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Kamin 989

Joined June 2012
16 followers

Stories (1)


Equestria is expanding unstoppably. The Conversion Bureaus are working at peak capacity. It looks absolutely certain that Celestia will replace humanity with ponies.

But then one niggling flaw appears in her plan. You see, humanity's religions, while dismissed by Celestia as just more evidence of human barbarism, are correct in at least one respect. Humanity has a loving father, and what Celestia is doing makes Him angry. So angry in fact, He's going to do what He hasn't done since ancient times: smite.

Seems like Exodus is being reenacted, and guess who's playing Pharoah?

First Published
9th Jun 2012
Last Modified
13th Jun 2012

Comments ( 170 )

#1 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · 10 ·

:facehoof:

Character derailment, rushed pace, genocide...

There's something very wrong with your premise when you have to resort to turning Celestia evil to justify things. And she's totally unrecognisable here. This reads like a religious tract, not a story.

#2 · Chapter 4 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · 14 ·

'Why should you presume to judge the leader of the superior race, you jumped-up ape?'

Oh god, do you really watch the show and think that Celestia would hold these morals, these cliche, nazi standards? If so watch the show again, focusing on the parts where she actively encourages and celebrates the joys of friendship.

#3 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 4 · 4 ·

So when ponies commit a xenocide, it's bad, but when a human does it with the power of God, it's ok?

Not to mention your 'protagonist' seems to be blindly accepting of being ordered to go out and mass murder. It reads like she's just going down a shopping list: "1. pick up the milk, 2. kill off thousands of ponies, 3. pick up little Tommy from school"

On top of that, both Celestia being blatantly evil and the ponies turning into frothing lunatics the second anyone implies she's not anything less than gold-plated purity seems incredibly forced

#4 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 7 · ·

Hey, Varanus and Cloudhammer. Get off of the Chatoyance wagon and learn some pride ya jackwagon!

#5 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · 3 ·

>>721513 I'm not so sure your logic makes any sense. Just because I point out what I see as the flaws in this story, you feel the need to bring in something completely unrelated?

Not to mention that this is the comment section for -this- story. If you want to say something to me not related to the story, that's fine. My PM inbox is always open

#6 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · 2 ·

I read the bible(Not my cup of tea), Ive seen the movie he lists as his inspiration(music WAS pretty good), this story is stupid niether. I agree with cloudhammer, bitch is WAAAY too casually about it. Hell, moses pretty much begged the guy everytime before sending a plague.

Also, sicne Celestia is from a whole nother universe, how can god even be aplicable? I can see if she went to earth but in Equstria? Also, for gods sake, INVISIBLE DINOSAURS?! This HAS to be a troll fic. You cant have invisible dinosaurs and even a minute speck of seriousness. :pinkiecrazy:

#7 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · · 4 ·

*looks at the mary sue alarm blaring loudly* seriously making an OC prophet to god? heck by writing this your being a hypocrit. it's a fantasy series! your celestia is off, you made god seem both quick to anger and extremly heavy handed and you stained the conversion bearu universe as a whole! you realise celestia isn't the reason the dome expands right? ponyfication is an offer to help not a punishment. this can't even be called a satire to the series or the bible. you should take a second look at this.

#8 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · · 4 ·

Invisible Dinosaurs?. . . Is our god supposed to be Discord? cause this seems right up his alley.

#9 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

My good god, this was meant to just give the TCB universe what it needs. Quit being Jackwagons and get off if it offends you that he is dealing justice to Pro-Nazi ponies.

#10 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

>>721630

Heh.

You're a silly little thing.:pinkiecrazy:

#11 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

>>721658 Yup! I I'm crazy and I know it!

#12 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · 2 ·

I do not wish to be aggressive, but I cannot help feeling like I should leave a comment to the author of this story. I am left extremely uncomfortable by the depictions, not only for their complete mischaracterization of MLP and the Conversion Buereau, but for their blatant misuse of biblical symbolism, and lack of understanding as to how any reasonable being in a position of political power (the UN, the President, even Celestia herself) would behave in these circumstances. You are attempting dutifully to make the ponies out as some sort of villain, (or perhaps only Celestia, though in that case the constant destruction of ponykind is doubly inexucsable), but all I am left feeling is that humankind are proving themselves the barbarians, and that the god you describe as loving in the summary of this tale is very obviously not. There are so many places where I am shaken by not only your misunderstanding of everything all three of these works have attempted to create, but your complete lack of comprehension as to how basic human behaviour works, that make me hope the above commenters are right. If this is a trollfic, you have done a beautiful job.

If it isn't, then I have no real advice I can offer you, but I will hope with every beat of my heart that whatever cruel thoughts have got their grip on you, encouraging you to create such unpleasantry and to put so much work into it- because the technical aspects of the story are much higher caliber than those of many others- will leave you soon, so that you can properly enjoy life without being convinced that everything, from symbolic organizations working to improve the state of mankind, to pastel colored cartoon ponies, are trying to hurt you.

#13 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

>>721434>>721571>>721580

The "Moses" figure isn't technically an OC, but a real person.

And, well, every time I brought up the folks that would then inevitably say, "Hey, Big Guy... You're being unnecessarily cruel here..." there would be a steamroller response.:facehoof:

#14 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · · ·

I think you revel a little to much in the depiction of the plagues. Leaving the whole blatant "evil Celestia"-thing and the Nazi-insinuation (those never help) aside, this is little more than "a Roland Emmerich-action flick meets TCB".

If you wanted to recreate the Exodus from Egypt with the newfoals as the as the 12 tribes, than all those dinosaurs and "fire from the skies" was unnecessary.

But this story feels like you just wanted to use the line "Let my people go" and build around it rather halfheartedly.

#15 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

>>721513

... what does that even mean.

Look, I'll give merit where it's due and criticism where its due. And this story is due some very serious criticism considering how fast, loose and sloppy it plays with characterization and the actual morals of the Bible.

My advice to the author - either do some serious reconsideration of the characterizations and the message of the Plauge (ie, that it was horrible, that Moses didn't want to do it), or just focus on a different idea.

#16 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

>>721730 Who gives a **** about criticism, this is made to be a anti TCB fic. So if ya don't like it go worship your Celestia some more.  

#17 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · 2 ·

>>721754

Anti TCB? Hate to break it to you, but this makes TCB look good by comparison, and TCB is terrible.

#18 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

>>721775 You don't get it do you. This was made to smite TCB fans.

#19 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · 2 ·

>>721820

I gathered from your last comment. My point was, if this is the best you can do to attack them, it's best to throw in the towel right now.

#20 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 2 · 3 ·

>>721849 Bluh bluh

#21 · Chapter 1 · 96w, 6d ago · 12 · ·

I have come here to observe the inevitable flamewar that shall engulf this story. Do not disappoint me, sir.

#22 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 3 · 1 ·

Hm, how shall I say this?

On one side, you have a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser, who kills and tortures anything that dares to be so much as a different shape than her. Truly, she is one of the most horrifying beings ever to exist on either Equestria or Earth, and literary cosmic justice demands she be destroyed at the end of the story.

On the other side, you have a strawpony version of TCB!Celestia.

There is literally nothing else to this story other than that black-and-black moral conflict.

And that is why this fic is completely terrible. Sorry, but it would be dishonest for me to say otherwise.

#24 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

They got what's coming to them.

#25 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

This is just a perfect mixture of everything to incite a flame war in the comments section.

#26 · Chapter 1 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

ohboyherewego.jpg :pinkiecrazy:

#27 · Chapter 4 · 96w, 6d ago · 9 · ·

>>721273

I suggest you read up on The Conversion Bureau fanfics. These aren't even really MLP fics anymore.

#28 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · 2 ·

>>721273, a lot of TCB fics have Celestia as a hardcore speciest and xenophobe. This is taking that to the extreme. Not to mention as Heretical Zed pointed out, some TCB fics are little more than a gross caraciture of MLP:FiM.

That said, I really didn't like it. The pacing was bad, the protagonist is clearly a designated hero (heroic by author fiat instead of actions) and I'm not exactly seeing the logic behind this.

Granted, I do like it only because I HATE The Conversion Bureau with the heat of a class W blue supergiant. And it was a guilty pleasure watching TCB Equestria and TCB Celestia get their asses handed to them. And I'm atheist.

#29 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

i like this if god is real and is noticing his children being change by another upstart deity he would stop being neutral and enforce his presence among his flock, but as if the other complaints the main char is showing no sympathy for the ponies she should be pleading for celestia to stop to save her subjects

#30 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · · ·

>>723276

Ignoring the issues of pacing and use of the prophetess as is...

Agreed. I'm an atheist, and firmly of the opinion that the characterization of God is an artifact of the differing moral codes of the era in which the book was written and evil by many modern standards... and I still love this as a (admittedly very) guilty pleasure, mostly because it gives TCB Celestia what's coming to her. Don't fool yourselves, people, Xenocidelestia here is pretty much exactly how she is in other TCB works (namely, perfectly willing to destroy a species and its culture in their entirety, down to emotions and mentality, despite being OK with Dragons and Diamond Dogs in canon; if she isn't expanding the barrier in a fic herself and it is expanding, it only absolves her of unfair misanthropy as much as it pins the author, particularly if the author doesn't give a good reason and doesn't portray her as tortured by the issue, as any non-evil person by the standards I was taught would be REAAALLLY tortured by the concept of having to extinguish the culture and mind of an entire sapient species no worse than many shown in Equestria), albeit exaggerated in a way easily explainable as the same "hardening the tyrant's heart" thing God did to Pharoah.

My-in-universe self would have a number of very serious, mildly PO'd questions for God and/or miss Prophetess on the issue of collateral damage/who to target in such situations, before moving on to the maltheism (or at least tortured angst and confusion) if they couldn't, wouldn't, or didn't explain (dumbed down) about reasoning to my satisfaction, but here out of universe, I'm just watching the fireworks.

#31 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

Read this while listening too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2WjCHuYg4g

Epic, if you watched Prince of Eygpt you could feel and see everything that is happening in these pics. Personally I love stories in the bible like the 10 plagues.

#32 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

they got what was coming for them

#33 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · · ·

I don't like this fic, but i do have to say, she's potrayed here as she is in most early TCB fics, only she isnt subtle about it.

#34 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

The Celestia here is not the Celestia of the show.

She is the Celestia of the TCB subgenre, who is genocidal. No buts about it.  Only there the author is (usually) firmly and totally on her side. I, not being an utter misanthrope, am not on the side of this strange interpretation of her.

Besides, most TCB fics are ponies/their supporters against a strawman, bound-to-lose version of humans, so what's the harm in a strawman, bound-to-lose version of this strange idea of Celestia?

>>724001

Well, it was what I listened to while writing for the most part. So all's fair then.

Other people/general:

The Plagues are not intended to be shown as a totally 'good' act. They cause excessive casualties and massive damage. They are more like the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

I'm not really religious, so any argument that I'm trying to advance a religious agenda is false. Just to clear that up.

#35 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · · ·

>>721273

The TCB Celestia would. Only a little more subtle.

#36 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 6d ago · · ·

@tealspeckles, "you made god seem both quick to anger and extremly heavy handed" - that's not canon? Have you read the OT? God is kind of a vindictive little so-and-so.

#37 · Chapter 7 · 96w, 6d ago · · 3 ·

Wow... this is just Exodus re-written in pony version... a really... really bad version... I think I am going to stop reading this now.

>>721603 I for one worship our new chaotic overlord with great glee.

#38 · Chapter 7 · 96w, 6d ago · 7 · ·

>>724833

Really, it's horrible how the TCB people turned 'friendship is magic' to 'ponies are superior to us plains apes and can thus genocide humanity free of guilt or possibility of wrongdoing'. It's a total perversion of everything the actual show stands for, and that is why JDR's stuff is fundamentally abhorrent (or should be, anyway) to anybody who professes to like MLP:FiM.

>>724985

Yeah, you Do Not want to mess with OT God or His people. Ask Nimrod. Or Pharoah. Or Sennacherib. Or Belshazzar.

#39 · Chapter 2 · 96w, 5d ago · 14 · ·

And also:

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the

inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in

the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of

darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost

children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious

anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know

my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

-Ezekiel 25 17

#40 · Chapter 7 · 96w, 5d ago · · ·

>>725237

That's the spirit!

#41 · Chapter 6 · 96w, 5d ago · 3 · ·

>>721434 The list part of your comment is pure humor fuel. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#42 · Chapter 7 · 96w, 5d ago · 3 · ·

>>725295 Thanks. I'm really loving this as I'm Christian and I always wanted to see how God would measure up to Celestia. Keep up the good work.

#43 · Chapter 9 · 96w, 5d ago · 4 · ·

>>721670

I don't even understand what you're trying to say. Could you care to explain better for my doubtlessly limited intellect, unable to understand how genocide of humanity is a moral imperative?

Oh, and I clarify: ponykind will not suffer genocide in this story, because even Old Testament God doesn't wipe out entire species for the sake of deposing a leader.

>>721571

Invisible dinosaurs? How, where?

As for Celestia being omnipotent in Equestria, she has shown no evidence in the show of being so, the whole premise of TCB is Equestria somehow turning up ON EARTH (so clearly the two can interact in some way), and besides, it's fiction.

FIC. TION.

It never really happened anyway, so don't whine so much about it.

#44 · Chapter 9 · 96w, 5d ago · · ·

Listen to 'Hans Zimmer - Time' while redaing the plauge parts. Trust me.

#45 · Chapter 4 · 96w, 5d ago · · ·

>>721273

pal this is a fic, a dark fic, nothing more....come on,

#46 · Chapter 7 · 96w, 5d ago · · 7 ·

I find the inclusion of pro-TCB writers to be a peculiar idea, as it doesn't seem to advance plot in any real way

Also, targeting Chatoyance's stories specifically seems particularly immature to me

#47 · Chapter 8 · 96w, 5d ago · · 8 ·

Again, this version of Celestia seem really off to me, given the fact that she flies into a frothing, lunatic fury the second this human protagonist says anything to her.

#48 · Chapter 7 · 96w, 5d ago · · 3 ·

>>728784 Oh let him do what he want's just wait till he descends to our level of crazy and starts writing these 'Pro-TCB' fanfics.

#49 · Chapter 9 · 96w, 5d ago · 5 · 1 ·

>>728784

Immature?

Immature is perverting a good story by changing the end so you can go 'neener neener didn't hurt me', like that kid who when playing pretend made up new powers on the spot so nobody could beat him. You probably knew that guy at school.

Chatoyance's stuff is fiction. I'm not personally opposed to it as fiction.

I just happen to be utterly disgusted by its abhorrent message.

>>728794

In-story, Celestia is trying desperately to hold on to what power she retains as everything falls apart. She's breaking down mentally, going without rest and absolutely helpless. It's no wonder she's desperate.

Besides, calling the TCB Celestia 'Celestia' implies that she has something to do with her show counterpart personality-wise. A far better name for TBCelestia would be mein Prinzessin.

>>728872

Why would I degenerate into utter misanthropy? My life, while it could be better, is sufficiently good that I don't desire total extermination of humanity.

#50 · Chapter 9 · 96w, 4d ago · · ·

Oh my... I read this fic and this Lewis Black clip is the ONLY thing I can think of. Thanks, was funny :)

Old Testament God

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