me and I had a good time reading about them, when I wasn't distracted by sudden intros...J/k.
I like these characters and want to see more, I feel you introducing characters in the Pony Games flowed better due to it being a introduction type ceremony and setting, but here not so much.
I'll track this right now, I think once the characters are placed on the board this story will pick up. Again perhaps a longer chapter layout and more spread across would help. EX. A scene taking place before the office in various locations perhaps with two characters at a time, each on their way to see celestia?
Not to say the story is bad I love a lot of your work, just giving my opinion.
I know you'd tell me if something felt off to you.
You stay awesome girl!!!
I'll Up hoof, Track and might fav in the future.
6893425
Cool, you can check out my story "A Heart Encased in Stone" to get a better idea of his character if you want.
6893542
Thanks for the criticism, but remember that this was just the prologue.
6893701
Okay, I'll try to!
6894591
Okay looking forward to the next chapter.
Awesome chapter!! :3 Can't wait for more! Have a like and favorite! :3
6894643
Yay! Thanks for the fave!
6894675
Your welcome!
I swear, you better be using Harmony's other persona for a reason because while I do enjoy it, I am not going to be happy with her being like that to the unpopular kids all the time!
Otherwise, I enjoy reading this so far! Keep up the good work
6894591 True still interested to see how the chapters pick up after the start.
Speaking of picking up...when will the new pony games chappie be up?-just curious.
6895807
Sometime soon, I'm working on it.
Anybody what to ship?
6899822 I cannot believe that it took me 2 weeks to see this.
That is if you accept.
Since you're asking for somebody to ship your OC with, I volunteer mine!
6957718 sure I think that would be pretty cool.
6958995 I already did
6959089 Oh well then.