Agent-G
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nice job :D
6583559 Thanks hope you'll continue to enjoy the story as it goes on.
6583577 I sure will!
Not bad. A premise I've seen before, but that doesn't mean you can't bring something new to the table. The only thing that bugs me so far is that you're explaining more than showing for the background info. I admit having the knowledge helps, perhaps using flashbacks would help?
Definitely faved and followed. I'd like to see where you're going with this.
6685588 Yeah don't worry most of that was just in the first two chapters I know it was a lot but there's like a lot to cover in order to get a feel for the world. There is still a lot to cover but that should come in smaller parts as he explains human society, you know once the language barrier is passed. Now we'll get more of the actual meat of the story I hope.
As for bringing something new I got a few ideas in store.
i dont know much about star systems but 1 sun, 1 planet, and 1 moon does not sound like to weird a ratio atleast not enough of one to get the reaction of our protagonist. if it had focused more on the size ratios compared to each other then i would give it to you but that is a nit pic and likely not that interesting a read. still a nice well written piece so far hopefully we will get some character interactions and plot next chapter.
6688531 I looked it up and the smallest system we know of has at least 3 planets so that's what I was basing it on. That until that moment we haven't found a system with only one planet. Anyways yeah we'll start getting into the interactions, they might be a bit slow at first as they figure each other out but over time you'll see more and more interaction and plot being revealed.
More!
Love the story more please
Ps it's in my favorite
Rule #1: Never mention brands. They severely limit your story's longevity. (On a related note, mentioning the sound of typewriter keys is the only part of Neuromancer that William Gibson regrets.)
How about describing it as a "ruggedized touchscreen device" rather than saying it's a sturdier, more powerful iPad?
Unless the bug looks like Ringo Starr's evil twin, it's "Beetle".
Also, there are various spots where your punctuation needs work but I'm so sick of fighting with this fimfic "Can't post comments" bug that I don't have the motivation to note them all down.
6724717 Had that bug for a while. You might have an adblocker or anti tracker that is interfering with cookies on the site. I am using an up to date firefox on win 7 and android. I do not know if that will help but it could not hurt.
For the story, good start. Grammar is decent enough that I do not notice anything. Exposition is balanced right (Although I am not that good of judge since I like it at long as it does not break immersion).
Look up the Vasimir rocket being built and tested by the Ad Astra rocket company. Plasma rockets have a lot more power than the ion engine. Of course the space ship he is in has a fusion reactor so it would trump the plasma rocket in power and would be simpler to just build a shunt from the reactor to provide thrust than to build a completely separate propulsion system.
6724717 Damn, I fixed the beetle thing my spellchecker missed that.
I will avoid most company names but some I feel will never die such as Disney as I can see only the apocalypse ending that plus I needed something that the readers could use as a base to get what I was going for.
6725122 I didn't know they were making a plasma based one, I did hear of ion engines so that's why I used it but thanks for that maybe I can use that in something else.
Hey there, I love the story so far. Pacing feels just right, not too fast and not too slow. The language barrier is a nice touch, curious to see if it will play a role in the story. Also I'm anxious about the mature rating, I hope it's for 'love' and not 'violence'.
6762190 Mainly the M is just for the language but maybe I can fit something in but don't expect too much of that. Thanks for the pacing comment that's something I try to work on I hate it when things get drawn out too much or really rushed through so I try and make a balance in there.
Looking good so far, I'm eager to see where you will go with the story, maybe some political intrigue with different reactions from various kingdoms/individuals, some fearful (accusations of alien invasion), some peaceful (cultural exchange) an some devious (spies trying to steal his tech). Also I'm curious what the First Contact 'kit' contains, perhaps it will make an appearance?
6763320 Mainly the first contact package is the same thing that Voyager 1 carries on the golden disk it has with some exceptions as a few things added in over the centuries. And I hope to add in a few of the things you asked about as well as the story goes on and once the language barrier is broken of course.
Update rate?
6763629 Pretty much whenever I feel like it lol, I just felt a bit of creative energy to get it out. Normally I try for once a month but as you see I got three in this month. I do have some other stuff I work on as well so updates may not like this but I'll always try my best with the updates. Plus I generally aim for over four thousand words per chapter at least.
6763423 Here's some research stuff that might help you with the story. Post-detection policy and Potential cultural impact of extraterrestrial contact
Aight, I like this story. I've seen the idea pretty often but I still like these premises a whole lot.
Buuuut ... please get someone to help polish it? A lot of awkward phrasing, run-on sentences and general shenanigans are really detracting from the story. Someone else mentioned the iPad/company name thing and I agree wholeheartedly with that statement. Please, please run this through an editor and take into account their suggestions. You have a pretty nice thing going here but I'm having a hard time focusing on the content over the issues. Please. If you want, I can show some examples of what I mean. I can't be an editor but there are groups for that sort of thing.
6763805 Thanks I'll take a look at those when I got the time
6763869 Yeah I know I have issues with my writing and I know I'm not perfect and there will be mistakes. I don't think it's as bad as you make it out to be but then that could be just your personal taste on what you like to read as well. Last time I tried an editor it didn't work out well so that's unfortunately why I don't got one. I do try my best but sadly this might be the best I can do, if you don't like that I'll understand you dropping this story and I wouldn't blame you for it. I wish I could do better but sometimes it just feels like I hit a wall with how much I've improved since I first started years ago.
Snarf Vadid says Hi.
I dunno, For First Contact, thats definitely one of the best ones Ive seen.
At least he didnt say something like, Welcome To My Parlour, in Klingon, while carrying a Battleth.
6845363 Well I don't know who that snarf guy is but thanks for the hello from them at least.
That whole scene well I'll be honest, I had that in mind since I started this story lol, I just wanted the kind of first contact that you'd bet the history books would overlook.
Need moar
6845401 Yeah one of those embarrassing moments that everyone agrees to forget right?
I see where you got that from. :)
"I am captain Gordon Freeman of the Intergalactic House of Pancakes ordering you to open!"
*laugh* That's classic. I almost never see humour based around denying first contact its expected reverence and this is definitely the best.
Well, I imagine the message is either pictorial, or is the sort of number message similar to what AdmiralTigerClaw did in Arrow 18
this is one great story! i can not wait for more! bravo toyou for this fine story,it is one fine read!
I agree, he needs to be fired. He should have damn well got enough rest since it was highly likely that he would have visitors.
6845727 Glad someone got that reference lol, I just remembered it while writing up the chapter and had to look for that exact episode to see if I remembered it correctly. And yeah you never see humor in a first contact the only other time was in a novel by Robert J. Sawyer of an alien spider landing outside the Royal Ontario Museum and demands to talk to a paleontologist, seriously that's the opening for the book.
6845740 actually those numbers are part of the first contact package that's aboard the Voyager probe with that golden disk on it apparently. So yeah that's part of what it is although I will come up with more later. You can youtube a copy of the actual message I found.
6846821 I knew that; I just didn't know if the numbers had an official term, and I was too lazy to look it up at the time
This story is pretty good! Can't wait to see the next chapter!
Inb4 Dash catches a drone
6948121 Didn't think of that, I'll see if I can fit something of that in the story at some point it might be funny.
I thought the cookies were from freeze dried flour, whose main preservative and improoving agent is ascorbic acid, or vitamin c? Still got to watch out for those things.
Suprised the drones have lasted as long as they have over the Everfree, some of those Venus flytraps have Pokemon class vinewhip or similar.
Using the letters that make up the words that are the numerical representations of maths is something that needs looking into for setting things up. the Alphabet is good, but a dictionary, one of all words, maybe XKCDs ten hundred most common words, with dictionaries of grammatical parts, as in a list of verbs, list of nouns, and a short list of the terms that make up grammar, with a selection of increasing complexity of arrangements of verb, noun etc?
If a spacecraft with the production capabilites of these guys isnt capable of creating a music recreation unit of a piece of stiff copper wire in the bottom of a paper cup on a paper tube with tin foil wrapped round it with a rock on a piece of string for driving force, then they need a good slapping.
Of course if he could print out a needle and diaphram disc gramaphone with a snail horn built into the box to avoid the big sticky out bit that would be better. Of course, thats for speech and singing. If you just want music, theres always the music box pins in cylinder driven by clockwork plinking a wedge full of fingers.
Clockwork Music Box
Analog wall clocks have had plastic gears for years, and the first all 3D printed plastic watch was shown recently, 2016, but could only run for an hour and the time keeping was atrocious. then again, given current 3D printer abilities its a very impressive step.
Now which way does Twilight see the flow of time, in which person, sense etc. Base ten numbers are relatively easy, but teh base 12 number words at the beginning might have thrown her a little, and the other values used in time keeping could be confusing unless she realises its for ease of division.
Wouldnt be suprised if the first drone lost would be because it tried to look like a baked product to Derpy, or she scolded it for delivering mail without a licence or employment in the post office.
Yeah I can just see one of those drone attracting the attention of a Pegasus already and try to investigate it with some very funny video results
Now see that right there is exactly why i should not be allowed to make first contact with a new race. it always seems to come down to a math competition in the beginning i just want to slam down some stupidly high level physics formula (probably something about turbulent and lament flow in a big plumbing system) or the equation to describe a irregular shaped 3D object and walk away just to see what the other side will do. i got to image a society capable of space travel has got to have even high forms of math and i kinda wanna see how you think twilight will react to a "Test" she cant pass (probably also why i shouldn't be a teacher....)
I luv
6948158 I also wouldn't doubt one of Fluttershy's animal friends spotting the one by her place and telling her about it
6948470 Well the drones are flying over the trees so I think that puts them out of range of the usual hostile plants and some animals at least for now. Plus remember that his food is in packets for the most part as they have to last months if not years in case of an emergency. They're kind of like MRE/IMPS or similar to what astronauts use.
As for the music thing the device is going to be a bit more advanced than that but still kind of simple and easy to make as he does have spare electronics for various things like drones and other equipment that can be modified. All the plastic parts can already be costumed built even today with a 3D printer after all.
6948893 Yeah the math for something like warp travel would be insane and even Twilight would get thrown for a loop, then again we don't know how some more advanced spells work. Hell there is a time travel spell in MLP, that has to be insane enough as it so maybe I can have Twilight throw back things like that or how teleportation works.
6949308 fair point but at least at this point David comes off as the chill "B" student rather then twilight's nerotic perfect 100%. On a bit of a side what do you think of NASA's FTL proof of concept prototype or the semi stable wormhole they made?
6949347 I haven't heard of the wormwhole experiment you might have to make a link to where you found that.
6949384 I will see if I can find it but what it boiled down to as I remember was they created basically a pocket/hole that was removed from the normal concept of time that they hoped to use to create a way to communicate with the future via a morises code like system using atoms. Some how they figured out that anything placed in the pocket appeared as if it has always been in it since the pocket was created. So basically it only worked going backward, needed a absolutely stupid amount of power to keep open, and limited to atoms (and the smaller ones at that). Still pretty neat if you ask me. I found the story awhile ago so I wonder if they made any more progress with it.
6949420 That is kind of neat never heard of that one before.
6949438 what I find interesting is what the experiment means for the concept of time and would be interested in your thoughts on it, but I think I will save that post for when I have a full keyboard in front of me and so for now I just have to say good chapter and I hope to see another a lot sooner then this last one. Especially since we seem to be getting into the meat of your story and that it seema that quite a few of your readers want to see how the ponies deal with the drones. Personally I want to see how twilight would react to the drone coming to "steal" her alien communication box.