The Hammer Falls
Thankfully I didn’t suffer too much for my little excursion. Sure, Eepy hit me with that sad, disappointed look that made me feel like a big jerk while Blossom grumbled and threatened to tie me to the bed (and not in the fun way), but by the next time I chucked up breakfast they’d gotten over it and were back in nurturing mode. Which had its own pitfalls, but I still came out ahead on account of having a couple beautiful mares taking care of me.
Since I was still mostly getting sick in the mornings, I’d taken to having a walk around town in the afternoon. Eepy believed the fresh air would be good for me, but my main reason for the walks was so that I wouldn’t go stir crazy from being cooped up in the house all day.
I was just finishing a trot around the lake when Rainbow Dash swooped in, landing hard and fast right in front of me. “Cloud! There you are! Fluttershy said you went for a walk, and I’ve been looking all over for you!”
I blinked and instinctively took a step back at Rainbow’s sudden arrival, but recovered from the surprise pretty quickly. “Hey, Dash. Good to see you too. I’m fine, how are you?”
Rainbow rolled her eyes, then latched onto one of my forelegs and started tugging me along. “C'mon! You have to go right now!”
“What?” I tried to tug my leg free of her grip, but Rainbow was clamped onto me like her life depended on it. “Go where? What are you talking about? What’s going on?”
“To the storm shelter!” Rainbow shouted, taking off and hauling me into the air in the process. “Didn't you hear?! A big old monster is heading this way!”
“A monster?” That at least sorted out the worst of my confusion. Monster attacks had always been a risk of living in Ponyville, what with it being right on the edge of the Everfree Forest, which was why the storm shelter the original settlers had built to deal with wild weather coming from the forest did double-duty as a monster shelter. I’d heard the forest was supposed to be a bit calmer after Twilight and her friends did something to it back when it went completely wild, but the town still maintained the old shelter just in case.
Of course, the other reason the Everfree was supposed to be a bit safer now was because of my cousin’s monster patrols. Come to think of it, if there was some big monster fight coming up, Storm would probably be right in the middle of it. Not to mention Fluttershy and Rainbow being there. That made my next move obvious. “Screw going to the shelter, lemme go grab my stuff and I'll help you guys deal with it.” I might not be on Storm’s level as a monster hunter, but I still had a good set of armor, nice wing blades, and more training than ninety-nine percent of ordinary ponies when it came to dealing with big nasty beasts.
Rainbow growled and shook her head, picking up the pace as she dragged me towards Town Hall. “No way! I get that you wanna help, but you're not exactly in the Guard, and the Guard wasn't able to stop this Tirek guy. Hay, I heard he even managed to take down the Wonderbolts! Plus Discord’s working with him—I knew we couldn’t trust that jerk!”
“I can still help!” I protested, trying to squirm free of Rainbow. Alas, while I’m a pretty solid flier, I’m nowhere close to Rainbow’s level, especially since she’d started getting training from the Wonderbolts.
I would have argued with her more, but I spotted a yellow-and-pink blur headed straight for us. Fluttershy might not be as fast as Rainbow, but she can really move when she’s motivated. Once she caught up to us she immediately latched onto me, gasping for breath in between words. “Cloud ... there ... you are...”
Rainbow let go of my foreleg so I could hug her back. “Hey, Eepy. Guess you were looking for me for the same reason as Rainbow?”
She nodded in between pants, trying to catch her breath enough to manage a proper sentence. “Cloud. Monster coming. You need ... to get to ... the shelter.”
I groaned and applied hoof to face, even though it probably shouldn’t have come as a surprise. “Not you too, Eepy. Look, I did just fine in the fight against the changelings, so it’s not like I’m helpless or anything. Besides, you don’t even have the Elements anymore. You’re no better at dealing with crazy giant monsters than anypony else.”
Fluttershy’s ears drooped, and she tightened her hold on me. “I’m sorry, Cloud. I know you’re strong and brave but I just don't want to see you get hurt.”
I sighed and nuzzled her. “What makes you think I feel different about you and Rainbow? You’re going off to fight some crazy giant monster and you want me to just sit back and do nothing? Guys, please let me help out this time.”
Rainbow’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why you bein' so stubborn all of a sudden? You never wanted to go on any of our other adventures.”
“Of course I did!” I shot back, a bit offended by what Rainbow was implying. “You’re one of my best friends, Rainbow! Not to mention Fluttershy and I are in love. I’ve always wanted to be there to support you guys—it just never worked out. Now ... well, this time I’m here.”
Rainbow paused in thought (I was pretty sure I smelled something burning), then put a hoof on my shoulder. “Relax, Cloud. We'll have this handled just fine on our own. Besides, don’t you think you’ve got more than just yourself to be worrying about?”
I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean? Like Blossom, or Derpy and her girls?”
Rainbow hesitated for a long moment before answering. “Yeah, sure, let’s go with that for now. Think about everypony else who’s gonna be hiding out in the shelter. We gotta have somepony we can count on to keep them all safe, and I can’t think of anyone I trust to do the job more than my old gal pal who trained to be a professional flank-kicker.”
That all sounded nice, but I could read between the lines. “Yeah, 'cause if this monster’s so nasty that the six of you can't handle it, I'll really be able to make a difference when it comes for everypony hiding in the shelter. And really, you’re gonna try to fob me off with a weak story like that? You could at least respect me enough to be straight with me.”
Fluttershy gave me a quick, calming nuzzle. “Now now, Cloud, I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. And there’s plenty of other things you can do to help out, like make sure everypony else gets to the shelter. Normally we’d have Twilight organize the evacuation, but nopony’s seen her for a while. And once everypony’s safe, we’ll need somepony to keep them all calm, especially the children.” A worried little frown crossed her face. “The poor things will be so scared. And you’re good with kids, Dinky adores you.”
“And don’t forget about Blossom!” Rainbow chimed in. “She’s important too, and if she doesn’t know where you are she’ll probably be worried sick.”
I groaned, my ears and wings drooping. “Okay, okay, fine. I'll get everyone to safety while you guys go off and save the day without me.” Again.
Rainbow grinned and slapped me on the back. “Great! Thanks, Cloud.” Rainbow tossed a wing across Fluttershy’s back. “And don’t worry about us, there’s nothing we can't do together. Isn't that right, Fluttershy?”
Eepy hesitantly met Rainbow smile. “Um, yes?”
“Just stay safe, you two.” I tried not to look too forlorn as I met their eyes. “Please?” I trotted over to Fluttershy and gave her a quick kiss goodbye. “Love you, Fluttershy.” Then I turned to Rainbow, pausing for a moment as I considered my options. I looked around the area, and noticed there were a few other ponies hanging around the lake. Now that I was sure there were witnesses around, I glomped Rainbow. “Love you too, you goof.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes, but returned the hug, albeit with less enthusiasm. “Yeah yeah ... you big sap.”
I smirked, then planted a big, loud, wet and juicy kiss right on her cheek. “I mean it, Dash. I love you soooo much!”
“Cloud!” Rainbow whined adorably “Stooop! Everypony’s gonna see!” Her eyes darted towards the other ponies around the lake, none of whom were even looking at us.
I stepped it up a notch, raising my voice and pitching it across the lake. “Hey, everypony! I love this mare as much as I can without wanting to get her into bed! Tell all your friends!”
Rainbow’s cheeks went pink, and she shoved a hoof on top of my mouth to shut me up. “Darn it, Cloud! Are you trying to embarrass me to death?”
I removed the hoof, which Rainbow allowed when I didn’t start shouting again. “Only a little.” I grinned, and poked her in the side with a wing.
Rainbow groaned and started trying to squirm her free of my hold. “Seriously, why am I friends with you, again?”
“Because you find my wacky antics lovable and charming?” I suggested. “Plus, for all your tough gal image, you secretly love all the affection.”
“I guess you did kinda grow on me,” Dash grumbled. “You know, like how moss and fungus grow on rocks.” She wriggled a bit more, trying to work her way loose, but I wasn’t letting her escape. “Mind lettin' me go already? Kinda gotta go do the whole saving the world thing.”
“Fine, fine...” I released her, albeit with some reluctance. “See you around, Thunderbutt. Go kick the monster’s ass for me.”
“Can do,” Rainbow assured me with a confident grin. She turned to Fluttershy. “So, you wanna hold him down while I kick him in the gut?”
“I don’t know...” Eepy murmured. “That sounds awful mean. I understand he’s an evil monster and we have to stop him, but I don’t think we have to be that rough about it. It’s a shame we can’t use the Elements to stop him without hurting him too much.”
“Alright, you distract him, and I’ll kick him in the face.” Rainbow suggested. “C’mon, it’ll be awesome. He’ll be bragging about what a big evil jerk he is and how nopony can possibly stop him, and then right when he’s nearly gotten you I’ll come zooming in and pow!”
“I don’t like the plan if it involves me nearly getting squished...”
I watched the two of them trotting off to go take on the monster, then sighed and reluctantly got to work rounding ponies up to get them all in the shelter.
Ponyville’s monster/storm shelter does double duty as the basement storage area for the Town Hall. Most of the town’s residents were sitting on top of boxes and filing cabinets full of old paperwork—Derpy had just perched herself on top of a bunch of Rainbow’s old expense reports. Well, Blossom and I had been the ones to actually fill out most of said reports; Rainbow always did like to delegate as much of the desk work as she could. Someday I would have to see about approving an expense report for scoring myself a week-long vacation in Las Pegasus. Blossom would almost certainly sign off on it too once I did that one thing with the feather that she really liked.
Of course, my idle fantasies of committing petty fraud with taxpayer bits would have to wait until Ponyville wasn’t under attack by a gigantic monster. Which, given the town’s track record over the last couple years, probably meant that it would never happen. Seriously, is it too much to ask for just one year where nothing crazy happens? No ancient evils, giant dragons, crazed unicorns with dark magic powers, or forests going insane and trying to grow over the city. Just a normal, quiet year.
I finished up my quick headcount of the shelter’s inhabitants, finishing up with Lyra and Bon Bon cuddling in the corner. “I think that's everypony.”
Blossom, who had naturally fallen into playing my second in command, nodded along. “I don't see anypony missing, though I did catch the Crusaders trying to sneak out. I’ve got Raindrops keeping an eye on them to make sure they stay put.”
“Good thinking, hotflanks.” My fillyfriend rolled her eyes at my flirting, but I could see a hint of a smile on her lips. To be honest, a bit of silliness seemed like the perfect way to distract both of us from the fact that there was a giant monster rampaging through our town.
Other ponies had their own ways of coping. Derpy was clutching Dinky in such a vicelike hug that even Pinkie Pie would say was going a bit too far. Dinky was still a bit too young and innocent to understand why Derpy had a death grip on her, and was fussing and squirming. “Mommyyyy! You're holdin' me too tight!”
“Sorry, Muffin.” Derpy loosened her hold on her daughter enough to allow her to breathe, but not much more than that.
Sparkler, by contrast, was pacing around like a lion trapped in a cage, or Fluttershy’s pet bear whenever it was past his feeding time. She spotted Blossom and me talking and trotted over. “I think we're good over here, Momma. So what’re we gonna do now?” Her eyes flicked towards the reinforced door that was the only way in or out of the basement. “Do we just stay down here until the scary noises stop?”
“That’s why everyone’s in the shelter, yeah.”
Sparkler’s shoulders slumped, and she grumbled under her breath. “Woohoo. I get to sit around helplessly and wait to be rescued.”
Dinky managed to wriggle one of her hooves free from Derpy’s grip, reaching out towards her adopted sister. “We gotta be sneaky, Sparky! That's what Cloud said.” She paused, and her face fell. “Oh no! I forgot my sneaky box! But I guess that's okay, 'cuz I can't fit everypony into it anyway.”
Derpy smiled shakily at her younger child. “Just think of the shelter like one big box, Muffin.” Her eyes flicked to Sparkler, and she worried at her lower lip. “Sweetie, just ... let's just wait it out, okay? Princess Twilight, Rainbow, and the others will take care of this.”
Sparkler’s groan perfectly encapsulated the frustration of a teenager who was certain her parents just didn’t understand. “Fiiine.”
Considering the talk I’d had with Rainbow and Fluttershy, I could fully sympathize with the teen’s frustration. We both just felt so ... powerless. Our town was being attacked, and there was nothing we could do but wait for someone else to solve the problem. Even though we knew the smart thing to do was to stay safe, passivity just didn’t come naturally to ponies like us. We wanted to do something, even though there was nothing we could actually do.
I sighed and set down my heavily loaded saddlebags. My old Guard armor wasn’t light, especially when I’d packed it up so sloppily that my old instructors at West Hoof would’ve had me running laps and saluting squirrels for a week. In my defense, I’d been in a hurry. I pulled out all the parts, arranging them in more-or-less the proper order. “Guess I better get my game face on.” I glanced Sparkler’s way, and had an idea for how to distract her. “Hey, Sparky, if you're thinking about West Hoof, let's make a lesson of this. Help me armor up, and I’ll show you how it all works.”
Sparkler’s ears perked up and she eagerly trotted over. “Hay yeah, thanks. Luna knows I need something to do right now, and I always thought that Guard armor looked pretty cool. Plus knowing how it goes on and off could come in handy the next time Star drops by for a visit.”
A hint of a frown flashed across Derpy’s face, probably because she could put two and two together when it came to why her daughter might be interested in learning how to take her fillyfriend’s armor off. Blossom noted her reaction and trotted over for a little quick damage control before things got out of hoof.
I let Blossom handle that while I got to work with Sparkler’s impromptu lesson. “Right, so let's break this down to components. We've got the peytral, the crinet, the flanchard, the crupper.” I pointed to each of the parts in turn. “And the helmet, of course.”
Sparkler nodded along. “Chestplate, neck guard, side armor, and butt armor, got it.” She levitated the crupper, looking it over. “S’gotta be pretty tough to get all this on by yourself. I dunno how you'd reach back to get the butt ar—er the crupper on.” She lifted up the other components of my armor. “So ... gonna show me how it all works?”
“Sure thing.” I took the peytral out of her telekinetic grip. “It's pretty tricky to do it all by yourself unless you practice it a lot. Even then, it’s a lot quicker and easier to have somepony else helping out. So, let's start with the peytral. Watch how I put it on, and help me out with the straps once we get to that point.”
Sparkler watched me intently enough that I had a feeling this lesson might get just a bit awkward once it came time to put on the crupper. “Huh. Okay, so that's how it goes. Looks pretty simple. I’m guessing the straps need to be tight enough to hold, but not so tight they pinch you?”
“Got it on your first try.” Once I had the chestplate in position I walked Sparkler through how to strap it on by doing it myself, then took it off and let her put it back on. It took a couple tries and a few pointers from me, but before long she’d gotten the hang of it. “Now there's the weapons. You got any favorites?”
Sparkler met my question with a dry smirk. “Well, I was thinking wing blades. I mean, if Twilight can grow wings outta nowhere, I’ve got a shot too, right?” She let the joke sit for a moment longer, then finally gave me a straight answer. “Seriously though, I really dunno. S’not like Mom has a bunch of weapons lying around the house and lets me swing ‘em around whenever I wanna practice. Let’s face it, weapons in Mom’s house would be an accident waiting to happen. Anyway, Star's got a lotta good stuff to say about the halberd, so I figured I’d try that out first.”
I nodded along. “Halberd's a good choice. It’s got the top spike for bracing and stabbing, the blade for close-in work, and the back spike is good for tripping up opponents. Not to mention it fits in with the classic pike push the Guard likes to use in mass battles.”
“I'll take your word for it,” Sparkler answered with a shrug. “I don't really know all that much about that sorta stuff past what I hear from you n' Star.”
Right, she hadn’t grown up in a military family full of military ponies. “Don’t worry, if you go Guard you’ll learn all of it pretty quickly. Once you know enough to actually use a weapon without hurting yourself you’ll spend a couple weeks trying out a lot of different weapons until you figure out which ones you’ll be good with.”
Sparkler nodded. “Figured that. No point getting my heart set on something just 'cause it seems cool, n' all.” She paused, thinking it over. “Anything else you think I’d be good with?”
I thought it over for a moment. “Well, you’re not exactly large and muscular, so you’re probably gonna be using your telekinesis for your weapon wielding. Which means kineweapons are definitely worth looking into.” Sparkler’s head cocked to the side, and I gave her a quick explanation. “Telekinesis-specialized weapons. Basically, daggers, spikes, and such that are designed specifically to be used with unicorn telekinesis. No hilts or grips, so they’re lighter, plus some other advantages that a blacksmith could probably explain better than I can.”
Her eyes brightened in comprehension. “Oh yeah! I think Star’s got a couple of those.”
“Yeah, they’re keyed to work along with her tracking spells.” I grinned and shook my head. “Used to annoy the hay outta Storm whenever they sparred, since the things would just keep coming after her until she could find a way to break the spell.”
Sparkler frowned and stuck a hoof into her mane, digging out one of my cousin’s tracking gems. “Wait, you’re saying Star could use this to send weapons after me? That’s ... kinda freaky. And this is coming from a mare who’s cool with wearing a tracking device in the first place.”
“Relax, different spells,” I reassured her. “But that does kinda tie into why kineweapons are still pretty niche. See, the main reason a lot of unicorns in the Guard like to carry real weapons is so they have a backup option when attack spells don’t work. But since kineweapons don’t have grips, you can’t use one without telekinesis. Well, not unless you wanna slice yourself up as much as the other guy.”
“Right, I gotcha,” she nodded along while tucking her tracker back behind her ear. “S’no point in a backup weapon for guys you can’t use magic against if that backup can’t be used without magic. So you either use ‘em as a primary or don’t bother at all.” She helped me finish armoring up, looking over the results of her work with a satisfied smile. However, that smile slipped a moment later when she saw Dinky squirming her way free of her mother’s hooves. “So, what're you doing here with this stuff anyway? You're kinda on the wrong side of the door if you're gearing up for a fight.”
“I just...” I hesitated, searching for the right words. “I just want to be ready in case things go bad. Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it, right?”
“Right.” Sparkler fell silent for a while, staring silently at the door. “S'a nice thought, Momma, but if Rainbow n' the others can't take this big bad down, s'up to the Guard. And if they can't stop it... Luna, I hate being helpless in a crisis.” She chewed her lip, then glanced back at me. “You look good, though. S'probably good for morale, having somepony who looks all big and strong and protective around.”
“That too, yeah.” Though to be honest, I’d mostly just brought the armor for my own peace of mind. I knew Rainbow had just spouted out that line about needing me to protect everyone back in Ponyville as an excuse to get me to safety, but as long as I was armed and armored up it was a little easier to pretend that was really the case.
Sparkler stepped a bit closer to me, and after a quick check to make sure my blades were safe I wrapped one of my wings around her. “It’s gonna be okay, kid.”
She leaned into the touch, closing her eyes and relaxing against my side. “Thanks, Momma.”
I held onto her for a bit longer, until I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. A closer look revealed a bunch of old files scattered over the floor, and an inconspicuous cardboard box scooting towards the two of us. I guess Dinky had found her hiding box after all. Sparkler snorted and grinned at it. “Oh, Luna. Looks like you're not the only one who brought some armor.”
I chuckled and trotted over to the box, lightly rapping the top of it. “Hey, squirt. You like your new hiding box?”
“Shhhh!” the box hissed. “You can’t see me, I’m bein’ sneaky.”
I decided to play along. “Who said that?” I looked around the room dramatically. “Dinky, was that you? I can’t see you.” The inconspicuous cardboard box giggled, and a moment later Dinky lifted it up and attached herself to my foreleg.
“Oh there you are!” I grinned and gave her quick pat on the back. “So how’s my favorite little Dinky doing? Everything ok—”
BOOM!
The entire shelter shuddered as the ground rumbled above us. The lights flickered for a moment, and dust drifted down from the ceiling while dozens of ponies started shouting and screaming as nervous fear threatened to give way to panic. Dinky tightened her hold on my hoof and tried to pull the box over both of us, while Sparkler let out an inventive string of expletives that told me she’d fit right in with the rest of the Guard if she went down that route. Though admittedly, officers were supposed to avoid that kind of thing.
The entire bunker remained tensely silent for several seconds, waiting to see what would happen next. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that we were in an underground bunker, and could easily end up buried alive. I’m not claustrophobic, but that didn’t mean I was completely blasé about the possibility of being trapped in this bunker forever.
As the silence stretched on after that first massive rumble, Mayor Mare cleared her throat. “Don’t worry everypony, I’m sure that was just Princess Twilight and her friends defeating the monster. Soon we’ll all be able to go back to our homes and everything will be back to normal.”
“I sure hope she’s right about that,” I murmured under my breath. I’ve never really trusted the mayor, probably because her special talent is politics. Which, as everypony who knows anything about politics will tell you, means that she’s a natural-born liar. And really, we had no idea what was going on up there; the mayor was just trying to keep everypony calm.
Sparkler seemed to agree with my assessment, looking pointedly at my helmet. “You got a spare set of that stuff lying around?”
I shook my head. “Sorry, just the one.” I put on the helmet and pointedly tapped my forehead. “Besides, even if I had a spare set it’d be made to fit me. You’re smaller than me, plus you don’t need wing-holes, and my helmets don’t come with an opening for the horn.”
Sparkler deflated, slumping against me. “Yeah, ‘course.”
Dinky slowly poked her head out of the box, staring nervously up at the ceiling. “Rainbow and Miss Princess Twilight and the others are all gonna be okay, right?”
“Yeah, they'll all be fine.” I leaned down and gave her a quick reassuring nuzzle. “You know how it goes, they always kick the big monster’s butt in ten seconds flat. No reason it’d be different this time. I Pinkie Promise, and you know that means it’ll come true.” I’m pretty sure that even if the monster wound up taking out Rainbow and her friends, Pinkie’s ghost would find some way to punish me for breaking a Pinkie Promise.
Dinky hesitated for a moment longer, then abandoned her box entirely to wrap her forelegs around me, burying her face in my lightly armored belly. While I held her, Sparkler stepped up and started gently rubbing her back. “Hey, we’re here, Dinks. N’look at how Cloud’s all armored up to save us. No way no scary monsters are gonna get us with her here.”
“Yeah, if any nasty monsters show up I’ll kick their butts so hard they start crying for their mommies.” Another explosion overhead rather pointedly reminded me that my mouth was making promises my body wouldn’t be able to keep. If the alicorn princess and her friends couldn’t handle the bad guy, I probably wouldn’t be able to do much more than slow him down for as long as it took him to squash me.
Thankfully, Dinky wasn’t old enough to figure that out on her own, so she just accepted my words at face value. Of course, that led her mind down a different but equally troublesome avenue. “Okay. But why are you here insteada helpin' Rainbow an' Miss Princess Twilight?”
Ouch. I quickly repeated the excuse Rainbow had foisted onto me. “Because they needed somepony they could count on to keep you and everypony else they care about safe while they took care of the monster.”
“'Sides, Momma doesn't wanna upstage Rainbow in front of her friends,” Sparkler chimed in, throwing a faint grin my way. “You know how much Rainbow loves to talk about how she saves the day with her friends...”
I nodded along. “Yeah, it'd really hurt her feelings if I didn’t let her save the day.”
Dinky accepted the implausible excuse with the sponge-like credulity of any young foal. “Oh. 'Kay.” She looked off to the side, then gasped. “Oh no! Mommy’s hugging Miss Blossom too hard now ‘cause she can’t hug me! Mommy! You're gonna make Miss Blossom's head pop if ya keep huggin' her that tight!”
I glanced their way, and saw that Derpy had reflexively hugged Blossom once the shelter started shaking. For her part, Blossom seemed torn between trying to squirm her way loose and holding onto Derpy for the same reason. Derpy shot my fillyfriend a sheepish smile and loosened her hold. “Sorry, sorry. It just startled me, is all.”
“It’s not a problem,” Blossom assured her. “Thanks for letting go tho—” The shelter rumbled once more, and Derpy latched right back onto her.
Dinky let out a quiet, frightened little whimper, staring nervously up at the ceiling. I protectively wrapped my wings around her while Sparkler glared up at the roof.
When the rumbling carried on for more than a second, ponies started panicking. Naturally, it started with the Flower Trio screaming about ‘The horror!’ and escalated from there. It took the mayor almost a minute to calm everypony down again.
The whole time, Sparkler was just glaring at the roof like it had stolen her lunch money. I shot a curious look her way, and she explained. “Whatever's out there's scaring Dinky. I should be scared too, but m' just mad. The thing up there is scaring my little sister. Hay, it’s scaring Mom too, and Blossom and half the other ponies in here. N' my godmom and her friends are out there trying to stop it, while I’m stuck in here.”
“That’s the worst part of it.” My ears drooped. “Knowing that whatever’s gonna happen to you and the ponies you care about is completely out of your hooves. Right now a monster could be smashing up my house and hurting Fluttershy, and all I can do is hide down here and wait for all the scary noises to stop.”
“Yeah.” She sighed, slowly rubbing her little sister’s back. “Yeah, m' probably just saying what you're thinking. I just ... this stuff's why West Hoof's on my list. Mom can hate it all she likes, but this makes how many times now that some crazy monster has showed up and started rampaging around Ponyville? I just wanna be able to fight back.”
After a moment’s consideration, I made a potentially unwise offer, given Derpy’s apparent issues with Sparkler going into the Guard. “I've been giving Blossom a little off-and-on training in how to handle herself in a fight. If your mom’s cool with it, you can join us. Obviously I couldn’t teach you any spells or anything, but I can show you some basic hoof-to-hoof.”
“‘S a lot better than nothing.” Sparkler nodded, smiling at me. “Thanks. I'll ask Mom once things settle down a bit.”
“Can I come too?” Dinky asked, her eyes full of innocent curiosity. “‘Cause I know Alula’s been doin’ all that training stuff, so I wanna do some too.”
“We'll ask Mom later, okay?” Sparkler assured her.
Dinky frowned, a hint of fillyish pique and impatience showing. “Why’s it gotta be later? Why can’t we ask her right n—”
This time it wasn’t a sudden crash and rumble, it was a proper earthquake. The entire shelter started shaking, and didn’t stop for nearly a minute. The ground rumbled under our hooves, cracks appearing in the packed earth. Several ponies stupidly scrambled away in fright as if that would help if the floor suddenly gave way, but thankfully the ground was still soft enough the cracks didn’t go more than a few inches deep. The beams overhead creaked ominously, dust pouring from the cracks, prompting Thunderlane to hit the deck and cover his head with trembling hooves. I pitied the poor guy. I knew thanks to the one time I dragged him into a cloud for a lunchtime tryst that he was really claustrophobic, and the thought of the roof collapsing and burying us must have been really terrifying for him. It didn’t take long for everypony to start screaming their heads off.
As soon as the shaking died down I tried to restore order. I had to raise my voice to be heard over the crowd. “It's alright, everypony. That was probably just the monster falling down after the gals knocked him out.”
“Or it’s the first assault!” Rose shrieked.
“It's breaking in!” Lily shouted.
Daisy naturally followed suit. “It's coming to eat us!”
All three of them screamed in perfect, practiced unison. “The horror! The horror!”
Well, so much for not starting a panic. I glared at the three of them in the vague hope that it would make them settle down. “One more word out of you three, and you'll never get another Cloud foursome.” Not that I was inclined to do that even if they behaved. Sure, it had been fun, but unsurprisingly all three of them had been massive screamers in bed. Not even the best sex in the world was worth all the suffering my poor eardrums had been subjected to.
Sparkler stepped up, her horn glowing. “Don’t worry, Momma, I got this.” A spell shot towards the trio, and their screams suddenly went silent. Their mouths and limbs continued flailing, but no sound emerged. Once they realized what was happening, they pointed at each other and soundlessly screamed again, then finally fainted. Thank Celestia.
I took a moment to appreciate her handiwork. “Silence spell, huh? That’s handy.”
Sparkler nodded and grinned. “I learned it back when you and Mom were a thing. And now Star comes over enough that I've got it down to a science.”
“Yeah, she's gotten really good,” Dinky chimed in. “Though I dunno why she needs to put a quiet spell on her room whenever Star comes over to play battleclouds with her. Though they do get kissy-faced sometimes, and it sounds really gross. Like...” Dinky provided some wet, slobbery, over-the-top sound effects.
Sparkler rolled her eyes. “And she calls me a brat.”
Dinky ignored her big sister, turning her attention to me instead. “Hey Cloud, what's a foursome? Is that like four square?”
Thankfully, Sparkler’s excuse for why she needed private time in her bedroom with Star gave me an easy way out. “It's when I go over and play battleclouds with all three of them.”
Dinky smiled and nodded, accepting my lie with the guilelessness of youth. “Oooh, it must be really hard to play three games at once.”
“Yeah,” Sparkler chimed in. “Especially when there aren't any balls involved.”
“Sparkler!” Derpy snapped, glowering at her daughter.
The teen groaned, then facehoofed. “Oh Luna, I said that out loud.”
“Bad Sparkler.” I chided, playfully swatting her on the rump. “Bad. Seriously, I don’t know where you got your dirty mind from.”
“Yeah,” Derpy said, her eyes pointedly lingering on me. “It’s a mystery.”
Sparkler threw me under the cart without a moment’s hesitation. “Yeah, it’s all Momma’s fault. Which means you can’t punish me, right?”
Derpy smiled sweetly. “I don’t think it works that way, sweetie. You’re old enough to know better.”
Sparkler sighed and shrugged. “Worth a shot.” She shot me a sheepish-grin. “Sorry, Momma.”
“I’m sure I’ll find a way to forgive you.” I let that thought hang in the air just long enough to give her hope before adding, “after you spend a week cleaning up my place.”
Sparkler groaned and shot a desperate look Derpy’s way, hoping for a parental veto. Alas for her, none was forthcoming. I guess Derpy figured extra chores was as good of a punishment as anything else she could come up with.
Before I could start teasing her with the horrors of cleaning out my costume closet or doing my dishes, something thumped against the storm shelter’s entrance. Everypony jumped in shock, and Derpy immediately jumped between the door and her daughters. “Girls, stay back.”
Since I was the only pony in full body armor, I stepped up to the door. “Alright, everypony, nothing to worry about. It’s probably just Twilight and her friends trying to open up the door to let us out.” Thankfully the silence spell over the Flower Trio was still firmly in place, because I could see them soundlessly screaming their heads off again. “Still, let’s play it safe, just in case. Everypony stand back.”
Most of the ponies needed no encouragement to do exactly that. Sparkler tried to step out from behind her mother to back me up, but Derpy stopped her with an upraised wing and a wall-eyed glower. Blossom gave Sparkler a quick pat on the back, then hesitantly trotted out to join me. Her eyes darted nervously towards the door every time something thumped against it, but she stood her ground with a worried chuckle. “Somepony’s got to watch your back, right?”
I smiled and gave her a quick peck. “Yeah, my back is far too sexy to go un-watched.” Blossom rolled her eyes, but didn’t dispute my reasoning. “Thanks, sweetie.”
“No problem.” I jumped in surprise at Bon Bon’s voice. I hadn’t even heard her come walking up behind me, but there she was standing by my side, watching the door intently. I was a bit surprised she was backing me up too, but I certainly wouldn’t complain. For a mare who made her living selling candy, Bons was in remarkably good shape. Presumably that was her earth pony strength and stamina.
So, Blossom and Bon Bon were backing me up bravely and boldly before battle. At least I had alliteration on my side.
There was a final thump, and then the door slowly creaked open. The light streaming in made it a bit hard to see who or what was standing in the doorway, but a moment later I heard Rainbow’s unmistakable scratchy tomboy voice. “Hey guys. We got that Tirek jerk. The good guys win, the bad guys lose, and as always, I was awesome the whole time.”
Everypony in the shelter let out a relieved sigh, and Rainbow trotted into the shelter. As soon as I got a good look at her my jaw hit the floor. Her mane and tail both seemed to have gotten twice as long, she seemed to have dipped her wings in liquid rainbow, and there were random multi-colored little lightning bolts scattered all over her coat. “Oh yeah, and we all got crazy new awesome transformation powers. Pretty cool, huh?”
I stared at my old friend, trying to make sense of her strange new form. Rainbow’s never exactly been subtle with her fashion sense, but this was gaudy and overdone even for her. Not that it was especially important: she could look however the heck she wanted to as long as it ended with the crazy giant monsters getting taken out. However, I could tell Rainbow was fishing for compliments, so I did my best. Or at least the best I could while simultaneously holding back a gigantic groan. “Er ... wow. That sure is something.”
“It’s ... very you,” Blossom diplomatically agreed.
“Thanks.” Rainbow grinned, striking a pose and clearly eating up the praise. “But it wasn’t all me, my friends helped too. And their transformations look just as cool as mine.”
Oh dear Celestia, if Fluttershy looked like Rainbow ... oh please let this be a temporary transformation and not a permanent one.
Sparkler, on the other hoof, was bluntly honest. “S'like somepony blended a zap apple with a breezie n' turned it into a shampoo.”
Lyra trotted over to Bon Bon’s side, then looked Rainbow over with a grin. “Reminds me of this one old cartoon I saw once. Please tell me you didn’t spend ten minutes screaming to power up and make your hair grow like that.”
“Bah.” Rainbow brushed aside the criticism. “You guys just wish you could look this awesome.” She spun around, accidently smacking Lyra in the face with her massively oversized tail. “They’re alright! ‘Shy, you can stop worrying now.”
Something yellow blurred towards me, and the next thing I knew I was being smothered by a gigantic mass of pink hair. Fluttershy always liked to wear her mane and tail really long, and with her new transformation it had all expanded to truly ridiculous levels. I could barely even see the mare hugging me through all the hair. “Oh thank goodness you’re alright, Cloud. I was so worried about you...”
I hugged the gigantic, writhing mass of hair as best I could. “Hey, Fluttershy. Your mane is really ... er ...” She smiled hopefully, and I desperately tried to come up with something nice to say about it. “I really like your mane,” I finished lamely.
She beamed at the compliment. “Thank you. Though I think it’s really a bit too long now. I tripped over it twice on the way here, and I have to fly to keep it from dragging on the ground.”
“Oh. Well maybe it would be easier if you changed back to normal,” I suggested hopefully.
“Maybe,” Fluttershy agreed, blushing faintly. “Um ... I’ll do that as soon as I figure out how. These new powers didn’t exactly come with an instruction manual. We just unlocked the box, and everything kind of ... happened.”
Oh Celestia, Luna, and Shadow, please let there be a way for her to change back. If she stayed like this permanently, I would be coughing up hairballs every time we banged. I’ve already had enough Fluttershy-related vomiting incidents to last a lifetime.
As I contemplated that awful scenario, Dinky rushed over and glued herself to one of Rainbow’s legs. “Rainbow Dash! It was so scary!”
Rainbow chuckled and hugged her. “Hey, Dinks. Why was it scary? I told you I'd kick that ugly monster's sorry butt, and that's exactly what we did.”
“I know!” Dinky babbled out. “But the whole shelter was shaking and rattling and it was still all—” She blinked, looking up at Rainbow and taking in her new form. “Whoooa. Didja let Miss Rarity take you to the spa? 'Cuz I dunthink she did a really good job.”
“Nah, this is my awesome new transformation power.” She pointed to the entrance, where the fashionista herself was trotting in, calling out her sister’s name. “We all got one, see?”
Dinky took one look at the new Rarity, then pointedly pulled one of Rainbow’s forelegs around herself to serve as a shield. I had to agree with her; Rarity’s new form looked even worse than Rainbow and Fluttershy’s.
Sparkler gaped at her, then slowly shook her head. “So, does she know Discord did that to her, or has she just not seen it yet?”
Rainbow cocked her head to the side. “What are you talking about, Spark?”
“Oh. It's supposed to look like that?”
It was a pretty safe bet Rarity hadn’t found a mirror yet, or her ear-piercing scream would’ve shattered every single window and eardrum in Equestria.
Rarity herself walked over to us, her hideously massive multi-colored mane bouncing with each step. “Well, I do try to look my absolute best, darling. Even when I’m just coming back from battle against an awful brute like Tirek.”
Right. I definitely needed to find an excuse to get far, far away from here before somepony showed Rarity what she looked like. I could take the kids with me too. Or maybe we should all just stay in the shelter and let Rarity go back to Carousel Boutique. After all, the last time her fashion sense had been that badly offended she’d gone on a dark magic-fueled rampage in an attempt to beautify the whole town.
I was still trying to come up with a good escape plan when Fluttershy softly cleared her throat. A yellow hoof emerged from the mass of hair, resting supportively on my shoulder. “Cloud, there’s something you need to know. On the way back from the fight with Tirek we found your cousin. It looks like she tried to fight him by herself. She was hurt, but she’ll be okay.”
Sparkler rushed over, nearly knocking me aside in her haste. “What?! Where's Star? How bad is it?!”
“Not Star, Storm,” Fluttershy quickly explained. Sparkler let out a relieved sigh, sitting down heavily. “I’m sure Star is just fine. She’s probably in Canterlot with the rest of her family.”
“And Storm?” I asked, the words tasting like ashes in my mouth. Our last talk hadn’t exactly gone as well as I would’ve liked. I’d gotten naggy with her over some stupid book, and now she might be hurt or even dy—
“She’s hurt, but Twilight said she should be fine,” Fluttershy quickly reassured me.
I sighed, my wings slumping in relief. “I ... I better go check on her anyway. I mean, she’s family.” I blinked, then quickly added. “I need to write Dad too, make sure everypony else made it out alright.”
“Relax, they’ll be fine,” Rainbow cut in, giving me a quick pat on the back. “Tirek seemed more into stealing magic than actually hurting ponies. But yeah, you should go check on Stormy anyway. Twilight took her to the giant crystal palace in the middle of town.”
“The giant what?”
“Um, a lot of things happened,” Fluttershy murmured.
“Yeah, it was real cool.” Rainbow took a seat, pulling Dinky onto her lap. “The thing just sprang up after we took out Tirek—actually, lemme tell you how we did that first. So, it all started when Princess Celestia...”
I was out the door before Rainbow got any further with her story. I needed to make sure Storm was alright.
Fortunately, the giant crystal palace was easy to find. It did stand out compared to the small-town surroundings. The gates and windows were wide open, so I rushed in and started looking around for Storm, or at least somepony who could help me find her. After spending a couple minutes running through the large new palace, I stumbled across Twilight, who had Storm’s dented armor scattered across the floor.
I’m a bit ashamed to admit it, but one of the first thoughts that sprang to mind was relief at the fact that Twilight was looking like her normal self instead of being a transformed version. In my defense, that was just my subconscious making note of it while my thinking mind was completely focused on my cousin.
“Twilight!” I rushed over to her, skidding to a stop on the slippery crystal floor. “Fluttershy told me Storm was hurt, and on the way here I saw what happened to the library! Is she okay? Are you okay?”
Twilight glanced up at me, one of her ears flicking. “Oh yes, I'm just great. It's just another day for me when my house gets blown up and one of my best friends gets hurt.” I flinched back, and she sighed, her ears drooping. “Sorry, it’s ... it’s been a long, stressful day.” She took a deep, calming breath. “I’m okay, and Spike wasn’t in the library when Tirek destroyed it. Zecora and Redheart are looking Storm over right now. They said she’ll be fine, but they needed a bit longer to finish looking her over, and then she needs some time to rest.” A sheepish smile worked its way onto her face as she confessed. “They ... er, they asked me to leave the room because I kept asking them questions while they were trying to work.”
“But she’ll be alright?” I asked for confirmation. When Twilight nodded, my wings sagged in relief. “Thank goodness. What happened to her anyway? Don't tell me she tried to take on Tirek all by herself...”
Twilight groaned and ran a hoof over her face. “I haven’t been able to ask her yet, but that’s exactly what it looks like.”
I tried to wrap my mind around the idea that my intelligent, level-headed cousin could have done something so monumentally stupid. “That idiot! What was she thinking?!”
Twilight nodded sharply, but a second later her eyes dropped guiltily to the floor. “She was probably trying to defend me.”
“Yeah, that sounds like her.” It certainly matched her stiff-necked, obstinate adherence to her duty despite how utterly unrealistic her expectations were. “That settles it, she better heal up fast so I can kick her sorry butt for being so stupid! What in Equestria made her think she could even take on some crazy monster like...”
I slowly trailed off, staring at the suit of armor scattered across the floor. At first I’d just assumed it was Storm’s normal armor, but now that I looked a bit more closely I noticed the exceptional craftsmareship, the outdated style, and the intricate runes carved along the surface. And more than that, I could feel the subtle aura of power surrounding it. “No way. She didn’t...”
“She did.” Twilight answered with a tired smile. “I ... I know it’s a bit weird to say it, but isn’t it just a little bit exciting? My bodyguard is the new wielder of Shadow’s Armor! I’ve always been a little curious about it. I mean, it’s a famous artifact that one of my ancestors helped Princess Celestia create, so it’s only natural that I’d be a bit curious about it.” She picked up the helmet, staring at it. “And, well, it got a little damaged during the fight with Tirek, so I thought it might be a good idea to repair it. You know, while I was waiting for Zecora to finish up with Storm. Just so I would be...”
I trotted over and wrapped a wing around her. “Yeah, gotta find something to keep your mind occupied or the waiting and worrying will drive you nuts.”
She nodded silently, leaning into my hug. After a long moment she hopped right back to studying the armor, moving with almost frantic energy. “So, yes, Shadow’s Armor. Storm’s the first pony to actually be able to wear it since Thunderbolt Kicker used it to defeat the Demon-King Jr’dokr’strix’ilkig’noraz the Blight-Bringer at the Battle of Vanhoover. Can you believe that?”
“Yeah, that's super.” I couldn’t help but think back to my own effort to retrieve the armor during the changeling invasion of Canterlot, which had ended with Shadow’s spirit flat-out telling me I wasn’t good enough to wear it. But apparently my cousin was. Yeah, that wasn’t going to help my budding inferiority complex.
“So,” I quickly asked to distract myself from that pleasant turn of thought. “You’re trying to repair the battle damage?”
Twilight nodded eagerly, seeming to appreciate the distraction just as much as I did. “I'm also hoping to do a lot of research on it. I mean, I have to understand how it works to fix it anyway. And this is a really unique opportunity. I tried studying the Elements, but their magic is so ancient and powerful I could never figure it out. However, Shadow’s Armor was made by my teacher and one of my ancestors. I’m sure I can figure out how it works.”
I chuckled, reaching up to gently ruffle her mane. “Looks like you’ve already got a new research project going, don’t you?”
“I will need them,” Twilight agreed, her ears drooping. “I ... well, all my old research projects were probably ruined when my lab got blown up along with the rest of the library.”
I flinched as I realized I’d gotten into hazardous territory for her. “Yeah, I guess that would be a problem.” I quickly shifted topics before I completely killed the mood and we ended up crying and holding each other. “So, you met Shadow yet?”
Twilight’s ears perked up, and her old academic enthusiasm returned in full force. “Oh yes, the spirit within the armor is still very much intact.” She grinned, rubbing her hooves together. “I have sooo many questions to ask her. You have no idea how priceless of a research opportunity this is. Just think about how much she could tell us about history and the Lunar Rebellion. Celestia doesn’t like talking about it, and while I’ve read Shadow Kicker’s memoirs, of course, there’s really no substitute for speaking to the pony herself.” She paused, tapping her chin. “Or, well, whatever the spirit is. But as long as it has Shadow’s full memories she could tell us all kinds of things!”
Trust Twilight Sparkle to meet a famous pony from the past and immediately start thinking about what a big research and studying opportunity it was. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s very exciting, but what did you think about the mare herself?”
She hesitated, worrying at her lower lip. “It's been a bit hard to make her open up. Though I think I might have overdone it a little the first time we met. I just ... I was really excited when I realized who she was, and...”
“You bombarded her with dozens of questions before she could get a word in edgewise,” I finished for her.
She sighed, slowly nodding. “A little bit. It’s just ... do you have any idea how much we could learn from a spirit with memories from the first and second centuries? Not to mention what she would remember about all the other ponies who’ve wielded the Armor throughout the ages. There are historians who would kill for an opportunity like this. Plus, the spirit could almost certainly explain the inner workings of the armor itself to me...”
I thought it over for a moment, then reached a decision. “Want me to try talking to her? I might be able to smooth things over if you made a bad first impression.”
She hesitated a moment, then slowly nodded. “If you think it would help we could try. After all, you are a Kicker. Though I don’t really see how that should make a difference when there were Kickers and Sparkles getting married back in Shadow’s time, and more have since then.” She grinned, and gently nudged me in the shoulder. “I checked our family trees back when I was doing that research project on you, and we’re technically twelfth cousins, twice removed. So if it’s just a matter of having Kicker blood, you’d think I would qualify...”
“Twelfth cousins...” I poked her teasingly in the side. “That’s far enough apart that it’s not weird for you and Storm to lust after each other, right?”
Twilight rolled her eyes, grumbling. “There’s no lusting going on, now try to focus on the matter at hoof. Namely, repairing Shadow’s Armor. Since it’s designed to absorb spells directed at it, I can’t really analyze or repair it until I can get the spirit within the armor to work with me. And right now I don’t think she’s exactly resisting me, but she doesn’t seem to be trying very hard to help me either.”
“Alright, I’ll sort you two out.” I’m not exactly the greatest diplomat in the world, but this didn’t seem like something that required a silver tongue. Twilight was inquisitive, Shadow was proud and prickly. Any decent moderator should be able to sort them out. “The armor still works by just touching it, right?” She confirmed that it did. “Alright then.”
I reached out, slowly resting my hoof on the breastplate.
The world shifted around me, and next thing I knew I was standing in the middle of the clan compound the way it looked nine hundred years ago, Twilight Sparkle at my side. Shadow was standing in the middle of the courtyard, fully armed and armored. I was just glad she didn’t feel the need to put me through another test to remind me that I wasn’t worthy of using her armor. Maybe she only bothered with that when somepony touched it with the intention of using it. It would be a bit odd if she put the pony in charge of polishing her armor through that big test every time their hoof accidently brushed the metal.
Shadow gave each of us a short nod. “Princess Sparkle. Descendant.”
“Er ... hey again, Honored Shadow.” Her eyes narrowed, and I quickly corrected myself. “Er, just plain old Shadow. Sorry.” I’d gotten a touch more observant about her cult ever since the whole changeling thing and what happened to Mom, but Shadow had never been a big fan of all the veneration she received.
Twilight trotted up to her with a friendly smile. “Hello again. I was hoping we could ask you—”
Shadow held up a hoof to cut her off. “Pray, no more questions.”
Twilight’s smile briefly slipped, and she stubbornly set her hooves. “But I have so many things I need to ask you about. There is so much we could learn from you, plus I can’t help fix the armor unless I know everything about how it works.”
Shadow sighed, sounding quite exasperated. “I have already been asked dozens of questions by you, with no end in sight.”
“Ohhh,” Twilight said, comprehension seeming to dawn. “Sorry, since you’re a bodiless spirit it never even occurred to me that you might get tired after a while. I should’ve asked more about you first; to be honest, I’m not even one hundred percent sure what you are. I’ll make sure to add that to the list.” Twilight pulled out a scroll that rolled out to easily twice her height and jotted down some notes. “So, do you need breaks after a while? Because we could schedule something for later. I'd be more than happy to set up a series of meetings with you.”
“I would prefer fewer questions,” the shade grunted, her eyebrows knitting and gaze falling to the ground in sufferance.
Twilight’s friendly grin turned into a slight pout. “Well, I suppose we could have shorter meetings too, though that’s not ideal. It takes a while to really build up momentum in an interview, so I’d to have at least an hour each time we—”
“Uh, Twilight?” I gently cut her off. “I think the problem is that she’s not too keen on the whole idea of you interviewing her at all.” I tossed a look Shadow’s way, and she nodded slightly. “She’s kind of a private pony. Spirit. Thing.”
“Oh, I completely understand if she wants some privacy.” Twilight turned back to Shadow with a sympathetic smile. “I know I was really worried I wouldn’t have any time to myself once I became a princess. Don’t worry, I’m sure we can make some sort of arrangement that lets you answer my questions without intruding too much.” She smiled hopefully. “I would really like for us to be friends.”
Shadow regarded her for several seconds, then reluctantly nodded. “I suppose I should have expected that one of Midnight’s children would be as relentlessly curious as she was. It seems that the apple does not fall far from the tree.”
The princess smiled sheepishly. “Well, technically I’m a distant descendant. I’m her granddaughter with thirty-one greats in front of it.” Her ears perked up a bit. “So, you think I’m like Midnight Sparkle?”
“You share her insatiable curiosity.” Shadow paused, looking her over. “However, you are much more animated, and do not share her unique fondness for the macabre, nor do you seem to be accompanied by an ever-growing unkindness of ravens. Though clearly you share the talent for magic that both Midnight and her mother possessed. And, it would seem, Midnight’s curious talent for inspiring loyalty in others.”
“Well she is a Sparkle,” I cut in, grinning and nudging Twilight. “And a nice, friendly, and cute one. I bet you’ll get along just fine with her.”
Shadow turned to me with a dry look. “I am well aware of thy history with her, Cloud. Suffice to say thine opinion of her merits may be biased.”
“You know our history?” Twilight asked, her eyes already brimming with curiosity. “How do you know that? Is that one of the enchantments on the armor?”
“Aye,” Shadow confirmed. “I know what those who touch the armor know.”
“Interesting...” Twilight started jotting down notes, even though I didn’t think that would work in this weird mental realm. Well, unless jotting down notes was symbolic of remembering it better or something. “Though I suppose you would have to be able to analyze potential wielders to determine whether or not they were worthy. Which reminds me, we really need to talk about making the criteria for wearing the armor more explicit. Anyway, is your knowledge absorption an automatic and comprehensive process, or do you merely focus major events relating to the criteria needed to wield the armor? Can you still remember everything from previous wearers, or does the information fade over time? And what about—”
I gently put a hoof over her lips. “Twi, sweetheart? You’re doing it again.”
Twilight blushed faintly, removing my hoof. “Sorry... But it's not every day that I get to study a magical artifact like this, or talk to its sapient spirit. I’m just really excited...”
“So I had gathered.” Shadow let forth a long-suffering sigh. “If ‘tis any consolation, Midnight vexed me far more thoroughly than you have. However, might I suggest that we stick to the matter at hoof for now? If the Commander allows it, we may speak at length later.”
Twilight nodded, grinning at the spirit. “I would like that. But you’re right, we should focus on repairing your armor first.”
“Aye.” The shade took a seat. “What do you need to know to see the task done?”
“Hmm,” Twilight tapped her chin, and much to Shadow’s carefully concealed dismay pulled out another list. “To start with, it would be good to make sure I don't damage your spirit in any way.”
“Aye, I would prefer that you not cause irreparable damage to my home, consigning me to the oblivion of nonexistence.” If Shadow’s smile had been any drier I would’ve worried about dehydration. “Fortunately, avoiding that should be simple enough.” She waved her hoof, and a massive tangled collection of lines and runes appeared in the air. I knew just enough about magic from my West Hoof days to recognize that this was incredibly advanced stuff that was way over my head. “This houses my spirit. The spells are intact, so do not do anything to alter it and all will be well.”
“That sounds simple enough.” Twilight paused, her eyes narrowing as she studied the spellwork. “At least I think so, this is some pretty intricate stuff, and it's all interwoven together. I’ve never even seen anything like this before, unless you count a few of Celestia’s trademark touches like right here.” She pointed at one particularly tangled and complex bit of spellwork. “That right there? Classic Celestia. And I can see at least two other ponies’ hoofprints on this. That would be Sunbeam Sparkle and Morning Star, right?”
“Aye,” Shadow answered shortly. “I should caution that ‘twould be unwise to study it too closely.”
I could’ve told Shadow not to waste her breath. Telling Twilight not to study a complicated piece of magic works about as well as setting a kid in front of a giant box of candy, then telling them not to eat any of it.
Sure enough, Twilight kept right at it. “Well, it doesn't seem to be a danger to my sanity, so I think it should be okay. And this bit right here actually looks really important. Actually, from what I can tell almost all of the armor’s enchantments link into this spell matrix. Which would make sense when you’re the one managing it, except that—”
Twilight abruptly cut herself off as Shadow removed the image. She shot a faintly annoyed frown at my ancestor, then shook her head. “Alright, alright, fine. It would’ve helped if you let me figure out exactly how the armor was made, but I suppose I can manage with what I know. It’s just that...” She trailed off uncertainly.
“Something wrong?” I gently prompted her.
Shadow cut in before she could answer. “Pray, simply repair the armor for now. Do not ask further questions about how it functions, how it contains my spirit, or anything else not needed for the task. The Commander designed the spell matrices to be self-repairing, so it should not prove o’erly difficult for you to speed the process along.”
Twilight’s frown remained firmly in place. “Well, if you're sure that’s all you want me to do, then fine. Though I bet if you let me really study it I could find a way to improve the design. Not that I have any issues with Celestia’s work, but it is nine hundred years old. There have been all kinds of advances since then. Celestia herself could probably improve a lot on her old work.”
“She has already done so on several occasions,” Shadow answered shortly. “You may discuss the matter with her at some later time, if you wish. For now, ‘tis enough to simply repair it.”
Twilight sighed and nodded. “Alright. I'll do that then.”
“My thanks.” She shot a prompting look at the two of us. “If there is nothing else...?”
Twilight hesitated, shuffling her hooves. “Um, thanks for letting Storm wear your armor. I know it means a lot to her.”
“But of course,” Shadow answered almost dismissively. “Though I did that for her sake, not yours. She had need of my armor to protect you. Her devotion does her credit.”
I suppressed another twinge of jealousy. It was hard not to be a bit irked every time I thought about the fact that Shadow had let Storm take the armor in battle, but apparently my devotion to protecting all of Canterlot from an army of invading bugs wasn’t good enough. Sure, maybe I’d subconsciously wanted the armor to rub it in the faces of all the ponies who said I wasn’t a good member of the clan, but so what? Everypony has baggage.
I tried to distract myself from that resentful train of thought with a little light teasing. I grinned and nudged Twilight’s shoulder. “Sooo ... Storm’s devotion to you, huh?”
Twilight met me with an unamused glower. “She's my bodyguard. And also straight, as far as I can tell.”
“Suuuure she is.” Maybe it’s my biases speaking, but I don’t think anypony’s one hundred percent any sexual orientation. Sure, everypony has their preferences, but if I had a bit for every ‘straight’ mare I managed to talk into hopping into bed with me, I’d have ... well, enough to buy myself a nice new hat or something. If I wore hats, that is. Point is, Storm could certainly be ninety-nine percent straight with a giant one percent exception named Twilight Sparkle.
And even if she wasn’t, teasing them both was just too much fun for me to quit.
As if to prove my point, Twilight frowned at me, and a hint of an oppressed whine entered her voice. “Cloooud! In front of your ancestor and everything?!”
Shadow caught my eyes, fixing me with a rather pointed scowl. “I fear my descendant has too much of Gale’s irreverent spirit in her.” She turned to Twilight, shaking her head. “I suppose I can be sure you are not the sire of Cloud's foal, at least.”
I stared at the spirit, trying to wrap my brain around what she’d just said. “My what?!”
Twilight started coughing on empty air. “C-can we go back and explain what you just said?”
“Yeah,” I quickly agreed. “I must have misheard you, because it sounded like you just said I was pregnant, and that can’t be—”
“Thou art,” Shadow cut me off. “Thou didst not know? Surely thou couldst not have been blind to the signs...”
Okay, it was true I’d been getting morning sickness—that is, nausea that happened primarily in the morning, not morning sickness. And I suppose I had put on a couple pounds, But that’s no reason to think... “This is a joke, right? You’re messing with me.”
“I am not.”
“Well you must be!” I snapped. “Because I'm not pregnant!”
“Thou art.” Shadow regarded me with implacable calm. “Thy denial does not change the reality.”
“Wait wait wait!” Twilight cut in. “How would you know if Cloud was pregnant?”
Shadow turned to face her. “I know everything regarding the physical state of those interacting with the armor. Some of its spells are intended to mitigate wounds and allow the wearer to carry on when others would fall. And of course, I must also know if potential wearers are physically capable of using the armor.” She paused, then nodded to me. “And of course, I would be most hesitant to allow a pregnant mare to go to war. Putting aside the fact that pregnancy weakens one’s combat skills, new life is precious and should be protected.”
Twilight thoughtfully looked me over, her eyes lingering pointedly on my belly. I groaned and ran a hoof down my face. “Oh come on! Seriously, Twilight? You already told me the armor’s damaged and needs to be fixed, this is probably just some kind of malfunction.”
The princess cleared her throat. “You know, I can double check. I have a basic health monitoring spell that would be able to tell if you’re pregnant or not. Plus your body temperature, pulse, current blood pressure, and a lot of other stuff.”
I thought it over for a moment, then shrugged. “Yeah, okay. Cast the spell, just so we can officially say that I’m not pregnant, and get to work fixing the armor.”
“Right.” She nodded, and a moment later her horn lit up. Her magic swirled around me for a few seconds, and it was actually pretty pleasant, feeling like a rush of lukewarm water and pins and needles. Twilight’s eyes widened a bit as the spell ended. “Um, you are indeed pregnant.”
“Then the spell must be wrong too,” I snapped. “I dunno, maybe the fact that we’re still interacting with Shadow’s armor is throwing your magic off?”
“Which seems more likely, descendant?” Shadow asked, quirking an eyebrow. “That the both of us are wrong, or that thou art simply denying the truth staring thee in the face?”
Twilight nodded sharply. “I think I know how to cast my spells, Cloud. If something was interfering with my magic, I would know. And the odds of something interfering with my magic just to give me a false positive on a pregnancy detection spell, and an ancient magical artifact malfunctioning in a way that only results in it thinking you’re pregnant without anything else being wrong with it are...” She tapped her hooves a few times, doing the math in her head. “Two hundred eighty five thousand to one.”
“You’re just making those numbers up.” I glowered at her, then shifted my glare to Shadow. “Besides, you’re both wrong. Because I can't be pregnant!”
Twilight sighed and shook her head. “Unless there is something you haven't told me, you should biologically be capable.”
“But—”
Shadow joined Twilight in piling it on. “And thou art certainly spending enough time in the beds of others for pregnancy to follow...”
“But I—”
“And you do love each other,” Twilight followed up. “Plus everything else you're up to. Remember those special potions I made for you a month back?”
Oh. Right. “Well, we used protection!”
“Most contraceptives do have a very small failure rate,” Twilight countered. “And if half of what you claim about your sex life is true, even with a less than one percent failure rate, you’re past due for a pregnancy as far as playing the odds goes.”
I stared at both of them, my jaw dropping as the awful, horrible truth sank in. “Shadow’s feathering teats, I’m pregnant!”
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Oh, goody. Shadow Chaser is best Clear Blue test.
Ahhh. That was worth the wait.
Right in front of Shadow, no less?
My only wish in life is to see a rendition of Shadow's face after this line.
Also, SHADOW! :D
Well that's that, Cloud is doomed to house arrest under the care of former Element of Kindness. We all saw how Fluttershy was in that AU story, she's probably going to be almost just as over protective with this one, both for Cloud and the baby. Neurotic over nurturing to the point of anxiety and all that.
Ah, Chengdar... only you could make a 12,000 word chapter feel like it was a mere 3,000. I reached the end of it, and I said, "What, already?"
I eagerly await the next chapter, and applaud your excellent off-handed aversion/explanation of the Magical Lesbian Spawn trope!
6473666
It was explained more fully way back in one of the RainbowPie stories, where we meet Rainbow's mothers, Cool Mom and Awesome Mom.
... That existential crisis when she realized her mothers were basically older versions of Rarity and her own fillyfriend.
That's ... a way to learn it xD
I... don't know exactly what to think about Shadow here. Because I don't understand her reasoning for acting the way she is, I kinda want to call her a dick and be done with it. The thing is, though, I'm positive she has a good reason for being this way. Whatever, I'm just glad to get more of this already wonderful story!
Ha!
Twilight does realize they're not in the physical world right?
How does this work if they're not in the physical world?
Ahhh the Flower Trio....love them...
Adding that to my list of pony based swears
Also The Great Blessed Shadow Kicker graces herself with her pressence!
Sorry Cloud. Some Anvils Need to Be Dropped.
Nice to see Shadow in a new form. Sort of. If she's an echo of the real deal, I would think seeing new wielders over so long a time would slowly change her personality a bit.
Hey!
I like how everyone hates their new manestyles. And of course Lyra would be the one to make the pop culture reference.
Note how Twilight pointedly said nothing about herself being straight.
"My feathering WHAT now?"
I just know that the Demon King's name is a gag, but the pronunciation escapes me.
So much to say, where do I begin
-This is an interesting explanation for why no pony in ponyville was present at the tirek fight
-
someone's been playing phantom pain
-sweet DBZ reference
-the whole shadow armor thing feels a bit forced, but I can live with it
-Man, I was expecting the pee on a stick or official medical diagnosis, but ancient ancestor possessing ancient armor with magical abilities is one way of discovering pregnancy
Score: 10/10
Yes, cloud, swear with your ancestor's name right in front of them, why don't you?
Well, obliviousness can only go so far.
And yay, Cloud expressed my thoughts on the rainbow power visual appearance!
As usual, great chapter!
Oh God. The truth comes to light!
That had me rolling. Mainly because when I first seen Rainbows transformation, it made me think she had went SS xD
Called it!
6473606
Shadow: "And you still question about why didn't I let you keep the Armor? "
You know, there are times when my suspension of disbelief just snaps, and I had a moment in this chapter.
Cloudy is apparently implying that she was just busy every time something bad happened. Given her history, I have to assume she was banging somepony, or trying to bang somepony, or was sleeping off banging somepony. And now, after she has acquired a Fluttershy and a Blossom, she somehow has more time to go adventuring finally.
Hm...so is it Fluttershy's or Blossoms?
6473837 I think part of it is that she hates necromancy and the armor even being created was a sticking point? So she doesn't want it replicated.
Positive Thunderlane and Derpy were with the 'Bolts when Tirek took them out.
...
CHANGELING!!
Nah, I kid. With Derpy being a main character in the story, this was to be expected.
Shadow: "Language, Descendant."
Aurora Dimmet.
Thank you for reminding me. I had almost forgotten the story The Incredibly Embarrassing Parents of Rainbow Dash. It was explained that (in the Winnerverse, at least) when 2 ponies love each other VERY much, sometimes they have a Love Foal even if neither of them is a stallion. Rainbow Dash was 1 such child.
I suppose Cloud Kicker is promiscuous enough that it is possible it was some 1 night stand w a stallion, although it is implied she has been fairly faithful to her paramours. My bet is Fluttershy is the other parent.
I'd also go w "she is going to drive you insane & make your life a smothered Hell" & "she won't exactly nag, but she will guilt you into doing what she wants" 
But, which cartoon is the "fix the hair to power up" a reference to?
6474367
Dragonball Z
Hmm, this is a twist that might be a real bummer for Shadow.
Why? (Spoiler for some of the side stories)
In the older stories about Shadow had a rumor that Celestia offered her immortality and Shadow turned her down. Then we learned in the Lunar War stories that Celestia had 'temporarily' bound Shadow's spirit to the Armor to allow time to heal her otherwise dead body. Apparently that 'temporary' bonding is the source of the Spirit Shadow, and this Spirit appears to have all of Shadows facilities...in other words, Celestia DID make Shadow immortal, just in a non physical way. That seems to be going against Shadows previous stated interests. Perhaps this Spirit Shadow has some resentments about that?
I think the bit with Shadow's armor really does feel a bit forced; it sort of reads like a fanfic (ha) of the original. Although the reasoning is relatively sound, I suppose, for why SA's would have the ability to sense pregnancy, I'm not sure if I really buy the two of them standing around having a conversation with her.
On a related note: does this mean that Shadow isn't exactly dead, but literally trapped in the armor? Or is this spirit merely a copy or (ha!) shadow of the original?
Wait, wait, wait.
Does that mean if you use the armour to combat something sufficiently otherworldly and horrifying,
like, say Discord, Cthulhu or Donald Trump, that thing touching the armour might be enough to outright destroy it because whatever eldritch Knowledge That Pony Was Never Meant To Know that opponent possesses will get transferred to poor Shadow's spirit, potentially instantly shattering her soul and annihilating her mind?
Sounds like a major handicap to me.
Wait.
How can Cloud be a descendant of Shadow when she didn't have a child? (And Gale is not even hers - shes adopted)
Am I missing Information?
6473877 If you want Pony Swears, go read the original Fallout Equestria, and FO:E Project Horizons xD Namely the original, Lil'pip has such a very dirty mouth, that in the next life she's a bar of soap as punishment xD
As for this chapter, It's awesome. Tho it does bring up a question of who is the Father.
This chapter just made me crave another chapter of Lunar Rebellion.
Seriously, though... ANOTHER AWESOME CHAPTER!
6474880 shadow did have child. Its in the lunar rebellion
Bun status:
CONFIRMED IN OVEN
Well...having it confirmed by Shadow is that last way I expected the news to be broken in to Cloud.
Now there's an example of outright denial.
*Pfffffft* Right in front of Shadow, no less!
Excellent chapter as usual. Although I'm taking points off for the season 4 finale stuff.
6473635
Well, we do have Darkpen who makes fanart for each Chapter of this saga :P So if we're lucky that's the scene he/she chooses to draw.
Also... Unless my reading between the lines, I think Shadow pretty much told us why she didn't let Cloud use the armour in the Canterlot assault.
I can't find any mention of how long has passed between the end of The Life & Times, and the beginning of this story, but it may just be that it's long enough that she's a few weeks/months into her pregnancy. It would certainly explain why Shadow outright refused it, if in a sorta roundabout way.
6474238
It is Cloud Kicker's and only Cloud Kicker's. One lonely night she loved herself so hard she knocked herself up. But that isn't pos- MAGIC.
Hoping it is Blossom's personally...
Can't wait for the Pinkie party that she will try to do. Also it will be fun to see what Rainbow Dash does. I think she may freak out a bit not just because of the situation itself but because she is a child of love and she is with Pinkie and it would not surprise me if she gets worried about this sort of thing happening to her...
6474300
I can see that. I think her hatred of necromancy is probably a sticking point to be sure, but you'd think that if she found it so distasteful she'd have Twilight undo the part that keeps her attached, right? Hell, maybe her devotion to "The Commander" is such that Shadow would put her own morals aside for her sake. It is certainly intriguing!
I'm a bit disappointed that it didn't follow the episode exactly and have Derpy drained by Tirek alongside the Wonderbolts. Her absence would have been more impactful in this chapter than her inclusion, but I suppose that Cloud already looked like she was shirking a fight enough without adding Derpy to the list of her friends who had actually faced down Tirek.
I'm curious as to how much Discord will factor into things. He did just betray Fluttershy to nearly all of Equestria's doom, but kind of made up for it too. How Cloud and he view each other following that seems very interesting.
A cute way to finally bring the revelation to Cloud! It seemed like Rainbow already knew... Pinkie Sense? Regardless, looking forward to seeing the fall-out!
I WONDER WHAT SURPRISING REVELATION THE TITLE COULD POSSIBLY REFER TO.
:)
Oh come on, even Rainbow's work it out already? :D
And the commentary on the aesthetics of the rainbow power. :)
"“Aye,” Shadow confirmed. “I know what those who touch the armor know.”"
...What, everything? Just at a touch? Pretty powerful, that.
"or do you merely focus major events"
"focus on major"?
Hm, and secrecy. Interesting. :)
Ah. And the revelation is dropped. And from a source that, coming into this story, I did not expect. :)
6474238 No reason that it couldn't be both Blossom's and Fluttershy's, we are talking about a magical pregnancy, after all. I just hope the little filly gets named Bunny Kicker
Now, that'll be interesting, seeing how Shadow responds to that....
6476481
Come to think of it, there is a distinct lack of Discord/Cloud Kicker interacting, considering the latter is banging the former's best friend.
I'm not saying they're besties (matter of fact, pretty sure Discord would view Cloud as outright competition, or vice versa) but Fluttershy should at least have gotten them on speaking terms with each other.
6473837
6473606
,,, No, because that thing is not her. Its not even her ghost, or even her shadow. All it is is selfishness of an old nag wrapped up as s loving and practical gesture.
6477319
It's her, and even if it was just a copy or some other false entity it wouldn't matter. She seems to have Shadow's memories and her sense of self, so what more do you need to be a real and living being?
Crimson Dawn
In one of the Winnerverse stories it was explained that, due to childhood injuries, Dash is more or less sterile. (IIRC, it was The Incredibly Apologetic Letters of Rainbow Dash, but I'm not sure (been awhile))
6475329 It's at least the time from the restoration of the Crystal Empire to the hosting of the games. And given there was a selection process involved, it must have been at least a few months, if not a year.
6477518
Perhaps, but I don't think it'd be a year. A few months is possible, but even then it might be what it takes for the pregnancy to actually become noticeable. If Chengar goes with normal equine pregnancy it takes 11 or so months (if I'm not mistaken), so it might make sense that it'd take a little bit longer for it to become noticeable.
Just throwing ideas out, but I think this is one of the more plausible explanations. Otherwise Cloud would have had to more or less cheat on Blossom and Fluttershy, which I don't think she's very liable to do now that she got in a relationship with them.