I Wish She Didn't Trust Me So Much

Source

A young man's letter to no one, detailing his feelings for the relationship between two of his best friends.

Rated T for mildly suggestive sayings. Special thanks goes to Reneigh Haycraft for editing!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 15 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 15
- Newest First
- Oldest First

strangephantasm

strangephantasm #1 · Nov 3rd, 2015 · 3 · ·

Any time I read these stories with human x pony and there's the whole "horse" issue, I like to refer to the number one go-to guy when it comes to banging aliens: Captain Kirk. I mean, sure those green skinned space babes looked mostly human but still. If good ol' James Tiberius Kirk landed on Equestria, you can bet your ass he'd be in either Tia or Luna's bed before you could say "Obey your prime directive."

Not sure about the whole "villain" thing. I'd wager Dash would appreciate being told the truth, personally. But then, I'm not an emotionally confused character in a sad story.

hahahathat'sthejoke *weeps softly*

Weird, for some reason the Like button ain't working.

MistyDay

MistyDay #2 · Nov 3rd, 2015 · 2 · ·

Nice! I enjoyed reading this.. Though it feeels as if this might only be a start... Like... Maybe let somepony find this letter? :P

Anhoof: have a +1 from me! :)

TravisDude911

TravisDude911 #3 · Nov 3rd, 2015 · 1 · ·

Because i cant leave a like, i'll leave this comment saying i like your story.

I LIKED YOUR STORY FRIEND AND WELCOME TO FIMFICTION.

FrontSevens

FrontSevens #4 · Nov 3rd, 2015 · 1 · ·

I'm having trouble connecting to the main character here, as I'm not feeling the strong emotions that he's feeling. The narrative is summarizing the story, as is the nature of a letter, I suppose, but it makes the story less intimate to me, like I'm distant from the main character. This story tells me about the main character experiencing frustration and such, but I don't feel it. I think this story needed to be a bit more fleshed out to be effective. "Show vs. tell" might be a good writing thing to study. I know I've been doing that a lot lately.

The story flows well, though, and it's mechanically sound.

Casper McKnight

Casper McKnight #5 · Nov 3rd, 2015 · 1 · ·

6595158
6595180
6595227
6595230

Thanks for the reception, guys! When I find the time, I may just re-write this into a better and more developed story.

dragonjek

dragonjek #6 · Nov 3rd, 2015 · · ·

6595158 My thoughts in the whole "but she's a horse!" worries can be answered thusly:
This
cdn2.scratch.mit.edu/get_image/gallery/1374706_200x130.png?v=1436314613.72
Does NOT look like
This
media.licdn.com/mpr/mpr/p/5/005/049/0de/3b8e7f5.jpg

The oracle

The oracle #7 · Nov 5th, 2015 · · 2 ·

I actually have a idea to where he finally snaps and tells them both, and trys to stab rainbowdash after saying " You took my happy ending from me, so i;m gonna take away yours."

Casper McKnight

Casper McKnight #8 · Nov 5th, 2015 · · ·

6603991 Whoa, let's not get carried away here!

silvadel

silvadel #9 · Nov 9th, 2015 · 1 · ·

A couple of things of note guy... Rainbow doesn't play fair, and Rainbow is a lot more aware than ponies or humans in this case take her for.

She almost certainly was waiting for the right time as well, and when you confessed to her that you were about to take the step, she was able to put two and two together and beat you to the punch with Twilight.

She did so knowingly and with full intent.

The ScapeGoat