Rainbow Dash has always seen herself as the roughest, toughest and coolest pegasus in all of Equestria. She also has big plans for her future and can't let anything hold her back. But what happens when a pegasus stallion stumbles into her life and turns everything the chromatic mare thought she knew upside down?
Enter Tailwind, who, after a terrible accident, lost his vision. After trotting into Ponyville, Tailwind quickly realizes that not everything in life is set in stone, and that sometimes everything just works itself out.
While this isn't anything directly to do with Voice, I did get the idea from the blind pegasus stallion Angmar that I created.
Artwork is by tschahri on Deviantart I wanted to find something that made Dash look epic, so that would reflect on Tailwind.
I like it. TRACKING
It's interesting, but your formatting as is leaves the reader very, very confused much of the time, making it hard for him/her to really follow the story's events. It's a general rule that you should always start a new paragraph whenever a new character gains the perspective. So every time a new character speaks, a new line is made.
I like it, but I feel that it is rushed
713630 I'll se what I can do tomorrow(10 at night and story editing on a PS3 is a b**ch)713643 I just threw it together to b honest. Random shipping/lesson learning idea while working on Voice>>713585 Thank you>>713652 Look at Sapiunt's reply(713643) Also I have mute in Voice as well as a blind pony.
Nice story, but i noticed a few errors
Dude, changes in perspective require paragraphs. I got about a third into the wall-o'-text and couldn't read anymore. I'm tracking it to see it corrected, but...
713652 "blond disability"
713748 Like I said 'first thing on the morrow. It'll take me atleast an hour and it's 10 57 pm where I'm at.
I am sure he meant blind lol
23:59 here
Not bad, a couple spelling and gramatical errors but other then that, very sweet, liked it
713780 But I'm physically active when I'm not writing(running climbing hiking etc.) so I'm beat by the end of the day>>713783 fixing it all tomorrow
713796 Easy, just jesting. Long day here, too.
713748 oops Didn't notice the spelling error. Heh hope I didn't offend any blonds.
Tracked.
713821 Nah, it's an understandable typo. Derpy knows you didn't mean anything by it
err, so tailwind is blind?
713873 Yes. Currently its unexplained. He was an accomplished flier before it happened, just haven't thought up a reason for it yet.
[img]Feels.png[/img]
713900 Can't see pic on PS3 =(
713894
oh, i hope dis gon be good=)
714003 black guy with the chair righ'? Hahaha. With all the attention this is getting I may have to expan. Maybe get in to Tailwin's past, or explore their future
714029
IMHO future better
im not a fan of prequels=)
714088 Maybe he'll just explain what happened, sounds better, no?
714094
Ya mean just some talk with rd?
@I am Memorial
I absolutey loved this! I am writing my own OC/Dashi fic and reading this has further inspired me! Great story, but only needs an improvement on the whole wall 'o text thing, but other than that, you just earned yourself a watch my friend
! Also, I love the change in OC physical characteristics, being a blind pegasus was a bravve character to write, considering you would have to factor that into every bit of the story. I enjoyed reading this very much and. I await another chapter with this relationship, please do make more
!
Love and Tolerate,
YourPalFluttershy
714137 'As Tailwind looked *hits square six times* heard-'
That just about summed up half my time on this story lol>>714103 Yeah. She'd get curious sooner or later, no?
714172
i think it gonna be right thing.
p.s. sorry for grammar, eng is ont my first language
could use some more insight into the minds of the characters in between dialogue , but other that it was an awesome story
714412 I'll look into it tomorrow when I fix up some other things!
Am I the only one a little disappointed that the Blind aspect of the story wasn't really used?
Fot the most part of the story,It isn't played of as a bad thing.
I was hoping it would have a greater aspect to the story but it's just played as "he is blind...yeah..."I didn't cause any conflict in the story,
And we never find out what the accident was (Not sure on this one so Please tell me if Im wrong because Im really curious as of now),
And PLEASE space out the talking lines because it got really confusing when two characters (Mainly tailwind and Rainbow Dash) both talk and they use the same line.
Anyway,Becides all of those problems I thought it to be a very enjoyable story and really like how you didn't just make them just "see" each other and fall in love,but the proposal just seemed out of place,The paragraphe before that was about how they just fell in love and then it's the next one he proposes?
Please don't think I hate this,I really do enjoy this story but I want it to go the extra mile.
Really hope to see more from you soon and If i hade to rate it I would give it,
7/10
(Good set up with a likeable OC and good representation of the characters,But needs to go in more detail of the OC and more detail into the scenes)
Btw,This comment sound so egotistical.
715613 Well I for one am disappointed at the fact that I've made such noticable errors. I've had alot of people mention the 'spacing out ponies talking thing'.
The reason I didn't play being blind as a bad thing is because I put Rainbow Dash and Tailwind as two side to the same coin. It is implied that Tailwind was a sporty pegasus before whatever happened to make him blind(have'nt thought of a good reason yet) and I put Tailwind up as a 'never give up, always try harder' kind of stallion just like RD. Now that I've stated that, can you imagine RD spending her whole day going "Oh man, I messed up another trick, it was awful, I hate my life."
That's where my head was at here. I wanted somepony that wasn't going to accept his status qoue. More like, "Oh I'm blind? Dilligaf?"(if you don't know the acronym for dilligaf look it up, I won't get into it in my comments lol.) I wanted to portray a less boastful Rainbow Dash type character. As for being blind not causing any conflict, well it isn't major but if you look at when Rainbow Dash admits her love, he states that he's just a blind nopony, implying that it affects him alot, also when Soarin and Spitfire show up he rams into a cloud cause he can't see.
The proposal scene more has to have you think on the line of a trained athelete to understand. If you only just started flying less than 6 months ago and you're blind, would you be completely ready?. It's more like they spent months practicing after showing Spitfire some moves before ever going out infront of the crowd. I just thought it'd look cool if you thought it was just them showing off for Spitfire =)
Oh, and I've also decided to further this specific story rather than leave it as complete because everyone wants more. (My latest blog post says this, I just woke up though and saw you're comment)
Thankjs for the constructive critiscism, and I plan on revealing at some point exactly what happend to Tailwind, though I can't gaurantee it will be a happy tale.
713630 Fixed it! I hope....
There, y'are mates! Chapter two is up! Tell me what you all think, I hope you all enjoyed(or if your a comments first story later guy 'enjoy it'). Feel free to toss me your critique, and yes I know this could've been broken into two chapters if I'd really wanted.
Any way I'll get my arse onto chapter three!
i enjoyed it
i really enjoyed it
:D
721136
Ooh-rah! Glad that you did mate!
715613
Chapter two may reconcile some of your thoughts on what you felt was missed in chapter one. And it's up!
cute but why you no add more
722771
My editor told me that I should go ahead and cut this chapter off. Looking at it I realize I could have made 2 out of this one itself. One for the dad, one for the wedding. This is actually half of what I'd initially planned, but I'm back on my PS3 now that I'm not at the library, and my typing has slowed considerably so I haven't finished the second half, or chapter 3 as it would be, yet.
The truthe is that originally the story was a one shot. CHapter one was going to be it. It was a random side idea that I didn't expect to become so popular so fats, but it did. Now there are 2 chapters!
Celestia damn EPIC! You definitely weren't kidding Loved chapter 2. You have hooked your self a permanent reader.
724259 Just hope I don't let you down, mate!
Read the series, so far all I can say is "AWESOME"
Hope you keep making more!
Great work with this story. A few typos here and there (and I'm not talking about different nationalities) but nothing I can't handle. And well done with keeping the clop out. Keep up the great work.
731631 Thank you. The nationalities thing came up when my editor accidentally 'fixed' a few 'misspelled' words. He wants to go over a new story I'm working on too, which is making me feel bad because I'm typing out a lowlands Scottish brogue.
If you try to make that into proper english, you're gonna have a bad time lol.
sorry about that. (editor does epic face hoof) will not happen again.
732063 Honestly Blackice you do an amazing job! It's just that first one got my 'colours' and 'flavours' and 'centres' and stuff Americanfied. Even that wasn't a problem at all, because you can still read it. I just feel stupid when I'm reading it and I think for a sec "Wait, why didn't I put a u in 'color'
Also to be god honest, my chapters would suck even more without someone combing them for errors.
i don't mind the change in dialogue, just takes time to get use to.
736767 Yay, I don't feel like a torturous monster
But I am a monster......
NNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
737332
Keep Calm!
And
Read Voice or Feel
Hahaha. Don't worry mate, there will be more! I just need to get Feel and Live up2date
"Does this mean you're gonna get fat and all that?"
*SMACK*
OLOLOLOOL SO SORRY SOARIN BUT YOU HAD IT COMING
738799 He'll figure it out.....or maybe not for more comic relief.