- Member Since 13th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen Aug 14th, 2023
Hattrixn
Whats up, welcome to the page, it may not be fancy hopefully you guys/Girls enjoy my content.... when i put content up
Hattrixn
Joined 13th Sep, 2015 ·
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I really really hate autocorrect
While i would like to see where this is going, you are in need of an editor quite badly.
6631953 yea I agree with you there mate
Your story got my attention I hope to see more.
Interesting story. Keeping an eye on it.
6633190 well next chapter will be out by tomorrow
6633200 if you need an editor ask stardom freedom to edit
6633287 stardom freedom?
6633292 hes a editor i found a couple days agos when i was looking for a new editor
6633302 okay cool ill pm him
Is that 2 hours from spongebob?
6633534 yes, yes it is
To help and beyond buhu!
Should be: "hand on a scar on his lower belly"
Should be: "I'm here because of that Nova gateway, an the reason I have thestral guards with me is because they live for a long time. Also, those then were around when the last Nova gateway opened." She stated as the guards began to move the ponies away from the gateway.
Should be: "Captain Armour<Names have to be in mayus always.> and the other captains are on their way with 800 royal guards<they are more than one>. As the Overlords are a race which longs for complete order, which in their eyes means that free will and fun should be destroyed and those that enjoy it should be either enslaved, wiped out or bred out. Alicorns were hunted down to near extinction, if it wasn't for StarSwirl's idea to open a gate to the Overlords world to find a being they feared, which he found and with in no less then a month, the Overlords were wiped out completely. Although unlike the average pony, that can live up to 1000 years or thestral that can live up to 5000<Okay, not to be mean or anything but... that is a bit overkill don't you think? It seems more plausible if it were only 400 or 200 years but a thousand or more? Let Alicorns live that long bru not the normal races.>, these creatures could only live for about 80-100 naturally" She explained to the three in front of her.
Should be: "Yes, I did say salesmare. And yes, I'm a princess but if it makes you feel uncomfortable you can simply call me Celestia."<The human part... I think you can just swipe it for she mention(and the book twilight readed) that their race is called Overlord.>
Should be: 'Wait what does she means by Mr. human?' He thought before trying to think of an intelligent question. "What do you mean by Mr.human?" He said loudly before face palming.[<You can use the Italic for his thoughts, but everyone have their own way of writing those.>
Should be: "What? Um that's a tattoo I got when I was drunk a few years back" he stated. "and my name is Jason Winter." he said to her with a weak smile as she began to wrap up his forehead with a bandage.
Should *sigh* be: "I have heard of tattoos, some races get them for fun. But isn't it painful?" She asked which Jason responded with a nod. "Well, anyway cutie marks appear when you find your special talent. They appear over your heart and on your thigh." she said smiling.
Should be: "Oh that's normal for your injury, let's take you to the hospital. Your majesty, would you kindly be able to take us as I don't want Jason to be walking in his condition" the nurse asked Celestia.
...
Okay, main problem? DOTS MAN!!! Where are the DOTS!? We need those "........" little guys u know? U are making a grammar butchery with this... this... UGH!
Nah, I'm cool but really bru. U need to correct those things!
P.S. Wow... I really love the plot and all, it doesnt have any heavy grammar problems just invisible dots here and there with some misspelled words like 'Love' and 'Live' xD Expecting more chapters, dont give up on your writing skills for they get better the more you write. Believe me, I can show you my firts ever try on writing a story... you know what? Gotta post just a TINY part of it.
Tell me, can you see the grammar errors xD? Cause if not you are blind. This kind of remind me to that story... which I never actually finished for I loose interest in it to write another one that I DID post.
P.S. I can help you on the proof reading if you want. But I'm no editor for my english is not really what you call incredible.
P.S.S. Gotta read next chapter now, but cause I have exams tomorrow wont point any errors cause I have to study... *insert suspense music* science...... yeah.... I'm gonna die!
P.S.S.S. Book titles, or in this case the story's tittle its first letter for each word have to be mayus. Like this: "Unlikely Hero" not "unlikely hero"
P.S.S.S.S. For editors search... HERE! http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
Read the rules of the group and search for one :D
P.S.S.S.S.S. Gave you a like, but I know for a fact that those 5 dislikes are only for the lack of dots and some minor grammar errors that even I cant point xD.
Damn, gotta wait for next chapter xD.
U need a proof-reader, also... there are some error but I need to study so cant point them now.
6633567 haha nice
*plot intensifies*
6633753 thanks mate and also my phone auto corrected had to hand
Reading this on my PlayStation 4 is much more better than mobile.
6634303 This is awesome! When's the next chapter going to be up?
6634651 somewhere on the next week
6634670 Sweet!
6634678 haha just working on it right now
God lord, let me be your editor, this is complete shit and it injures my soul.
Whew, errors galore, but I remember you saying you wrote this from a phone so I can't be too harsh. I understand how iffy spelling could be.
6640522 yea I am gonna go over these when my laptop is fixed
I will like him to do a one liner.
Such as well $h!t
6661194
.... How do you know?!
6663742 I'm a spy:moustachelol
6663987 oh my god
6633753 Hey thanks for the point outs but the overlords and humans are different species as it will be explained along with the multiple captains and the age thing
Nice to see another chapter of this story. Hope to see the next one soon as I want to see how he will interact with the Star sisters at the party.
Interesting. Looking forward to seeing how things go, also I completely forgot that every Royal Guard looks exactly the same.
I like this story. But them updates tho ;-;
6679892 updates?
6679891 yea i thought it be funny to show his reaction and the fact that they are brightly coloured
6679663 yea i just have to work on their persona atm
6679913 meaning- story takes long to update meaning- chapters take a while to come. But thats not necessarily bad.
6680013 yea sorry about that, i expected the last chapter to be out in a week but my brain decided to change its mind several times, next one will be out quicker though
Needs some editing done, a lot of spelling and grammar errors, but not a bad story.
Called it I called it it's now my favorite story
I say no to all Mane 6 and yes to Luna and Celestia
6682577 cool, what about the Star sisters?
6682584 they're fine as long as you balance them all out. I've see many fics where the OC is paired with the celestial sisters and some other random mare and you basically forget that the sisters are involved since they're never mentioned because all the focus is on the other mare(s).
6682640 well what I have in mind will keep the two Alicorns from being forgotten, to be honest that is a pet hate when those two are forgotten when they are in a relationship
6682648 YES THANK YOU SOMEONE THAT AGREES!
6682668 haha yea I really hate it as it feels like major characters are being ignored, thus why I have mentioned Tia each chapter
Swag
6682686 and hopefully Luna as well now
6682753 well I plan to have her at his place until the gala so yea things should be fun
And Luna has never left that room since.