A Certain Unremarkable Sparkle In Equestria {An anthology of bad ideas...}

by Bumblebee Tuner

The Future Diary (for obvious reasons)

Chapter 1

The Future Diary

Sometimes she just didn't want to get up in the morning. It wasn't because she didn't have friends. Twilight Sparkle had the bestest friends ever… the only problem with them was that they were imaginary. While holding her smarty pants doll turned purse Twilight Sparkle sat up in bed, wrapped herself in the covers of her sheet so that it settled around her like the cloak of a like a dark mage, even though it felt like the aluminum wrapper of a baked potato, and called out as if summoning a demon into the sweltering void of her studio apartment in Academy City.

"Discord! Are you busy?" No sooner had the words slipped from her lips then the real world melted away like a moment of mindful meditation escaping into a world of structured chaos. The heat of the room around her evaporated immediately as well, leaving a cool feeling of a breeze on an autumn morning. The only thing that remained of her apartment, at least from her perspective, was the bed.

"Twilight Sparkle! For you I have all the time in the world, but first there are a few things I have to finish up." the draconequus replied. "I am amending a finer point of causality."

"Oooh! Sounds like someone has a lot on their plate." Twilight replied.

"Reality benefits from the occasional jolt-"

"You aren't going to like, start a war or anything, are you?" Twilight Asked only mildly interested.

"You dislike violence?" The way Discord asked this question was like a cat eyeing a mouse. "I can't just reveal everything, you'll simply have to wait and see…"

"So…" There was an awkward silence between the two before Twilight Spoke up once more "What's it like to be the lord of space and time?" She wasn't exactly grasping at straws with the question. She knew Discord liked to talk about himself, his goals, and his work. Plus, since this was all in her imagination she could find out a little about herself in the process.

"Hmph, again with the same stupid questions." Came a distinctly different voice from behind Twilight Sparkle. She would have been startled if she hadn't felt the pink pony crawl into the bed with her. "How does someone like you survive if you can't even remember the answers to questions you've already asked a million times over?"

"Hello Pinkie Pie. I missed you too." Twilight responded cheerfully. " Has Discord been treating you well?"

"He made cotton candy with chocolate milk for breakfast, but completely forgot to buy whipped topping."

"Oh…" Twilight responded mournfully. " That might be my fault actually, there was a power outage last night and I haven't had an opportunity to replace everything in the fridge since I got up. I was late for class this morning and Apple Bloom insisted I stay behind and help her grade papers." After patting Pinkie Pie on the head like a dog Twilight continued. "if it makes you feel better I haven't had anything to eat at all. Of course, since we're all technically he same person, I suppose it's good that one of us ate something."

Pinkie Pie looked as if she had been stunned stupid. "Gasp! Ohmygosh! You think-"

"Pinkie." Discord gave her a mothering look.

"But, I mean c'mon. She really doesn't know?" Pinkie seemed utterly and truly shocked "How could she not know? She comes here all the time." Twilight wasn't entirely sure what the two mental constructs of her id and superego were talking about, but she never really understood half of what Apple Bloom taught her either.

Discord's simple response was "Deus ex Machina" and the matter just seemed to drop into silence so quiet you could hear a pin drop. And then, there was another pregnant silence before Twilight started talking again.

"Anyway, I've been thinking of using my cell phone to write a blog or web journal based on my adventures in Academy City, only instead of letting everyone know I live in Academy City I was thinking I'd tell everyone I lived in a make believe city called Pontypool or Ponyville and-" Twilight sparkle was cut off by Discord who had a rather excited gleam in his eye.

"What an excellent idea! And, maybe each week you could throw in a paragraph or two about what you learned about friendship. Ooh! And you know what else would be cute, if you addressed each one to princess Celestia and ended it with 'your favorite student. Twilight Sparkle." Discord smiled wickedly "That ought to scare the living daylights out of her for at least a week or two. "

"Why would it scare the living daylights out of her?" Twilight was confused and looked visibly perplexed "She probably doesn't even use the internet."

"Good point," Discord snapped his fingers "I'll have Pinkie Pie write down a copy of everything and send off a burn notice after the situation with Index has settled down." Discord then snapped his fingers twice before a martini appeared in his gryphon like appendage.

"Index?" all train of thought from Twilight's question immediately halted when her cellphone started vibrating in her Smarty Pants clutch. "I'd better get that, it could be important."

"Twilight… Are you lonely?" Discord asked.

"What do you mean?" Twilight responded nervously. The question was uncomfortable, especially from Discord, and especially considering the void of chaos should have dissipated the minute her reality started interfering with the illusion of fantasy. " Other than my phone and this place I don't have anyone else I can talk with really. You guys and my family are my whole world."

"Twilight, Given the opportunity to reinvent yourself, what would you do?" Discord asked.

"I- I don't know, I'm not all that bright." Twilight responded. Discord was scaring her. Why wasn't the illusion breaking, that was her talent after all, breaking things, this realm shouldn't exist anymore if she didn't want anything more from it. Her phone vibrated again. Could she answer it in this place, this void of madness… what if Pinkie Pie and Discord said something while she was talking, then everyone would know she was crazy. If she was both crazy and stupid her parents would probably lock her up in a nuthouse.

" Twilight, suppose I bestowed upon you the ability to predict the future." It was more a statement than a question. . .

Twilight decided to answer her phone. After removing it from her Smarty Pants she looked at the screen. A sigh of relief. "Good. It looks like someone's just texting me." Her anxiety must have been powering the illusion of Discord's realm because almost immediately her apartment faded back into existence. For once Twilight could appreciate the blast of warmth as reality overtook the fantasy. The text message had one line, the email was from Discord. It simply read "Check the balcony…"

The sheet fell back from Twilight Sparkles's head, cascaded down her neck, and rested on her shoulders as she blinked in surprise. Twilight would have been terrified that Discord had sent her an email if it weren't for the fact that the message disappeared after the second blink and she was staring at the blank illuminated app screen of her cellphone.

"The flip…" Twilight then looked up from her screen to see a young marshmallow colored unicorn filly draped over her balcony. She was about to question what exactly the strange unicorn was doing there when all of a sudden.

"I'm so- I'm so very hungry. Feed me." The unicorn filly begged.

Twilight looked around so see if there were any cameras in place.

"Did Shining Armor put you up to this?" This seemed like a prank he would pull.

"Very-very hungry." the marshmallow unicorn whimpered and whined.

"What was that?" Twilight asked. She wasn't completely sure she heard right.

"I said I'm hungry you ninny." The filly with a nerdy two toned mane replied.

"Excuse me?" Twilight wasn't sure how to respond. This was getting tedious.

"Are you even listening? I told you I'm hungry." The unicorn filly huffed indignantly. "What are you retarded?"

It took Twilight a moment to figure out how she should answer either question before she realized this foal thought she was retarded anyway. It wouldn't matter what Twilight said. Being in special classes because she was dumb did not mean she had to accept abuse from complete strangers… that was for friends and family only, which made it okay. Rather than answering this rude little beast's questions, Twilight decided to ask another. "Do you make a habit of showing up at peoples homes and asking for things you didn't earn?"

"So, do you have any food in there, or what? I'm starving." The unicorn filly whined like a trained seal. Twilight blinked, it was like having a conversation with miniature version of Pinkie Pie. Twilight took a moment to briefly wonder if she had left Discord's realm at all. Everything looked normal enough, but this was too much like her fantasies of friendship to be real. New friends didn't just pop out of the aether fully formed, she had to work really hard to come up with the design for discord, even though she based him on a statue she once saw during a field trip to Celestia's labyrinth… and Pinkie Pie looked kind of like that waitress at Sugarcube Corner. Still, it took a bit of effort to draw all the different parts of the chimera with just the right proportions and everything, and the waitress always looked so depressed and stone faced it was only a matter of time somepony drew a picture of her with a smile on her face. Twilight had to concentrate really hard to draw good, and it wasn't like she had a photographic memory or anything.

"Or what, definitely what…Hey, listen. I didn't catch your name." Twilight responded.

"I told you already, I'm Index. Index Librorum Prohibitum. Can't you remember anything? I sent you an email. Shining Armor said you were a librarian." Index huffed "Now shut your pie hole and gim'me some food."

"Just because I hang out at the library does not make me a- WHERE IS HE!? SHINING, I KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING ME!" Twilight Yelled.

"Whoa, Nelly. Just hold your horses and pipe down. I never said Shining Armor was actually _With_ me." Index sighed.

"Then how did you find me?" Twilight asked.

"Internet. Duh." the filly formerly known as Sweetie Belle stated it as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

((Maybe)) next time on A Certain Unremarkable Sparkle in Equestria… The Florence Nightingale Effect.

Author's Note:

A/n: So what I thought I'd do was make this story three times more fun. I don't own My Little Pony, A Certain Scientific Railgun, or Future Diary… I just needed an elaborate excuse to throw Discord, Flutter Shy, and Pinkie Pie into the mix. Plus, I needed another excuse to have every[pony] and their brother trying to convert Twilight Sparkle into a dead pony. But, lets face it, she needs to have some sort of advantage if she's half as clever as a cutie mark crusader and has no talent whatsoever save breaking things. XD