- Member Since 9th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen 11 hours ago
Ponyess
I just recently started to write stories directly towards the FiM actively, though I have been writing for years, publishing numerous stories at Mibba and the eventual pony story, as far as to the MLP
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I'm sorry, but Pinkie is too far out of character for me to get in to this. Yeah, it would make sense for Shining to follow this complex dialogue, seeing as he's been Captain of the Guard and now the King of the Crystal Empire, but at no point would Pinkie ever use any of this vocabulary. Even assuming a more serious overworld and atmosphere, Pinkie still comes from a Rock Farm, and has (presumably) taken to the trade of a baker. Being an Element of Harmony wouldn't require her to have such a superfluous manner of speech.
Imagine Scootaloo or Applebloom speaking like this. It would be very strange, wouldn't it? That's because they're not supposed to use or have a vocabulary this advanced, coupled with what you know about their characters. And it's much the same with Pinkie Pie here. It's strange to imagine her speaking like this because she's not supposed to. She uses dumbed down terms and casual speech, or her own goofy made up words. That's part of her character, which is made clear with every scene in the show where she has dialogue.
I'm not saying this isn't well written. Clearly you're a very intellectual person. But you can't have Pinkie in this scene with this dialogue. She just doesn't fit with it.
6808950
From the perspective, is there another Canon character who could have carried this through?
Shining Armour is the Main character and the Protagonist in the story, including this chapter. It is his POV, even when Pinkie Pie is on the stage here.
She came out as a bit of an Airhead early on, but I see her as growing and maturing with every episode in which she is taking any part, on or off the screen. Just look at how far she is prepared to go, just to save the moment?
She was born on the Rock farm, we all know it, just as we know that she is working at the café. She meets most of her friends at the Café, right?
Aside from being foals in the first place, but Apple Bloom is an Apple; the Apples are 'Hick', aren't they?
I can't deny her goofy antics, and I guess she commonly is casual in nature, but I must protest her as dumbed down.
With some help, I could adjust her dialogue to be more to your likings.
Ps: This was Shining Armour's POV.
The mood is about to take a rather sudden turn as the next character is introducing himself.
I'll be honest I have no idea where this is going but I'm intrigued
6812487 The picture should start to clear up by the next chapter in a few more days.
I just hope you still enjoy the story as it is turning.