• Published 9th Jun 2012
  • 14,499 Views, 319 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: Thus Saith The Lord - Kamin 989



Celestia's Conversion Bureau project meets a totally unexpected problem.

  • ...
65
 319
 14,499

Chapter X: The Final Chastisement

A/N: There's a two part epilogue to cap this off, but this ends the main story.



Chapter X: The Final Chastisement


"What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground. Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth."

- Genesis 4:10-12

Equestria

Luna's group was moving on one of the only undamaged roads to Ponyville, where she sensed the presence of her sister, faintly and weakly. The general mood in Equestria was now stubborn opposition to Celestia, and on the road they often met ponies willing to join what Luna was planning. However, the journey from Appleoosa to Ponyville seemed to have been massively shortened, the familiar landmarks on the way, now often damaged and shattered, passing by much quicker, as if space itself was being manipulated to shorten their travels. They reached Ponyville about ten minutes before midday, reaching a boulder on the slopes of a newborn mountain that Celestia now tried her best to stand proudly on.

But now, she just looked worn out, looking like she could barely stand. Luna's heart burst out in pity for the alicorn, despite her actions against the humans and their dreadful consequences for all Equestria. The mages still loyal to her and the royal guards looked worn out as well, though not so much as the Princess. Luna wondered what tenacity they had to still stand by her side after what had happened.

Luna's group of ponies, about a hundred and fifty strong, moved to Celestia.

'What are you here for, my Sister?' Celestia asked. 'You want to take my throne, my right?! I should have expected that when you and your cat's-paws sympathised with the filthy humans.'

'Cel-' Luna tried to say. The alicorn was totally deranged now, and she hoped she wouldn't get to hurt anyone else.

'You will never talk back to your Queen, human-loving wretch! KNEEL BEFORE THE QUEEN OF ALL EQUESTRIA!'

A bolt of energy went from Celestia's horn, subdividing and hitting Luna and the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, but they stood firm, unbowed.

'Celestia,' Luna said through gritted teeth. 'I challenge you to a contest of magic, for leadership of Equest-'

'What are you thinking, Lun-'

Celestia was cut short as a pillar of fire burst from a ledge above her. Several of her unicorn mages still loyal were blasted into salt by its appearance, and all eyes turned from her to it, a feeling of combined awe and fear striking all present. And there were things in that pillar of flame. Some saw wheels within wheels spinning around and within each other in an endless dance. Others saw the infinite cosmos, with its skeleton of dark matter filaments and galactic superclusters, its planets and stars in precarious orbits and its wildly dancing electrons in the structure of atoms, held firmly and unshakeably in the hollow of a single protective hand. Still others saw an endless explosion of light and fire and energy, making the Sun whose light the humans lived by look like a tiny spark. Many saw a mighty Figure veiled in incense, his throne guarded and borne aloft by four living creatures on a vast pyramid of jasper and carnelian, four and twenty elders obeisant before it.

Out of the pillar of fire came a mighty, terrible Voice, each word a singular proclamation not heard but felt as it was graven into the universe.

Celestia. You Have Tried To Exterminate The Humans, Who Are My Creatures And Children So Much As You And All Your Race.

Before, I Was Willing To Let Them Learn At Their Own Pace, But Your Twisted Actions Forced Me To Save Them From You.

All Your Power Can Be Held In The Tip Of My Fingernail, Yet You Dared Try And Usurp My Authority Over Them.

So I Have Punished You, And Equestria, Because Its People, When They Saw Your Behaviour, Did Not Say, "No, I Will Not Allow This, And I Will Not Partake Of What You Have Done".

I Have Sent The Woman I Crowned With Laurels To Give My Message, And Gave Her A Rod Of Iron To Let Equestria See How Empty Your Declarations Of Goodness And Power Are.

So I Send Her Now To The Bottom Of This Mountain I Raised, To Execute My Final Punishment.

This Was Your Choice Alone, Celestia.

I Dearly Hope You Are Willing To Live With It.

The swirling pillar of fire vanished as it collapsed in on itself. Celestia was clearly shaking. Then the woman went down to the ledge where it had been, in her black clothes. Twilight Sparkle knew that the humans had once dressed their executioners in black, and wondered what was going to happen.

'Celestia,' the woman said. 'I think Somebody has already stated His opinion of you pretty firmly, and nothing I have can add to that. But let me state the nature of your punishment. For one, you will lose all the shreds of power you have left. All your works will be destroyed and made vain. Finally, you will see, clearly and totally, the consequences of your actions. Now, let it be done.'

She struck her staff on the ledge and several notable things happened. For one, Celestia transformed. Her cutie mark vanished, and she suddenly became a young human woman, falling down on the ground. The same thing happened to several newfoals, who became their old (and very confused) human selves.

At the same time, Celestia saw the evil of what she had done and planned for the first time in her life. She saw the consequences, the storm, the locusts, the earthquake and the death of so many last night. She saw everything good about humanity, and everything evil and twisted about herself. Finally, she saw what humans thought of her - as a brainwashing, controlling, wicked monster.

At first, she thought only of how they could have rejected her, her brain still trying to process the knowledge thrust into it. Instants later, this defence mechanism collapsed - she was now a filthy human, and her power, the magic that was the core of her self-worth, had gone, leaving a gnawing void.

How could this be allowed to happen? The answer came unbidden.

Her psyche, unable to handle the immense dissonance, collapsed totally.

Finally, on her forehead a Mark appeared in letters weeping blood. It read 'CELESTIA', and all who looked at it would know at a glance who they were seeing, as it would always appear in their native writing system.

'Well, I guess I'm in charge now,' Luna said, dumbfounded.

History would record it as the Equestrian Civil War, but in fact it had lasted just twelve minutes.

~*~

Washington D.C.

The President knew nothing of what had happened. His only understanding was that at 12:02, the Barrier had suddenly collapsed in its entirety.

He looked at the Vice President and spoke.

'Send in the troops,' he said. 'We need to find Celestia and make her pay.'

~*~

Equestria, Seven Days Later

The tank lurched over the damaged road. The Equestrian landscape, which had enticed many recipients of the Conversion process, now looked like it had been involved in a particularly devastating nuclear apocalypse. Since the tank had entered Equestria, its crew had encountered little resistance. Some ponies had tried to attack them with magic or from the sky, but most simply threw themselves on the ground and begged for mercy.

Eventually they reached the lowest slopes of a mountain, where Princess Luna and several others were. There was also a human woman in a black dress standing imperiously.

The sergeant got out the tank and looked at the woman. In a flash it came - the blonde hair, the eyes, the face, it had to be-

'Hey!' The sergeant cried. 'La-'

'I prefer not to be called that,' the woman said. 'You have a beer? I could murder for a good drink right now.'

'Er, not with me, but-'

'No worries. You have a cell phone?'

The sergeant produced his.

'Very well,' she said, punched in some numbers, and put it to her ear.

'Mom - you there? Yes, yes, it's your daughter. I'm fine, really, yes. I haven't been in contact for a while and I'm in Equestria...this is going to be hard to explain, isn't it?...'

'Anyway,' she said when the call was finished. 'Here's Celestia.'

She pointed to a pink-haired woman whimpering and vacantly drooling on the ground, her modesty preserved by a black leather jacket. The sergeant looked at the mark on her forehead, and saw in an instant that the woman could not be lying.

'Now,' the sergeant said to Luna. 'Since Celestia can't do much of anything right now, can you please sign the instruments of surrender?'

Comments ( 136 )

You know what’s funny? This story just replaces the human bashing with pony bashing but otherwise it’s “bad” and one-sided as most Conversion Bureau stories. In fact, all you need are some character changes and it would be your usual Conversion Bureau story: All someone needs to do, is turning Miss Mose into a Pony on a mission from Celestia to punish Pope Fictional II. who excommunicated all Ponies and Pony friends. Some humans are saved because they realize how evil all religions are and escape to a farm in the Rocky Mountains while the plagues destroy the Vatican killing all the evil Christians.

Of course then everybody would be angry and (rightfully) claim that it’s another one of those stories in which the Ponies are superior and all humans who don’t like Ponies are Hitler incarnated . Yes I know that many people out there hate the portrayal of the Ponies in quite a few Conversion Bureau stories and I fully agree with them (and that comes from a guy who was siding with the Na’vi). But writing a Fic that glorifies humanity and turns Celestia into an one-dimensional villain just because you can stand them in TCB-stories isn't much better.

743780
You do realize that the original Exodus was just about as 'cruel' to the Egyptians as this is to ponies? If anything this story does a decent job to recreate the Exodus in a TCB setting. There's several issues with it but it is a decent story.

723876 The Bible is only evil by communistic and other religious standards.

this fic has a great fault it shows that a god exists but dosent shows that is a fair god . what diference is between this god and discord evil older brother ? about celestia being a godness has been refuted when a g-rated succubus queen but her in a cocoon . it was a pre second season belief that discord and Chrysalis shattered.

721273

Under normal circumstances you'd be right, Varanus. But this fic is clearly going off the interpretations of Celestia that exist in the world of The Conversion Bureau, which is pretty much nothing like the character we see on the TV show.

721580

In some fics, she IS the reason the Dome expands. I suggest you look a bit harder at some of the fics out there in this particular subset of the fandom.

766691

The problem with that reasoning is that most TCB authors ignore the second season and paint her out as omnipotent, ignoring the fact that she pretty much vanishes altogether during the pilot episode of the series, which implies Nightmare Moon kicked her ass upon her return and briefly locked her away. Don't ask me why. They just do.

didnt read. religious bullshit inside. Pony bashing contained in here from reader comments indicates its worse than the human bashing in 90% of the TCB fanfics. BTW If god where real and he saw the sad sack of shit state the TCB universe world is in. Hed totally go with Celestia's plan to convert all humanity into ponies. Atleast ponies dont ruin their world or kill each other off for shit like oil or whatnot.

836993
If you didn't read, then your opinion of the story is utterly worthless.

836993 You're missing the best comedy story ever made.

whens the next chapter? cant wait :twilightsmile:

Bravo I say, glorious story with an great ending.Its about time TCB Celestia got what she deserved.

Disregard any blatant Pro-Chatoyance dudes ever said, this piece is glorious :rainbowlaugh:

not sure if trollfic, or just terrible

Kicks back and enjoys laughing at everyone complaining about an ATHEIST's interpretation of GOD. :facehoof: :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowwild:

To Kamin: I rather enjoyed reading this on SpaceBattles. Good application of the plagues. Best was the resurrection of T. Rex, which struck an excellent balance of amusing to see and absolutely terrifying for the unrepentant Equestrians. Cerberus got nothing on this. Your substitute plagues were also well chosen and well executed.

1020930 I think the answer to that is "yes."

The thing I don't get are people complaining about the main character, the only times she had a semi-distinct personality was this and the first chapter. You could replace her with ANYONE and have only minimal changes to the story.

Well, I guess I'm in charge now

That was a great quote to end this story. I was laughing in every single chapter. Damn, it was so bad, it become damn good. No, I really like it. Take you deserved thumb up. Also, thank you for pet on my nostalgy for Prince of Egypt. This one of the best anti-hero song and stand beside nazi Be prepared and fanatical Hellfire

1658525 :eeyup:

And she got curbstomped at every turn.:pinkiegasp::twilightoops:

I read this just last night (stayed up to nearly 3AM because of it :pinkiecrazy: ) and finished it all in one sit. This story completely blew me away. You should write something like this again soon :raritystarry:

I will put my honest opinion here:

The fanfiction is good. Not the best, but not the worst. You have done an interesting and unique take on TCB fics and for that alone I salute you.

As for all of you guys like Varanus, please look at the site you are in. It is a site for FANFICTION. Any story written here is the author's playground. If he wanted to he could've had the Diskworld Death dance Makarena with Tzeench singing while the Terminator dances with Luna, all that in Celestia's throne room, and you have no right to flame this fic.

This is not a well put together story, it has no focus or personality and is a tad too mean spirited to be humorous. It kind of reminds me of this one fanfic where sovereign was speaking to the Man Six but instead of writing the characters the author copy pasted word for word the dialogue from the first encounter. You have an interesting premise flawed by an unwillingness to deviate from the sources. Also, I don't know where the earthquake and other assorted things came from and I think you're missing the point of the final plague which was not to kill the firstborn but to demonstrate that only God could spare the Egyptians from the horrors of theplagues.

It's not bad,but it's not good either.

This fanfic does not belong in the TCB group, even in other universes section. Please kindly pull it and put it elsewhere if possible.

Rushed writing, flimsy villain motives. Not to mention a heavy religious theme. That seems to be this fic in a nutshell. Why is Celestia evil? Why has God decided to intervene? Your portrayal of Celestia is sorely lacking, failing to go beyond the black-hat-mustache-twirling ho-ho-ho-I'm-evil level of villainy. And the fact that you're racing through the story, barely lingering on any particular scene, is not doing your story any justice, especially when the most detailed parts are you painting a picture of just how big your hateboner for the ponies is.

Even for a spacebattler, your story is found wanting. 0/10, would not read again, would not recommend to anyone.

Troll-fic is troll-fic. it seems to have done its job quite well in illiciting a response from the masses. just reading the comments i see the flames piled up high, sides being drawn, and wow was that bonfire...

someone has set the bar really high in terms of how to write a Troll-fic. REALLY fucking high.

OH hey guys, what's going--?
*Looks at Story description and comments*
Well, this is a self-admitted anti-TCB story, I sure as hell hope an administrator pulls this off the story listing.

2088815 Tell me why an admin would pull this story. It does not break any of the story submission rules, and there are plenty of worse stories out there. *coughmostTCBficscough*

this is one of the best stories I have ever read in my entire life, and I'm atheist.

2088043 It is in the Anti-TCB group. Key word anti-

kehehehehe...I'm enjoying this very much!!! keep up the good work...though maybe you should make them longer and have more details? :twilightsmile:

Well now, this should bring my mood up, after having to read a book for school that basicly undermined all religions and going on to a point where technically you are God, this seems to be a story about a well placed Bitch slap to Celestia, I could thumb this up just for the idea.

This story deserves more thumbs up than physically possible , as in there is not enough quarks in the Universe for all the likes.

836993WOW you know nothing of mans history... read and understand history before you bash mankind... fool:facehoof:

836993 You know nothing of mans history.

Go bother your idiot little self to pick up a book for once and read.

836993
Yes, it would be awful if you read something that challenged your views and made you consider thinking differently for even a second. I mean ,YOU couldn't possibly be wrong about anything ever, could you.

2249787 then this plays?

One asshole god getting stomped by another asshole god. In a world were celestia is this much of a tyrant, taking it all out on her country, including children etc.

I cant see any moral for either side here beyond, humanity won because their god was the more powerful asshole. I mean.. go to other world, convert and brainwash people is bad. but, their leader defies me, lets murder their children... Ok, condensed here, but this is no moral victory, this is just... evil vs. evil, with one evil turning out more powerfull.

Asshole god? He's defending his creations and his children from being brainwashed, enslaved, and having their culture and history entirely erased by a self-proclaimed goddess of immense xenophobia. Sounds like a good guy to me... Allow me to follow your train of thought. Now, if I were to save my daughter from a gang of pedophillic slavers that makes me an asshole in your eyes... We're you dropped as a cynical little baby?

This is just surreal to read. Horrifying to a degree, and in some ways convicting, but still surreal since I have watched Prince of Egypt. Talk about a combination strike. Like I said though, very surreal.

2421593 "Asshole god? He's defending his creations and his children from being brainwashed, enslaved, and having their culture and history entirely erased by a self-proclaimed goddess of immense xenophobia. Sounds like a good guy to me... Allow me to follow your train of thought. Now, if I were to save my daughter from a gang of pedophillic slavers that makes me an asshole in your eyes... We're you dropped as a cynical little baby?"

This sums up what I feel about you.

2423674>>2443243

Its not what he does to celestia, its the rest of equestria. Celestia attacks his creations, so, he starts muredering the mostly innocent and themselves supressed ponys?
That last thing? death of the firstborn? Celestia dosent bow to him, so he murders a bunch of innocent children/foals? I mean seriously, even if you assume every adult pony is responsible for this (and that claim is very much a longshot, many ponies seem to pay little attention to whats going onbefore, or have been indoctrinated from the ground up to see celestia as infailible), the moment you murder children you lose any moral high ground you might have had.

So. If he had stopped them, done some horrible thing to celestia and whoever of her active supporters who had a part in this, he would be the hero. But....
To prove to you that your wrong to murder my people, im gonna do the same and murder your people? including those not doing anything? Including children? At the end, dleiberately targeting children for something at the very best their parents, far more likely only a to them distant tyrant had done? That is no better than celestia.


Following your train of thought. Your daughter is attacked by pedophilic slavers, so you murder their too young to be responsible children? That, yes, makes you an asshole, at the very least.

2445803 I guess you fail to realize that this is paradying a bible story. NO props to you sir.

Oh and also if you didn't notice I was quoting someone, not actually saying that to you. Even though that is exactly what I would have said to you if I didn't find out that somoene beat me to it.

2466167

Im having a hard time not sinking to your (insulting) level here but, ok:

First: Yes, i responded to you. If you actually, read my post, you will notice that i adressed it as a response to both you and the one you quoted, aka both responses to my comment, since you seemed to be in agreement.

Second: I am well aware that this is a sort-of retelling of the bible, specifically the plagues sent to egypt. But what exactly does that have to do with the morality within this story?
Specifically, the murdering children because their queen/godess does bad things bit. Are you arguing that murdering children is right or allowable?
Otherwise the only conclusion that can be drawn from the comparision, is that the god of the bible was also acting evil in this situation. I would have to re-read the text in question, but unless there are some vast mitigating circumstances in effect, than the actions of said character within the bible, as far as can be determined, would be indeed just as evil, esspecially since he is claimed to be omnipotent, and as such would have literally infinite other options that do not involve murdering children.

I realize this is a late argument, but Xexlif, the claiming of the firstborn was a VERY LAST RESORT. Much like the US dropping the atom bomb. Sometimes such terrible devastation is needed to reach someone. Nobody likes these solutions, but sometimes they supply what is needed. And at least God didn't get the awful pleasure Celestia got destroying lives, from doing his work. BTW, to function in a multi-cultural society, you may not want to run about calling God an asshole...

Login or register to comment