When Rainbow Dash announces that this year cloudsdale will be getting its water from Ponyville, Fluttershy is a little nervous, but when a new pony comes to Ponyville Fluttershy feels a connection with this shy new pony and quickly starts to fall for him and she's never felt for any pony like this before, but this mysterious stallion holds many secrets and surprises, but does he also hold the key to Fluttershy's heart?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Just saying, I think you caught Pinkie Pie, PERFECTLY! The others, well... so-so. I like the Idea, but your skipping to much of the story. Lets say when they went to the meeting, certain things Rainbow Dash would say, remind Fluttershy how lonly she is, and helps add to her want to stay home. Just as an example, not at all saying what you need to do. Another thing that might help, is slowing down your story. Alot of times you'll think of the perfect thing to put in your story, but it can only happen half way threw, so you rush the first half to get there. But when you get there, you'll look back at your story, and it stinks. Try to thing of amazing ideas threwout the entire story, to discourage any rushing. And if your just not in the mood to right a certain part, skip it, and write a diffrent part. But when you'r in the mood again. You can start on your skipped part and continue the story. These are just some writing hints I've found from my proffesors and from my own exsperiances. Hope you like!
Not bad, pretty interested to read more!
809144 thx fer the comments and yes i notsed the rushing as well but I'v no idea how ta fix that i rather a noob at writin stories an this iz my first one