I really really hate autocorrect

While i would like to see where this is going, you are in need of an editor quite badly.

6631953 yea I agree with you there mate

Your story got my attention I hope to see more.

Interesting story. Keeping an eye on it.

6633190 well next chapter will be out by tomorrow

6633200 if you need an editor ask stardom freedom to edit

6633287 stardom freedom?

6633292 hes a editor i found a couple days agos when i was looking for a new editor

6633302 okay cool ill pm him

To help and beyond buhu!

hand on we a scar on his lower belly

Should be: "hand on a scar on his lower belly"

"I am here because of that Nova gateway, an the reason I have thestral guards is because one they love for a long time and also these ten were around when the last Nova gateway opened" she stated as the guards began to move ponies away from the gateway.

Should be: "I'm here because of that Nova gateway, an the reason I have thestral guards with me is because they live for a long time. Also, those then were around when the last Nova gateway opened." She stated as the guards began to move the ponies away from the gateway.

"Captain armour and the other captains is on there way with 800 royal guard as overlords are a race which longs for complete Order which in there eyes means that free will and fun should be destroyed and those that enjoy it should be either enslaved, wiped out or bred out, Alicorns were hunted down to near extinction if it wasn't for StarSwirl's idea to open a gate to the Overlords world to find a being they feared, which he found and with in no less then a month, the overlords were wiped out completely although unlike the average pony, that can love up to 1000 years or thestral that can live up to 5000, these creatures could only live for about 80-100 naturally" she explained to the three in front of her

Should be: "Captain Armour<Names have to be in mayus always.> and the other captains are on their way with 800 royal guards<they are more than one>. As the Overlords are a race which longs for complete order, which in their eyes means that free will and fun should be destroyed and those that enjoy it should be either enslaved, wiped out or bred out. Alicorns were hunted down to near extinction, if it wasn't for StarSwirl's idea to open a gate to the Overlords world to find a being they feared, which he found and with in no less then a month, the Overlords were wiped out completely. Although unlike the average pony, that can live up to 1000 years or thestral that can live up to 5000<Okay, not to be mean or anything but... that is a bit overkill don't you think? It seems more plausible if it were only 400 or 200 years but a thousand or more? Let Alicorns live that long bru not the normal races.>, these creatures could only live for about 80-100 naturally" She explained to the three in front of her.

"Yes I did say salesmare, and I am a Princess bit if that makes you feel uncomfortable then simply call me Celestia mr Human" she said with a chuckle

Should be: "Yes, I did say salesmare. And yes, I'm a princess but if it makes you feel uncomfortable you can simply call me Celestia."<The human part... I think you can just swipe it for she mention(and the book twilight readed) that their race is called Overlord.>

'Wait what doe she mean me human?' He thought before trying to think of an intelligent question "what do you mean mr human?" He said loudly before face palming

Should be: 'Wait what does she means by Mr. human?' He thought before trying to think of an intelligent question. "What do you mean by Mr.human?" He said loudly before face palming.[<You can use the Italic for his thoughts, but everyone have their own way of writing those.>

"A what? Um that's a tattoo I got when I was drunk a few years back" he stated "and my name is Jason Winter" she said to her with a weak smile as she began to wrap up his forehead with a bandage

Should be: "What? Um that's a tattoo I got when I was drunk a few years back" he stated. "and my name is Jason Winter." he said to her with a weak smile as she began to wrap up his forehead with a bandage.

"I have heard or tattoos, some races get them for fun, but isn't it painful?" She asked which Jason response with a nod "well anyway cutie marks appear when you find your special talent, they appear over your heart and on your thigh" she said smiling

Should *sigh* be: "I have heard of tattoos, some races get them for fun. But isn't it painful?" She asked which Jason responded with a nod. "Well, anyway cutie marks appear when you find your special talent. They appear over your heart and on your thigh." she said smiling.

"Oh that's normal for your injury, let's take you to the hospital, I'm your majesty would you kindly be able to take us as I don't want Jason to be walking in his condition" the nurse asked Celestia

Should be: "Oh that's normal for your injury, let's take you to the hospital. Your majesty, would you kindly be able to take us as I don't want Jason to be walking in his condition" the nurse asked Celestia.

...

Okay, main problem? DOTS MAN!!! Where are the DOTS!? We need those "........" little guys u know? U are making a grammar butchery with this... this... UGH!

Nah, I'm cool but really bru. U need to correct those things!

P.S. Wow... I really love the plot and all, it doesnt have any heavy grammar problems just invisible dots here and there with some misspelled words like 'Love' and 'Live' xD Expecting more chapters, dont give up on your writing skills for they get better the more you write. Believe me, I can show you my firts ever try on writing a story... you know what? Gotta post just a TINY part of it.

After the banishment of Nightmare Moon, the ponys where shocked, the news reached far lands, and rumors started to spread, Princess Celestia was in charge of rising the sun and the moon, and so the Night curts where canceled, that means more complains during the day curt, and the forest around the castle started to grow dark, there where many ponys who enter the forest and where gone missing, others came out of the forest whit historys about monsters, timberwolf, and more.
The stress started to affect the Princess, and so she started to lose her bright, his coat of pure white changed to gray, its hairs stoped moving, and taked a more dark tone, many years continue and so the problems, the gryphons started to demand everytime more, and the problems from the city started to grow, there where many complains in the day curts about nightmares, and so the princess tried to learn the ´dream walking spell´ but whit not succes, then, and Idea started to grow on the princess is mind, it will rise many questions, but she can simply lie about them when the time comes
They believe wharever I told them, they only want to botter, they dont care about anything else
"Captain!" Princess Celestia shouted while on its throne
Rushing throut the doors came an stallion, he was an earth pony whit black coat and red mane, its eyes where blue "Yes your highness?" he said giving a bow, its cuttie mark was a shield that was dark whit a bright start in the middle, the borders of the shield where red
"Yes Captain Bright Shield, I need you to spread the word through the towns about what I am about to tell you, I need you to call all the unicorns, young and old, it doesnt matter the gender, neither its blood, royalty or common, I need all unicorns capable to learn spells, firts, I want you to go and give the news to the magic academys, I need this done as soon as posible, uncerdstand?" said the princess giving the guard a glare
"Yes your hightness, It will be done, anything else you want me to do?" said Bright Shield
"No, dismiss" Said the princess and started reading the letters that came from the gryphon kingdomn
This gryphon wont stop asking for more hunting lands, money, and products, what do I need to do to make them stop!? the princess started to read the pappers over and over again, all the letters that came from the gryphon kingdomn where demmands, or asking to incrise the price of their products that they sell to the ponys, the princess knew that something was off, no matter how many times she help them they continue asking for more, once she dint give them what they asked and the gryphon kingdom threated whit war, this was going to end bad if they dont stop asking for more, and the princess knew it

Tell me, can you see the grammar errors xD? Cause if not you are blind. This kind of remind me to that story... which I never actually finished for I loose interest in it to write another one that I DID post.

P.S. I can help you on the proof reading if you want. But I'm no editor for my english is not really what you call incredible.

P.S.S. Gotta read next chapter now, but cause I have exams tomorrow wont point any errors cause I have to study... *insert suspense music* science...... yeah.... I'm gonna die!

P.S.S.S. Book titles, or in this case the story's tittle its first letter for each word have to be mayus. Like this: "Unlikely Hero" not "unlikely hero"

P.S.S.S.S. For editors search... HERE! http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors

Read the rules of the group and search for one :D

P.S.S.S.S.S. Gave you a like, but I know for a fact that those 5 dislikes are only for the lack of dots and some minor grammar errors that even I cant point xD.

God lord, let me be your editor, this is complete shit and it injures my soul.

Whew, errors galore, but I remember you saying you wrote this from a phone so I can't be too harsh. I understand how iffy spelling could be.

6633753 Hey thanks for the point outs but the overlords and humans are different species as it will be explained along with the multiple captains and the age thing

Not a fan of the whole taller and as long lived as an a sari idea, but I will give this story a try.
Seriously, I can get the tall height thing, but the average ponies can live five to ten times longer then humans thing just makes no sense. Otherwise every past event that became some obscure legend that virtually nobody knows about would have to also be timed by that much.

Alright, while your story idea and gammar are all right, the story just doesn't flow. One or two places where the writing is choppy is fine and can be overlooked, but it seems like every other paragraph is like that and it kills any and all immersion in the story making it very hard to read. I won't give this story a like, but I won't dislike it either. I suggest getting a beta, and I know there are several groups on this site that are dedicated to helping writers with their work and would be more than happy to help. However, until you fix the flow and structure of the story, to me at least, it is nigh unreadable.

6630922

You should be able to turn it off. Did mine on a tablet.

Effort seen in this chapter, zero. Effort made to correct things pointed out in the comments, also zero. Internal logic and consistency, severely lacking... as evidenced by Luna having only been banished for one lifetime. Fun fact; Luna's banishment and the story of Nightmare Moon would be as 'legend-y' to them as WW2 is to us... so not at all.

I've never heard anyone from Britain go "you don't sound British" when an American voice is at their door. People I know might go "bloody Americans, comin oveh 'ere, knockin' on me door" or something to that effect in a hushed voice. Remember. We hate everyone but are polite on the outside ^.^

Back to complaining about those bloody foreigners (takes out a flag with Nigel Farages face on it) FUCK OFF MY COUNTRY! (I yell to Scotland)

Hey. Not to be rude but you need help cleaning the chapters up?

that was a awesome read so far can't wait to see whats next .but needs a editor for the grammar throw.

Interesting setup with the overlords, but the punctuation is terrible.

Beating a dead pony, but even before an editor you should review this chapter yourself. I can't tell what is auto correct and what is a genuine mistake, and being the very first chapter it sets the reader's bias on what comes after.

"Were you studying or jerking off Luke?" Jason asked mockingly

Obi-Wan: "Luke, the whores will be with you."
So why was this guy jerking off a jedi? Punctuation placement can make all the difference.

6683687
Question, why is them living longer not making sense? We outlive pretty much every animal species on our planet with rare exception. Why wouldn't a different race live longer than us?

"Salesmare? Don't you mean sales mare? And I doubt you're a princess, you don't sound British" he said back before giving a stupid look to his door and slapping his head only to groan in pain.'

"Yes I did say sales mare, and I am a Princess bit if that makes you feel uncomfortable then simply call me Celestia mr human" she said with a chuckle

I do believe the second word I marked should be salesman. I mean, salesmare and sales mare do seem like the same thing only with a space in it. Also the third word should be salesmare, like the first marked word.

Also am I the only one wondering about the double I-cups Celestia is sporting? I mean that must be quite the massive things she has on her chest seeing as F-cups already are massive as far as I know and I never heard something that went beyond F. She really must have a strong back if the double I-cups weren't a typo.

Alright, came up in recommended, decided to give it a read. Can't say I'm completely thrilled by it. The story, in only one chapter, is decent. The writing, however, makes it very difficult to properly enjoy it. I know you said you had looked over this chapter, but I still saw quite a few misspellings, fragmented sentences, run on sentences, etc.

Also, one of the bigger grievances I have is the section when he's getting patched up. Actually, two things for that section. The first is how quickly things just ferry explained without anyone even asking, case in point is the Cutie Marks. There second thing that bothered me is when he's blushing because Redheart is near him. The reasoning behind my dislike of that part is mainly due to him currently having a fairly serious head injury, as well as having just been thrown into a world he knows nothing about. Yes, I know tits are life, and every guy is horny for them, but with as bad of a head injury as he had, with his current condition being to the point that he is woozy and having issues standing, ge shouldn't have the attention needed, nor desire, to be blushing/ aroused. Nor is it even said that she's wearing revealing clothing to draw attention to them, so the should even be less embarrassment about it.

Why does almost every anthro fic have giant ponies? Ponies aren’t even nearly that tall as equines! They’re shorter than many humans depending on the breed and, from their design in the show, the only ones intended to be a realistic height would be Celestia and Luna, who in this case would still be shorter than or at least not much taller than many humans.