"Sister! Sister!"
Luna scrambled through the palace hallways at a reckless speed. A wicked grin was plastered on her face. She was going to tell her sister the good news about what was transpiring outside.
She screeched to a halt in the doorway of Celestia's bedroom. The Princess of the Sun was resting on her bed, reading a thick novel. It was her midday break and this was how she enjoyed spending them.
"What is it, Luna?" Celestia asked as she sipped some tea.
Luna did not take a breath and answered loudly. "Dear sister, the peasants are rioting right outside the palace. Do not fret! I have already ordered the guards to be posted on the walls and to rain a fury of arrows upon them. That'll teach the peasants not to revolt against divine authority!"
Celestia was appalled. "Luna, you can't-"
"We shall block out the sun with shafts!"
"Luna!"
"Revolt they say? We are the Royal Sisters!"
"Luna!" Celestia yelled louder.
The Princess of the Night was silenced by the elder's booming voice. Luna blinked a couple of seconds before raising her brow in confusion at her sister.
"What, Tia?" she asked cautiously.
"We don't that anymore. Dismiss the guards at once."
Luna was about to respond when a royal guard came galloping down the hall to her. Both princesses watched him jump to a stop and pant from exhaustion. He lifted his hood up to tell them to wait as he gathered his breath.
"The...the protesters..." he panted, "they want..."
"They want what?" Luna hissed. "You are so out of shape. The messenger from the Battle at Marethon would be rolling in his early grave because of you."
"Luna, let him speak," Celestia patiently told her.
"They...they want Princess Celestia...to resign!" he finished dramatically.
"Resign?" both sisters said at once.
"Indeed. They have a list of demands and all. Very peculiar, but I think you should speak with them."
Luna neighed in excitement. "They want Tia to resign? Most wondrous of news! Guard, make short and fetch me one of their signs. I shall join them in their gallant protesting shortly!"
The younger princess than galloped away, leaving the guard and Celestia to glance at each other awkwardly. After sipping her tea calmly she sighed.
Celestia pointed her leg at the door. "Go follow her and make sure she doesn't do anything...foolish."
"Down with white alicorn supremacy!"
"Down with the Tetrarchy!"
"Alicorn rule only? No diversity!"
"Wings + horn? No go!"
"What do we want? Resignation!" When do we want it? Now!"
"Stop the oppression!"
"Down with the .00000001%!"
"Celestia: Mother of the Matriarchy!"
"Celestia approves of Cutie Marks!"
"Celestia should recant her alicorn privilege!"
"The sun and moon move on their own! Celestia = fraud!"
"Where was she during the Sacking of Cloudsdale?!"
"Makes statue of Clover the Clever, but never Commander Hurricane. Proof of racial inequality!"
Celestia rolled her eyes as she stepped out of the palace and onto the large steps that led up to the massive door. There, no more than 70 lackluster ponies (and one vibrant blue alicorn) were shouting and waving large cardboard signs.
She cleared her throat before throwing it over the small mass. "What is the reason for your protests, my little ponies?"
"How dare ya call of us 'little.' That's offensive against dwarf ponies!" an equal pony shouted.
"Alright, I did not mean it. Now answer me."
Night Glider flew over the protesters and landed right in front of Celestia. "We're goin' to protest until you resign!"
"Resign? Whatever for? Did I do something?" Celestia asked patiently.
"You threw me to the moon!" Luna shouted.
"For reasons you know well," Celestia rolled her eyes. "Now get out of here."
Luna pouted and put her sign (which read "Blame white All Alicorns") and slowly made her way out of the protesters and back into the palace. Her head was hung low and she sighed a long, dramatic sigh.
"You have been leading Equestria for over a thousand years!" Double Diamond yelled. "And throughout all that time, you've instilled bigotry, hate, and alicorn supremacy!"
She replied motherly. "Yes, I've been leading Equestria for that long and this country still has not gone into debt....for long periods of time. I've made mistakes, yes, but nothing that I couldn't fix later."
Night Glider jumped up and hovered to Celestia's eye level. "Oh yeah! you may have helped this country financially, but what about morally? All of society thinks they gotta become an alicorn to rule now. Something only an alicorn can grant and something only a unicorn can get!"
"Princess Cadance was a pegasus. Get your facts straight," Celestia said simply.
"Well, maybe!" Night Glider huffed. "You still only let alicorns rule and unicorns be in second place. Name one non-unicorn prince?"
"Well, there's one from Maretonia..."
"Exactly! No Equestrian princes are non-unicorn! This is proof of racism in the system."
"And you know how you got the rank of princess?" Party Favor spoke up. "By exploiting the workers, by clinging on to old imperial dogmas that perpetuate the social and economic differences in our society!"
The princess blinked in confusion. "No, I can move the sun. Watch!"
Celestia made the sun go over the horizon and back over again, screwing up calendars everywhere. The protesters were unimpressed with her magic and held fast.
"Alright, ya can do that, but is that a reason to be princess?" Sugar Belle asked harshly.
"....Yes."
"You see? This is all based on magical talent, nothing else!" Double Diamond exclaimed.
Celestia paused a moment. "Wait! You are all Starlight's ponies. You have to be. She said you have no leaders in your village. What makes you think you can out the leader of a nation?"
"We have no leaders," Favor started, "but we do have a government. We are an autonomous collective. We take turns as executive representatives and meet up on Tuesdays an-"
"I don't care about your system!" Celestia facehoofed.
"Fine, but we know one thing: You being a powerful alicorn granting wings and horns to young mares is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from the mandate-"
"Quiet!" You're really getting on my nerves!" Celestia growled and magically threw the blue unicorn far away.
"Oi! Only Starlight can shut us up!" Diamond yelled. "Stop treating us like we're inferiors!"
"I am your princess! I can move the heavenly bodies. I did so for a thousand years by myself! I...you know what? You win! I'm resigning. You ponies are so freakin' ungrateful for all my work. All my bloody time and effort and you guys come right to my door and throw it all back in my face with your incessant quibbling. I've had enough. Go ahead, mess up Equestria. Fall into trillions of debt without me. I don't care. At. All."
The protesters all held their mouths open in shock. "You for real?" Night Glider asked first.
"Absolutely. You all can take it from here. Get your demands out and everything. Don't ask me though, I have no power anymore. See you later in the Marebbean!"
Celestia disappeared in a bright flash. The protesters all looked at each other in confusion. None went to help their unicorn friend as he was knocked out on the side of a fountain. They all sort of glanced about, not knowing what to do next.
"Was that supposed to work?" Sugar Belle asked.
"I didn't think it would work..." Double Diamond gasped. "We just overthrew an imperial tyrant..."
"Starlight's gonna be proud of us!" Night Glider pumped a hoof in the air.
"Weren't we here to get Starlight?" an equal mare asked.
~
"I'm still in here! Guys. Please don't forget me..." Dinks uttered helplessly. "Or my pool idea...."
The only thing more terrifying than overwhelming idiocy is when there is somehow a decent shred of truth within it.
This can only end one way...
6726305 In this case, yes. But then again, any leader who has been leading for over a thousand years is gonna have some sketchy stuff.
yes please
6726369 Will do!
...
Later. From Equestria Daily.
I don't know what is funnier. This chapter, or the comments of it.
6731012 Humor spreads humor my friend
6731345 True that mate. True that.
Can we see a chapter to see the equality government goes belly up? I get the feeling that they would be taken over in minutes with Celestia back in power in 30 to 60 minutes.
6734874 It's most likely to happen. Glad ya guys are requesting! Writing so care-free is very fun to say the least. No wonder there are so many "wut?" fics on this site.
Since any stupidly ridiculous idea is obviously on the table.
Here's an idea.
Lets make a nightmare moon rules the world in insanity kind of thing.
Yeah, I got the Monty Python vibes all right! xD
It's kinda true what they say here. Equestria's upper echelons don't seem all that egalitarian (as opposed to equal).
Not only that, but look at any important villain introduced in the show so far. They were all some stripe of magic-using horned being:
Nightmare Moon was an Alicorn.
Discord is a draconequues with two horn.
Chrysalis is an alicorn-like abomination.
Sombra was a Unicorn.
Alicorn Amulet Trixie was a crazed, superpowered Unicorn.
Tirek is a horned centaur.
Starlight was a powerful, unstable Unicorn.
The alternate timelines really showed this well, as the other big threat facing Equestria other than the above were Flim and Flam, aka Unicorn. They could've had a timeline where the Griffons or the Yaks invaded, but they didn't.
Oh, there were random monsters here and there. But they weren't villains so much as obstacles, and the episodes weren't about them. And the one actual Earth Pony villain, the Maneiac, wasn't real in the context of the show.
So, that leaves me wondering if perhaps the writers believe someone without magic just can't be a serious threat.
Somebody should write about the hypocrisy that is "gangsta" life for African Americans. Who else demands that they get respect, yet they want to call each other slurs as a term of endearment, want to fight over basically nothing a lot of times, and kill each other constantly. Sheesh.
Case in point:
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Yleae_CKepY]
6981428 Word.
And the same media ignores a gathering of conservative ponies 20 times larger and just calls them all angry Hlu Hlux Herds.
6900490 The Yaks also have horns.
You're racist and don't even know it!
As for the griffons, feh. Everypony knows beakies make terrible soldiers. (so much racism...)
6726305 The protestors stand before God and their non-leader declares, "You think that just because you're omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, immortal, and capable of creating the entire universe with a thought that you're better than us!"
God... "Apparently I don't know everything. I never thought anything this stupid could ever exist."
Princess Celestia should not have quit so easily because those ponies, so few compared to the whole of Equestria would mess it up for everyone. However, it also illustrates a very good point. That does happen. Often it is there a lot more people with sense compared to the politically correct and completely lost crowd. The second simply makes a lot of noise, the media focuses on them and people give in under the pressure. (Sometimes it can be tracked down to 2 or 3 to 1 single person complaining) If people didn't get terrified and back down over ridiculous demands the progressives would not have gotten so far.
Did anyone think about Galloppagos or did it just pop up in my head? And I can't believe I want to give Dinks a hug there at the end.
8781350
I wish my 2 year younger self was as good about horse puns as you.