"You" profess your love for the most beautiful mare you've ever known, but in the game of love, not everything ends happily ever after.
I suppose I should give some explanation for this story...
It's not meant to be taken too seriously. I would describe it as a parody of happy-go-lucky second person fics but with a serious tone. I never expected this story to end up as heavy as it is, and I think that will cause people to miss the purpose of this story.
In short, it's a response to second person fics rather than one in itself. When I say "response," I don't mean I'm mocking them. I'm commenting on the typical scenario most have.
Chapters (1)
Ah, nope.
6275325 NO YOU STOLE MY FFFIIIRRRSSSTTT
~T.CC
I like this. A simple one-shot, yet touches an issue that a lot of HiE stories sidestep -- that there's a good chance a pony simply would not find you attractive. A follow up to this would be nice.
6275400 This guy.
Now that's what I call getting rejected like a boss
6275400
I think a good many of them premise themselves on picking a pony who just happens to be inclined toward the human, even if they don't yet know it. But you're right, not many HiE's bring in to a primary role ponies who are visibly (in terms of the story) not attracted to said human. I'm sure most aren't actually, but the issue just never becomes a plot point.
Great story. It was very refreshing not to read the inevitable conclusion to that usually comes from a human randomly confessing his love for a pony.
(How do these humans appear in equeastria anyway. Perhaps they're just based on bronies who've taken to much drugs while watching mlp.)
You just need to have wings. If you really want the Dash, you need to sacrifice your hands for wings and hooves. Twilight helped you to an extent already. PLUS if you took that step, Dash would feel horrible rejecting you again. You get one automatic pass, and a shot even if she was just being polite with her reason for rejecting you.
This reminds me of the Fluttershy fic that was similar... The human chickened out just because snakes were sharing the bed because they wanted body warmth. Sorry, but if you want Shy, you have to put up with that kind of thing.
Hilarious alternate ending:
"It's because I'm a human?"
"It's because I'm gay."
6275400 Because most creatures are inherently, instinctively prejudiced. One must learn to put aside that sort of thing. I for one would likely be heart broken... and possibly kill a LOT of ponies.
However, I do suffer from psychotic depression so any thing that causes emotional pain or sadness usually hits me like a fucking truck and I do NOT know how to cope with rejection properly. And that's just with human women. On a planet of alien horses where not a single mare would want me just because i'm not a pony, i'd be fucked, they'd be fucked, everybody would be fucked and I'd likely have to be put out of my misery by the guard or the princesses themselves unless I kill myself after I inevitably come down from my anger and realize all the terrible shit I did. *sigh* Oh well. No point in moping.
Will there be a follow-up or is this it?
See, MC dude, this is why you have to see if the other shows interest before you pop the question. Otherwise, bridges get singed, even if they don't burn altogether.
It's nice to see a rejection once in a while. Those things happen.
6276049 Wow, just wow bro
I really liked this story! It showed how a human in equestria probably would struggle with finding love because let's be honest, what equestrian species would be attracted to a monkey? Plus isn't the whole different species in relationship thing a fannon idea and not cannon? I've never seen different species in a relationship in the show. They can be friends but that's it. It was nice seeing the human fail for once, c'est la vie!
Are you going to continue this? I hope so. It has a great premise and I have had a similar idea like this in my head for quite some time now. I really enjoyed this short tear jerker.
Wow, I honestly wasn't expecting this to be as good as it was. It's basically unheard of in these kind of HiE fics for ponies to reject the human; usually the human has to reject them because they all find him insanely attractive or something, and/or he can only pick one. To see that turned on its face in a more realistic depiction of rejection, which is simply a very real part of dating, is thrilling to read.
I don't really know why this story has 9 dislikes. It's probably because some people didn't like their pony waifu rejecting them or they didn't like the premise rather than any issue with your writing quality. The only problem is that there isn't more of it! Seriously, you could make this into a longer fic. Lots of potential here and I definitely want to see what happens next.
6277339 there are NINE. Compared to FIFTY EIGHT upvotes. Your complaint is unnecessary.
6277339 Yeah, I mean if a Story has Romance and Sad Tags, one can be pretty sure it aint a happy story.
I'm surprised how much I want to see some kind of continuation or sequel to this. I want to see what happens next. How does the character fell the next morning, what about twilight? How about RD?
Its a rare sight to see a decent rejection fic.
Denied.
Well, at least she gave an explanation that is valid, not a half-assed excuse.
Neat.
6277542 This is too true.
Whenever I find someone with over 30 stories, been around since 2012 and has over 500 subscribers, my thought process literally goes like this:
Crap, go to previous page, just smile and walk away. Don't look the gods in the eye. Don't like them or follow without a good reason (because their popular isn't a good reason) just back, the heck, off.
Don't down-vote, don't complain...just run!
More maybe?
Go for Twilight, dude. She has a thing for humans
As others have already mentioned it's quite refreshing to see a fic where the confession is answered by rejection. Waaaaaaay too many romance fics, that include humans, feel like everything is up to the guy (are there any fics where we have a girl in Equestria?). He gets to decide whether or not to return the feelings (he always does). He is confessed to by the pony who suddenly, for no apparent reason finds herself head over hooves in love with the human.
Sometimes it feels like the pony waifu has absolutely no say in the matter. As if she has no standards herself and cannot make a decision. Or rather, her decision is something the guy never has to worry about.
Either way, loved the fic and the nice twist you put on the slightly overused story type.
6279814 I would love to see a sequel to this where twilight and him work out she is his friend already (twilight I need advice about approaching a mare for a relationship ) and I get the feeling he just friend zoned her in this
6280284 Thanks for reading!
)
And there are girl in equestria fics! Funny you should say that 'cause there's a whole group dedicated to them called FiE. And I might've written one myself. (Shameless self promotion
tfw rekt
6280998 I totally forget that...
should at least try.
Fuck.........your commentation.
And you doubted yourself.
Now this is a good story. Inversions of standard tropes/cliches need to be done, to liven things up, and bring about something fresh. And stories like this one in particular seriously need to be brought up. The whole interspecies thing needs to be brought up realistically.
6281487 Oh boy, I love you for this reference.
Perfect.
What sweet sorrow there is in being denied one's hope~
Nice little story. There's promise here of a possible larger story that can be written to lead up to and even after this scene which could be putting the reader inside the human. Still it's a good effort.
6281545 Second cutest moment of MLP FIM.
The first being:
6277214
6280284
I know, right? I've never been a fan of HiE romance for the fact that I can never see a believable reason why the mares are so taken with these guys. Read them, and they're all just generic guys who were nobodies in our world, mail sorters, patty flippers, college students, and yet, they're apparently better than any stallion could ever be.
Then you add in that it's usually a member of the Mane6 or royalty, and it makes even less sense. It's like, the former are national heroes, and the latter are princesses, two of which are immortal. You really think a McDonalds worker would seem all that appealing to them? And it's always just being a decent guy that apparently makes them so attractive. "Oh Anon, you're so kind! You don't randomly lash out and actually listen too me! That's something I've never been able to find in a pony before now!"
Really? If Pinkie didn't fall in love with Cheese, who's practically her soulmate, I doubt she'd fall in love with the guy who sweeps the floors at Sugar Cube Corner.
I'm okay with humans being with ponies, but I'd rather the human actually be deserving of the affection and for the ships to actually have some backup, like a brainy, scientific type ending up with Twilight, a hard working farm boy with Applejack, a vet with Fluttershy, or a fashion designer with Rarity. You know, shared interests and hobbies, which are pretty important to successful relationships.
Not Anon with no defining characteristics besides being strangely sexy to the quadrupedal horse creatures. The fact that many of these blatant and perverted pieces of wish fulfillment can get so popular is baffling.
Phew... Just had to get that off my chest... Good story.
6280681
lol that loserfuck got 360 noskopt
So i don't do second person fics...
I really don't like them...
Because of that, i read this as the story you warned against and now i feel there should be another chapter to close the story...
This..was actually fairly interesting to me.
Unlike many, I enjoy a good HiE fic, as it can open up to so many opportunities. From a random guy to people like Achievement Hunter, Markiplier, etc., it opens up the ponies to new situations, dealing with another species of similar traits to them, on regard to their humanoid nature.
In regards to this, it follows the reader, me in this case, going after and Equine Mate. What caught my eye first was the title, "I Will Never Love You", seeing as that has always applied to me, no female daring try, for fear of being with an idiot such as myself.
Because of my past experience, I decided that this was perhaps a reason this story popped up. I start to read it, and the bouquet of flowers actually represented me and my rose, that I brought to ask a girl I liked to go to the Military Ball. All dressed up, and ready to go, I start to talk to her(no small talk though), and start getting nervous, as usual. I offer the rose and ask her, trying to keep it formal, and gets turned down.
I would like to see a second chapter, to see if it would apply with the after events of me. After she denied me, my mind made a turn to the worst, and I tarnished my reputation severely by trying to ask many girls to it, them all saying no.
More on the original point though, I actually lost my connection to it slightly, after the comparison to finding a monkey attractive. However, thinking about it, that could easily be a connection to me, nobody finding me, the moron, attractive, looks nor personality-wise, which would make some sense out of being turned down like I was.
To summarize, I felt a deep connection with this story, which has made me think. Whether or not it was positive or not for me, there was a reason this was featured on Ponu for me to see, I'm fairly certain of it. Thank you for the amazing story, and I hope to see more from you!
Sincerely,
Jcfraven
And for once, the real side of "love" in an HiE fic!
Shoot, some of us have never even been on a date with or kissed a g-g-g-g-g-GIRL!!! What chance would we have with such perfect creatures of fantasy?
But then...isn't that what fantasy is for?
I feel like you should've added the tag Tragedy because no matter how this story was written, it ends badly for the main character and rejection is one of those bad endings. But I think I it's okay to leave it out mostly because the title and the description pretty much describes how this story is going to go and it's not a bait-and-switch either. I think I only read two stories that actually had the main character be rejected and then try to find someone else, but I think they start with him being rejected at the start of the story rather than have it happen like you wrote it. Well, at least this guy will know Spike's pain if he's been rejected by Rarity for the same reasons.
WI awesome! You did a very good job here I don't know how you managed to do it but when I read this I was emotional.
I really want to see this continued. Even if it's finished, I'd like to see either a sequel or more chapters for it. :D
this definitely needs a sequel.
MAKE. A. SEQUEL. D:
6284138
Uh, sorry to drag up an old comment, but what does HiE stand for? It's not Google-able.
6590618 Human in Equestria.
This story makes me sad.
is there a chance will get a sequel to this story
6782510 Probably not. It's not meant to be a narrative.