One day Trixie shows up at Twilight's door. She has decided to atone for her misdeeds through an ancient Unicorn tradition-becoming Twilight's slave.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 16th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen May 4th, 2020
PeacefulKnightofChrist
I am a Mystic, Pegasister walking in the Light. Also, Twilight is best pony.
PeacefulKnightofChrist
Joined 16th Sep, 2015 ·
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I really like this story so far.
The greatest date or the greatest kinky pleasure?
This story reads a little bit weird, and I think the reason is most of the lines are extremely short, making it somewhat choppy. Of the longer sentences, I spotted a few comma splices. Besides that, this story moves very rapidly in only two thousand and some words, going from Twilight's thought on her ascension and coronation all the way to Trixie and Twilight agreeing to go out on a date and everything in between.
6675962 Yeah, I mostly write scripts and short stories. Writing more details is something I'm trying to get better at.
6675895 I could write a cloppy sequel.
6675895
Or?
This story would make sense if they were roleplaying, but in that state its mostly just rubbish, still better than a blank sheet though
2/10 not enough Discord
Still, a up for trying
6676759 way too rushed...if you expanded it, detailed it and put it at a nice pace, you could have a well written 5-10 chapter story. 3/10 for trying
6678656 Discord ruins everything. The best thing that could happen to the series would be his execution.
6675962 Could you tell me where you saw the comma splices? I wrote this while I had a cold and may not have properly edited it.
How did that 'Machiavelli wrote satire' crap get started? It's bullshit.
6682790 Il Príncipe wasn't satire, but it also wasn't meant to be an instruction manual for how one ought to rule, as some portray it. It was more, if you insist on being a tyrant, here's how best to not get killed messily. Nicky Mac was a Republican as you can see in his Discourses on Livy.
Best line ever.
6679776
How so and why? Most other villains, (Including Luna) has done far worse than anything Discord has done. If Discord did what he did in Equestria to our world, we would view it as more of an annoyance than something to fear, especially if Discord isn’t actively hunting us down and trying to kill us, which he never did when he was evil. Heck he could have killed the Mane 6 and solved the problem right then and there but he instead decided to toy with them and corrupt them.
8671225
What he did was rape. It was rape of the mind, but rape nonetheless. That gets you a ticket to jail in our world.
8671940
He only did that to the Mane 6 because they were literally the embodiment of the only force known to stop him. In our world, nothing we have could stop him so he would never deem us enough of a threat to pull the same stunt. And really, Sunset, Starlight, Trixie, ect. have all pulled some form of mind control, yet they get a pass?
8671940
Also not really, the form of brainwashing Discord used was more of a suggestion, then downright controlling them. He tricked them into believing their worse fears by convincing them to act the opposite of their elements, I mean do you not remember AppleJack seeing a image of their friends breaking up before becoming a liar? He simply set up scenario's that made the Mane 6 doubt their friendship, Fluttershy was the only one in which he downright hypnotized, and that is because she was immune to his suggestion.