A Certain Unremarkable Sparkle In Equestria {An anthology of bad ideas...}

by Bumblebee Tuner

Binky's Friend Chapter 1

A/N: This is a(n) FIM crossover with Noragami Abridged, Discworld, and Parasyte. The plot goes something like this... The Rich family, Filthy that is, moves to Canterlot. Before leaving Ponyville, Diamond Tiara is infected with an alien parasite that gives her super strength, schizophenia, and all the emotional resonance of maud pie. She eventually kills Winona and saves Binky from being run over by an Ice Cream Truck. Binky, being the god of death, becomes fast friends with Diamond mostly because she's curious to know about the only helhest that isn't on his hit list.

Binky's Friend
Chapter 1
Somewhere in the Everfree Forest...

“Come Scotophobia! Let's purge this evil in the name of Equestria.” Binky, a young blue eyed white unicorn sporting a black mane and tail with crackerjack markings that glowed with the faint orange of firewood, triumphantly called out to his regalia who promptly transformed from a flightless orange pegasister with purple eyes and ironically colored B-FF hair into a chrome spearheaded dagger or pigsticker.

“HOOO-AHH!” Binky proudly unleashed this battle cry as he promptly sliced the cockatrice into bloody chicken nuggets. His baby blue scarf whipping in the wind as he posed dramatically “Aha, I win!...So, what were we talking about again?” Binky asked as he casually tossed the spearhead towards the ground with a flick of the wrist.

Just before hitting pay-dirt in a flash of light Scotophobia transformed back into a pegasus foal with windswept hair. “Beats me. But, now that we're on the topic; I quit!”

“*GASP! WHAAAh-? How is that even remotely the same issue as you running off to Ponyville and leaving me all alone in Manehatten... Do you have any idea how cold that refrigerator box was without you? DO YOU!

“It's not like you can die.” Scotophobia huffed.

“B-but, I thought we were friends.” Binky Whined “Imagine how I felt when you ran off for donuts and you never came back. Do you know how long it took me to canvas Manehatten completely unarmed?”

“Look. Binky, you're a real nice guy and all but- *Groan* For the love of Celestia who am I kiding. You're a Jerk! And, no offense, but you smell like my grandmother.” Technically, being the familiar spirit to an orphaned (if not anthropomorphised) embodiment of death, Scotophobia didn't really have a grandmother. But, that didn't change the fact that Binky smelled like mouse urine and rotten apples.

“You don't have a grandmother! Hell, you're not even technically alive.” Binky knew this would hurt her, because the truth always hurts. As a golem Scotophobia wasn't technically a living creature. And, as such, her soul was only a fragment of his own. Scotophobia's death meant oblivion as Binky could not share her memories, they could only share emotional resonance, corruption of spirit, and sins agains nature; which was how Binky was able to track her down. Her impure, sinful, and masochistic desires towards a classmate attracted him to Ponyville like a fly to fertilizer.

“Wow!” Scotophobia said in indignation “I guess there really is no end to your level of jerk.”

“You're not even alive troll, you're like that annoying dragon at the local library that kept needling at me to shut up. I bet you can't even fly without my help.” Binky noticed a slight twinge in Scotophobia and snarled cynically “I'm right, You can't-Can you? you dull ass Bi-.”

“I can fly, I can totally fly on my own!” Scotophobia lied. Which in turn burned Binky like a branding iron.

“*Sst' You know, that really hurts-” It was a difficult choice, but after spending the last five years in physical pain looking for his wayward armament, severing what little connection they had left would be like gnawing off a leg stuck in a bear trap. The air smelled distinctly of burned fur, rotten apples and mouse urine.

“What can I say? I learned from the best.” Scotophobia stuck out her tongue and gave Binky a raspberry.

Then again, he'd be lucky if the scar tissue on his legs managed to heal.

“Fine.” Binky said flatly as he motioned the saccade for lotus and asylum effectively removing any remaning bond between the two. “I release you. You were a lousy weapon anyway.” the dark patches of fur on his legs slowly fading to ash gray from the glowing black of burned wood. He momentarily looked forward to being able to walk again without it feeling like hot razorwire was wrapped tightly around his legs like compression socks.

“Hallelujah!” Scotophobia merrily skipped off towards Fluttershy's cottage to meet up with her REAL friends so they could get their animal tamer cutie marks. Her last words to Binky were something along the lines “Enjoy amounting to nothing Jerkface. Toot-a-loo!”

“Oh Yeah! Well you're a Bitch. Hah ha! ha...hurn...oh gods, why won't the hurting stop...

A few months later in Canterlot... “I'll shlow her, I'll become the greatest Alicorn prinsheist in the world!!!” Binky then took a swig from the bottle of apple cider he picked up from Flim and Flam's Pour-Haus. It was a respectable establishment that just gave the booze away free of charge provided you agreed to help them sell time shares in Tartarus, wherever the heck that was. Not that Binky cared, as long as it provided him with cider and kept him mobile enough to take care of his other responsibilities it was honest work.

“Get a Job Yah Hobo!”

“You Get a chub you filfy aminal...and teh namesh Blinky!” Binky nursed his bottle, “An I'll have you know ah'm the allmighty Gawd Binky! If you need monsters slain, love potions, retrieved lost items, paranormal investigations, consulting advice and/or me for berfday parties; Just Remember, anything you can do I can do better! And, for a reashonable rate I'm even a nice guy. Ha ha!”

To be continued...

Author's Note:

Because everyone should have an ashcan or morgue with parts to scrap. FOR PRACTICE!!! Hopefully, I can get proficient enough that I'll develop something more original.