You know that one moment when you think of something awesome to write. Only to come in realization half ways done, it isn't such a great idea. Yea, I have a lot of those.
With the day coming to an end, it was time for a certain Dash family to prepare for what the night will bring them. But the question is what kind of night will befall the family?
Will it be a house fill with argument between the two parents? Bringing the day to end in shame and tears.
Or...
A house filled with laughter? Ending the day in joy and wait for the next day to begin.
Read to find out what this night will be for the Dash family.
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i like it and yes you should write a huge fic about Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash being with their foals
Great job, noticed a few errors but nothing major, not really a huge Flutterdash guy, but this was great
Ay, just your friendly neighborhood Flutterdash fanatic here. If it's all right with you, I'll be trying to correct some grammah and help you with this story.
You might want to reword this. The clarifying 'change in government' helps with that, but even then it took me a bit to get that.
Traumatized.
Always use contractions when dialouge/monolouges is/are in progress- unless the character is a robot.
Space, comma, space. Delete the first space.
Fluttershy's cottage.
Buffaloes.
The old times.
This sentance seems... off. It just doesn't work, try rewording the first part and pluralizing 'pie'.
And, for the sake of time, I've noticed there are a lot of places where you didn't pluralize words. This usually isn't major, but it seems to happen a lot. Try reading through and fixing those, as pointing them all out would take me forever on this stupid phone.
I'm not sure if 'yeah' and 'yea' are interchangeable, but I think 'yeah' is the correct spelling. Oh, and there shouldn't be a 'to'.
'Extremely clouded mind' doesn't really work here. It looks like you're trying too hard. 'Feeling' isn't pluralized as well, and isn't in the next few snippets either.
Try something like this:
Now, I'll have to save the rest of this story for later, but don't get me wrong: It's not bad. It's a cute lil' fic, from what I've read, and if you clean it up a bit, It'll be great.
~Wywint
6737292
You have no idea how much I appreciate your advice. I will fix those mistake soon.
I Pinkie swear.
>>Dream1990
I do have plan and eagerly want to submit more of my fic. As much as I do want to write a FlutterDash family, it sadly below my planning list and have much more eagerly FlutterDash fic I eant to finish and submit.
6737490 :D
Aw, you flatter me. I'm just tryin' to help.
~Wywint
One question: Both Rainbow Dadh and Fluttershy are mares how did they have a foal?
That was kinda confusing no offense…but overall I loved it
>>Nightmare mare
Try not to over think it.
But just to give you my thought how they had foals is by... magic.
*Gasp* Such a simple explanation, I know.
For real don't over think, it was just a fic for me and others to imagine what Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash would do in the night with their foals.
Equestria is not Earth everybody so whos to say that two mares or two stallions cant have some kids together.
then again Im a seal what do I know.
Aww, I thought that was cute.
I say this when ever the topic of two females having children comes up. Technically theoretically by splicing DNA from one egg into the other two females can indeed create a foal. If we want to get crazy into it though the potential complications or genetic variations do to lack of father RNA are unknown but very likely. Case in point the first foal has a rainbow mane and tail accompanied by pink from both mares rather than one or the other. BTW this is the third time someone has brought up that argument plus as a side note thx to Celestia's spell and MLP magic it is very possible.
If you're wondering what spell I'm talking about, at one point far in the distant past do to extremely low birthrates of ponies, in order to allow the species to thrive and multiply Celestia cast a spell that tampered with the forces of nature pretty much removing almost all birth defects and making all pregnancies viable.