- Member Since 12th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen April 13th
Sunsetsparkle129
I love to write ,I am a crazy F.C.Barcelona and Leo Messi fan and I love Soarindash!
Sunsetsparkle129
Joined 12th Sep, 2015 ·
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I like it can't wait for the next chapter, I love Soarindash
6746756 thanks so much! This is my first story so I hope you will like it to the end!
6746895 You're welcome, and this is really good for a first story and I'm sure I will enjoy the rest of it, Soarindash is my favorite ship ever lol
6746905 I love it too
OMG this is so awesome!
6746947 Thank you!
This is pretty good!I am sooooo tracking this!!
6747054 thank you!
Oooh intresting
Looks interesting
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/5/27/335036__safe_solo_animated_image+macro_discord_reaction+image_the+return+of+harmony_popcorn_dis+gon+b+gud.gif
6747523 Oh it will be starting from shapter2
6747549 Yeah a LOT will happen
WAIT A SEC,THAT'S YOUR FIRST STORY?
WOW,YOU'VE GOT TALENT
You earned a like,fav and follow!!
It's amazing,can't wait for the next chapter
6747582 can't wait
6747771 Thank you so much!
Continue please!!!!
6747919 Don't worry I will!
TOO MUCH TALENT
GAHH
SO GUD
6748017 heh thank you!
This is your first story? Wow, that's really good!
6748208 huh thank you!
6747584 DUN DUN DUN
6748842
Not bad for your first attempt!
You've done a good job at setting up the plot and giving us the main conflict. You linked the first chapter right to the story description, which is generally the best thing you can do in a shorter story. Knowing that Soarin is going to be watching over Dashie is another reason for any of the ships fans to come right in and want more
I always judge a story by the story being told first and foremost, so you've done a pretty good job here, that being said, there are a few structural things i'd like to point out for your benefit
The most important being: When you have a line of dialogue, if it's a new character speaking it should be the first line in a new paragraph. so...
you have:
but following basic dialogue structuring it should look something like this:
The action scene was a little shakey in some places, but I could still easily follow it (though im confused, a 200 foot tall tree? thats huge!
)
Overall, if this is your first attempt, you sure did a heck of a lot better than my first attempt at writing ever!
Good job and keep on going! You're only going to get better!
6750491 Thank you so much! I'll do my best!
Nice, love this kind of story. SoarinDash for the win! This will be interesting how Dash will react to failing and losing her chance to be a Wonderbolt. Oh, Soarin treat her well.
6750602 Huh thanks!PS:be prepared for feels
6750610
Nooooo... *Sighs* Ok, I'm ready.
6750634
That line reminds me of another story i really like...
Anywho, its getting good already!
Cool!
6782584 Thank you!
I REALLY didn't see that coming...
YOU ARE THE UNEXPECTABLE!
6782705 Huh thank you!Yeah expect more shock's cuz I love doing them
6782705 Oh and ya'll get a chance to get you're oc in the next chapter,Yeah you can be in the story,It'l be a contest I'll post it soon be sure to keep an eye out!
6782805 YAY!
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https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/581612/contest
When are you updating again
I know I'm quite demanding
6782953 Chapter 2 is out and chapter 3 will be out when the contest is over so I have all the characters
DASH! No!
Wow you were not kidding about the feels. But, why her friends that she as probably known for years now.
6783048 let's just say she hit her head on a strong side
6783048 Oh and next chapter will be delade until I have all 5 oc
I can't wait!!
Will you continue?
6794799 yes,chapter 3 just needs to be edited
6794842 okeydokeylokey
Yesss update
6803667
There are so many spelling errors I can't even get through this... Though I did laugh at how many "gourdes" Soarin has around his "munched".
I'm not usually this harsh but if I can't even understand using context clues, you need to proofread. Badly.