Queen Chrysalis decides to pay Fluttershy a visit.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 15th May, 2015
- offline last seen Jul 26th, 2021
CristalGalaxy
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CristalGalaxy
Joined 15th May, 2015 ·
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no don't be sorry for writing this story because i like this story and i will be waiting for more chapters for this story if you do make more chapters which i hope you do
Pretty decent.
Found a small typo.
to
This story made me laugh.
"I'm so sorry for writing this story" Never be sorry!!!! More?
6303631 Sorry but that was the only chapter :)
6303856 Your comment made my day
6303674 Thanks!
6304652 ok
6304652 Glad to hear it.
Don´t be sorry. Ever.
It is silly and made me smile and I am sure it will make many more smile, even if just for the last sentence.
6304884 Thank you so very much :)
Phrasing's a bit iffy here.
*put
Proofreading is important!
Then she happily trotted away to go looking for rope.
Many errors. Could use a proofread. Characterization is sketchy. Ending is weak.
It was decent, a bit of work around the story such as adding more lines of detail, going over what you have and reading it out loud to yourself can really help bring out the comedy. It's certainly an interesting idea, but the whole awkward silence joke did drag on a little too long. for comedy mixing with Fluttershy and Chrysalis I would have certainly pictured more events where Chrysalis wanted to observe some of the animals that Fluttershy takes care of and then getting everything backfire with each new animal, only hurting Chrysalis in the process.
Any chance
I, we could get an alternative ending?I liked
6426869 Glad to hear
Poor Twilight is going to have an aneurysm.
Well....I can safely say that I have NO IDEA what I just read....but it was good.
6492810 Uhhhh thanks I guess.
6493129
Well, for the most part, the story was all over the place, and it was hard to tell who exactly was speaking at times. I do really like the premise, though, as it seems fairly interesting, having Chrysalis show up at Fluttershy's at Discord's recommendation, and how both she and Fluttershy react (at exactly the same time, and in the exact same way to boot) when Discord does show up.
I think-- I think I was just subjected to a literary drug trip.
6499598 Damm right you were
ha so...we shoud stop her...right
6945728 Maybe?
that ending defiantly falls under dark comedy....which is the best type of comedy. the whole thing was amusing in the sheer about of awkwardness of it but that last line just made me laugh.
7080305 Thanks!
7573402 Glad this made you laugh XD
Huh. I never thought Twilight would go that far. I'd just imagiine her smiling, and walking to the nearest home depot for some special supplies..