• Member Since 17th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen April 25th

Scootareader


I finally figured out how to put this thing on my profile. This is the best thing to happen to me since Princess Celestia teleported me to Equestria so that I could romance her student and sister.

T

Enigma is a new arrival to Ponyville, but after she goes to sleep each day, she's forced to re-live that day all over again, and nopony can see her or interact with her in any way. After the day is re-lived, she wakes up where she'd been before she had to re-live her day, but as if she'd never been there.

Special thanks to Ink for her cover art and for making ThatScootaloo, my favorite Tumblr ever! It doesn't matter if she doesn't update it anymore, I still love it to death.

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 66 )

Interesting, lets see where this goes. And you base the titile from "The World that Never Was" from Kingdom Hearts didn't you:ajsmug:

I'm still curious about where you are going to go with this.:rainbowhuh: I guess I'll just wait and see.

1818156 Surprisingly, no! I just decided on it. No hidden meanings there.

1818194

So she is just going to relive her entire day but this time without anyone knowing she is their and she can't interact with anyone just for the heck of it:rainbowhuh: *shrug* I've heard of doing weirder things for the heck of it.

I wish I could remember the Lyra fic this emulates...

Isn't... isn't this basically Background Pony?

Comment posted by Scootareader deleted Dec 24th, 2012

I was not aware there was a Lyra fic with a similar idea. However, don't sell me so short! There's quite a bit left to come, and I assure you it won't be like any other fic. Enigma also isn't a background pony :derpytongue2:

EDIT: Based on what I've read in the comments of Background Pony, I intend for a darker feel overall.

1849837

DARKER than Background Pony?

Impossible.

Also impossible, being more Purple Prosed.

1977684

#1. It doesn't have a "Dark" tag on it; therefore, it wasn't intended to be dark in the first place.
#2. Based on what I read in the comments, it was just incredibly sad. (Oh, look, a "Sad" tag!) I haven't had much time to read lately, as I've been taken up with writing what I've got as well as other duties in my free time, or I would love to read it and give an accurate critique, but my rookie assessment is that Background Pony is as its tags say, and The Pony That Never Was is as its tags say. This was never intended to be a competitive fanfic, anyway; reading the first couple chapters makes that evident, I'd assume.

I'm going to be honest and say I have no idea what's going on.:derpytongue2:Only
What I do know is as follows:
1.OC/ Main Character is named Enigma and is good with puzzles
2.Has been reliving each day when she falls asleep
3.no one remembers her
4.Past friend is the only one that can interact with her
5.Friend is trying to date Twilight
6. Saved Big Mac and others
What I'm questioning (May have been said in story but unsure if I understood):
?OC is not real?
?Does she care for her friend or not?
This story looks like it could have potential but I'm just completely lost:applejackunsure:

2006624

Chapter 10 will be able to wrap up most of your questions, and what's left should be answered up with the prologue. A story that makes complete sense in the beginning is no fun at all!

2009379 But one that still doesn't by chapter 9 can detract from an otherwise interesting story. You can lay the foundations for revealing what you're going to do in later chapters, but unless the audience knows what questions it should be asking itself (Is OC real? What is the puzzle? etc..), then it's just too confusing for it's own good.

2009410

Uncannily enough, those sound like the exact questions I was hoping you'd be asking yourself at this point.

No-interaction time loop? Sounds like Background Pony meets The Best Night Ever. If this fic is half as good as either of those, then you'll go far, kid.

Comment posted by iwueriiusdf deleted Jan 27th, 2013

1819287 Background Pony! And Groundhog Day!

1977684
True. Nothing is darker than Background Pony.

Comments while reading:

They were mistaken, of course; this was proven by her ability to make a puzzle, riddle, or game off the top of her head that would blow their minds with its complexity. She wasn't a practical joker, or a detective, or a genius; she just really liked mysteries.

This...will be interesting.

“Well, when I was just born, I disappeared from the hospital for 2 hours. Nopony could find me, and my parents were really scared, but then I just crawled out from behind one of the doors to my mom and they never knew where I'd gone. So, they called me Enigma.”

Sounds to me like a homage to Agatha Christie.

After-reading:
Nice beginning. Although I'm not so much a fan of OC's I will give this story a chance. Consider me intrigued at least.

...even if you didn't intend to do it, a Doctor Whooves not remembering what he should is more normal than with anypony else...you know because of reasons best left timey-wimey wibbly-wobbly.

The other ponies not remembering Enigma though make this story myterious...I think. It's more confusing right now.

But thinking about it I had this crazy idea from a theory you don't want to hear scoots. The idea revolves around the following sentence: The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he was never there.
My idea is that this sort of thing actually is some kind of puzzle somepony set up for her. And since it is related to dreams...well, what is Luna doing in your story? :ajsmug:
Of course it could be that stallions imagination but come on...that would be more boring than my idea, right? :applejackunsure:

Hmm...so Engima is just a figment of another pony but able to affect the real world? Still sounds fishy to me. And not like the kind of fish you would want to eat if you catch my drift.

Enigma was nowhere in the realm of possibility of finding Big Macintosh... cute. He wasn't a Twilight Sparkle by any stretch of the imagination.

Seems like Big Mac is going to stay single...now which story does that remind me of? :pinkiegasp:
It seems not only cutie marks can be prophetic, huh? :pinkiehappy:

Now I have a riddle for you, scoots: 2134.
Tell me what it means - you should have all the pieces. Have fun finding it out :twilightsmile:

2538377

For your information, this is the first fic I ever wrote. I also will only solve that riddle if you pay me.

Cottontooth was trying not to fool himself. These were his happiest moments, but he knew they wouldn't last forever. He had to let Enigma go, or he would get too attached and he'd lose himself in trying to get closer to her.

Ouch...this little comment stings especially knowing what will happen in the story later on...ah well. I read this chapter last so no cheat sheet for me. :pinkiehappy:

As for the 'figment of his imagination' idea...well Cottontooth was happy in the end. Should I feel bad about this? He lost reality but there are certain times where that is not the biggest loss. Reality is what you make it up to be. If you only care about yourself and your experiences, your thoughts and insights are basically all that is important. Sure there are other ponies but if you can literally create another pony out of your mind, together with a whole world?
The only thing that could have saved Cottontooth would have been a good friend from reality. Since he had nopony special to him - even Twilight had said no - he decided to go with his dream.
It was somewhat ironic and poetic at the same time when he kissed Enigma. He got all he ever wanted and still lost everything. I honestly must say that this story was really good, a lot better than I expected it to be.

2539039

I know that it is. I just found it funny how much you wrote about liking 'The hollow kingdom of Big Macintosh' and then I read - in your first story too! - that you included him as somewhat of an important character.

For the riddle: It's a simple mind game and you want to get paid? Cheapskate students...:trollestia:
Besides, the riddle is complete with this comment here. Think on it and have fun figuring it out (if you didn't already). It has to do with your story, so you have all the needed clues too.
As for payment...well, there is this little story you want to write in the future, yes? Something with Derpy? Consider this your payment: I will give my all with this story and will try to do my best with it. It will maybe take a bit longer this way but a well thought out story captures more interest than a medicore one any time of the day. Of course I only do that if you manage to beat my hard *cough*lies*cough* riddle.

Wow, this is the quite the Shaggy Dog story if I do say so myself. The entire time I was rooting for Enigma to be remembered, and Cottontooth to just, I dunno... go do something else? I didn't really care about him all that much.

I don't understand how this story has so few likes, sure it felt a bit rushed at times, and the scene transitions could be better executed(I was confused as to how we got from point A to point B a few times), also the ending was maddening :pinkiecrazy:, but the concept was well thought out and, in my opinion, pretty original. It wasn't at all what I expected it to be when I came into it, but I'm not leaving disappointed. This story was absolutely brilliant. Good job, mate. :twilightsmile:

3552841
Thanks! Considering this is the first story I've ever written, that means a lot. Also, thanks for the constructive criticism; I like to improve my writing! :pinkiehappy:

My gosh I loved it I ate these chapters away.

3654418
Glad you liked it! It's my favorite story to have written so far. :pinkiehappy:

It's such an amazing story I don't know what to say other than thanks for writing this.

3725648
:twilightblush: I do my best. I only hope any other story I write will even hold a candle to how you felt about this one.

3729538 The ending is profoundly stupid. Mental Health hospitals don't execute people.

Even if the system was so profoundly corrupt as to have people killed simply for "wasting resources", they wouldn't do it in the form of a formal execution. For someone to be sentenced to death that requires both committing a capital crime, and the capability to understand the punishment. There is simply no way to go from "he's a vegetable" to "here's his execution warrant". If he were killed at all, it would be in secret. They sure as hell wouldn't have an execution chamber.

This isn't even taking Celestia into account. She's essentially the avatar of good, and has Shepard her people to such an extent that they have no concept of war, only foodfights.

You seriously think Celestia would allow something like Action T4 to exist? A happy magic horse land of peace, where kindness and generosity are observable scientific principles, and you expect the writer to accept they'd nonchalantly duplicate the atrocities of one of the worst periods of human history? This side of their society isn't even written as if it's important, merely as if it's something you threw in as an afterthought.

This is both insulting to the reader, and to the source material. A contradiction so large it cannot be accepted.

3744535
Considering it seems you read to the end, I thank you for at least reading my story all the way through. :pinkiesmile:

My decision to have Cottontooth "executed" at the end is partially due to this being the first story I've ever written and my unwillingness to change what has been made, and partially due to us knowing so little about the justice system in Equestria.

Tell me: Where are all the murderers, the vegetables, the serious lawbreakers in Equestria? The ponies sure seem to have very human traits and fallibilities; yet, there are none who do any real crimes.

Sure, yeah, it's a little girl's show; I write dark, though, so I consider things such as this.

Lethal injection may have been a more likely way to kill him, in retrospect. They didn't want to let him starve to death, because several of the nobles wouldn't want to have a suffering pony on their conscience, especially one with such an exceptional mind. Best to get it done in the most efficient way possible.

It's not like they wrote on the banners of Canterlot "Execution Today: Be There or Be Square." This would have been a very subdued affair, and Celestia would have never caught wind of it. I imagine it to be something akin to the nobles complaining about the high cost of running a "charitable" place such as the mental hospital, noticing that there is a pony who is unresponsive and still consuming resources, and complaining to the warden or other official who makes financial/patient decisions in the hospital, who told the nobles, "We'll take care of it."

So, much as I understand the desire for Equestria to be the wonderful place we all want it to be, the machinations of my mind consider the darker side that is part of being human. Sorry you didn't like the ending, but it's not such a departure from reality that it's implausible. :unsuresweetie:

3744903 Uh.

It is " such a departure from reality that it's implausible". That's what I'm saying.

A Mental health hospital would not have the equipment nor the legal basis to execute anybody, in any way shape or form.

Celestia and Luna, as the ruling diarch, are the only ones capable of signing things into law. This is how being ruled by royalty works.

It is simply in neither of their characters to allow a Mental Institution the power to carry out executions.

It isn't something you can keep secret, either. They didn't sneak him away in the middle of the night. You've written them as having a dedicated execution chamber. Everyone working there would know.

"Hi honey, how was your first day of work? "They showed us where they kill people without trial!" So the hospital worker's families would know.

It would simply be impossible to keep something as brazen as this away from the legal authorities.

3745168
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underground_railroad
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meth_lab
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_punishment_for_drug_trafficking
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Area_51
http://beforeitsnews.com/opinion-conservative/2013/04/shocking-peta-kills-96-of-animals-they-take-in-2614500.html

I see no reason why something can't exist right under a pony's nose without them knowing about it. History is dotted with stories like this, including ones that we haven't heard about.

I understand that you are dissatisfied with how I decided to write the story; however, is it implausible? Well, when your financial backers are threatening to withdraw funding and give something specific, you may choose to do something pretty drastic.

As far as specifically his method of execution, a few thousand watts to fry a brain isn't that big a deal. It's not as if they give tours of a mental facility, and even something like a health inspector won't necessarily check all the rooms--let's say, for the sake of argument, that this room is hidden behind a false wall panel so any passersby would never know it existed.

I'm the author of the story; that means I wrote something in a specific fashion. It's up to you to imagine how this came to be as the reader. I leave it up to you to imagine why something happened the way that it did. The aforementioned is just a few ideas I had on how such a thing may happen. I got plenty more, but I'm not saying you have to be happy with everything in the story. I've been dissatisfied with decisions the authors have made in plenty of book series that I like.

EDIT: There's also something known as "lying." Even ponies do it. Seeing a patient being escorted somewhere by guards doesn't make a hospital worker jump to the conclusion, "They must be taking him somewhere to be executed."

3745698

You are reaching, really hard, to try and justify this.

I mean seriously, retroactively going "oh it's behind a false wall."? That's weak, dude. Random wikipedia articles of things that aren't secrets to try and justify it? Both weak, and incoherent.

You, at the very last chapter, have created a conspiracy where a mental institution is murdering people under medical supervision, then somehow getting rid of the bodies and all the evidence.

And they're doing it casually, as if they're putting the vacuum cleaner over.

And they're using a machine designed and built for the specific purpose.

And somehow nobody is noticing that ponies are going missing.

And to top it off, all those doing it are members of a pacifist culture. A culture who's most advanced lethal weaponry is the spear. A culture who, when faced with an invading army, merely decided to throw food at them.

It's beyond implausible. It's total gibberish nonsense.

It's made all the worse by you just randomly inserting this hugely elaborate, and unnecessarily complex conspiracy in the very last chapter.

3745777

Hell, actually, I can rip into this on another level: Mental Health Hospitals aren't funded the way you think they are, and even if they were, the motivation still doesn't make sense.

I mean seriously. Have you paid attention to evil aristocratic types? They wouldn't threaten to cut funding because of too many no-hopers being in the hospital. They wouldn't feel bad if one starved. People of this mindset simply would not fund it in the first place, and if they did somehow gain control of funding coming from somewhere else, they would not need an excuse to cut it.

I'm very familiar with "nobility" and their attitudes to welfare. They would either cut funding for shits'n'giggles, or simply never pay attention to it.

Furthermore, if all these nobles who apparently fund the hospital had discussed what to do with him, as it states in the story, then it's even HARDER to keep this ridiculously over complex patient-murder conspiracy secret!

Seriously, if he was killed for being a resource drain, it would make zero sense for any aristocrats to have a part. It'd be one of the higher ups faux-accidentally poisoning him. Of course, having common sense, said doctor would merely petition the crown for funding rather than kill people. It's easier.

Food for thought: How much would getting someone to design, build and install an electric chair cost? How much would keeping him quiet cost? How much would bribing the guards cost?

How is hospital food and shower soap more expensive than this? It's literally Action T4. For this kind of setup, they'd have to be expecting to kill a lot of people. And it still wouldn't be financially viable if they did, but it would get them caught double quick when people start noticing their family members were all found dead covered in electrical burns.

3745777
I'm not reaching to justify this at all; I'm merely presenting an opposing opinion on something that doesn't seem to be a problem to me in the first place. You seem really passionate about this. :raritywink:

I'll re-iterate, though: It's up to you, the reader, to reconcile the reasons behind why something happened the way it did. It's not my job to spoon-feed you every little answer to every question raised in a story, and I wasn't introducing this massive conspiracy in the prologue, only trying to tell a story.


3745874
I guess you've never heard of bureaucrats donating to charity for tax breaks. :pinkiehappy:


I think you're trying to overthink what we do know about Equestria. Bear in mind that storytelling is just that: Telling a story. Whether you depart from based canon for the sake of the story or you go a little off the radar to make a point (powerful shocks to the brain, in this case), trying to put too much thought into such a little thing is bound to leave you disappointed. :unsuresweetie:

How about you just enjoy the story for what you did like about it, rather than the one thing you didn't like? I have my reasons for writing it how I did, and you have your reasons for disliking a certain aspect. That doesn't make the entirety inherently bad, does it?

3746214

I'm going to use citations from your replies now, as you seem to ignore most points I make, otherwise.


"I'm not reaching to justify this at all; I'm merely presenting an opposing opinion on something that doesn't seem to be a problem to me in the first place. You seem really passionate about this. :raritywink:"

Yes, when somebody copy and pastes Nazi atrocities into the final chapter of an otherwise unrelated story, people are liable to become annoyed.

"I'll re-iterate, though: It's up to you, the reader, to reconcile the reasons behind why something happened the way it did. It's not my job to spoon-feed you every little answer to every question raised in a story,"

All you have done so far is prove that you didn't put any thought into writing his death the way you did. A mental health hospital having a fully functioning execution chamber is totally implausible and really makes no sense. I have explained why it is implausible and makes no sense, and you have ignored that explanation.

If you had your own way of clearly explaining how this situation could occur, you would have just said it. As is, I have outlined why there isn't, and could not be one. This is not a failure on my part, I do not require spoonfeeding. You, on the other hand, are attempting to serve me a plate of bricks and complaining when I cannot swallow.

"and I wasn't introducing this massive conspiracy in the prologue, only trying to tell a story."

A mental health hospital kills patient for being what they deem a waste of resources. Said killing is debated and ordered by the "nobility", here taken to be the supposed funding source. The killing is carried out in a purpose built execution device, indicating that this is regular practice enough that they require one. However, nobody has questioned what is happening to these patients, including friends (the mane 6), family, and the relevant regulatory bodies. Are they unpersoned? Are all records expunged, and bodies disposed of? Then what do they say to people who come to visit? Would said visitors not speak of this to others? Or, if they are reported dead, and their families allowed to bury them, How does nobody notice they have signs of fatal electrocution?

This is a large conspiracy, and by your own account, it includes an undetermined number of aristocrats, at least two guards, and a doctor that would rather break his oath than go to Celestia's court. Plus whoever would have reason to suspect the hospital would also need to be silenced.

It's also only introduced in the prologue.

So yeah, it's a big conspiracy that you introduced in the prologue. You did it thoughtlessly, merely to kill off a single character who's arc was already finished.

If you wanted him to die so badly, there are many other ways. And none of them are as mindless, unsuitable and offensive as this one.


"I guess you've never heard of bureaucrats donating to charity for tax breaks. :pinkiehappy:"

1) Hospitals do not require charity to function. They are either for-profit, where his family would pay for treatment, or they are state funded.

2) Cutting donations would also proportionally cut the tax break, and a donor would not endanger his accounting by threatening them in such a thoughtless manner.

3) Celestia is both wise beyond mortal understanding, and a highly competent ruler. She would not allow the weak and the sick of her society to rely on the mercy of the rich and greedy, and especially not in her capital city. Indeed, it's likely the flagship hospital, the one with the greatest funding and brightest minds in the country. Why rely on charity when you've got La Femme Horsejesus watching over you?

"I think you're trying to overthink what we do know about Equestria."

No, I have solely drawn on the show canon. Be that events (buffalo pie fight, Canterlot wedding guards equipped with spears), or characterization (Celestia as benevolent, the embodiment of generosity, loyalty, kindness, and the rest, and wise).

"Bear in mind that storytelling is just that: Telling a story. Whether you depart from based canon for the sake of the story or you go a little off the radar to make a point (powerful shocks to the brain, in this case), trying to put too much thought into such a little thing is bound to leave you disappointed."

Here you are making a mistake. When telling a story, you are supposed to put thought into it. You are trying to convey thoughts and ideas to the reader.

Your thoughts, here, are lacking. The end of your story caused my suspension of disbelief to fail. This prologue fits neither Equestria as a setting, nor the rest of your story. It is a blatant, nonsensical and disgusting plagiarism of what the third Reich did in their "hospitals", with no nuance and no sensitivity.

And you can't even Godwin this, because it's legit. Institutionalized killing of the disabled.

And you refuse to take even the slightest bit of criticism on it.

3746697
You're over-analyzing just this one thing. Did you even read the rest of the story? :facehoof:

Sweet Celestia, man. It's one small part of a large story. I am improving my writing, and this was my first story. If I'm going to re-write every part I didn't like, I'm going to have to write out a large portion of the story in which Twilight actually ends up getting with Enigma.

I acknowledge that I'm an imperfect author. I don't think I said at any point that your opinion was mistaken, seeing as it's perfectly valid and I mostly agree with you. You're letting a small nitpick that's even open to interpretation, seeing as this actually turned into a debate, become a serious issue that really has no reason.

Your initial comment was in a reply to me thanking another reader for his complimenting my story. At no point in that reply did I say, "This story is perfect." At no point in his comment did he ask, "Why in the hoof was there an execution chamber in a Canterlot mental hospital?" As far as I can tell, most of the people who have read this story haven't looked at a tiny specific and said, "This is a huge problem."

Seriously, did you read the whole story or start with the prologue? Because if all you did was read the first few paragraphs of the prologue, then say "This story sucks because electric chairs wouldn't be in a Canterlot hospital," I strongly suggest you read the rest of it. This story isn't titled "The Ethical Quandary of the Electric Chair in Canterlot Hospitals." It's titled "The Pony That Never Was."

EDIT: Also, I didn't read about 2/3 of the last comment you gave me. I've just lost the patience to talk in circles with you about pointless things. I did, however, read all of your other comments from start to finish.

EDIT TO THAT OTHER EDIT: After saying I didn't bother reading your comment, it bothered me and I read it. I also had a very specific reason for electric chair. It tends to light up your brain, seeing as the entire thing works off electrical impulses, which was what caused his extremely vivid re-telling of the past that is the story I wrote. Literally, the entire story is being told while his brain is being zapped. I had a reason for picking this specific method of execution.

3746994
"You're over-analyzing just this one thing. Did you even read the rest of the story? :facehoof:
Sweet Celestia, man. It's one small part of a large story. I am improving my writing, and this was my first story. If I'm going to re-write every part I didn't like, I'm going to have to write out a large portion of the story in which Twilight actually ends up getting with Enigma."

I'm not over-analyzing anything. You wrote a story that was good. Then you added a prologue which was bad, and offensive.

"I acknowledge that I'm an imperfect author. I don't think I said at any point that your opinion was mistaken, seeing as it's perfectly valid and I mostly agree with you. "

If you agreed with anything I said, you would have mentioned it. So far you've only confirmed that he wasn't even killed morally, what with your talk of it being hush hush, hidden between a false wall, etc.

"You're letting a small nitpick that's even open to interpretation, seeing as this actually turned into a debate, become a serious issue that really has no reason."

You tacked an extra chapter onto your story that ruined it. If you care about your work, you'll see the problem.

"Your initial comment was in a reply to me thanking another reader for his complimenting my story. At no point in that reply did I say, "This story is perfect." At no point in his comment did he ask, "Why in the hoof was there an execution chamber in a Canterlot mental hospital?""

I just used the most convenient way of leaving a comment you could see.

" As far as I can tell, most of the people who have read this story haven't looked at a tiny specific and said, "This is a huge problem.""

It isn't a "tiny specific", it's the entire prologue. Read in chronological order, it is also the final chapter of the story.


"Seriously, did you read the whole story or start with the prologue? Because if all you did was read the first few paragraphs of the prologue, then say "This story sucks because electric chairs wouldn't be in a Canterlot hospital," I strongly suggest you read the rest of it. This story isn't titled "The Ethical Quandary of the Electric Chair in Canterlot Hospitals." It's titled "The Pony That Never Was.""

You wrote it. If you don't want people to read it, to think about it, and offer their thoughts back to you, then why did you publish it?

As is, this is a poor framing device. I've already explained that it makes no sense in the setting, and that it is offensive in a way that hinders rather than helps the story.

Read as a prologue proper, it leaves me appalled, unable to focus on the story ahead.

Read in the order of posting, it makes me forget the story I had just read. I can't focus on the good in the main body of the story at all, when this leaves me with such a strong, foul aftertaste.

"EDIT: Also, I didn't read about 2/3 of the last comment you gave me. I've just lost the patience to talk in circles with you about pointless things. I did, however, read all of your other comments from start to finish."

It isn't talking in circles. I say something, you refuse to engage with it, so I try again.

"EDIT TO THAT OTHER EDIT: After saying I didn't bother reading your comment, it bothered me and I read it. I also had a very specific reason for electric chair. It tends to light up your brain, seeing as the entire thing works off electrical impulses, which was what caused his extremely vivid re-telling of the past that is the story I wrote. Literally, the entire story is being told while his brain is being zapped. I had a reason for picking this specific method of execution."

That reason doesn't counter how badly the method of execution fits into the story. Or the idea of executing a hospital patient in a literal utopia, even.

Seriously, you wrote the prologue last. The story doesn't even need one.

If you read everything but the prologue, you can at least buy that he was euthenics to spare him the suffering of starving to death. But when you do read the prologue, suddenly you're handed the knowledge that the Hospital doubles as a finance-driven, unhindered, fully equipped death factory.

Christ on a bike. All you had to do was /not/ tack on a retroactive prologue. It's like if the a teletubbys episode ended with the corpse burning scene from Shindler's List.

3747280
In that case, I suggest you forget you ever read the prologue and we move on to other aspects of the story. :scootangel: I promise I like hearing good/bad, but we've just been discussing the one problem.

And, if it gives you some solace, I'll re-consider his means of death. My primary reason for the electric chair is because he has an exceptional mind which told an extremely vivid story (mostly through Enigma), and the massive jolts to his brain gave him a lucid recollection of how he had escaped his mind. So, yes, I'm taking your comments into account; perhaps improving the story, even one I wrote a year ago, will re-establish your faith in me. :moustache:

3747432 Food for thought - Electroshock therapy. Something that's actually plausible for a Hospital to do, and gives you a couple choices. "Whoops, too much voltage" and he dies, or it works and he gets a happy ending.

Really anything is better than this weird and wrong idea that a hospital would or could make him ride the lightning. Or that ponies would make anyone ride the lightning. Or that they'd even have a concept of riding the lightning.

3747723
That's actually a pretty good idea. :rainbowderp: Why haven't you been writing the stories, then?

3747804 I'm garbage at narratives. I can do all the dorky "this is how the starship enterprise works, this is what a phaser looks like", but my god letting me write a script is a bad idea.

3747862
First part of the prologue has been re-written. Let me know what you think, sir. :twilightsmile:

Thanks again for the electroshock idea. It admittedly seems far more believable, and I think the story is much better off thanks to your objection of how I'd written it before. :pinkiesmile:

3956630 Him being deliberately killed still makes no sense.

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