"Are you sure this is the place?"
"Of course, Rainbow. This is exactly where the Map sent us."
"Somethin' seems rotten..."
"The place lacks style, that's for sure."
"I think it looks nice..."
"Everypony, I'm. On. It!"
Pinkie rolled down the hill at a tremendous speed. The other five simply watched her go about, making the coast clear. When she jumped around enough, she silently motioned for them to follow.
The main six ventured closer to the odd little village. Every building was the same with only a single hut at the end out of the two parallel lines of homes. Stranger than that were the ponies themselves. All of them lacked bright colors and all of them had eerie smiles on their faces.
"I don't like those smiles, they're not real," Pinkie remarked.
"I don't like their manes," Rarity coughed. "Do they not have any personal style?"
"What bothers me is all their Cutie Marks," Twilight added. "They are all the same."
The six mares slowly entered the village. Their presence was soon felt by the weird residents of the community. Heads of the bland ponies slowly turned towards them, their smiles retaining full dominance on their faces.
"Ok, I think we should go..." Rarity gulped.
One of the strange ponies approached them and ended his stride only inches from their muzzles. "Hello and welcome to Our Village," he said, keeping his smile on the whole way.
"Good afternoon," Twilight introduced herself. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship."
The stallion's face faltered. "Another princess? I thought Equestria only had three..."
Twilight was about to respond cheerfully, but she was cut off by a pink unicorn mare who shared the same odd smiles.
"Well that's because when you're running an entire nation, you can do whatever you want," the unicorn said with an odd tone.
Twilight blinked in confusion. "What?"
The unicorn ignored her question. "Welcome, I'm Starlight Glimmer, and this is our utopia where everypony is equal. If you are looking for a leader in this place, you shall find none, because we are all equal. However, through unanimous vote, I've been elected the spokesmare of our community."
"Ah, so can you show us around?" Twilight asked.
"Of course! But she can't come with us."
Starlight pointed a hoof at Rarity. The fashionista gestured to herself in confusion.
"Why not?" she asked with shock.
Starlight rolled her eyes while retaining her cheerful tone. "You should know why. You are white, heterosexual female, and worst of all, a unicorn. It would be unequal to let your unicorn privilege be allowed into our village."
"What?"
Starlight lost her smile. "Don't act so ignorant. You know full well what the greedy unicorns do. They all sit up in Canterlot as the 1% and hog all the money. It is so unequal to have them live in such wealth. They are a part of the oppressive system on the earth and pegasi ponies and species-neutral ponies."
Twilight pointed back. "But you're a unicorn! What about you?"
"It's a tragedy I must live with," Starlight pouted. "I tell everypony that I'm sorry for the horn on my head each day. It's the only way to keep my oppressive traits at bay."
The six mares all looked at each other before giving a collective "what?!" However, their broad question was once again ignored by the pink unicorn.
"Alright, alright," Twilight facehoofed. Let's-"
A gasp rang from the ponies of the village. Starlight glared at them with anger in her eyes. "How dare you do that!" she cried.
"Do what?" Twilight questioned.
"Why, a facehoof! Don't you know that's a microaggressional gesture? How can you be such a jerk, bigot!"
The other ponies nodded in favor of their spokesmare. Twilight sighed in annoyance at their reaction.
"I didn't mean anything by it," she said.
"Oh really? I'm sure all you princesses say that!" Starlight huffed. "You think, with a horn on your head, that you can get away with everything!"
"Ok, I'm sorry," Twilight interrupted. "Now, my friends and I are on a mission. Would you please, please, please let us go through your village?"
Starlight paused before standing upright. "Fine, you may come in, but that white one still cannot come in."
"So much for being equal..."
Starlight lifted a brow. "What? We all are equal here. Come along."
Applejack turned to Rarity. "Ya be alright, sugarcube?"
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Of course, darling. Carry on and watch that mare closely."
"Sugarcube is an offensive term for bakers, bigot!" a pony exclaimed at them.
It did not take long for the remaining five to see just how "equal" all the ponies were. They were all basically the same. They all lived in the same style homes, had the same Cutie Marks, and even the same personalities. It seemed their names were their only separations.
At the end of the village, they entered Starlight's cabin which was taller than the rest. It was odd and out of place, but none of the mares risked upsetting the equal ponies again by pointing this flaw out.
"Lovely place here," Fluttershy said.
"But it's not because I'm a unicorn!" Starlight quickly interjected. "Nope! My place is no lovelier than anypony else's. We are all equal, so we live equally."
"I see..." Rainbow moaned. "All you guys are so weird."
Before Twilight could jab the pegasus with her elbow, the words were already out. However, much to her surprise, the spokesmare took the shot without a reaction.
"Yes, we may be a little, but that's just because of how equal we are," she said cheerfully.
Applejack shrugged. "Why didn't ya get offended by that?"
"Because it was Rainbow who said it. Since she is both a minority and homosexual, she has the earned right to say such things," Starlight answered casually.
"Homo?" Rainbow growled. "What makes ya think I'm a fillyfooler?"
"Why it's because of your rainbow mane and your tomboyish attitude. Don't worry, we don't judge here."
Twilight blinked. "Isn't that stereotyping?"
"Why of course not!" Starlight scoffed. "It's obvious she's lesbian. I...Oh no!"
"Finally," Rainbow rolled her eyes.
"I made you come out of the closest didn't I?" Starlight gasped and tears were forming in her eyes.
"What?"
"I'm so sorry! You didn't tell your friends yet?"
"I'm not a lesbian!"
Starlight silenced her with a careful hoof. "I'm so sorry. I'll blame my irrational actions on my horrendous unicorn privilege. Please forgive me for revealing your secret."
"You're crazy!" Rainbow yelled at her face.
"You don't have to keep it secret any longer. It's a beautiful thing to know your sexuality. Do not be scared, be proud!"
"I'm straight!"
Starlight's mood changed dramatically. "Straight is not the proper term. There are no "straights." I'll inform you..."
"Shut up!" Rainbow growled. "You're insane!"
"I can tell that the oppression you have faced as a minority must be hard to deal with, but there is no need to be rude. Also, the word "insane" is hurtful to the mentally impaired."
Twilight shook her head. "You do realize that pegasi are 34% of Equestria, right? They aren't a minority."
"Oh, where did you find that stat?" Starlight huffed.
"The census?" Twilight answered awkwardly.
"Of course!" Starlight jumped. "The government messes with the number just to make it look like that. We all know unicorns are the vast majority in both number and culture. It's part of the systematic oppression from the unicorns!"
Rainbow shook her head and whispered in Twilight's ear. "No wonder the Map sent us here..."
"Hehe, uhh, beg ya pardon, Starlight, but this place just doesn't seem our type," Applejack nervously spoke.
"You wouldn't mind if we got a little meeting going, would you?" Twilight asked.
"Of course not! If you all want to visit our safe zone, you can. The Cutie Vault is a great place to be yourself and not be judged or oppressed," Starlight told them in her usually cheerful manner.
"I thought we would just sit by outside if you don't mind," Twilight suggested.
"Starlight, we were trying to have a private meeting, alright?" Applejack frowned at the town's spokesmare, who was in their circle.
Starlight blushed and rubbed the back of her neck. "Oh! My apologies. I was just making sure you weren't trying to seclude yourselves from the rest of the village to use hurtful words or to secretly judge the residents. That would be mean and cruel."
"Yeah..." Twilight rolled her eyes. "No, we are trying to make sense of this place, that's-"
"It's not my fault you can't understand mutli-cultured communities!" Starlight fired up. "You all are too stupidly blind to see the beauty of our equal town. Your racist and homophobic fathers have lied to you about ponies. We all are perfect in our own ways and if you can't accept that, you're the problem!"
"But...umm...shouldn't you guys accept us for not accepting you?" Fluttershy asked.
"Of course not! All ponies are equal and if you think otherwise, well, you're such an idiot and bigot that you can't see truth even if it went up your as-"
Twilight interrupted her. "Starlight! This place is insane! We can't seem to speak, think, or even gesture differently than your ponies. It's like we're all the same!"
Starlight appeared hurt. "How dare you think we're the same! We are all special in our own way. Except cissexual unicorns of course, they aren't special at all."
"I can't believe this..." Rainbow rolled her eyes.
"Starlight, you seem offended by everything we say! What about Equestria's rights on speech?" Twilight demanded.
"Ugh! You guys have such overblown egos if you think you're 'freedom of speech' matters to anything. What about our rights? We have the right to be offended and to take action against any who wish to microaggressively harm or oppress other ponies!"
The five looked about to see the residents of the community surround them. They had no smiles on their faces and with every second, take a step closer. A small chant began to rise up between them.
"Do not hate! Do not hate! Do not hate!" they chanted.
"You see, princess, you are a part of a dying breed." Starlight cackled. "Your parents and your friends hold the horrible notions of the past! We are a new worldview that will sweep the nation, one pony at a time. We shall become equal! We shall never hate, hurt, or offend anyone ever again! Ahahaha!"
"Alright, enough of this," Twilight deadpanned.
With a single blast of her magic, Twilight grabbed Starlight in a tight hold. Starlight was taken completely by surprise and was levitated in the air. The equal ponies gasped and ran away at the sight of Twilight's magical prowess.
"Starlight, you're coming with us," Twilight said.
"You're arresting me?" Starlight asked sincerely. "But...But I'm a unicorn! Nopony ever arrests unicorns, only pegasi."
"You keep tellin' yourself that," Applejack groaned.
"Huh!" Starlight beamed suddenly. "That's it! I've finally lost my unicorn privilege! I'm being treated like a minority! This is the best day ever!"
The five friends stopped when they felt an odd sensation on their flanks. Each one of them was not surprised when their Cutie Marks rang with the success of their mission. Rainbow, however, shrugged.
"So the mission was to get a unicorn to believe she wasn't a unicorn?" she asked confusedly.
Twilight shook her head. "I've already stopped trying to understand.
"Yes! I'm free at last! Woohoo!" Starlight partied.
~
This is one of those stories that is a joy to read, because of how well it's written ...but is also rather painful to go through because of how accurately it depicts the topic it is written around.
As a whole, great job my friend. You managed to nail both sides of the coin.
Pffff. It's so accurate that it's scary.
The sight of an incomplete tag makes me smile.
This story triggers me
Check your fucking privilege, shitlord.
Oh dear god... THIS is something I could see happen if a sjw built a town and had one hundred percent control over it should I be afraid your giving them ideas
You know, reading something like this early in the morning was probably not a good idea. I nearly woke the entire house with laughter with how funny this story is. It is also frighteningly accurate for some people today on how they think we all need to act.
I have no idea what just happened, and I love it.
SJW are fuckin' crazy, webms at eleven.
6700362 That's just in case you guys want more. But, you can think of it complete.
6700186 This was based on the Mizzou protests. My bro is a student there, so I got pretty close to this PC life style. That may be why it's so accurate.
6700504 C-C-C-CHECK YO' PRIVILEGE!
6700505 I'm not PC enough to give them ideas. A SJW wouldn't listen to me ever.
6700734 Glad I made your day!
6700784 But unicorns can't love it. That would be racist.
6700876 11 is NOT a PC number, bigot.
6700940 ok you got a point lol plus they army smart enough to build a town without being offended by the wood
If Rarity can't come in, was Double Diamond in the village?
Starlight was really hypocritical bye6700948 "How dare you call that birch "mahogany!" You insensitive jerk!"
6700962 Double Diamond was allowed in because:
He is an earth pony and does not have unicorn privilege.
He is sexually ambiguous (because reasons)
He makes sure that his stallion tendencies have limits (which means he never disagrees with a mare)
6700986 fine than lol they can call bit my hard wood then magic horn the big fall symbol pun
6700986
Using double quotes inside of double quotes isn't very PC of you.
6701037 I is sorry....
I find myself desiring massive amounts of MOAR!
6701158 Of course you do you greedy, privileged imbecile!!!
6700998 Oh, okay!
like, living out in the countryside, i meet a lot of older people who think political correctness has gone too far.
it's usually dudes in their mid-forties or older, they have bad breath and they stare too long and they have Opinions about Israel/Palestine, and basically they're all bunched up because political correctness means that they can't write racial abuse in excrement on someones car, health and safety laws mean they can't exercise their natural freedom to stick their dick in a pasta maker on the clock, and feminism has ruined their lives because someone called them a creep for loudly complimenting the 'tasty arse' of a sixteen year old girl. these cantankerous old shits are everywhere and i'm just like how? where do these dipshits come from? what makes them like this?
here we see the larval form of That Guy: a fourteen-year old writing edgelord 'satire' on fimfiction
6701936 oh...oh I'm so hurt. I'm a Latino who lives on a campus university. I am so racially insensitive! What have I done????
You are the exact kind of people this parody is meant for.
6702028
i'm only trying to save you from yourself. i know it's tempting to retreat back into your safe spaces of south park and jeff dunham standup, but if you try to expand your mind a little, you can stop yourself from becoming that weird older guy who causes the Awkward Silence
6702039 Sorry mate. I guess my enjoyment of MLP and being so manly I won't watch anything girly will make me a lonely guy. Because since I don't view the world like you, I obviously have a sad life. I'm part of the problem because I have opinions!
Just me being on this site disproves all your insults about me. I have a great life because even though I'm a minority in my state and country, I know that being the same is not right.
You can have your view and I can have mine. Because of this, parody or jokes about either one are fine. Go ahead, make a parody about the extreme conservatives, I'd probably love it. This parody is not supposed to hurt anyone, but show the silliness of radical PC culture. Like I said, if you want to parody the other side, go ahead.
6702060
i tried to read this comment but then
Carlos Mencia, is that you?
This fic is great, but I'm so far more impressed that no actual SJW has come into the comments and expressed genuine offense.
Before I start reading, I'm afraid that I have a very serious issue with this fic.
That issue is the font. More specifically, the colour and type of the font. It's all black, all the way through, and it's all in Times New Roman. As a white male who identifies as Helvetica, I don't think you realise how triggering and distressing this is for me. Please make more of an effort to accommodate minorities like me in the future.
6702172 Closes thing is Chuck below you, but he's aight I guess. Extreme generalization is best response to Political Incorrectness, no?
Though you could argue that the dislikes are SJWs because I'm not sure of my grammatical errors. But it could also be just that using ponies as some sort of mouthpiece may seem dumb, which I can see totally.
6702186 I'm sorry mister/missus/mixed, I never thought it would. I will revoke this immediately and replace all the fonts with every color of the rainbow (and more for colors who associate as different shades of hue).
This was fucking hysterical!!! Oh no... I used a word that might be offensive and I assumed that you wanted me to give you a compliment! #iamtheworstpersonever
6702226 Yes "fucking" is a politically incorrect word as it depicts...oh who am I kidding? That's a PC favorite!
And yes, because I have suffered through microaggressions and generalizing, I deserve compliments. #youareworstpersonever
I'm offensive and I find this a story
Wait.....
In all seriousness, this was quite hilarious.
6702618 Thanks! I try my best!
So... in summary, the Mane Six go to Tumblr? That's what I got from this anyway...
6702934 Or any place that cares too much about being offended.
6700998 6700962 Don't forget, in Equestria, mares are privileged and stallions are an Official Oppressed Minority!
So of course Double Diamond can live in Our
Safe SpaceTown!Can the next chapter be Starlight becoming a sovereign citizen?
Just reading through some of the comments here, what the heck is an SJW?
6703576
SJW = social justice warrior.
6703766 Of course! I've heard that term before, just not the initialization. Should have thought of it though.
Thank you for this. Thank you, thank you, thank you. As soon as I read the summary I knew this story was right up my alley.
6704464 Ya welcome mate!
It's accurate, and I appreciate seeing any and all snark against SJWs, but no pony is straight in this show, that's just silly.
6705746 You're right, they aren't straight, they are cissexual.
The first "are" shouldn't be there. The second, should be replaced with "all".
That should be replaced with "risked".
Also, have a like and a fave! Everypony who's ever had to deal with an SJW should read this!
6701936
And now you're making assumptions and generalisations about someone on the internet based on their pony parody fanfiction. Please go and stay go.
6707236
sorry for intruding on your 'safe space'
6707273
I'm only trying to save you from your own hypocrisy buddy.
6707135 I have a bad habit of writing different words with similar sounds. I read aloud as I write, so often I put "are" instead of "all" and "her" instead of "your."
Thanks mate!
In Tumblrtown, in Tumblrtown
We don't comprehend
Life is oh so simple
If all you do is vent.
Join in our utopia
You'll see what triggers you
Is literally everything
Someone else can do!
6708014 Bravo!
6700505 There is such a place. It's called Sweden.
And University.