Kris, Steven, and Dusty are three brothers... not in blood, but in arms. Kris and Steven have been together since the beginning, and their newest member Dusty has been with the war hero's for two weeks. As the three men race to survive the sudden surprise they found in France, they escape death by the skin of their teeth, but it wasn't any walk in the park. Steven is hurt, and the squads sharpshooter can no longer see. For these three war hero's, to them, war never changes, but when they end up in a situation that is beyond human comprehension. The three men are the last hope to help save the world from a dark and powerful force... one, that is far worse than Hitler's Elite SS troops.
How will the heroes survive and will they ever make it back home? Well even they don't know, they only have each other... and their new squad mates to rely on.
nice. rarely do you ever see any fic where a char has a disability like blindness. as long as that char does not get a sudden miracle cure its fine.
So far, I like what I'm seeing. You managed to introduce the characters fairly well, and bring them into Equestria without completely rushing it. I'll certainly be keeping an eye on this story.
I'm guessing equestria is a female ruled country.
Are they army or marines? They sound like marines and also if you just hit the breaks in a Willys you'll go through the windshield, It is a manual transmission.
6769505 The next chapter explains what branch of the military their in, the jeep wasn't going very fast when Kris hit the breaks, I guess I should have made that a little more clear.
You have my attention let me know when the next chapter comes out
6770467 as usual I need to reread it again and make additions and removals before I post it, but ill have it out within the week
Nice story, hope to see more
6768262 I'm assuming you mean female dominate, because Equestria is ruled by Celestia; a female.
6784737 Yea that my bad.
Don't get me wrong, I love this. But does anyone ever make a story about a soldier from Iwo Jima, or someplace in the South Pacific? A Japanese POV would be quite cool.
Nice.
Alright let me know when your next chapter appears, I'm also liking how you have this take place in the war equestria is in. Brings simularity for the soldiers.
There could be some grammar fixings, such as the first sentence and the following paragraph. They could have just been combined into a single paragraph.
The opening action seen is a bit of an odd spot to be explaining backgrounds, I kind of prefer when there is more down time, such as when they've stopped.
I think it's a bit odd to stop for so long. It's understandable to give medical attention, but for having run into such a large force, of division level, they should get back on the road and back to allied positions immediately to report the enemy. It seems a bit odd that they'd blunder right into such a large force when they seemed to be on the jeep the whole time, at least to where it seemed like they were in the division itself and surrounded, but I'll buy it; perhaps they got caught at the beginning of Operation Luttich.
From what I can tell I think just 'Waffen fallen' would suffice, as it just translates to 'weapons fall' or basically 'drop weapons', where as lassen translates into 'leave', so this kind of reads out as 'drop your weapons and leave'.
Other than that, it's an alright start. I will give props, as others have, for including the interesting addition of a blinded soldier into the mix, which I haven't seen done before and could make for some interesting situations. I'll move on to the next chapter later.
6791197 Well to explain the grammar and paragraph issues is that I lack an editor, the attack is fictional, it was never meant to be real, the next chapter explains a little more about what happened to the men in the jeep. As for the German quote I used google translate which I knew was not the best idea, it was a poor fix to a good idea, and would probably get questioned like that. I never wanted to go for top writer just wanted to get my ideas out there.
6792233
Aye, I know it can be difficult without an editor, though there are some on here that do a fine job at it. You can go through it yourself, it'll be more busy work but you are capable of finding the smaller things; it's not too terrible, just spoty at times.
Regardless of the attack being real or not, there ought to be some form of explanation for the situation.
I mean the story certainly isn't horrible. I've seen a lot worse. You can do a bit better, but you're off to a good start in the field. Just keep at it and keep trying to improve.
6792303 Well there will be a debriefing that makes things a little more clear about the attack in the next chapter, although I'm wondering if I should change it and add more to it,
Damn....bulk biceps didn't expect that
You should have Kris make some American beer for them to try.
Awesome chapter. The story would be better if Sombra made an alliance with Hitler and Nazis were in Equestria and the allied forces found one of the portals that the Nazis were using to get to Equestria and they would fight with the equestrians.
More?
6856485 No I intend to leave it right where it is!
There will be more once I get the next chapter finished, and the one after that, and the one after that, and so on
The D-Day Invasion, storming the beaches of Normandy, or whatever you want to call it, was called Operation Overlord. I don't beleive it was known as D-Day to the military, other than for the purposes of counting down to the invasion (-1-Day and so on.) Other than that, great story. Grammar needs some work, but isn't horrible.
6862493 I am a huge WWII buff, so yes I know it was called operation overlord but it was called D-Day by the troops. D-Day stands for day of departure, then once the men landed, everyday after the invasion was called D-Day plus 1, 2 and so on. But yeah D-Day was an active term used by the military.
6862552 I wasn't sure. So 'Danke'.
The window breaking bit had a very 'Blackhawk down' vibe going. Overall not a bad setup. Spelling and grammar are not too, too horrible... though if you can get an editor, or at the very least re-read the chapter to yourself and correct minor things that do not sound correct, it would sound better and read easier. One nitpick, I absolutely hate it when authors into their characters with bio write-ups. It really stalls things in the beginning. Action scene, freeze action to give bio blurb about each char, resume action chase scene. You could try to into the characters with a few paragraphs of interaction as opposed to this, but that's just my 2 cents. In any event, fun read and on to the chapter...
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6931167 Well that chapter was one of my earlier stories. I reread it until i thought it was good, but yeah I know i have some grammar issues, mainly with commas and when it comes to spelling its a wrong letter in places. I've been thinking about going back and editing all my early chapters for all my stories. Yeah i remember that part in 'Blackhawk Down' but that wasn't my intention.
6792634 an army sgt is never refferred to as "sir" because they are enlisted men, not officers. They work for a living. They would refer to them as Sergeant, or sarge if they were close.
6949321 But he gives the orders, remember that these two have been together for about two weeks. Dusty takes orders from his higher ups, in this case Kris. Not everyone was referred to by their ranks, many sergeants in the field were called sir, and since he is the commanding "officer" in this situation he would be referred to a sir if he was the highest rank. It really falls on a matter of who is the highest rank. Or Dusty hasn't broken his training yet or he does it out of respect. that term is going to stay. I've also meet Military men that are Sergeants, that that is all they want to be referred to because they are giving the orders. I PT'd with the Marines in town once, the Recruiters are all Sergeants, and they wanted to be referred to as nothing but sir.
6949581 just sayin bud. My Sergeants always kicked my ass when I called them sir. The Marines call them sir in basic, the army does not.
6949833 valid point, at this point in the story and in the war, Kris really doesn't care how he is addressed. After men were together for years, the men who were friends were pretty light an each other. That's what I was shooting for, because you can see them insulting each other, and when they are not in battle, jokes and insults will be known later on.
6949866 maybe he was in OCS or west point when the war broke out and dropped out to enlist?
Where is Spitfire!?!?
6970794 Alternate Universe!
...
or I could easily add her.
Great job, I enjoyed the chapter :)
Personally, I think this is a promising read. Other than a few sentences that could be combined into paragraphs or the occasional past tense, present tense flub, pretty good writing. Oh, and nice good with the window breaking, it felt like an exciting scene to read.
7060842 Thanks and yeah I need to go through it and fix a few things.
6792233 have you recently played Call of Duty 2: The Big Red One? The beginning chase sounds like the mission "An Easy Detail"!
7189393 Its been a long time since I played that. But it didn't dawn on me until after I wrote the chapter
6949581
In what way?
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I'll leave now....
7202824 You tell me.
It's a glorious day... this story is confirmed alive!!!! The nazis. ... I mean sombras dark troops, shall not be victorious
yeah your back! victory is ours!let the story start advancing once again! great chapter! well done!!
rule #4 never under estimate your opponent.
what a dynamite chapter! bravo to you! awww au.s. soldier the best weapon to have on your side! thanks for this great story!
that star wars reference at the end
7215740 "You have failed me for the last time, incompetent leader #1."
7216265 Sounds like Vader
7222660 gosh, I wonder why?