- Member Since 23rd May, 2013
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
Holocron
Gaze within the Holocron and see what stories it has to tell.
Holocron
Joined 23rd May, 2013 ·
Offline
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It's just a personal peeve of mine, but I feel that unicorn, pegasus (pegasi in plural?) and earth pony need not be capitalized. It is not a proper noun.
I really liked the story, there were just a few errors here and there, but nothing a good proofreading wouldn't fix.
Yeah but that's what a six hour no sleep writing spree will do to you
Though I disagree with your statement regarding the capitalization of the names of the races, I have found and corrected what errors I could find. Thank you for your sharp eyes
7362792
Now I will try to give you some constructive criticism!
I would recommend you to read it over again. I spotted about, I think, 10 obvious mistakes. Things like, instead of sexy you wrote sex and so on.
I personally would have liked it if the real gangbang scences would have been longer. The first seemed rather short and the second was a bit longer, but I would have wished for it to last a bit more. But that's just my personal opinion. Others might view this differently.
Other than that I liked it!
As a side note, this story remembers me about the request I wrote for Mr Ghostman. He requested a story where Cadance gets gangbanged by guards too, while Shining was watching. I only worked with zebras additionally as it was requested by him too. I guess Mr Ghostman really likes such Cadance Swinging Gangbang stories! I can fully agree with him on that!
7363756
Okay, that makes some sense actually. It's actually nice to hear from other writers who have written for the same guy before.
Not too shabby. Good job on this clopfic.
Quite a few grammar mistakes. Not much juicy, raunchy sex. The dialogue between Cadence and Shining could have been a lot dirtier. Uh...yep, that's it, and most of that is just my perversion. Good job.
Kinda giving the mystery away