In an attempt to forge peace between the Dragons and the Ponies the Dragon King has deemed his daughter of proper age and mind to act as ambassador. Namely he has sent his daughter to make friends of the Elements of Harmony.
It is generally a simple task of course, and the one of a kind Draken-Pony won't have too much trouble getting to know the ponies at all seeing how she partly is one. On top of that it isn't too hard to talk to the ponies either, and they seem to accept her.
The real trouble is figuring out what kind of shenanigans will ensue as she discovers the modern marvels of pony culture and technology.
~Takes place post T-day after Twilight's become an alicorn.
Picture is hand drawn, first draft. My friend is currently getting all computer tech-y on it for me.
Lithe is inspired by IceofWaterlock's Twilight before he finished 'I Wasn't Prepared for This'. Damn good story by the by, go read it.
I'm just going to accept that there is some ass in the world who takes pleasure in immediately downvoting stories prior to reading them....
And that if I find him I'm going to beat the tar out of him.....
Interesting idea.
What I enjoyed:
1.) Well formatted.
2.) No major grammar issues that I noticed after quickly reading through.
3.) Interesting concept.
What I found issues with:
1.) The youtube link in the middle of your story broke me out of what was going on because I was wondering how Fluttershy had anything to do with what was going on.
2.) Your transitions are rather abrupt, and that makes it harder for your readers to easily follow the story.
3.) I'm mildly confused as to how working on Applejack's farm is going to help diplomatic relations between ponies and dragons. To be honest you haven't explained her role as an ambassador, or any of her motivations for being in ponyville that well yet.
I think you have an interesting concept here, and you are not a bad writer. The problems I have with your story as of now is that it is hard to follow, and you haven't really explained the motivations for your character. I hope my comment will help you improve your story, and I upvoted your story because I think you have the ability to improve it.
2393086 Thanks for the input, mate!
As to issue one, I have a thing for music, for me listening to the right kinds of music during a scene allows me to get into that scene that much better, though I guess it would make sense if not everyone follows the same brainwaves as me.
For issue two I'll go take a looksie at my transitions and see what I can do, I'm actually more used to skipping hours, days and weeks, sometimes even months in stories, and for once I'm trying to stay close to a day by day standard which is....harder than I'd anticipated
Finally for issue three....Lithe is Lithe, and as you can tell by her traipse through the Everfree and her intro to Ponyville, she isn't the most direct, nor the most on topic. While she was sent as a diplomat, that isn't exactly the first thing on her mind, and part of her fathers orders were also to try to befriend the Elements.
In the meantime though, Lithe is content with making friends and exploring the wonders of Ponyville. She's a little ADD prone when not actually given a set task to focus on. For her, you say go buck ten apples trees and she's out there doing it, but if you say that her room should get cleaned up at some point then she'll forget about it for a few days.
Outside of the hotspring hollow of Drakensdale, Lithe is like a kid in a candy shoppe, learning everything all over again, and I wanted to try to convey that in this story. That and somepony at Sweet Apple Acres plays a pivotal role in Lithe's understanding of ponies, but I can't say who or how
Also, to be fair, this is just chapter 1
I like the story, a lot. OC's in Ponyville have always interested me, btw. Also, the song in the middle has just placed me on a brony music rant, lol. Oh, is Lithe going to learn any shouts soon? She's dragonborn, according to the story, and I'd enjoy seeing some FUS RO DAH from her.
Also, while she's obviously a Kirin since she is a Draken-Pony, but what the hay does she look like?!
2393418 First, one of my favourite friend based brony songs right there.
Also, go click the cover art! That's her!
She'd be on DA, but my laptop won't load to DA properly, and my friend is currently doing a version of her on her computer to make it all fancy and stuff.
2393437 You know Megaphoric? She's amazing, I would buy her album if she released one.
2393505 Lol, so would I.
I really enjoyed the first chapter and can't wait for more to come.
This. I like this.
2396357>>2394593
Chapter 2 up in like, five minutes.
2396726
Awesome!
2396726
Sweeeet
Lithe is fucking crazy. I like her.
2397011 Lithe is a kid in an adults body, or at least she acts like it when she can. Glad you seem to be enjoying it.
This just gets better and better.
2397014 Trying to keep it light-hearted, even when there are serious things going on.
2397024
And you are doing an amazing job man.
2397037 Thankee
I love this character.
2397103 So do I!
I'm such a dork I swear!
There's a major problem here. The description.
Pretend it doesn't exist.
You can't just stick important plot points in the description and not go over them in the story. That's not how writing works, or indeed basic storytelling. I recommend you write a prologue of some sort to explain what's going on.
2398406
Well, paragraph two, as well as the last sentence of paragraph one are obviously being worked on, and paragraph three is quite prevelant, and if you read chapter two you'll see that I haven't completely excluded Lithe's past soooooooo.......you could just trust the writer(who, I'll admit, isn't the best in the world) to know what he's doing.
The whole forging peace thing is going to happen, but Lithe has yet to learn the one of the most important things about ponies when it comes to how she relates to them, and until she learns, then overcomes, that obstacle, she won't feel like forging peace quite yet.
Or more she's planning on forging peace, learns something, her thoughts change, her thoughts change again, she decides to forge peace after all.
It's complicated, just...be patient? Please?
I'll get there, I promise.
And this nice...fluffy stuff is what happens when I'm still in Lithe's character and try to do things other than write Lithe-y stuff.
you've caught my attention :) i like the story so far, double check on your sentences and spelling for i occasionally tripped up on a few, however this is somewhat insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Also i really like the cover art!
2399022 Thanks, it took me forever to get her head down, mostly due to struggling on how to do a dragonesque yet feminine head
As for sentence and spelling, well that is my fault, most of my writing takes place in between 11pm and 6am so I'm a little off lol
Just a minor spelling error I noticed, other then that, not sure what to say other then the plot was interesting but when I was reading the story there was nothing drawing me in. This first chapter seemed a little rushed and the time jumps were throwing me off a bit, also the video mid chapter was not very..... maybe you should try putting it in a format so that it does not take up so much space.
Yeah, I'll follow this.
2399725 Second time the vid is mentioned, I'll be sure to look into that. Also, thanks for the input!
Always nice when people take the time to tell you how you did.
Finally....spelling....maybe I should stop writing at post twelve in the morning lol
You probably want to make it *Tiara*
2399998
Lithe is blundering her way into Twilight's pants like a pro!
2413776 Well, I aimed to make her downright adorable as eff, so I'm glad that one is working out well, and to be fair, if you were Twi, could you resist?
I will ship your Lithe and Twilight! Therefore, you must write more chapters!
2413933
I thought I was already working on shipping Lithe and Twi?
2413948
I mean I will support it. It is full of the awesome. New chappy soon?
2418216 Within the week I'm sure.
2393086 Holy eff, gave this a full read through, and it took out a whole flipping chunk of paragraph in between Lithe settling down with books and Twilight lecturing her!
No wonder you were confused!
Working on reintroducing the missing piece, trying to remember how it all went.
Ok now... where the hell is Spike? Spike the 'I wanna know about my people!' Dragon?
Well.... Spike's absence still should have come up sooner!
Because moustaches.
What about the letter?!
Oh snap. Applejack's in troooouble...
2457545 Spike is going to be showing up eventually, and his absence will be explained. And you mean the letter Twi sent to the Princesses? Well, it's most definitely arrived...
2462184 I know, I posted the "Where's Spike?!" thing the chapter before it was explained. The letter I was referring to was the reply from Celestia that Twilight got just before Lethe showed up and then seemed to forget... I WANNA KNOW WHAT IT SAIDED!
2462538 Like I said, it arrived...
If it makes you feel any better, either next chapter or the chapter after.
NOT GRANNY SMITH!!!
WHY, CRUEL WORLD?! 
why cant you just pull normal shit out of your ass COME ON MAN
2496676 Because then I can't make good story conflict.
This chapter was really disjointed and awkward, it's really turning me off on the story... not the plot development in the chapter, just the execution.
2522514 A) Fixed the sentence B) I know, this whole chapter has been a pain in my ass.
Don't worry, I'll be trying to fix this one, but at the moment I just don't know how to execute it, but the longer I stay on it, the more convoluted it becomes, so I said eff it, wrote it as best I could and decided to publish this and carry on, coming back to fix it later.
But yeah, still hating this chapter and still unsure of what to do with it. I mean, I had a thousand ideas before I got to this chapter, then once I got to it a lot of stuff had to cut to fit what I'd already written, then I went through four chapters before settling on this one, which is sadly the best version of this chapter I've written so far, and I still think it sucks compared to the rest of the story.
Cuuuuuuute! Looking forward to more Twi/Lithe-y goodness!
I really enjoy this, you'r oc makes this shippfic really unique and interesting. Keep up the good work and looking forward to the next chapter
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