• Member Since 12th Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen April 13th

Sunsetsparkle129


I love to write ,I am a crazy F.C.Barcelona and Leo Messi fan and I love Soarindash!

T

Rainbow Dash gets badly injured during an activity at the academy,apparently so bad that she needs to be supervised for 1 month, her friends being out of the question Rainbow Dash searches for another solution:rainbowdetermined2:

This is my first story so I hope you all like it!

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 76 )

I like it can't wait for the next chapter, I love Soarindash :pinkiehappy:

6746756 thanks so much! This is my first story so I hope you will like it to the end!

6746895 You're welcome, and this is really good for a first story and I'm sure I will enjoy the rest of it, Soarindash is my favorite ship ever lol :twilightsmile:

OMG this is so awesome!

This is pretty good!I am sooooo tracking this!!

Looks interesting

6747523 Oh it will be starting from shapter2

WAIT A SEC,THAT'S YOUR FIRST STORY?:pinkiegasp:WOW,YOU'VE GOT TALENT:rainbowderp:
It's amazing,can't wait for the next chapter:rainbowkiss:You earned a like,fav and follow!!:heart:

Continue please!!!!

TOO MUCH TALENT
GAHH
SO GUD

This is your first story? Wow, that's really good!

Not bad for your first attempt! :rainbowkiss:

You've done a good job at setting up the plot and giving us the main conflict. You linked the first chapter right to the story description, which is generally the best thing you can do in a shorter story. Knowing that Soarin is going to be watching over Dashie is another reason for any of the ships fans to come right in and want more :rainbowdetermined2:

I always judge a story by the story being told first and foremost, so you've done a pretty good job here, that being said, there are a few structural things i'd like to point out for your benefit :twilightsmile:

The most important being: When you have a line of dialogue, if it's a new character speaking it should be the first line in a new paragraph. so...

you have:

"What's all this commotion about?!" yelled a voice behind them. They both turned around and saw Spitfire standing behind them, wearing an unamused look on her face.

"Finally! Will you please tell Fleetfoot that you did not arrange a level 3 test for the level 2 cadets on purpose!" Soarin said.

Fleetfoot rolled her eyes while murmuring to herself, "She did...".

Spitfire closed her eyes and calmly past by him saying "As a matter of fact, I did".

"Ha! I told yo-wait WHAT?!" Soarin exclaimed in disbelief, "Are you crazy?" He started getting in her face as she remained calm.

"No, I'm not"

He got out of her face but the look of disbelief didn't leave his. "Then why-" he began but was cut by Spitfire.

but following basic dialogue structuring it should look something like this:

"What's all this commotion about?!" yelled a voice behind them. They both turned around and saw Spitfire standing behind them, wearing an unamused look on her face.

"Finally! Will you please tell Fleetfoot that you did not arrange a level 3 test for the level 2 cadets on purpose!" Soarin said.

"She did..." Fleetfoot rolled her eyes while murmuring to herself. Spitfire closed her eyes.

"As a matter of fact, I did," she said as she calmly passed by him.

"Ha! I told yo-wait WHAT?!" Soarin exclaimed in disbelief, "Are you crazy?" He started getting in her face as she remained calm.

"No, I'm not" she clarified. Soarin got out of her face but the look of disbelief didn't leave his.

"Then why-" he began but was cut by Spitfire.

The action scene was a little shakey in some places, but I could still easily follow it (though im confused, a 200 foot tall tree? thats huge! :pinkiegasp::rainbowwild:)

Overall, if this is your first attempt, you sure did a heck of a lot better than my first attempt at writing ever! :rainbowlaugh::scootangel:

Good job and keep on going! You're only going to get better! :twilightsmile::eeyup:

6750491 Thank you so much! I'll do my best!:twilightsheepish::twilightsmile:

Nice, love this kind of story. SoarinDash for the win! This will be interesting how Dash will react to failing and losing her chance to be a Wonderbolt. Oh, Soarin treat her well.

6750602 Huh thanks!PS:be prepared for feels :pinkiehappy::heart:

6750610
Nooooo... *Sighs* Ok, I'm ready.

Because these are the best cadets I have seen so far,

That line reminds me of another story i really like... :rainbowderp:

Anywho, its getting good already! :pinkiecrazy::pinkiehappy:

I REALLY didn't see that coming...

:rainbowderp:
:pinkiegasp:
:pinkiecrazy:


YOU ARE THE UNEXPECTABLE! :rainbowlaugh:

6782705 Huh thank you!Yeah expect more shock's cuz I love doing them:pinkiecrazy:

6782705 Oh and ya'll get a chance to get you're oc in the next chapter,Yeah you can be in the story,It'l be a contest I'll post it soon be sure to keep an eye out!

When are you updating again
I know I'm quite demanding

6782953 Chapter 2 is out and chapter 3 will be out when the contest is over so I have all the characters

DASH! No!

Wow you were not kidding about the feels. But, why her friends that she as probably known for years now.

6783048 let's just say she hit her head on a strong side:raritywink:

6783048 Oh and next chapter will be delade until I have all 5 oc

6794799 yes,chapter 3 just needs to be edited

There are so many spelling errors I can't even get through this... Though I did laugh at how many "gourdes" Soarin has around his "munched".

I'm not usually this harsh but if I can't even understand using context clues, you need to proofread. Badly.

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