I finally figured out how to put this thing on my profile. This is the best thing to happen to me since Princess Celestia teleported me to Equestria so that I could romance her student and sister.
The First Church Of TheaterCritic26 stories ·27 members
Institute for S.C.A.N.N.E.R.S.107 stories ·32 members
The Group Dedicated To The Group Dedicated To Doing Whatever We Want, Whenever We Want862 stories ·556 members
Rainbow Dash finally reaches that moment in her life when she's ready to have a foal. Just how is she supposed to get pregnant, though? She's uncertain how the birds and the bees work, but she does have an odd compulsion to go somewhere. Let us join Rainbow Dash on her journey to get impregnated.
This is how I celebrate getting 500 followers. Do I deserve those 500 followers with a story like this? Well, 500 people seem to think so. And 500 people are seriously messed up.
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...Dafuq
This was several degrees of bizarre.
I'm so pleased to be one of the five hundred when I get to read top-drawer stuff like this.
Not that I think that all seriousness is called for at the moment, in all seriousness I actually found the central idea pretty intriguing.
I mean, how often do seaponies get referenced in stories these days?
I award you a coveted Spike:
wut......wut......wutwutwutwutwutwutwutwut errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrror, carl.exe has stopped responding, would you like to reboot?
Yes no
You suck.
That was disturbing, unnecessary, deranged, painfully long-winded and brimming with grammatical errors.
Ignore all the other comments. This was brillIant, seriously
Still processing words to describe my feelings about this...amazing little story, really...
This story was worthy of both
and 
Brilliant, dude, brilliant.
6802011
Thank you, ashi-san! I shall not let this coveted Spike go to waste.
6802145
*clicks yes*
Now you have to tell me what you thought.
6802255
Oh? And would you be one of those individuals that is "in the know" as to what Scootareader likes to do on Sunday nights?
Yep.
Certainly.
As anticipated.
I've been told that I tend to be.
Ohoho. Now this one, I am interested in.
I don't think you read my story.
If you had, you would know that I have near-impeccable grammar. I even reread it before I posted it (which I don't always do) and made sure everything read properly. I may have missed maybe half a dozen errors total, but I challenge you to find even a single legitimate grammatical error. 
6802298
6802312
6802390
6802529
I'm not 100% on this, but I think these are all compliments, and I thank you all for your support.
6802605 definately s compliment
6802605
Mine was a compliment as well.
Pretty much what I've come to expect from Scootareader. There's something about the title that makes me giggle uncontrollably. I can't explain it.
Now, I'm going to do something a bit unorthodox. I'm going to give a Scootareader story... a serious critique!
I won't say the title is clickbait, but... wait, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Though it was written for 500 people, that title is bound to attract some others who have no idea what they're getting into. Even so, the title is accurate to what's happening in the story, so it's better than most.
The story itself is quite interesting. The author's note does spoil that the story is very much a satire on clopfics, but that has the unfortunate consequence of making the reader think that it shouldn't be taken seriously. The writing, however, begs to differ. Not only is it a truly original idea for a MLP fanfiction, but the fact that it's based off of real mating practices of fish gives it a sense that every element in the story was calculated. This elevates it to heights beyond that of the typical schlock that passes moderation. In short, it's exactly what a satire is supposed to be: cleverly written with a story that lets it stand on its own, rather than requiring the audience to know what it's referencing to be in on the joke. Although lines like, "To cut several paragraphs of exposition short, these two ponies were about to bang" work against this, there are far fewer of these types of lines than I initially expected from you.
The amount of effort that was put into explaining the scientific aspects of the story shows how much care was put into the project. As much as I liked the detail of the ejaculate entering the water and cleansing the immediate vicinity, I was most impressed when the unnamed doctor began speaking. The professionalism in his dialogue was so expertly handled that I absolutely believed that I was seeing a doctor speaking to patients. The vocabulary was professional without feeling like it was trying. Language for characters of different class statuses is very easy to botch.
I only have one real gripe with this story, and it doesn't take too much away. It's actually the exact same problem I had with The Enigma of Amigara Fault, in that the characters perform some bizarre, unrealistic, or out-of-character action for no reason other than some unexplained compulsion. At least in this story it was explained by hormones, but I feel that even that's a pretty weak reason to have two characters drop what they're doing, especially considering their circumstances (chores for Big Mac and a prior obligation for Rainbow Dash), and go out of their way for a full hour of their time because of a sexual drive that neither character even understood. I'm sure that similar phenomena do occur in nature, so it's not outside the realm of possibility, but this doesn't make the characters relatable to the audience at all. And while character relatability may not have been a concern for the story, it does mean that the audience feels alienated from the events.
Even so, this is a moot point once the "intercourse" has taken place, so it's not that much of a concern. The rest of the story has a constant sense of curiosity. What's going to happen next? Why did this happen? How is this character going to react? The story does not disappoint in these regards.
Additionally, I decided to take a look at the grammar and see if there were any mistakes. There was only one that stood out to me.
This is how it should read:
Other than that, it's pretty much flawless.
I enjoyed this story. I'm glad that I decided to read it more seriously than I've come to expect from you, what with masterpieces like Wherein the Main Character is an Alicorn OC.
6802605 'Tis a compliment bro
6802605
For whatever it's worth, I didn't notice any grammar errors either, and I'm a stickler for those.
6803256
I am glad you enjoyed the story, Emerald-san.
Ironically, I have 500 followers and have still never made the featurebox. I can't say I ever want to make the featurebox. I prefer humility and junk.
6803449
The way my headcanon reasoned it, eggs within the body are usually squishy and whatnot. Reptile and bird eggs have hardened exteriors just before being laid, but pony reproduction is genetically descended from seapony reproduction by common ancestor, so I figured pony eggs would be squishy like fish eggs.
As far as why their mouth, because canonically that is the only orifice that ponies have which is large enough to eject an egg from their body, barring something microscopic escaping through their urethra (which I disagree with). The way I envision it, there's a tube within the female pony's body which branches off from the esophagus and opens only during ovulation (i.e. when they smell the pheromone and it activates their "must find mate" instinct), and since ponies lay eggs as opposed to the eggs growing into foals inside of them, this explains why we've never seen a mare with a preggo belly. EDIT: And no bellybutton.
This made me cum twice in five minutes
Usually I think the womb and stomach are different organs.
However I accept that they are the same in a scootareader story.
...So do married couples do it in the bathtub then?
6804106
There's no telling the possibilities!
6802605 I actually didn't read it
but I will
6802605
This isn't the best example, but it stands out to me as one of many occasions where semi-colon use was liberal.
that coma should be a colon.
What and when does she excrete? I don't recall her excreting anything in this story.
But to be perfectly honest, I was fairly inebriated when I read and commented on this. I don't want to be anymore of a bitch than I have been already, so can we just agree to disagree and move on with our lives?
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Do it fgt.
6804244
I like you.
6804506 I'll just wait till I'm "in the mood"
Wait... what!!! What.... What the heck did I just read?
After reading the comment section:
Oh, that makes... it's weird, made sense, but it is still weird. Had a like!
Well look on the bright side Dash.....it'll have great genes.
Just as long as it doesn't inherit its father's fear of comforting a mare in need.
...sounds messy. Still, nice try at an explanation.
Also, coughing up an egg? Sounds like Rainbow got a little too greedy during her breakfast rather than pregnancy.
It was an okay read. I found some parts simply confusing (which I did mention) and that ruined the experience. Maybe it would work better to compare pegasi to birds?
6815219
Pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns all reproduce in the same fashion; they all share a common "land pony" ancestor, which diverged from the sea-pony line before that. The reproductive systems of land ponies are a holdover from that ancient sea-pony common ancestor, as are their fish-like poop.
i.ytimg.com/vi/XLsZTZvpvt8/hqdefault.jpg
See? It looks a bit like that when ponies poop!
The bird analogy doesn't work because functionally, the only difference that unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies have is which appendages are imbued with magic. If pegasi are descended from birds, it would make a lot more sense for unicorns and earth ponies to have descended from birds as well. That also makes a lot less sense, since water is where all life starts, so evolution is usually more directly linked to an aquatic ancestor. Sea-ponies are simply land ponies that never left the water and evolved accordingly.
6816105
Welp, the 'pooping' isn't really what confused me (I thought of birds first as they also only have one hole but still), my major point of discontent is getting pregnant through inhaling watered down cum.
Even if you take out the fact that I know of no species of animal on Earth which has its digestive system linked to their reproductive one, even if you overlook the fact that Thunderlane was swimming there earlier and any cum that was there could have been a mix of two fathers (which would make genealogy a horror to go through) , there is STILL the problem that Rainbow must have had impeccable aim while swimming to swallow all that released seed up. Normally that stuff spreads over time, no matter how potent or not. And you stated that she only inhaled once (and presumably for a short while since she doesn't actually want to swallow water) and yet still inhaled enough that it travelled to her stomach and then womb, surviving any poisons or acids of her body and even managed to impregnate her.
I mean, we've seen ponies eats lots of weird food that normally shouldn't be good for ponies (of the sea variety or not) and they don't immediatly get ill from that, so their body should be able to filter any unwanted invasive stuff out. And sadly, the female body doesn't instantly accept any male seed and instead treats it as invasive and unwanted. So any actual chance of getting pregnant 'waters down' even further.
Lastly, depending on the size of the egg (seeing as little fillies are still bigger than a normal ponies throat), Rainbow could have very really choked on it. So we got another needless serious health risk involved with giving birth. I dunno, but all this makes your described method quite unsafe and not something biology would decide upon if they had any option otherwise.
Well that wasn't disturbing, alarming, or otherwise surprising at all.
What the actual fuck did I just read...
6822400 perhaps if they had a serpentine respiratory system that allowed them to breathe while their throat is otherwise obstructed?
As for pregnancy, it was implied that many males had 'Visited' the pool, so it'd likely have a very high sperm count.
As for the fic itself, roughly what I was hoping for, and fun to read.
This was... interesting. Pretty cool.
8266579
Raichu-san approves!
Wat. Ok.
You can has review!
Eh....okay?
That is easily the strangest reproductive cycle I've come across on this site. Kinda makes one wonder on how certain married pony couples can have foals together and KNOW (unquestioningly 100%) that the foals are indeed from their respective partner (like Applejack's parents).
So, how is it made sure that mares only inhale the sperm of one stallion, when all the „sex“ (which is pretty far removed from how we’d imagine sex) happens within the same lake?
11253812
There is no guarantee that it's only one stallion's sperm. We can actually see this in the animal kingdom in various flavors. Some males have penises that absolutely wreck the vaginal canal and make the female incapable of insertion for the rest of the mating season. Some males have shovel-shaped penises that they use to scoop out the sperm of previous males. Some males just don't care and try to breed as many females as possible. The ultimate goal for the male is to maximize his chances at having his sperm be the first to reach the egg, as only one sperm will fertilize the egg and provide its genetic code.
In my vision for this story, pony semen contains white blood cells or the like that are intended to fight and kill the sperm and white blood cells of prior stallions. This was influenced by a high school biology lesson wherein the inside of the vagina was described as incredibly hostile to sperm, as the woman's body naturally tries to attack and kill the defenseless sperm; the other stuff in semen tends to be protection for the sperm to maximize its chances at fertilization, and pony semen in this story possesses similar properties, but applied to the body of water that the reproduction occurs in.
I described this process briefly in the story--Big Macintosh's semen aims to wipe out the semen of previous males, thus the most likely to impregnate the female is the most recent male, but it's not a perfect system. There was still a good chance of Rainbow Dash inhaling the sperm of a different male, but she got the most statistically likely outcome.
This was really weird but does bring up some interesting ideas for other facets of pony life/society/etc.
World building is a conceptual near and dear to me. Writers who can skillfully combine real science, history, etc. with our favorite technicolor equines is a definite bonus.
So for this, how does this change pony development? Are newborns more precocial or altricial? That is to say are they closer in development to real world equines that are able to stand/feed shortly after birth, or are they more akin to fish in being essentially helpless for many days/weeks as their internal systems grow and they can begin feeding themselves?
One example from Canon is the difference between the Cake twins and Flurry Heart.
On an aside, I personally believe that Flurry was already several months to just over a year old by the time we see her (otherwise big ouchies for Cadence)...unless Alicorns are Superprecocial which is certainly a thing although fairly uncommon aside from a few bird species.
In short,
you got me curious about stuff and learning so despite the weirdness of this story makes my internal bookhorse happy