Rainbow dash is excited for the wonderbolt show in Canterlot but the changelings show up and the changeling queen shows up too and traps soarin and rainbow dash in her cave world. What will happen? to find out what happens read the story.
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this is good and has potential but it needs some work. All the names have to be capitalized, I think Wonderbolts is one word and your kinda rushing along with out being descriptive; You don't need to describe every hair on Dash's coat per-say but don't just leave it as "this is happen and this is happening". describe emotions like the reaction of the crowd to Dash doing the sonic rainboom, give a little idea that Soarin may have the attraction to Dash and other stuff like that. I hope this won't discourage you from continuing, that is the last thing I want. I just want to see you improve is all.
6303906
I know I kinda rushed through it and this is my first so I'm like a beginner at this and BTW I'm 7th grade so my writing hasn't fully devloped and thank you for telling me what I need to work on, I appreciate it.
~MLPdior
The idea of your story is really great but I think it would be better if you describe the scenes better. Like the last paragraph. You'd better describe it more. For example, describing the way Queen Chrysalis and changelings entered and trapped Soarin and Rainbow.
By the way, they're only some advice to make your story better. I don't say that your story is bad. No. I think it's great and a lot of people should read it. You can improve your story with these advice.
Also...
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
I will updated Tommorow, hope you like..
6306557 thank you words cannot describe about how I feel about your comment
I appreciate it, thank you again
~MLPdior
The like the idea of the story, but it just seems a bit rushed. Like I said, I really like the idea, maybe just add more development with the character's and explain the situation a little more vividly. Can't wait to see where the story goes
Cool story so far!
This is very similar to another soarindsh story I've read a couple of times by another author, but hey? Still good isn't?
Keep up the good work!
^coolstorybrah^
6306824 kay... Like I said I'm not top notch but I will try...
Thanks anyway
6307349 your the first person to comment without requesting anything which is the best thing ever, not that do not like requests but it's feels good to have someone that fully appreciates the story.
Thank you, I appreciate it
~MLPdior
6307760 Your welcome, and I know how you feel. I wasn't that good of writer, but with practice, your story should be amazing.
Its a little rushed
6308596 ya I kinda know that
This was really rushed.
Also, there's a LOT of grammar mistakes here.
If you want, I can help you pre-read your upcoming chapters and probably make them longer.
6310644 okay, the problem is I really don't know how to do that
6307781 no prob
Wow this chapter was much better than others.
Keep up the good work! You're getting better!
6321859 thanks your the best
6322015
Thanks.
It needs a little polishing.
6351892 yeah about that
Hehe
Your writing has gotten better, the fact that your trying to make your writing better is a sign of a good writer to me. so expect me to continue to read this story some more and keep practicing your craft. By the way you made Soarin's name lower case twice(that is fine, human error happens).
6355862 thanks that means a lot to me
Wow umm... I don't want to be rude but this was worse than my first story. I do however like the concept of what you have planed.
6420526 wow thanks best comment I ever got!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway I might not go on with this story. MY FEED BACK ISNT THAT BEST
We'll thank you for being honest with me because I know my story's the worst.
With regards,
MLPdior
We'll see where it goes. You're getting better!
This is a good start for your FIRST EVER STORY!
Although it needs a little more time to recheck and re-recheck this story, I think it has a very creative plot. I'm sure it'll be better if you spend more time reading this again and again before you submit it.
Keep on going!
6304221 Wow! I guess we are in the same age!!!
Really nice story!!
6509032 omg thank you
No prob!
Updated on meh phone I know I need to edit when my laptop is working again sorry
You need to write longer chapters, just saying.
6595995 bro I know that but I'm so busy with school work
It's a great start!! Here are my suggestions: Try and make longer chapters. Also, maybe get an editor, if you feel like you need one! They can be extremely useful!
Also, always remember to capitalize names! And, be sure to re read the entire chapter before uploading it! You might find a silly mistake or two! XD (I always do...)
That is all! Awesome story so far!
6625966 THE PROBLEMS SCHOOL GIVES ME
SCHOOL WORK I LITERALLY CANT DO ANYTHING SO IF I WOULD WRITE LONGER CHAPTERS IT WILL TAKE LONGER TIME AND IF I WANT TO BE LIKE Top notch I would have to actually put effort in. I usually don't because I have no time
6626006 Hehe... That's alright! We all have those moments in time! (I never get time to write! I usually write on weekends, or at like, 2 am!) XD XD
Well that escalated quickly
Your in 8TH, same
6634563 yep
6634555 well, have any suggestions
6634570 Off the top of my head, no, this seems like a fic I read, Trapped, by I Am Not A Dalek
6634581 really I haven't read it I think
6634596 amazing fic, sad fic as well
I finally found it! Yay!!This was a pretty great start, a few grammar errors and a bit rushed, but overall ok for a first story!
6304221
I'm in 7th grade too!! 
Oh gawd I've been drinking too much coffee...
Anywho..
I agree very much with Bluey Shine, try to add a bit more details to your writing, it keeps the audience on the edge of their seats to see what happens next!
Cute!! I adore the Soarindash fluff!!
love this so far 0u0
Great job! Short, but still great! Don't let some negative remarks get to ya sweetie, you should definitely continue this! Faveeeeeee
6689808 thank you so much
That means a lot
Lol I liked it it was good for a first story, and I hope you continue it!