Crack
Twilight ducked a teal energy blast that cooked the air just above her mane. Or maybe just on it, considering the slight smell of burning hair and the five strands that fell from her mane. The unicorn fired again and the alicorn flung up a shield, deflecting the blast upward. The pair of sorceresses panted, lighting down onto the runway of Cloudsdale. Twilight had fought Starlight…she didn’t even know how many times it was now. Even alicorn stamina had its limits, and just when she had been starting to win too. The unicorn had, by comparison, only fought once, but it was against an already tired alicorn. Thus, they appeared to be evenly matched.
“G-give it up! You’re never going to lord your cutie mark over any other pony!” Starlight managed to snarl, getting control over her breathing and standing up taller. Twilight did not reply to the jab. She had heard it before, after all. Just as the alicorn was about to answer with a blast to shut Starlight’s confident face, she heard a squeak of fear. Both ponies did, in fact, and so they turned to see the source. One of Starlight’s awry beams had blown a bit sized hole into Rainbow’s ear, making her crash into a cloud in a terrified mess. Another Rainboom prevented. “Oops, failed again, didn’t you?” Starlight laughed triumphantly, clearly unaware of just how many times Twilight had tried this. Twilight’s rage burned, turning around and preparing to slug Starlight. Anything to make her shut up. The portal had different ideas, of course. In a flash of light, Starlight was gone.
“Twilight…oh no” came the voice of Spike, up and about before Twilight was. Twilight was tired, and being yanked through portals didn’t do her any favors in that department. She slowly rose to her hooves, and almost vomited at the sight. She was in a four meter high ditch, surrounded by emaciated, dead bodies. The princess froze, practically hyperventilating at the stench of death all around her. Spike actually did throw up, shaking uncontrollably. What kind of monster would do this? They got their answer in the form of two earth ponies shoveling more bodies into the ditch, the both of them with equality sign cutie marks. The ponies in the ditch had cutie marks. It suddenly became very clear what was going on as a unicorn wearing military garb appeared on the other side of the ditch, getting a salute from the earth ponies.
“Hail Equality!” said the earth ponies in unison, their twin grins even more horrifying in context of the death surrounding them.
“Hail Equality! How is the cleansing going?” asked the unicorn, not even sparing a second glance at the pile of bodies. Twilight looked from side to side and realized why. The ditch stretched on and on, with more and more bodies lined up in it. It was a slaughter ground.
“All is well! I can’t imagine so many ponies would try taking away our lovely society by being unique” sighed one of the earth ponies, getting mumbles of agreement from his comrades. The sound of a bell rang through the air, and the ponies disembarked. To where, Twilight did not know. Lunch break? It didn’t matter. These futures…they were horrific. What tiredness Twilight felt immediately burned away, replaced by a burning resolve.
“T-twilight…we can fix this, right?” asked Spike with a trembling voice, shaking in total fear of the massacre.
“Of course we can, Spike. Starlight goes down this time. No more Miss Nice Princess” Twilight growled, blasting the scroll and taking the pair back to Cloudsdale.
Twilight didn’t even bother with a spell this time. That was too impersonal. Starlight needed to feel this. The instant Starlight appeared, Twilight was on her. She slammed her left hoof into the unicorn’s face with enough force to send teeth flying.
“You lunatic! Do you have any idea what happened in these futures?!” Twilight roared, not giving Starlight a chance to move as she punched into Starlight’s belly with her right, making spittle and air fly from Starlight’s mouth. Twilight pulled back for another punch, only to have her arm grabbed and be slammed into the runway by telekinesis. Starlight panted, blood dribbling from her mouth as she clutched her abdomen.
“D-do you see why I have to do this? You think that because you’re the Element of Magic, you’re better than everypony else?” Starlight managed to spit out, her confident tone considerably less confident now that she had seen Twilight’s anger. What was going on? Twilight couldn’t have gotten so mad, right? “This is why I do this, because ponies like you will always turn their back on ponies, because they think they are just the best!” Starlight cried, expecting Twilight to give a speech on friendship. Instead, Twilight laughed. In any other situation, Twilight would have given her speech. But this…animal in front of her, deserved none of it. She didn’t need reformation, she needed a cold, isolated cell in a dungeon. “My own friend left me because of that!” Starlight sputtered, her eyes watering now. She was practically crying for help now, the help she really needed. Twilight didn’t care.
“You lost a friend?! Are you kidding me?! Plenty of ponies have lost friends, you pathetic foal! And you know what? None of them tried to rewrite time. Cry me a river! You make new friends when you lose old ones. You move on. It’s not an excuse for what you do, coward!” Twilight snapped, her chuckles of amusement immediately stopping. This was pathetic. Starlight was beyond hope now. Her cry for help had been denied, and her cause was proven right. Twilight had missed her chance.
“Don’t you dare mock me! My cause is just!” Starlight boomed, a barrage of teal beams erupting from her horn. Twilight dashed up, letting them blow open a hole in the road beneath them. Twilight retaliated with a single concussion blast, and this time it didn’t miss. There was a sickening crunch as Starlight’s left arm suddenly blew itself inwards, the joint turning in the wrong direction. Starlight screamed, pain tearing at her mind. “Y-you monster! Get away from me!” Starlight shrieked, real terror in her voice now. A storm of energy swirled over Starlight’s head before shattering into a rain of destructive bolts. Twilight had hoped to make Starlight give up with a single blow. Instead, she had strengthened her will to fight, for Starlight now fought for her very life. Twilight teleported out of the way, only making Starlight adjust the direction of the storm.
“Help me!” Spike screamed as five of the attacks rocketed towards him. Starlight wasn’t even aiming, she was just shooting everywhere in hopes of hitting Twilight before she could teleport. The princess appeared in front of Spike and erected a barrier, stopping the attacks. Twilight staggered back, the effort taking its toll. With a Herculean effort, she twisted the shield up, deflecting the blasts harmlessly upwards. Twilight realized now the danger that Starlight posed. With the way she was shooting, soon all of Cloudsdale would be in danger. On instinct, she embraced Starlight’s body with telekinesis.
“Agh, let go of me!” Starlight shrieked, struggling to turn around and hit Twilight with her attacks.
“Stop fighting me! I’m not trying to hurt you anymore!” Twilight pleaded, tightening her grip on Starlight. The unicorn squirmed about, but the telekinetic grip from behind was too strong. So she began to attack the small crowd of ponies who had gathered to watch the spectacle. “No!”
“Let me go or they die!” Starlight threatened as the pegasi took flight in terror of the deadly rain.
“Stop it!” Twilight screamed, extending her telekinetic grip to Starlight’s head. She yanked on the neck, trying to change Starlight’s aim. Starlight struggled and whinnied but did not stop her blasts, fear fueling her. “I SAID STOP!” CRACK! Starlight’s blasts suddenly stopped, her horn dimming. Her body stopped floating and she hit the pavement of the runway like a limp doll. Drool came from the side of her mouth while her big eyes glazed over, still open in an expression of utter shock.
“T-twilight. You just paralyzed her, right?” Spike whimpered, looking at the corpse with utter horror. Twilight lighted down, just as terrified. She lifted Starlight up with her magic, bringing her close to check her pulse. She winced as she saw the absolutely ruined neck. Vertebrae had been so moved out of place that she could feel the bones nestled in between her jugular and windpipe.
“I-i didn’t mean to! I was just trying to stop her!..” Twilight squeaked pathetically, bringing Starlight closer so she could attempt to revive her in some fashion. The head flopped about grotesquely, attached by little more than flesh and skin now. There was a resounding boom and a surge of rainbow coloring on the horizon. Rainbow Dash had managed to make her Rainboom out of flying away from the horrible sight in panic. The portal opened above Twilight and Spike and they were sucked in without any ceremony.
“Twilight! What was that noise?” was the first thing Twilight heard in the present. She looked around through eyes filled with tears and realized she was home. Her friends were all there and not corrupted. But at what cost? She looked at the limp corpse on her left and Spike to her right. She extended a hoof to bring Spike close. He shied away, pointing at Twilight’s hoof. Blood. There was blood on her hooves. The bones must have punctured an artery. That blood would never wash off. Never.
“I’m so sorry” Twilight whispered, looking at the pathetic corpse as red life fluid spilled from a small cut in Starlight’s neck.
“Murder!”
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Woah. Twilight just pulled a "Man of Steel" there by killing Starlight.
Also yay I'm not the only one that hated the ending to the finale and sees Starlight's reasons for turning evil as completely irrational.
6678487 Nah, Man of Steel was intentional. Here, it's accidental. Think of it like Of Mice and Men instead.
Her reasons were pitifully irrational, but I'm pretty sure that was the idea in-universe. After all, Luna went evil for similarly petty reasons(albeit she's got a bit more going for her)
6678526 True. There was just a LOT about the ending to that episode that made a lot of people very mad, myself included. If it weren't for that terrible ending, the episode might've been decent, maybe.
I think my only critique is Spike calling Twilight a murder at the end, he saw what Starlight was doing, her saw what her messing with time would lead to. I highly doubt Spike would call the pony who basically raised him a murderer after what starlight did to him, what she threatened to do to civilians and what she would have caused if not stopped. I just feel like he'd be more horrified FOR Twilight than by Twilight.
6678565 It wasn't Spike saying that, sorry if it was unclear. It was one of the Mane 6. They also didn't call Twilight a murderer, they just said murder in order to call attention to it.
6678538 i have heard more positives than negatives dude. besides the idea is of course petty and if it was something from like a year ago it would be an issue....... but its something that's been inside of her for all her life.
also what made her vengeful and do all of this was not that event in her past. that event is what drove her ot believe cutie marks were somethign destructive, and drove her to create that village.
what made her vengeful was twilight and co coming in and destroying everything she built in only a few days.
6678628 Believe me, if Starlight's really petty reasoning was the only thing people really didn't like about the ending, I wouldn't even bother bringing it up. There was also:
.
And besides, plenty of people have had their friends go separate ways for whatever reason over the years. You don't see them trying to screw time over. This isn't just petty. This makes near-zero sense. This made Starlight not look like a competent villain anymore, but more like a whiny child, which is REALLY disappointing.
I don't really care that she was redeemed or is joining the main cast, that's fine. I care that it was done badly. Everything else up until that point was mostly fine. (Except one minor nitpick. Chrysalis made an appearance which was amazing, but her voice was missing her threatening echo...why?
)
I don't see this as a mean spirited argument or anything, but more of a debate I'm getting invested in so if you have anything to say about this I'd actually like to hear it.
After the future Twilight saw came to pass, I say Glimmer deserved what she got.
Well deserved.
6678575 understandable however I don't think that the main six would automatically treat it like a murder. I think it would have happened along the lines of, Twilight's friends would be busy trying to evaluate the situation that has just occurred before them. Not to mention Twilight would be a jabbering mess leaving Spike to try and explain why she's holding Starlight's corpse as best he can. Applejack and Rainbow Dash try to pull Twilight away only for her to put up a fight. Fluttershy crying, Pinkie's hair going down. Applejack getting Spike to send a letter to Celestia.
6678669 I tried saying in my opinion just how stupid "Cutie Re-Mark, Part 2" was, but then everyone came down on me like a ton of bricks.
While Starlight's reasons do not justify what she did and her response is disportionate to how she was wronged, I do think that it is rather callous to disregard them as petty. Yes, Starlight is irrational, arguably to the point of insanity, but it doesn't matter to Starlight if others do not her reasons are important because they are important to HER. She THOUGHT she had friends (though she was just forcing her view of friendship on others), until Twilight and her friends came. In her view Twilight took away her friends and so Starlight, in her own words is repaying her "Cutie marks for cutie marks."
Anyway, this is a great story. I wonder what Twilight's reaction would be if she had to kill someone, particularly someone like Starlight Glimmer.
6687655 You are right, but in context of the story, Twilight has no clue. She never got to see Starlight vulnerable, all she saw was Starlight giving what seem to be crocodile tears while adrenaline races through her body. Twilight isn't in the right in the story, she screws up and lets anger cloud her judgement. She doesn't even know if the Equality Holocaust future was caused by Starlight or by some nutjob who followed her teachings, she's just angry and this overrides her judgement
6685049 And what of Rarity? She was the one I could imagine saying something like "Murder!". It's not even assuming that Twilight killed Starlight, just that there is a dead pony right in front of them.
Those reactions are spot-on, btw, but this was a oneshot, so yeah. I'm not good nor consistent with long stories, lol
6688145 Maybe Rarity would say murder but I see her fainting a few seconds later.
6689851 Not going to deny that
wow intsene fi
6678783 Me too.
ok starlight is just plane crazy but whats insaine that people are trying to defend her god sake people she could end the time space continuum for a friend diching her
Dat ending... Bleagh!
I was perfectly happy with this story. My only real gripe was that Starlight died quickly and almost painlessly, rather than suffering. But that's my personal desire to see her punished, rather than any story driven reason, because I'm an evil minded beggar. Twilight is a good person, and therefore if she had to kill, even a monster like Starlight, she would do it quickly and without a word. Which she did. She killed a mad mare to save dozens of other ponies, and should feel no regret. When the moment came, she made the hard call.
But having Rarity immediately scream murder? That just sucks. Rarity would shriek, ask what's going on, but to immediately accuse one of her closest friends of murder? Nope, that just kicked me right out of the story.
6945902 She didn't accuse Twilight of murder though. Just said "murder" in the sense that "hey, a murder happened".
The line has confused lots of people definitely, and my intention was not to have her friends judging her, rather to just say that a murder happened. For all they know, Twilight stumbled onto a murder scene, and that would still warrant that kind of reaction.
Thanks for the compliment
6688140
I strongly disagree. Twilight is very much in the right in this story. The death was obviously accidental, but completely understandable considering Starlight was trying to murder random innocent bystanders out of spite.
6688140 I'll just point out that if I were in Twilight's situation, fuck honor and friendship, I'd teleport behind her, grab her head, wrench it sideways hard, breaking her neck and throwing her body off Cloudsdale
7021240 Instead of fucking around like she did in the episode, Twilight should have just teleported up behind Starlight, grabbed her head, wrenched it hard, badly breaking her neck, throwing her body off Cloudsdale, going back to the present, roll credits
7031240
No argument
7031240 I second that, except that Starlight should have snapped Twis neck (or at least not pussy out liek the pathetic pony she is).
6946888 Write an epilogue, WRITE AN EPILOGUE, DUDE!
7232509 What would be in it though?
7232890 Well, the Mane Six's reaction, Twilight breaking down, in tears over the ordeal, and either have her go insane from the action of having killed someone, and the go on from there, like I dunno, she unlocks her own Alicorn magic, but with her sanity utterly destroyed, all she could do would be to destroy, laughing and crying all the way
Wouldn't it be cool to find out that the Wasteland, the worst timeline she was trying so desperately to prevent, turned out to be by her own hands, or hooves, whatevs floats ya boat
Or you can have her explain everything to her friends, cry, and ultimately resolving to go into exile as a way to cope with having murdered someone, because she feels like she "doesn't deserve her title as The Princess of Friendship"
I agree that Twilight was holding back because she knows she could kill her with her magic.
7232890 Twilight's friends' reactions to her crime? Twilight getting over her guilt and finally accepting what she did?
6678526 I know this post was old, but WHY do you see Superman snapping Zodd's neck as irrational? He was left in a desperate situation, where there was no other alternative and so he had to kill Zodd least he continue his mad genocide of the human race. What WAS irrational was Zach Schnyder glossing over the emotional toll such an act did to Superman by... well... just cutting to weeks later with Superman smashing drones trying to spy on him... yeah, THAT was irrational lol. Eh, I guess The Nostalgia Critic/Angry Joe review of Man of Steel says it better about the movie and that scene than I could.
Also, why does everyone get upset that Superman killed Zodd in Man of Steel? For God's sake, the late Christopher Reeve's Superman killed HIS Zodd in Superman 2!!!
7375897 I never said Superman snapping Zod's neck was irrational though? The irrational comment referred to Starlight's motivations
7375916 Oh.... my goof
And Queen Chrysalis now rules Equestria.
7680937 Not really. So long as Thorax is there, Chrysalis can be taken down. She'll stuff her face on Thorax's love and end up finding it's too much for her.
And the Crystal Empire is buried in snow. And Sunburst dies sad and alone.
8025802 Not necessarily. The future is already changed from the rainboom occurring in panic rather than a competition. It's a small change, but enough to delay Flurry so she doesn't scream next to the Heart.
So Starlight gets reset to default state each time loop and doesn’t remember anything about previous ones?
8214395
This was written a couple of minutes after I saw the finale. I may not have paid the details as much mind as I should have, as Starlight does remember in canon. That being said, Twilight has also been forced to survive nasty places in time, including NMM's apparently magic draining wood, so she'd come out more tired anyway.
8214408
I haven’t meant that such alternative interpretation it is a bad thing by itself in any way (and S5 final actually is not very good in specifying all the small time-travelling details). It just immediately implies at least two interesting questions that are not answered in the story:
1. Why Twilight and Spike, being only ones who retain their experience, haven’t converged to perfect solution really quick?
2. Will Twilight reset timeloop again trying to further decrease dead body count by 1?
8214474
Twilight and Spike could probably have come up with a solution given enough loops, but desperation and pressure along with the fact that even the slightest bit of interference can ruin the Rainboom makes it difficult. If they’d have not been so repulsed by the evil futures they’d been sent to, they probably would have planned it out better. This criticism applies to the canon version too though, it must be said. There’s no reason why Twilight couldn’t have stayed in some of the safer verses(the Flim Flam one comes to mind) for a while in order to think things out instead of just trying to pummel Starlight every time.
As to the second question, no, Twilight doesn’t dare reset time once more. Turning into a killer has a way of shorting out one’s confidence.
8214510
Thank you for clarification!
Also I’ve discovered the sequel, and I must say that it started pretty nicely.
8215184
Why thank you
I mean, she didn’t have much of a choice.
As someone who literally doesn't know what sort of broken keyboard I was writing with or language I was trying to communicate in, if I binge write for an hour without planning, this is quite concise and ergonomic with the pacing.
Not bad for something written in so little time, but there are a few issues with the language.
The most obvious problem is the narrator. In a story, it’s important to stick to one narrator. There are four directions you can take:
The third person told from someone deeply involved in the story.
Here, you can go deep into the character’s thoughts. But you have to stick to one character and one character only.
The first person told from the perspective of the narrator.
The third person, told from an outisder’s perspective.
The limitation with this one is that you can’t delve deep into the thoughts of any character because our narrator is an outsider. You can only describe what is happening, but not what the characters think or feel.
The third person, but switching back and forth between characters, making it clear who’s narrating the story.
The first second section is Twilight’s train of thoughts; the second is Starlight’s. But you have to let your audience who’s telling the story. Otherwise, it’ll just be a confusing mess.
What you ended up doing was switching back and forth in the same paragraph. Case in point:
See what I mean?
(For clarity, Twilight’s thoughts were in her signature magenta while Starlight’s are in her signature teal.)
You should’ve actually split the paragraph (it would make it less lengthy, too) or just stick to one character, in this case, preferably Twilight.
Now, I’m saying all of this, yes. But bear in mind that this is the only story of yours I’ve read. And it’s 7 years. You might’ve improved, so my apologies if you’ve fixed those particular issues in your later stories.
11346213
Yeah, this is a very, very dated and rushed work. If I were to do it again, I'd certainly spend more time on it and make it very different. In all honesty, I think even the idea in and of itself isn't that great anymore. As you might see from the date, I wrote this in pure hype immediately after I saw the episode. That was because I had been RPing with a friend who had a Starlight Glimmer plot astonishingly similar to how canon ended up, and I was so excited that I set about writing this out to basically serve as kind of a nightmare what-if scenario that we had been discussing ourselves.
I appreciate the constructive criticism, I'm sure there's far more to poke at that than that as well.
11348218
Well, constructive criticism never hurts.
And like I said, it’s pretty good for something supposedly half-baked. I could never whip up something like in 30 minutes.
See ya around!
That was totally pinkie, ain't no way anyone else said that.