In hindsight, I really should’ve seen the ambush coming. I can only blame the mistake on being emotionally worn out from how crazy the last few days had been. That, and the fact that my Aunt chose the most innocuous and naturally tempting bait imaginable.
She’d shown up at my house in the morning and offered to take me out to breakfast. Like any half-awake pony with an empty stomach, I didn’t ask too many questions when somepony showed up at my front door offering free food. She said something about how we hadn’t seen each other for a while and this would be a good chance to catch up, and I nodded along while trying to decide whether I wanted pancakes or waffles. Considering my usual breakfast whenever Eepy wasn’t staying overnight was an egg with cheese on a slice of toast, the prospect of something nicer lulled me into going along with her evil scheme.
We met up with Uncle Typhoon at a nice open-air cafe, made all the nicer because Rainbow had scheduled pleasant, sunny weather for the day. I wasted no time ordering the first full Canterlot-style breakfast I’d had in years: eggs, haybacon, tomatoes, mushrooms, baked beans, pancakes, hash browns, and a fruit cup. I cleaned my plate before my aunt and uncle were even halfway done with their own much more modest meals. I blame it on the pregnancy. Eating for two, and all that.
Once I was nice and relaxed with a full belly to lure me into her evil scheme, Aunt Wind made her move. It started with a polite smile and seemingly innocent question. “So, Cloud, is there anything new going on with you? It’s been too long since we’ve had a chance to visit, and I’m sure all kinds of things have been happening.”
I was about to answer when I caught the knowing gleam in her eyes and the mischievous smirk on her lips. I groaned and buried my face in my hooves. “Seriously? Dad couldn’t keep his mouth shut about it for one day?!”
Aunt Wind chuckled and sipped her tea. “Your father has never been very good at keeping things secret from me.”
“Tor tried,” Uncle Typhoon offered in my father’s defense. “Held out for nearly fifteen minutes, but Wind’s rather relentless when she sets her mind to something. Though she was down to just guessing at random and hoping she lucked out when he cracked. He twitched when she asked if you were pregnant. Hard not to when he’d just found out.”
“Ah.” I snatched away a bite of my aunt’s waffles to punish her for her prying. “So ... yeah. That’s the big news. I’ve got something that could one day be a kid in me.”
Aunt Wind nodded thoughtfully, leaning back in her chair. “How do you feel about that?”
I answered her with a suspicious glare. “That’s an awful ... psychologist-y question to ask. I’m pretty sure there are rules about not using your psychological powers on members of your own family. You’ll drive us all crazy. Just look at how Star and Storm turned out.”
She rolled her eyes in response to my perfectly reasonable point. “Cloud, stop trying to trick me into changing the subject. Also, for the record, I’m not giving you therapy right now. I’m just talking to my niece about a major, life-changing event. Like any aunt would.” She paused, and her gaze turned piercing. “Though I do find it interesting that you’re bringing up the idea of therapy without any prompting from me. Almost as if you feel like you need it. If you’d like, I could give you several good recommendations...”
I waved off her offer with a smarmy grin. “Nah, I don't need therapy. I prefer to deal with my numerous personality issues like normal ponies: lots of denial mixed with some deeply unhealthy coping mechanisms. Mostly sex. Lots and lots of sex with beautiful ponies.” I tapped my chin thoughtfully. “Which I suppose means that if I was mentally healthier, I would have less sex. Doesn’t give me much of an incentive to fix my issues, does it?”
Aunt Wind answered me with a flat look, her tone taking up a level of maternal firmness she usually reserved for whenever Star and Storm were picking on each other too much. “Cloud, I know when you're avoiding a topic.”
Damn, she was on to me. “You're not gonna let me slip out of this one, are you?”
My aunt nodded. “Normally I might indulge you for a bit, but a pregnancy is a bit too important to let you get away with your usual shenanigans. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you prefer to avoid difficult topics rather than confront them. Frankly, it’s past time you learned that running from your problems usually just makes them worse.”
“Really?” I shot back defiantly. “Since when have I avoided my problems?” I knew perfectly well what she meant, but I saw an opportunity to derail the conversation again. Avoiding discussing my problems by starting an argument about whether I avoid discussing my problems. Truly, I was a diabolical mastermind.
With typical Kicker stubbornness, my aunt argued the point. “It would have saved all of us a lot of grief if we had talked about you going to West Hoof and joining the Guard before you attended the academy. Or if you had come to us about your own doubts before doing something rash like leaving in the middle of your graduation ceremony.” She sighed and shook her head. “To be quite honest, I think it’s time you opened up more with us. We’re your family and we want to help you, but we can’t if you won’t tell us when you have a problem. Why won’t you ever communicate with us?”
I shrugged, mostly because I didn’t feel like spelling out the actual answer. The thing was, whenever I’d tried that in the past all I got out of it was my twentieth lecture on all the ways I wasn’t good enough, which Mom seemed to believe was some sort of helpful advice on how I could address my numerous inadequacies as a daughter. She always seemed mystified by the fact that I didn’t like the ‘Here’s how you could be slightly less disappointing to me’ lectures I got whenever I told her about ... well, pretty much anything. Was it really that big of a surprise that I wasn’t too eager to open up after putting up with that for my entire childhood?
Aunt Wind continued on, channeling some of that good old Mom-ly judgement and condemnation. “At the very least, if you’d talked to us we could have come up with a solution that would have made you happy and probably have smoothed a lot of the ruffled feathers your abrupt departure caused.”
I shrugged again. “I guess.” I was starting to regret changing the subject. Sure, it had gotten me out of discussing my pregnancy, but this wasn’t exactly an improvement.
“We all make mistakes,” my aunt reassured me with a pat on the shoulder. “That's part of life. The best we can do is learn from them.”
I nodded and tried to close the subject with a bit of snark. “That’s what I try to do. Making the same mistakes over and over gets boring after a while.”
Aunt Wind smiled, apparently immune to my charm. “That’s why we're asking you to talk to us. You know we want what's best for you.”
I frowned, not exactly wild about her choice of words. “Excuse me, but what exactly makes you so sure you know what's best for me? I think I can make my own calls on that.”
My aunt met my gaze patiently, and waited several seconds before continuing, keeping her voice carefully calm and level. “Nopony here is trying to tell you what to do, Cloud. All I want to do is help you figure out what's best for you. We all know that this is your body, and how you handle your pregnancy is your decision. We're just here to help you make the right choice.”
“Let me guess,” I snapped back, “‘the right choice’ is the one you want me to make? Seems to be what everypony means when they say that. Everypony seems to be so eager to ‘help’ me by telling me what I should do.”
Aunt Wind’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Cloud, that isn’t very—”
Uncle Typhoon pointedly cleared his throat, cutting her off. “Even Honored Shadow needed counsel now and again. She listened to what everypony had to say, even the ones who had a strong opinion and wanted to tell her what to do. Then she made her own decision.”
I looked between the two of them for a bit, and started to realize that I’d probably jumped on them a bit too aggressively. I was just ... well, I could blame the hormones, but that wasn’t it. It just felt like everypony wanted to tell me what to do ever since I’d gotten pregnant, like how Fluttershy and Blossom had both jumped on me when I talked about not having the kid. Maybe I was being a little oversensitive, but everything had just happening so far. It had only been ... what, a few days since I’d found out? In any case, I should probably wait to see if my aunt and uncle were actually trying to be controlling before I went off on them for doing so. “Fine. I'll hear you out.”
Aunt Wind’s answering smile was a bit strained. “Thank you.” She took a couple deep breaths, and it slowly became more genuine. “So ... how are you feeling about the big news?”
I took a couple calming breaths too before I answered. “Still kinda...” My hoof circled vaguely in the air as I struggled to describe everything running through my head. “It's ... it’s just so big.”
She nodded and murmured sympathetically. “I think I understand how you feel. I've been there twice myself, and it took me a long time to wrap my head around the idea when I found out I was pregnant with Storm. And that was ... well, not as unexpected as this was for you. I suppose Star would be a bit of a closer parallel.” She sighed and shook her head, chuckling to herself. “As Storm is so fond of reminding her sister, Star was something of an accident. Not that it makes me love her any less, but I would have liked more than a few months to recover in between pregnancies. Waking up in the middle of the night to take care of a newborn is hard enough when you’re not carrying another child.”
I winced at the idea. I was certainly having an ugly enough time dealing with off-and-on morning sickness, and I knew from helping out Derpy that things were only going to get worse. The idea of putting up with all of that while also having to take care of a screaming foal was ... well, it explained why Aunt Wind didn’t have any more kids after those two.
My aunt chuckled and shook her head. “In any case, we were very happy when we found out I was carrying Storm.” She took Uncle Typhoon’s hoof and smiled at him. “Though I admit we were both very nervous about the whole thing. Having a foal is a massive responsibility, and I was worried I wouldn’t be up to the challenge. It just felt like there were a thousand and one ways things could go wrong. I suspect my training actually made things worse for me in that regard.”
My uncle shot her a teasing smirk. “Always worrying one mistake would leave the girls with some kind of problems. Like a hypochondriac, except it was with our daughters and worrying they’d have psychological issues.”
Aunt Wind cleared her throat, her cheeks slightly flushed. “Yes, well, it’s a mother’s duty to worry about her children.”
“Worry, yes,” my uncle agreed. “Seemed like for a while when they were teenagers we couldn’t go a week without one of them having a new diagnosis. Storm having trouble making friends in her first week of high school? Schizoid personality disorder. Star getting into a fight with another filly at school? Antisocial personality disorder. Storm being a bit of a perfectionist? Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. Star is—”
“Thank you, Typhoon,” my aunt growled out, hitting him with a glare that promised many nights sleeping on the couch if he didn’t shut up. Being a fairly intelligent and perceptive stallion, he didn’t say another word.
I swooped in to my uncle’s rescue. “In any case, it seems like you did a decent job with those two. I mean, they’re more lovably eccentric than outright crazy, and they’re both holding down good jobs and acting like functioning adults in most respects.” Even their sibling rivalry was mostly restricted to harmlessly poking fun at each other; the only time it had gotten a bit nuts was when Rainbow, Sparkler, and Twilight had all gotten sucked into it. And even then, it had been a lot of fun to watch from the sidelines.
Aunt Wind smiled and nodded. “I like to think I did a decent job with them. That’s not to say there weren’t some rough patches—having two teenagers under the same roof made that inevitable. Not to mention all the other little problems that cropped up over the years.” Her ears drooped a bit. “I remember one time when Storm had a big ballet performance she’d spent months getting ready for. I was swamped with work that week, and misremembered what time it was. I showed up an hour after they’d finished. Storm was ... very upset.”
“Wouldn’t talk to Wind for a week,” Uncle Typhoon confirmed.
“And of course, I was worried my mistake had ruined our relationship.” She sighed and shook her head. “I made it up to her by buying her a nice dress, then started wondering if I’d set a bad example by trying to buy her forgiveness.” She ran a hoof through her mane and shot me a weary smile. “Fair warning, being a parent means spending a lot of time worrying that you’ll make a mess of things and ruin your children. And that was just Storm; Star added her own list of things to worry about. We were still adjusting to having our first child when we learned that another one was on the way. There were all sorts of complications from having two children so close in age.”
“Not to mention it must've worn you out,” I chimed in. “I mean, Derpy was pretty wiped out after she had Dinky. You'd probably barely gotten over having Storm when Star started growing in your belly.”
Uncle Typhoon grinned and wrapped a wing over my aunt’s shoulders. “Wind wasn't exactly the happiest mare in the world. Kept grumbling about how it was all my fault.”
My aunt grinned and playfully hoofed him on the shoulder. “Well, I certainly wouldn’t have gotten pregnant without your involvement. In any case, you trying popping out one kid after another. I started to feel like some sort of broodmare near the end.”
He just grinned and kissed her on the cheek. “Putting up with Wind’s moods was worth it. We did get two wonderful girls out of it, after all.”
“But then no more kids, ever again,” I smirked at the two of them. “I’m not inclined to think that was a coincidence.” If not for the fact that they were my aunt and uncle, I probably would’ve made some remarks about using protection. But they were, and thinking about them having sex, safe or not, was just weird and gross.
“Two was enough for us,” my aunt agreed. “That's something every parent has to decide for themselves, though. You might be fine with just one, or you might decide you love your children so much you want an entire brood of them.” She chuckled and shook her head. “Not that you can plan everything out to perfection. As I’m sure you’re well aware, you can end up with some unexpected bundles of joy. Once that happens, you have to deal with the consequences. That’s just part of life.”
I hesitated a moment, then brought up the alternative. “Unless you decide you don't want the kid. I mean, it’s not like anypony can force me to carry the kid to term.”
My aunt frowned pensively. “That’s true, yes.” I couldn’t help but note her words were a lot more measured now. “Were you considering not having the child?”
I shrugged, then nodded. “Well, it's not like I planned to have a kid. Or am in a good position to raise one. Or would be very good at the whole motherhood thing. Or even wanted to do any of that right now. Or ... well, you get the idea.”
“Having a child is a huge commitment,” Uncle Typhoon agreed, nodding sympathetically. “Not something you should do unless you’re sure you want to. Be a bad thing to end up resenting your own child because you didn’t want the responsibility of being a parent. Be sure before you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy.”
“Yeah, especially since I don’t think giving the kid away would be an option.” Blossom wasn’t a huge ball of unresolved issues on account of being an orphan, but I was pretty sure she would hit the roof if I suggested putting our kid in the adoption system. For that matter, she’d been pretty strongly opposed to the idea of just not having the kid at all. “So yeah, gotta figure that one out.”
Aunt Wind leaned back in her chair, her eyes measuring me. “Well then, let’s break the issue down and try to find an answer. What’s bothering you the most about the idea of having a child?”
I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what exactly was bothering me the most. I certainly had no shortage of options to choose. Finally, I settled on, “Everything’ll change.”
My aunt nodded. “It certainly will. Having children will redefine your life and add enormous new responsibilities. It can be rather frightening to realize that all the comfortable certainties of your life are suddenly going to be yanked away from you. Your responsibilities, your relationships, your daily routines ... all of it is going to change. So much of your life will revolve around your child, in one way or another.”
I sighed and shook my head. “Yeah, I saw all that with Derpy. Kinda made me even less enthusiastic about the whole motherhood thing when I see how she’s been handling it. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great mom, but now she’s panicking over the idea that her kids are growing up because that means one day they won’t need her anymore.” I ran a hoof through my mane. “It’s not just about me the ‘raising a kid’ thing either. Everything with Eepy and Blossom'd change, too.”
“Ah.” My aunt’s eyes lit up, and I suspected that if she’d had her psychologist notepad handy she would’ve been busily jotting things down. “You’re right, of course. Having a child together is a massive change for your relationship. It’s a much larger commitment than ... well...”
“Just getting together for wild, passionate sex on a regular basis?” I suggested. “You’re right about that. Thing is, I like what we have. We spend time together, have a blast, and get to keep this nice, happy, uncomplicated dynamic. And have I mentioned how good the sex is?”
“Well...” Wind delicately cleared her throat. “Not to get into too many uncomfortable details, but Typhoon and I have been quite happy with all aspects of our relationship despite having two children and raising them to adulthood. What makes you think that having a foal would threaten what you have with them?”
“‘Cause it’ll complicate things,” I answered, glancing up at the clouds and vainly hoping Rainbow or somepony else would come along and provide a convenient distraction. “They'd wanna move in with me, or maybe even get married.” I’d been privately dreading the prospect that one or both of them would propose to me the next time I saw them. Probably why I’d been semi-avoiding them for the last couple days.
“Why would having them move in with you be such a problem?” my aunt asked, pausing to nibble at her haybacon. “After all, you’ve been with both of them for quite a while now. And in the past you’ve had no issues with them spending the night, or even rather extended stays with you. Didn’t Blossomforth live with you for several weeks that time she caught the feather flu?”
“Yeah, but that was just a temporary thing until she got better.” I struggled to come up with the right words to explain it all. “It’s just, there's a big difference between somepony spending the night or staying over for a bit compared to living with me full-time. We’d have to divide up the closet, and I’ve got a lot of stuff...”
My aunt answered me with a flat, unamused look. “Cloud, you can’t really expect me to believe that this is all about you worrying you won’t have enough room in your closet. What’s the real reason you don’t want them living with you? Are you worried about your relationship? Afraid that moving to something more intimate will cause new problems? Or perhaps existing problems that you’ve been able to ignore so far.”
“What? No! Things are fine with Blossom and Eepy!” I took a moment and tried to make myself sound less defensive. “It’s just ... why rush into things?”
“It’s not as if they were proposing after your third date, Cloud.” My aunt paused to sip her coffee. “You’ve been together for—what was it, two years now? I don’t think very many ponies would consider that rushing. Especially considering you knew them both reasonably well before you even started the relationships.”
“Well, it feels that way to me.” I groaned and ran a hoof down my face. “I mean, we have a perfectly good setup right now. I’m totally, one hundred percent happy with things the way they are. Why does everypony think we need to change our relationship or move on to some sort of arbitrary next stage? Isn’t the whole point of a relationship to be happy together? And if we’re all happy with the status quo...”
“You are happy with the status quo,” my aunt stressed. “Have you sat down with your partners and asked them how they feel? You aren’t the only pony in this relationship, after all. Do they feel the same way about keeping things as they stand? Have you told them why you don’t want to live together? Because I can tell you right now that they will not understand if you don’t explain it. If they think you’re rejecting them...”
“I’m not rejecting them!” I hastily blurted out. “I mean, you of all ponies should understand that. It’s not like you love Uncle Typhoon any less just because you two never got married.”
“That’s true.” Aunt Wind smiled and kissed my uncle on the cheek. “Though admittedly, it’s not like we refused to marry to protest arbitrary social constructs. We just ... never quite got around to it, until we’d put it off for so long that doing it would have felt awkward.” She shrugged, then chuckled to herself. “Honestly, by this point it would ruffle more feathers for us to get married than it would for us to keep things as they are.”
I was about to draw the obvious parallel when she lifted a hoof to cut me off. “The difference is that this is something Typhoon and I discussed repeatedly and have agreed upon. Like I keep trying to tell you, you need to communicate with the ponies in your life. Maybe even make a few compromises instead of insisting on having things your way.”
“What?!” I rose out of my seat, planting my forehooves on the table. “That’s—I compromise all the time! I mean, the whole thing that got me into this mess was when I was feeling nostalgic for a good stallion-bang, and instead of going out and finding one, I went to a lot of trouble to get potions for Blossom and Eepy so—”
“More information than I needed, Cloud,” my aunt quickly cut in. “But that’s just in one area. Surely if you can compromise in the bedroom, you can do so elsewhere. I understand you’re nervous about changing a relationship you think is perfectly fine the way it is, but if your partners don’t agree I would give serious thought to going along with their desires.” She shot me a quick reassuring smile. “I expect they might want to move in with you to help you through what’s going to be a very difficult time in your life. Pregnancies are never easy, and trying to go through it all by yourself isn’t something I would recommend. Would it really be that terrible to have two ponies who love you available for support?”
I sighed, slumping down into my chair. “But that’s part of the whole problem. The pregnancy thing, I mean. Only one of them can be the sire. Well, unless it turns out to be something like me having twins with each of them siring one of the kids, but that sounds like something out of one of those terrible romance novels ponies only read for the steamy bits. Bottom line is, one of them’s the sire and one isn’t. I would like to think I can recognize a future problem before it blows up in my face.”
“It certainly is a complication,” Aunt Wind conceded. “But quite frankly, it’s one you’re going to have to address regardless of what course you choose.”
Uncle Typhoon nodded along, then actually spoke up for the first time in quite a while. “No use crying over spilt milk. Not moving in together won’t stop you from being pregnant. Even getting rid of the foal won’t change the fact that you were pregnant by one of them, and not the other. Can’t avoid the issue forever, unless you never see either of your partners again. Dealing with the issue isn’t something you can avoid—the only thing left to you is to decide how you’re going to deal with it.”
I sighed and reluctantly signalled my concession. “Okay, I get your point. Cat’s out of the bag as far as all the potential jealousy issues go. I guess the only point to be made in favor of not keeping the kid is that it might make it easier for the whole thing to blow over. I mean, if we have the kid around it would be a constant reminder, but ... yeah, not having a kid just for that reason sounds really petty and wrong. Plus it seemed like Blossom and Eepy really want to keep it. Sure, I’m the one carrying it so I get the final call, but...” I nodded to my aunt. “Like you said, if both my partners really want something, I should think very carefully about overruling them. I’d rather not replace jealousy issues with ‘We’re incredibly pissed off at you’ issues.”
Aunt Wind nodded approvingly, leaning back in her chair. “And how does that make you feel? Them wanting to keep the foal despite your own concerns?”
I scowled suspiciously at her. “'How does that make you feel?' That's an awful ... psychologist-y question. And that’s the second time you’ve broken out the head-doc games on me.”
My aunt hit me with another one of her flat looks that probably did wonders at getting Star and Storm to stop horsing around when they were kids. “Cloud, right now I'm your aunt who happens to be a psychologist, not your psychologist who happens to be your aunt. I've already told you this isn't a session. What I'm trying to figure out is how you feel about everything, because I want to help you.”
“Yeah, but you’re using your psychologist tricks to help me.” I tapped my skull. “Trying to get inside my head and stuff.”
Aunt Wind crossed her forelegs over her chest and hit me with the full force of aunt-ly disapproval. “I apologize for caring about your feelings and trying to show consideration for your thoughts about your own deeply personal issues. Please forgive me for loving you and trying to help you during a difficult time.”
“Ouch, right in the guilt trip.” I smirked at my uncle. “I don’t suppose you have any bandages handy? Maybe some ointment for those burns?”
My aunt’s glower turned less annoyed and more speculative. “Cloud, do you always use your attempts at humor as a way to deflect attention from uncomfortable topics?”
“Nah, I’ve got other methods,” I shot back. “But most of them aren’t the kinds of things I could use on my aunt. Though Fluttershy and Blossom find them very distracting.”
“And now you’re trying to deflect me by discussing sex in the hopes that it will make me uncomfortable,” Aunt Wind responded as calmly as if we were discussing the weather. “Why do you try so hard to avoid talking about your problems? Is it just that you're just not used to talking about them with others?”
I shrugged and wished I could still drink cider. Yeah, it was early in the day for alcohol, but I’m allowed to make an exception to the normal rules when my aunt has me pinned underneath a magnifying glass. You’d think there would be a psychologist rule somewhere about not pushing things when the patient doesn’t want them to be pushed. “I like to take care of myself.”
Aunt Wind nodded understandingly. “Of course you do. Your mother was the same way. But like I always told her, just because you can handle everything on your own doesn’t mean you have to. Or that it’s even a good idea. Nopony is an island.” She sighed, then placed one of her hooves on top of mine. “You never felt comfortable discussing your problems with Nimbus, did you? How could you? You’re both fairly private ponies.”
I couldn’t really disagree. “Yeah, Mom was never the kind of pony you went to when you needed somepony to do the whole ‘love and support’ thing. I mean, it’s not like I think she didn’t care or anything, but ... she wasn’t somepony who’d make you a mug of hot chocolate and listen while you got things off your chest.” From my own occasional efforts to reach out to her, she was more inclined to explain exactly how all my problems were my own fault, and a result of my failures as both a pony in general and her daughter in particular.
My aunt wrapped one of her light blue wings around me and sighed. “I noticed. I tried to lend a hoof where I could but ... well, there were boundaries I didn’t want to cross. I wouldn’t have wanted it to look like I was trying to replace Nimbus or imply that she wasn’t doing a good job.” She tucked that wing a bit more tightly around me. “I'm sure that made it hard on you at times. Not being able to ask those questions you really wanted to ask, but felt you couldn't.”
She grimaced and shook her head. “It ... doesn't feel right to talk about her this way. Not when she isn’t here anymore. I know she wasn’t—she really did love you, even if she had trouble showing it.”
“I know.” I sighed and slumped down, pulling her wing a bit tighter around me. “I just wish she'd...” I couldn’t bring myself to even finish the sentence. “Never mind. It’s not important. And like you said, don’t speak ill of the dead and all that.”
Aunt Wind’s wing gently squeezed my shoulders. “Perhaps it would be better if you got it off your chest. I don’t need my degree to guess that your worries about becoming a mother might be related to some of your issues with your own mother.”
I took a deep breath, then said it. “I wish she'd been a better mom.”
My aunt’s eyes flicked down to the table, and stayed there for several seconds before she finally answered me. “She tried her best, she really did. Every parent makes mistakes, Cloud. I know Nimbus made some that hurt you, but what you have to understand is that ... well, she didn't really have the advantage of having good parents to learn from growing up.”
I frowned and tried to dredge up what I knew about Mom’s family. “She never did mention—I mean, I never really—well, her side of the family was always kinda just...” I waved my hoof through the air as I tried to think of something worthwhile to say. “I guess they never really came up, beyond a couple little things. Like, I knew she was from House Cumulus.”
Aunt Wind drained her water glass, then took a deep breath. “That's because she wasn’t on the best of terms with her biological family. Her parents were never a solid base in her life. Nimbus barely got any direction from them. In the end, all children crave a certain level of order in their lives. They want rules and structure, and their parents laying those things out for them means that they love and care about them. Nimbus never really got that growing up.” She rolled her empty glass around in her hooves, trying to catch a waiter’s eye so she could get a refill. “I'm pretty sure that was a big reason why she ended up joining the Guard; it gave her a lot of what she missed growing up. For the first time in her life, there were clear rules and a structured daily routine to follow.”
A sad smile flickered across her face. “Nimbus was so different when I first met her. I’m sure you wouldn’t have even recognized her back when we were roommates at West Hoof. Out until curfew almost every night, and usually coming back to the room smelling like alcohol, sex, or both. It always amazed me that she managed to find the time to get most of her schoolwork done. I know her grades were a bit of a mess, though her practical skills usually made up for her bad academics.”
I cocked my head to the side, trying to comprehend what I’d just heard. “Seriously? Mom was a wild and crazy party girl back at West Hoof?” Yeah, Dad had mentioned something about how my skill at playing the field came from Mom, but... “I thought she believed fun was ... like a form of weakness and evil or something.”
Uncle Typhoon nodded to confirm my Aunt’s story. “Believe it or not, there was a time when all of us were just as crazy, young, and stupid as you used to be. Tor and I even used to do a lot of the things you’d expect two young, dumb stallions to do.”
“Don’t remind me.” My aunt finally got her water refilled, only to empty the glass again fifteen seconds later. “If I had to make an educated guess, I would say that she started off as a party girl as a way to rebel against her parents and get them to notice her. It’s common with children who feel neglected. By the time she reached West Hoof, it had become something of a habit for her.”
I tapped my chin thoughtfully as a few ideas popped into my head. “Y'know, that actually explains a couple things about why she was such a hardflank with me. She didn't want me making the same mistakes she did.”
She nodded along. “Exactly. To tell you the truth, her drinking was on the verge of being a problem for a while. West Hoof is usually pretty tolerant of a little partying as long as you perform your assignments and don’t show up drunk or severely hungover. The one-night stands obviously died out after she hooked up with Tornado, but she didn’t stop drinking until she had you. She swore off the stuff while she was pregnant, and thankfully by the time you’d been born she’d decided she liked being sober.”
She ran a hoof through her hair. “It scared her half to death when she saw you becoming like her, even if it wasn’t exactly the same. I think sometimes she missed the ways you weren’t like her when she was your age. Her grades at West Hoof were ... far lower than what she was capable of if she’d applied herself. I think on some level she assumed the same was the case with you, even though you were actually working hard and performing well in your classes.”
Aunt Wind sighed and shook her head. “Naturally, she wanted you to have a life with all the structure and discipline her childhood had lacked. And since most of her experience with order in life came from the Guard, she drew upon that when it came to raising you.” Her eyes flicked guiltily down. “Tornado and I ... well, the Kickers are a big military family. I suppose we didn’t realize how much she could overdo things. Not until it became a real problem. I just ... you need to understand that the closest she really got to having a proper mother herself was your Grandma Kicker. The two of them were really close.”
“Granny?” I smiled wistfully. “I barely even remember her...” Just a few little things, like the way she made cookies for me and smacked Dad’s hoof away whenever he joked about stealing some of them. And I could vaguely recall her funeral, back when I was younger than Alula and Storm was still a newborn. It had rained that night, like the clouds were crying too.
Aunt Wind smiled fondly. “Mom was one hay of a mare. She had to be, raising Tor and me while also being in the Guard—especially after she was hurt and we lost Dad. If you think you and Nimbus were stubborn ... oh, Mom was something else. She loved us, but often that love came in the form of a swift kick to the plot to make us stop being silly.” Her smile shifted to a faint frown. “Maybe that was also part of what threw things off with Nimbus. I think she tried to imitate your grandmother’s style, but ... well, what worked for Mom with me and Tornado didn’t work for you. I think her tough love had too much tough and not enough love. Mom could be as hard as steel, but she usually knew when her kids really needed a softer touch.”
I shuffled in my seat, trying to wrap my head around all the new information I’d just been given. It was all so ... big. “I kinda didn't know my family as well as I thought, did I?”
“You saw it from the view of a child, Cloud,” my aunt answered. “And that really colors how you see things, trust me. Your parents always seem larger than life when they’re raising you, and it can take a long time to realize that Mom and Dad are really just ordinary flesh and blood ponies with the same flaws and problems as the rest of us. I can guarantee you that Storm and Star see me a lot differently than you do.”
“I guess.” I sighed and ran a hoof down my face. “Mom ... I guess all this time I kinda resented her for not being—I dunno. Not perfect, I guess. But she was really just in the same boat I'm in now. Scared to death she's gonna screw up and let her kid down.”
Aunt Wind nuzzled me. “She tried her best to give you the life she thought you deserved, and she made a few stumbles. After your graduation ... she was pretty devastated. She blamed herself for what happened, for not seeing that you were in trouble before you ran out, and then for driving you further away after.” She sighed, and her shoulders slumped. “I was actually relieved when I found out she was carrying Alula, because when I caught her going through morning sickness I thought she’d taken up drinking again.” She grimaced and shook her head. “We all make mistakes. Especially parents. I know I've made my fair share of goofs raising my daughters, and while Tornado asked me to never tell you this, he did drop you once while you were a baby. Thankfully not too far.”
Uncle Typhoon cleared his throat. “We all want to do what’s best for our kids. The problem is actually knowing how to do that, and balance that with everything else in our lives. Wind and I did have to hold down jobs as well as raising our girls. Sometimes it was hard to be a good priest and a good father at the same time. Only so many hours in the day.” He swallowed the last bit of toast on his plate. “Nopony likes making mistakes or letting somepony else down, and it hurts the most when it involves our kids, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try and do the best we can. It’s fine to be scared of making mistakes—Wind and I certainly were—but you can’t let that fear hold you back.”
I nodded along. “Yeah, I know this sermon, Uncle Typhoon. Can’t be so scared of failure that you never try anything.”
“Exactly,” Aunt Wind agreed. “And despite all our fears, I like to think we did pretty well with Storm and Star.”
Tempting as it was to be a smartflank about how both my cousins were delightfully eccentric, I decided to play nice. “One’s the leader of the princess’ bodyguard unit, and the other’s a newbie lieutenant in the Lunar Guard. I'd say they're off to a good start.” After all, being posted to a princess’ personal guard was usually seen as the career fast-track. Well, as long as you did a good job and didn’t do anything to piss off said princess. After all, if a happy princess can send an officer shooting up the ranks, a mad one could bump a lieutenant down to shoveling manure.
Typhoon beamed. “Oh yes, we're very proud of them. Storm getting Shadow’s Armor was ... I couldn’t be more pleased. My daughter bearing the legacy of Honored Shadow herself is incredible. But as much as I like to brag about my girls, right now we’re here to help you.”
“Exactly.” Aunt Wind turned a piercing gaze on me. “Are you feeling a bit better, Cloud?”
I thought about it for a moment, and to my surprise found myself nodding. “Yeah, I am.”
“Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?” She smiled and leaned forward, looking almost conspiratorial. “Being a two-time mom, I have a bit of experience for what you're going through. And what you have to look forward to.”
I chuckled. “Sorry, too late. Derpy already gave me a pretty good run-down of all the nasty things I have to look forward to. Not to mention I got to see a lot of it first-hoof when I helped her through having Dinky. Granted, I wasn’t there for every moment, but...”
She chuckled and patted my shoulder. “Cloud, sweetheart, you have no idea what you’re in for. Trust me, seeing it all from the outside does nothing to prepare you for what it’s like to be on the receiving end. Though don’t worry, it's not all bad.”
I frowned suspiciously at her. “You've got nostalgia glasses on. Personally, I'm just glad I seem to be keeping my breakfast down for two days in a row.”
Aunt Wind smirked. “Don’t get too used to it. Morning sickness can be rather unpredictable. Sometimes it leaves you alone for a week, other times it’ll hit and keep on hitting until you’re dry heaving. Oh, and despite what the name says, it’s not limited to mornings. Don’t worry too much, though—after a couple months it should die out, and then you get to the nice, magical part of the pregnancy. Followed by the ugly, bloated, sore part of the pregnancy.”
“Gee, you really know how to sell the whole childbirth experience.” My hoof dropped unconsciously to my belly. “It's weird. I still haven’t decided to keep the kid, and whenever I actually think about whether I want to, I know I haven’t made up my mind. But I keep talking about pregnancy prep and stuff, making sure that I know what’s coming if I do have it. Is that some kinda subconscious thing saying I’ve already decided?”
My aunt shrugged. “It could be, or you might just be figuring out as much as you can about pregnancy so you can make an informed decision about whether or not you want to go through with it. Considering what a life-changing choice it is, and there’s nothing wrong with making sure you know what you’re signing up for. For what your aunt’s opinion is worth, I think you’ll be fine if you decide to go through with having a child.”
Uncle Typhoon nodded along. “You're in a good spot to have a foal if you want to. A lot better than a lot of parents that find themselves having a kid. You’re financially secure, you have two partners to help you raise the child, plus other friends who would be happy to help if you asked. Not to mention your family: Storm’s right here, and the rest of us are just a train ride away. Oh, and don’t forget you’re on good terms with Princess Sparkle—I’m sure she would be willing to lend a little royal aid if you needed it. It’s hard to imagine a better situation for rearing a child.”
I nodded hesitantly. Yeah, I wasn’t sure about myself, but I did have a pretty awesome support network. If nothing else, Blossom, Eepy, Rainbow, Derpy, Twilight, and the others should be able to stop me from screwing anything up too badly.
“Well then, that just leaves one final bit of business.” My aunt smirked, and a mischievous light entered her eyes. “Star and Storm haven’t heard the big news yet. I hope you’re prepared for lots of doting, excited squealing, and hugs. And perhaps an argument over whether or not they qualify as aunts.”
I sighed and mentally girded myself for the upcoming ordeal. “I suppose it’s not the worst thing I’ll have to deal with.”
Great. Her mother is Elly Patterson. No wonder she's messed up.
yay an update!
loved it, seems like what a girl/mare would go trough when finding out when pregnant
It seems Cloud isn't bothered as much by being disinherited as by the pregnancy. I'm surprised Wind didn't feel like the former issue was worth raising, though perhaps it was simply less exigent.
Well, there goes the theory that both Fluttershy and Blossomforth have a genetic stake in the foal.
I guess the pregnancy was the elephant in the room, but I'm a touch disappointed that the issue of Cloud being passed over for Storm not being brought up. I guess Wind and Typh wouldn't, considering it's their daughter and Cloud being Cloud would never bring it up herself.
7133311
Only as far as CK knows.
You already proposed to Fluttershy in the last story, CK. I'm not too sure why you don't like the idea anymore. But feelings change, and it's been two years since then, right?
Something about this chapter annoys me... something which seems to be a recurring theme with Cloud. Whenever there's an issue with her, it's fixed without really addressing her feelings on the matter. Just like CK pointed out early in the chapter, it seems that everyone wants her to make "The right decision", which is usually what they want, without even considering Cloud's own feelings on the matter.
And then when they finally get to Cloud's feelings, all of it feels like it's getting swiped under the rug? It's like she deliberately only tells them a quarter of how she feels, they discuss from that small bit, and then she feels better by the end of the chapter.
I guess, summed up, my issue with this chapter (and generally when it comes to confronting Cloud's issues) is that they only ever scratch the surface, and then pretend everything is fine and dandy afterwards.
Poor Cloud, thinking you ever had a choice. It's just so cute.
Well apart from adding a few more kinks to Clouds relationship this add an interesting tilt to the pregnancy. Mare / Mare pregnancies can only come from 'true love' where as Mare / Stallion reproduction presumably is as random as it is in real life. If the foal comes from a sex changed Blossomforth or Fluttershy then it isn't actually evidence that the relationship is based on 'true love' which might be adding to Clouds freak out.
Well that was a smooth way to answer all the "power of love" questions us commenters have been flinging about.
7133709
Yeah, when Typhoon brought up Shadow's armour I winced quite hard, expecting a reaction from Cloud, especially with the (non-)news of Cloud being passed over in clan leadership and such.
7133898
I feel a good part of that is Cloud herself not really opening up to others. One of her biggest problems is, as Wind pointed out, running away and distracting herself from her issues, and that makes dealing with her feelings about some issues really, really hard for others. Especially when one of those issues is her fear of change, as first shown in Life and Times on multiple occasions, and now here with the whole pregnancy deal. I would imagine making even some progress would feel like some sort of an achievement when dealing with her and her emotional issues, which could lead to both her and others feeling better while still, as you but it, barely scratching the surface.
Even then, I do find myself agreeing with you to some extent.
Edit to add the below on the chapter itself
I'm liking this insight into why Nimbus was the way she was and how she grew up, after having been teased with some tidbits in the previous chapters. Hearing more about Aunt Wind and Typhoon, and younger Star and Storm was really nice, too.
I think you a word there. Also a sneaky typo to go with it.
7134406
It's not so much that she has a difficult time with opening up to others, as it is pretending that what little she does share somehow fixes the entire problem. They never seem to address the point that Cloud's mum (can't remember her name) was, well, a horrible mother. The entire time I expect Cloud to explode and come out with one big confession about how she doesn't talk to others because all her life she's just been told "it's your fault", or something similar to that. All it is, is "I wish she'd been a better mum" ...Understatement of the year. All we've heard up until this point is that Cloud all but hated her, and thought she was hated in turn, or at least wasn't actually loved.
I get that her having died puts on some rose coloured glasses, but that "confession" seems way too tame compared to the truth of it. Realising that her mum actually did love her, even if in a strange way, does not make up for several years of feeling like you were detested by your own parent.
Cloud just seems to "Feel better" way too easily on the matter of her mum.
And as some people also point out, Cloud didn't even react to the mention of Shadow's armour. It was glossed over completely, something which I find to be fairly unrealistic since we've seen just how sore of a spot it is for CK. Would have warranted at least some reaction from her.
Chengar usually has a very high quality of writing and continuity, but this chapter doesn't seem to live up to that standard. At least not the way I see it.
Dealing with your problems by avoiding them entirely? I know that feeling.
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Well, as said in the previous chapter, she pretty much knew about that already, just didn't have it finalized in words. Although the fact that Shadow's armor rejected her during the invasion probably makes that particular part of the matter sting a little.
7134650
I was mainly going off of how it generally goes with Cloud, not necessarily in this chapter specifically, but yeah.
It feels very much like an understatement, but after a bit of thinking, isn't that rather the core of if not all, then a good bunch of Cloud's issues with her mother? Talking about all the ways Nimbus failed Cloud wouldn't make much sense here, and as far as I can see, Cloud really just would have wanted to feel loved and appreciated instead of getting the treatment she got.
I do agree that her reaction after finding out some reasons why her mother did what she did doesn't seem fair, as none of that excuses what she ended up doing. Explains, certainly, but never excuses, and were I in Cloud's situation I'd probably be more upset after hearing all that.
I had multiple paragraphs of musing and rambling and bumming myself out here but I figure the conclusions are more important here than the way I got there for the sake of space and such.
Yup, because the dangerous and drastic decision of which you should be wary is carrying the child to term, and not, you know, killing someone. What a world we live in.
....Argh, Chengar, why do you do this to me!? All the characters in this series have such abysmal moral standards, so I think to myself, "Eh, it's a magical fantasy land that doesn't have all the negative repercussions of polygamy, abortion, sleeping around, general immaturity, etc, etc..."
and then you go and dumb this psychoanalysis stuff on me, and actually make me think seriously about just how messed up all these characters are!! WHY!?!?! (Also, I now understand why Cloud hates talking about her problems so much.)
"for a bit, and started"
"bit and"?
"you trying popping"
"try"?
7135017
The single fact that I can have a discussion like this with someone is actually surprising enough in and of itself, so you don't have to excuse the lack of ranting on your part
But I get what you mean. Parts of it at least. We're not entirely on the same boat, but close enough that I don't see a reason to really discuss things further. Would just be a bit of a waste of space ^^
7135397
I don't speak for Chengar, but please keep your own ideals and morals in regards to abortion and the like out of this. It really has no place in the comment section of a fanfic about ponies.
This... I've wanted to see something like this happen for quite a while, now. Cloud Kicker not being a twit when it comes to actually doing something about her warped self almost feels out-of-character, at this point. Good work, Aunt Wind.
I still want all four of them to have a big happy and really gay family after all the heartache that's happened.
... Well that explains a few things about CK's relationship with Nimbus. It also gives CK another reason to not want the foal: Nimbus got crappy parenting and was a lousy parent in turn. CK got crappy parenting and ....
It feels weird to see Cloud actually talking about this. Heh!
Can you all imagine if Chengar decided Cloud was not going to keep the child?
An extremely nefarious trap Cloud found herself in, indeed.
But yeah, she definitely needed that talk. And a new eye-opener. A huge one at that.
Now, with new information, Cloud can look forward to having a lot of support at least.
Sure, it won't solve other problems, but it's a start.
7133898
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7136501
I know, right? Chengar is a great writer, but if they have weaknesses, it's that the writing is very tell-y, and that Cloud Kicker always gets plowed over by the other characters. It always feels like Chengar's strawmanning her position on the issue, that she's obviously wrong. I would love, love to see the story end with her deciding to abort. Her relatives might be upset, her girlfriends might not understand, but it'd be her choice, dang it!
Maybe that's just me, because I grew up in a family where I wasn't allowed to make my own decisions. Getting my opinion forced on me was a pretty common occurrence. So the idea that the solution to the story is for Cloud Kicker to get pushed around until she realizes how stupid she was... does not sit well with me.
7137433
Personally I'd like to see Cloud decide to keep the kid, but that's primarily bias on my part because I love fluffy endings.
My primary gripe is, as I hope I've managed to make clear, that Cloud's issues seem to be glossed over, and how she's "always wrong" it seems. I'd like to see someone take her opinions and feelings seriously, instead of her constantly being the one who's in the wrong.
Commence read.
Looks like that ambush was successful.
7137433 Though to be fair, it's not just Cloud he does it too. Rainbow has the same thing happen to her in Embarrassing Parents. I do notice Shadow and Sunset get less of it.
7137517
Yeah, I completely agree. She needs someone on her side of the ring sometimes. It's really hard--for her and for us, I guess--that everypony is against her on this.
As for fluffy endings, how about this? At the end of Act IIB, she goes and has the abortion. Everypony's pissed at her (even though they pretend they're okay with it), but as she meditates about what she's done (over a month or two, let's say), she starts to realize how empowered she felt getting to make her own choice. Then she decides, "I want to have a baby, I always did, but I want it to be my choice." So she goes and flirts up one of her girlfriends and tells them, "Let's have a baby." Seriously, that be super-cute. But that's just me wanting to shoe-horn in my own moral.
7137642
Yeah, that's what I meant. Chengar is somewhat black-and-white in the way they portray their characters. Cloud Kicker just gets the worst of it because... well, I think Chengar wants us to think she's not terribly bright? Which is probably fair, but I still think she should be able to hold her own in an argument.
Again I'm disappointed the length of the chapter is not the length of the page its on. But alas that is the nature of reading chapter by chapter. Well done Chengar, this was a well thought out.
7137801
If you want to get here before the page outstrips the chapter length, just get here early before any comments are posted.
I wish I could give this more thumbs up!
7137433 I do not know if I would say the writing is telly...however, I will say that Chengar loves to kick us in the guts.
I do not want her to be forced to have a kid...but I do want her to want to keep the kid. Do not know if that makes sense.
7139488
Here's kind of what I mean by tell-y: read the first few dialogue lines in this chapter. Characters keep saying things like, "I know when you're avoiding a topic." "That's a psychologist-y thing to say." "It's past time you learned that running away from your problems usually just makes them worse." And the narration isn't perfect, either. "Maybe I was being a little oversensitive." Again, I think this is because Chengar wants us to see Cloud as a bit dumb, so she needs everything spelled out for her. I don't... agree with this choice, but Chengar's writing is so good that I can generally excuse it.
7133898
I think it's because Cloud's wants are usually a little petulant and wishy-washy compared to the others who have more relevant and easily-addressed concerns. It's simpler to deal with those, which by extension tend to make Cloud's life better, than wait for Cloud to figure out WHAT her problems are, then what her REAL problems are and not just what she thinks they are. And then stop her from running away from them. And then deal with her stressing over being made to face the issue and trying to put it off to an almost pathological level.
Cloud's the sort of person who benefits by adapting to the people in her life rather than them to her, because they tend to be more stable in their desires and problems than she is. This whole gamut, Cloud's spent confused or angry because of the situation she's in at the time, but also primarily because of past issues she doesn't think about or make the connection between. Some people are like that.
7140641
I think I get the gist of what you're saying, but some of it doesn't really make sense to me. Can you elaborate a bit upon it, or rephrase it so that it's easier to understand?
(I blame not being a native English speaker)
7133898
Glad I'm not the only one getting annoyed with that. I know people like that tho... The ones you just have to drag whatever is bothering them out kicking and screaming.
Although, this chapter really had one theme that annoyed me more than anything. The concept that telling someone their feelings are wrong(basically) who had stunted emotional growth doesn't sound like a great way to help them open up, or even emotionally mature at all. Sounds more likely to just make them bottle it up even more.
I guess, Cloud started to open up about her feelings and her psychologist aunt, after trying to get her to do so, stopped her completely and talked about her mom rather than the feelings about her mom.
7142960
That's actually something I struggled to convey properly. The last bit of what you said, anyway. And is exactly what felt off with this chapter to me (one of a few things, at any rate). Cloud was just about to talk about how she felt in regards to Nimbus, and then suddenly her Aunt starts talking about Nimbus herself, and once again Cloud's feelings are shafted and brushed off as seemingly unimportant.
7133852 Wasn't that a desperate act on CK's part? She was having a fling with Derpy, and a fling with Blossom, but both were clinging to her and causing all kinds of Drama. So CK fell back on her old crush, Shy. Then after a very hot and amazing night of sex, didn't want to let go of her crush at all. So proposed not because she liked the idea but because it would force Fluttershy to stay with her, and she would have an excuse to not be part of Blossom's and Derpy's drama anymore. It was a form of escape, quick action without thought; Not a thought out commitment she really would have gone through in her emotions and mind were more clear.
7140659
Oh, sorry for any confusion Kap. Let me try and explain it better for you.
Basically, Cloud has too many issues to expect everyone around her to adapt and conform to them. Her issues never really get solved, either - they're always there, even if she moves past them. It's not much different than bottling up your problems.
When she has to change to adapt to the people in her life, she seems to be better for it, healthier mentally and emotionally. Therefore it's entirely possible she is one of those people who does better as a person when conforming to the needs of her loved ones rather than making them change to suit her needs. Because Cloud doesn't actually seem to know WHAT she needs, only what she wants - and even that is circumspect because what she thinks she wants is part of her 'running away' from her problems.
I've known people like Cloud, including myself. It's healthier for us to change to fit the important people in our lives than try to make them be able to accept us as the messes we are, messes that some part of us doesn't want to clean up. When we have an isolated problem that can be easily solved by our friends and loved ones, that is when they show their loyalty and love by helping us.
7143870
Yeah, that clears it up a fair bit ^^
But that still makes me wonder about her Aunt. Like Fatch said in a comment earlier (and I also briefly talked a bit about in a comment just two/three up from this one). Cloud was about to open up about her issues with Nimbus (her mum), but then her Aunt seems to immediately latch unto that and bowl over CK with a bunch of
excusesexplanations for why Nimbus did as she did. By the looks of it, the vast majority of all of CK's issues have roots in her mother, and the one time she seems to actually be willing to talk about it, they start to excuse all of the shit her mum did, leaving Cloud without even a chance to properly convey her feelings on the matter.Am I wrong, or does that seem to hold a bit of truth to it, to you too?
Silly Cloud, you should know that Dash is never really helpful in that well-timed of a fashion. She'll show up after you finish the conversation, though probably not before you finish breakfast.
Really? Interesting.
Suddenly I'm interested in some of that classic Winningverse art of Fluttershy and Blossomforth as stallions. SFW art, that is, unlike what Cloud used them for.
Honestly, that was probably the most helpful conversation that Cloud has had about this situation yet. I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise that a therapist would be able to be helpful without pushing her own preferred solution.
Ah, so Cloud Kicker had some Rule 63 fun with the girls, huh? Something tells me that'd be an interesting story all on it's own.
I think you meant Typhoon since Tornado is her father.
Finally it makes sense - this has been bugging me since the start of this story.
7144062
It's explanation, not excuse. Big difference when dealing with matters like this, trust me. Her aunt disagrees with much of Nimbus' life... from the slutty party girl to the overly-hardassed mother who seemed to feel that showing maternal love and softness might make Cloud turn out weak, due to her own poor experiences with her mother.
These are things Cloud needed to understand, because she didn't know. She just thought her mom was being a dick to her for no reason. Everyone at that table disagrees with how Nimbus raised Cloud. From Cloud to her Aunt and her Uncle. No one's excusing anything, they actively acknowledge she screwed up with her daughter, but they don't condemn and hate her - all three of them love her to bits even still.
But a lot of Cloud's issues with her mother come from her inability to understand WHY she was treated the way she was by her mother, an inability to cope with why her mother WAS the way she was as a person. All she saw and understood was from her experiences with Nimbus as a child rather than one functioning adult mare considering the situation and shortcomings of another adult mare. Because that's a common problem in psychology, which her aunt pointed out - parents are larger than life, it's far more common that it takes large circumstances for a child to see their parent as 'just another person with their head up their ass, just like me', rather than this near-deific figure who controlled their life with kindness or tyranny and hatred.
Trust me, Wind handled that part of the conversation swimmingly. She knew where Cloud was going with it, and brought her to the understanding she would have gotten later - sooner. She helped dissipate that growing frustration and the growing hatred Cloud felt for her mother, with the shock of knowledge that Cloud lacked, and a perspective Cloud refused to see her mother through. I feel part of Cloud's issues with Nimbus are now lightened, though certainly not settled. The way Cloud saw her mother all these years helped shape her into the mare she is today, the she thinks and acts and reacts, due to the perception of a child who thought her mother didn't love her enough. When it was sadly the opposite - her mother loved her too much, and was afraid of inhibiting Cloud from realizing her potential, not wanting Cloud to repeat her mistakes that she herself realized she might not have recovered from.
In a way this is a comedy of errors.
7147259
I see your point, but I don't entirely agree.
I'm no psychiatric person, but it still smells too much of "Let's swipe CK's problems under the rock." I've always been under the assumption that talking about your problems, issues, etc. is step one to getting past them, but Wind goes into a monologue before Cloud even gets to start her second sentence.
7147451
It... can be. But it's not for everyone, and it's certainly not surefire. For many people (usually those with fewer atypical leanings) talking out your problems is stress relief primarily, and a way of having your problem examined - both by yourself and the listener (preferably a professional). It's surprising how much about how we feel we keep from ourselves when we aren't forward about it.
However, for others this has the exact opposite effect. They say little or nothing they didn't already know, or things that are objectively false but are rather created by imagination or anger, spawned or corrupted memories. They can become despondent, spiraling down into even deeper depression, brooding as they dwell upon what mental damage they've cooked up that was... less than real before it was spoken aloud.
I feel Cloud was of the latter. She did not... know her mother. She had no real clue who the woman was, and as such her perspective on the woman's actions and personality was based entirely on her own reactions and the festering confusion and frustration that was slowly turning into hate. Cloud needed information to find relief, to find release. She needed to understand, because NOT understanding was a major part of her problem. She thought her mother was as she was at face value - the strict hardass who pushed her too hard and didn't hug her enough, so clearly didn't love her as much as she had ought to. When really the problem was that Nimbus loved Cloud too much, and lacked a good parenting model prior to formulating her own ideas on how to be a mother, and so she died without Cloud realizing how much her mother loved her. That, again, lack of information is what bred darker thoughts in Cloud, not just how she was treated (functionally less important in her case) but never knowing the WHY.
I'm not sure who wrote that exchange, but as a psychology enthusiast for the last fourteen years, I believe they captured it properly. You don't have to agree, and that's fine. I respect that. Just that I feel it was well done.
7150048
The more you explain it, the more it seems to make sense. Subjectively I still feel that Cloud is screwed over and pretty much ignored, but when I take a step back and look at it objectively, what you say makes too much sense for me to just ignore it.
It is this small exchange that the "sour taste in my mouth" comes from. I know it seems like I'm just randomly jumping backwards into a topic mostly passed, but I do this just to show where and why it felt off to me.
Take note of what exactly it is Wind says when Cloud "lets it out". She goes from talking about how Cloud might feel better if she was a bit more open with her issues, to explaining Nimbus' actions. Maybe I'm missing something, but right there it doesn't read like Wind is trying to help Cloud, unless one counts telling her how Nimbus loved her, and "really tried", as helping her.
Again, it may seem like I'm just jumping back in the topic, but I got the feeling that you were uncertain as to why I was a bit dissatisfied. So, well, there it is. That one exchange is the core of it.
If you can shed some light on that, too, you're welcome to do so