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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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From what I picked up in the desc this is the story of a massive, highly advanced forerunnner human civilization building the world of MLP:FIM but sometime around doing so being wiped out during an unexplained event, theres also a brief mention of a demon 'Rocky'. Anyways, the main protagonist 'Dark Void' (even for some godlike human society that seems like atleast an odd name) then ventures around the universe attempting to overthrow a different massive, godlike civilization but being brutally wounded, losing an arm and retreating to the world mentioned earlier where he oversaw its creation. Wherein he discovers unexpected, extremely primitive (in comparison to the former human civilization), and bizarre life in the form of the ponies.
My biggest problem thus far is that it seems just... a bit edgy, a little weird, and overall doesnt look all that good. Maybe Im (almost literally) judging a book by its cover, but with Fimfiction the cover usually reflects the story, if not; the story tends to be worse then he cover. So, Im looking at this story fairly doubtfully. Maybe its the bizarre mix of a Sci Fi tone and a Fantasy tone that feels werd, or its that the protagonist went, presumably for quite a while; in what is most likely a small ship with his arm cut/blasted off (albeit the ship might of had medical supplies of some sort), the fact that humans (again, albeit highly advanced and powerful humans) talk about thosands of years of their lifetimes going by like a few years, or maybe its how cocky the protagonist is when trying to single handely take down a civilization spanning 30% of the universe; but somethings pretty foreboding about this story and its writing...
Its also a pretty big red flag when a story has more dislikes then likes, but I like to overcomplicate and overexplain things.
files.sharenator.com/5564020_20classy20derpy_hooves20Ditzy_Doo20meme20monocle20shrug20shrugpony20top_hat1_Top_Hat_Explosion-s945x945-278955-580.png
6199731Also, Thank you for the input.
Black Alicorn? Oh no... This is gonna be one of those stories, isn't it?
6395100 Wait, one of which stories. I didn't get the reference.
6395123
No reference to be found here...
Sorry to say this man, but general people in this world stop reading the story after reading the words "Black Alicorn". To them, its just another uninspired main character OC that will just be another Mary Sue or Gary Stu. People just aren't interested in reading stuff like that, because in a way, they already know how the story is going to play out.
6395131 Now everything makes sense.
6395131 Hey, can you tell me how Applejack speaks? Like, an emotional moment with Apple Bloom.
6395147
She talks in her normal speech. Try it like this:
"Ah reckon 'at thems there are gonna put up some real fightin'!"
Basically, replace the word "I" with "Ah", and place an apostrophe as the "G" in every "ing" word. For more advanced country talk, try replacing the "TH" in "That" with an apostrophe.
6395159 Yes, now I will be able to write Applejack and be great. Thanks.
I wanted to, I really wanted to like this story, it has a pretty awesome plot line, it's just everything else about is horrendous, it's just impossible to read and understand when you just throw stuff at us continuously, with little to explanation, add that to poor spelling, grammar, and missing punctuation, it leaves this story with a lot to be desired.
This story definitely needs some work. But, once you have been writing for awhile you will start to get the hang of it and your stories will develop more of a interesting and entertaining side.
MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!!
MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!!MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!! MORE!!!
6429476 Holy f my comment is long( confidential? NOT ANYMORE)
6429494 Why, thank you for your informative comment. Unfortunately, I am unable to understand it. I don't know why that could be.
6429494 It's still long, but who cares. Wait a few days, it will take at least that long.it should take at least that long. Thanks for the input.
Dark Void Lord of the Edge
6442737??????? What8?
6442737 seriously, what does that mean?
NEEeEeEeEeEeEEeEEeeEeD MOOOOOOrRRRRRrREEEeEe please
Not abandoned. Just exams
6459214 Okay then
Thanks for the like, whoever just liked it.
6413753 Well, that's depressing.
7133970 to many time skips to many POV changes some POV changes are to long some of the time and time skips last to long last chap was a nightmare but still good story other then those things still gets thumbs up
7155021 Understood. Less confusing layout. Thanks.
7179172 hi I like this story PLZ continue it plz ps... What I fergo what I was going to say nvm
7185447 Hey, thanks. Don't, the story isn't over yet.
7185659 yay ps for me it's 2:41 am and my iPads batter is at 6-7%
How do you write a sequel to a story you haven't finished?
Edgelord of edgelords.