It wasn't the end of the world right? It's not like she'd meant anything by it. What was so wrong with a little "Just Friends" kiss? Oh, who was she kidding?
Rainbow Dash was so screwed. She didn't mean for it to happen. Now she would have to deal with the fallout. Of course, she could just avoid everypony until the end of existence. A girl has to keep her options open.
Rated for naughty language.
Page generated in 0.278 seconds
Total duration
1,029 users online
97,221 hits today, 2,156,967 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
A nice enough story, but grammar and spelling errors every five seconds somewhat turned me away, and as shocking as the language is at the end, it's not quite the same as being funny. Have a proof-reader run this through with a fine-tooth editing comb, and it'll sparkle nicely. As is, 4/5 moustaches.
Talk To Her - Priestess
Awww, Twilight still wets the bed
Rainbow will have a field day with that one 
Awesome story, I hope to see more
"The mare gulped as she realized she may have screamed 'Holy cock sucking goat-fucker' louder than what is considered polite."
YES! liked and favorited
Great story, not to mention the "oh fuck" moment.
Very funny, and I hope to see more from this!
There are a - at least - a bunch of missing words that break the flow of an otherwise well written and funny story. Fixing those would greatly improve it.
This is the second or third fic I've read within a few days that has used the apparent 'Dash kissed Fluttershy' scene. Make me feel like I've put on a pair of shipping goggles so tightly they've merged with my eyeballs.
Your execution isn't exactly perfect, but overall this is shaping up pretty well; you've got my fav. Glad to see somepony finally taking advantage of that controversial little scene.
While the swearing might be very much out of context....it still is interesting! I'm looking forward to what's to come!
I will admit I rushed this too much. It could have done with more editing, and I will probably post a rewrite of this chapter before uploading the second part. Also, I didn't expect the profanity to be so controversial. I may remove it as I feel it's distracting from the terrible I was intending to be the punchline. I may not, though.
All that said, I'm glad you all seem to be enjoying it on some level. Stay tuned, Fluttershy's got a bigger part coming up.
Ummm... I just have two things: Fluttershy has Cyan eyes, not green. Also, Applejack uses "Y'all". She never refers to other people.
Ha! This is really good. I'm not really much for Flutterdash, but the way you write Rainbow really drew me in. The swearing surprised me but made me guffaw out loud (yes, I really mean guffaw - it was less than elegant). I really like the dynamic you have between the friends as well, with Rainbow as the cynic/sarcastic, Applejack the steady one always ready to share a laugh or put you in line and Rarity as the believable drama queen (you don't go overboard like some fics) Anywho, nice job
This is only the prelude to a nervous breakdown? I'd hate to see what the actual breakdown will look like...
Oh who am I kidding, I'd love to see what it looks like...does that make me a bad person?
653353 Wow. That is relevant. Also, totally awesome.
671391 No. No it doesn't. I can promise you it will get worse...so much worse.
659152
657092 ...so they are. Please forgive me this transgression.
654528 Thank you. I hope I don't disappoint.
653692>>653630>>653537
You guys are great.
654433>>653942 Working on it.
653402 Thanks
.653299 I will accept those moustaches good sir.
I'll post a rework next week. Between work, and getting ready for A-kon, I have no time.
No longer a mere line of text, the words now lit up in vibrant neon colors 1000 feet a high. “Oh fuck” painted across the sky.
That was one of the funniest things I have ever read, and I have no idea why.
I liked the writing style and the premise of the story as well as the delivery of narration in both serious and comedic aspects. Well done! The bar scene with Applejack was easily my favorite part. The fiddle up her dress? And then the Twilight flashback? Wonderful.
As good as it is though, I find myself reluctant to favorite it, despite wanting to read more. I'm not entirely sure what's holding it back though the more I think about it. The best I can put it is that the characters feel OOC at points and the speed of the plot changes from fast to slow in changing intervals which threw me off.
The plotline is magnificent and the premise of your story is clear. Just between you and me (and every other person reading this comment), FlutterDash is one of the few ships I actually support. I DO hope you don't blotch this up, because I want to know what happens next
No longer a mere line of text, the words now lit up in vibrant neon colors 1000 feet a high “MOAR" painted across the sky
Well, the rainboom exploded with a mighty crash as we saw celestia,
And the first pony said to the second one there I hope you're having fun.
mare on the run, mare on the run.
And fluttershy drew a heavy sigh cause she was searching every one
For the mare on the run, mare on the run, mare on the run, mare on the run!
THANK YOU EQUESTRIAAAAA!!!
880360
Congratulations Art Inspired! You Win!
Pleas accept this Scootaloo
as your prize.
Even with a few spelling errors, this is a really great story. I was going to favorite it, but then I got to the end and saw that it wasn't finished. Can you write the rest of the story please?
Language Dashie Language!
He he, classic. can't wait for more.
Yo, great story so far! I feel it's well written, with fairly good pacing and some brilliant comedic moments. As soon as those spelling/grammar issues are sorted out, it'll be a perfect first chapter
You mentioned you might remove the swearing in an edit - I don't think you should. I'm not one to neccasarily equate swearing with humour, but in this case I think it works quite well. It made me laugh, and toning it down wouldn't adaquately explain her feelings IMO. To those who say it's out of character, well...so's alcohol and fillyfooling. Think about it.
Anyway, I hope you keep this up because decent flutterdash fics seem to abadoned quite often. 5/5 from me for this first chapter!
1894319
Hey thanks for the review.
I've been getting some concern about abandoning this story. It's understandable, being as I haven't updated it in a year. So technically, it is abandoned by definition. I didn't intend to let that happen, I just let life get in my way. I do intend to finish this as a drastically shortened version of the original concept, and hopefully I won't have to make you wait that much longer for it.
And thanks again for supporting the expletive, I really put it in there because it worked as an expression of energy in addition to being giggle worthy.
I can't be the first person to realise that Rainbow Dash is listening to Wings.
Bad pun is . . . awesome.
Real shame this never got finished.