- Member Since 2nd Apr, 2015
- offline last seen Mar 26th, 2018
EchoHeart
HELLO! I am a gay guy (there dont seem to be a lot of us ;) i am new to this fim fiction stuff so anything that you have foir me will be awesome ^.^
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Yeah. Capitalize "The" "Power" and "Love" in the title.
> The underlined phrase should be merged with the previous sentence via comma.
*parents'
*dad's
> Shouldn't "tikes" be "tykes"?
> The last period should be a question mark.
*it's
*their
*gave
*to
*hospital's
*nurse's
*in sight
*were
*to
*too
*I
*feminine
*It's
*Miss
*each other
*you
*I
*it's
*Sky's
~ ~ ~
The main character's transition from human world to another world via napping is something that I've seen a few times before. Not as often as a random portal popping up or being knocked out due to an accident, but I've seen it a few times before.
Not counting the technical aspects, the writing isn't bad. I was able to get to the basics of the plot without having to take second looks. That sort of thing doesn't happen often in stories that I review. Those errors I've pointed above, however, need fixing. No need to look for an editor. I already pointed them out myself.
I'll get to the characters when you're a few chapters in.
Story has potential. I enjoyed the first chapter quite a bit, particularly since it's the first one I've seen so far to start so late after the Event. I like that the story didn't waste my time, it kept moving the whole time and I never felt bored.
I feel it imperitive to mention the story was littered with minor grammar mistakes, generally several per paragraph. They were never that serious; just a few strangely constructed sentences, missing punctuation, ect. Not serious stuff, had there been just a few. They were quite numerous, however. I would advise getting a friend to edit for you, or looking into the numerous "looking for editor" groups. Either that, or very carefully reread your own material before you post it. Search for every mistake, and correct each no matter how small.
You have mistakes on your story description. Had this story not been in the "ponies after people" group, I never would've read it. I feel there are probably others who are equally cautious.
I look forward to reading the first story with a changeling protagonist (that I know of)! Make it awesome! You have the talent for storytelling, but right now it's being suffocated by the sheer weight of mistakes. Get those fixed, and the story will really shine.
physiologist is not psychologist.
You need to setup the job role at the front.
Someone in hospital is not going to use the term "nursery" - and that's not really how it works. In the normal case - mother and baby are kept together as a rule.
'Sent her to' - he has no power to do this unless he's in charge.
Out of curiosity, is this Leesburg in Virginia or Florida?
hey guys, sorry for not putting anything up in a long time (and sorry for my terrible grammer) okay lets answer questions from top to bottom. Leesburg as in Florida. Yes the story is based further into the timeline. (two months in). and i cant wait to keep on going ^.^
*grumbles* ...stupid people and their stupid irrationalization... She hasn't even done anything yet!
It was kind to save her, but... pretty cruel to just throw her out on her butt. Particularly with how much she needs their company. Not that any of them know that. Or even her, it seems. But she will. And then it will suck even more.
I am going to have fun with this group
This one needs an editor.
And slower pacing.
And some characters.
Probably, longer chapters, too.
Until then I can't force myself to like it.
The idea is interesting (despite being the most evil and cruel one in the group so far), though.
Evil it is! THE NIGHT SHALL LAST FOREVER!!!!!
I would love for Sky to talk with Thorax from the episode “The Times They Are A Changeling”.
Shining Armor: Welcome to the Crystal Empire, Thorax. I'm sorry we didn't take the time to get to know you. Maybe we can change that now.
Thorax: That'd be so amazing! I want to know all about friendship, and maybe one day I can take that knowledge back to the Changeling Kingdom! If my kind learned how to create love for one another, maybe they wouldn't have to take it from others!
Please notice that Thorax referred to the other changelings as “they” instead of “us changelings” as a way to separate him from his former hive changelings.
What did you think of the season 6 finale episodes, “To Where and Back Again”? How will the ideas in those two episodes change the course of this story?
I’d love to see you use ideas from the episode “To Change a Changeling”. In the cannon television series, there appears to be many things that a changeling can transform into.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/5/57/Thorax_turns_into_flamingo%3B_changelings_draw_Starlight_and_Trixie_S7E17.png/revision/latest?cb=20170903235350
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/e/ec/Young_Pharynx_transforms_into_monster_spider_S7E17.png/revision/latest?cb=20170904144818