"I wonder how my village is doing without me," Starlight muttered.
"I'm sure they can handle keeping up...whatever it was that you guys were trying to keep up," Twilight replied.
"I hope so..."
Starlight was sitting on Fluttershy's throne in Twilight's castle. After a brief talk with Celestia, they decided not to imprison Starlight, but let her be under a sort of house arrest instead. This decision made Twilight wonder if she was the victim in all of this.
Twilight sipped her morning coffee. Starlight only drank water and a strict vegan diet. Twilight couldn't serve her half of what was stored in the castle's massive pantry. Any sort of animal product was a no, even eggs. Twilight loved eggs. She couldn't understand the pink unicorn, but she had to remind herself that that was no reason to be mean to her.
"So how has your day gone?" she asked the air more than Starlight.
"The sun's barely up and you ask me that?" Starlight scoffed.
"I was just being polite..."
"Well don't!" Starlight hissed, but then paused. "I am a victim here. You guys ripped me from my equal utopia and try to brainwash me with your bigotry and ignorance. You took me from my safe space."
Twilight rolled her eyes (for some reason, this was not a microaggressional action) at the unicorn. Starlight raised her head and crossed her front legs in an aggravated manner. There was a span of silence between them. This silence was broken when a sleepy Spike walked in.
"Hey guys, good morning," he sleepily said.
"Ah, so my little dragon's up," Twilight perked up.
"You bigot!" Starlight predictably fired back. "He's not a dragon, he's a pony."
The other two paused and looked at her. They could see Starlight was serious in her statement. Twilight replayed the words in her head before speaking.
"Uh...no, he's a dragon," she said slowly.
"There you go again with your nonacceptance. He's a pony," Starlight stated again.
Twilight became frustrated. "He doesn't look like a pony."
"But he identifies as one. So he is one," Starlight explained.
"Identifies?"
"Yes, he said he has the heart of a pony in a dragon's body. This makes him a pony, not a dragon. He should be referred to as a pony," Starlight continued.
"I do?" Spike questioned the air.
"Well, I get that, but he's still a dragon. Heck, his last name is 'The Dragon.' So he should be referred to as a dragon," was Twilight's counterpoint.
"You moron!" Starlight insulted. "Your ignorance is showing. You are cruel to trans-species."
"Trans-species? Is that even a real word?" Twilight blinked.
"Well, if it's not in the dictionary, that is discrimination against trans-species too," Starlight huffed.
"I can't understand..." Twilight rubbed her temples.
"Step aside, Twi, I got this," Spike said confidently.
He cleared his throat and continued. "Starlight, I believe that since I have been raised exclusively by privileged ponies I, indeed, have the heart of a pony. However, I still identify with the species I was born in. So I would prefer being called a dragon still."
Starlight nodded in understanding. "I see. My apologizes for speaking on your behalf. I was simply trying to protect you.
"Well, no protection needed," Spike told her. "I'm confident in who I am."
"Wonderful," Starlight smiled.
Twilight's mouth hung open. "What just happened."
"Something you're too stupid to understand," Starlight instantly growled.
"Hey Twilight, do you know what I am?" Spike smiled deviously. "I identify as a dragon, yet I'm sexually attracted to ponies. Starlight what would you call me?"
Starlight was about to answer and then paused. "I'm not sure. Is there a term for cross-species attraction? Well, there probably is (or should be). For the time being, you're pansexual!"
"I'm pansexual, Twilight!" Spike jumped up in joy.
"Spike!??!" Twilight yelled.
~
It's so stupid and brilliant at the same time. I'm so glad I dropped out of college.
The fact this story has down votes scares me...
6722164 There's social justice assholes in every institution and subculture now. They're very annoying on college campuses and in nerd culture. Best thing to do is to spread the knowledge of their crazy ideology, laugh at them, and don't give them an inch to try to make them not be offended. The down votes just mean some jimmys were rustled.
Oh dear...Dude are you Bullseye? Because you hit dead accurate with these things.
"Ponsexual", I'd reckon.
Are there going to be more bonus chapters coming out? Loved to find there was a new chapter.
6722164 What Johnny said. I knew right from the start that there would be some who would downvote me. (Heck, look at Letters From a Disgruntled Friendship Student). So, I never went into this looking for friends. Bronies have their SJW in there (because some believe that watching the cartoon makes them some sort of defiler against demographics). I just watch it cause I like it.
6722320 Yes, I am Bullseye:
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/marvelmovies/images/d/d0/Bullseye-1_528_poster.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140202062120
6722379 Equisexual? Hoofsexual? Eh?
6722667 When I think of things. This one sort of came to me during a bathroom break. I can't predict when my next wave of inspiration will come.
6722670 It was a pun on pansexual. "Equisexual" would be playing it straight.
6722877 I knew that. "Equisexual" was on Equine. Maybe we'll just say that Spike is a clopper.
6722905 In the dark, aren't we all?
6722930 Indeed.
What da buck does pansexual mean?
Also I'm so severely confused.I think starlight is one of those ponies who follow 'ALL' the rules.unlike a normal pony who only follows the 'norm'
6723461 One thing: don't try to understand Starlight. It's not worth it.
Pansexual is having no preference of any gender or sex. Basically they're fine with any kind of person they can get.
6723479
:o
The scary thing about this story is how accurate it actually is :P
6724455 accuracy is best policy
6722670 There is one trope you are yet to include - the trolls/assholes who intentionally antagonize the likes of Starlight and company in this story.
6725545 You mean us?
6725562 Nah, I mean the ones that are like us, only much more hardcore about it and take the antagonization concept to a whole other level than what we do.
6751649
Actually, REAL trans people are the ones who have a biological/phsycological condition called Gender Dysphoria.
People who claim to be trans but does not have Dysphoria are the most obnoxious people that spent the whole day on Tumblr acting like special snowflakes and sjw and are the real people this fic satirizes.
Ugh, it burns...and what's worse, is that there ARE people out there like this. Only three chapters in and I'm already groaning in pain.
I salute you, sir. This is a delightfully-ridiculous read and I look forward to more.
As for Spike's sexual orientation, I'll dub it for my own works as 'Intersexual'.
I do like how Spike is the one 'pony' Starlight got along with. Twilight be like, "Yo dog, what happened here?"
The weirdest part is that, though this is poking at the new transgender fascination of the left (which is ticking off a lot of homosexuals actually... mostly because they're not getting as much attention..., and feminists because the notion that a rich, elitist male like Bruce Jenner is named 'woman of the year' despite looking less feminine than Tim Curry in fishnet drag in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and still having a pair, is beyond insulting to women's struggles) is that there are a growing number of furries known as 'lifestylers' or 'therians' who ACTUALLY BELIEVE they are other species of animals inside. And they term it 'transspeciesism'.
Many of us older furries just facehoof with much microaggression at this nonsense of turning our creepy fetish into an even more creepy lifestyle.
6841126 The oddest part in that this is the only psychological disorder in which the 'treatment' is apparently helping them go deeper into the delusion rather than, you know, actually treating them.
It's like telling a girl with anorexia, "Yes! You DO need to lose 30 more pounds! And we'll subsidize your diet pills!"
I love how Starlight assumes that Spike is trans
7034530 It's not a delusion. It's brain chemistry. A male brain in a female body or vice versa. Fixing the body to fit the brain is the logical thing to do.
This is a satire work, right? I just can't be sure. There are people like that, but some things mentioned so far is honestly a bit ridiculous to actually be serious about. I'm not one of THOSE kind of people, just a "you do you and I'll do me, just don't be a dick about it and we're good" person. I do draw the line at a certain point (like the "kin" people, that's a bit much), but generally I just don't give a fuck.
Spike... He's just playing along. Maybe he should mention his voice is that of a womans. What does he identify then?
6751649
... Dude, you have no idea...