Chaos At The Club

by The Diplomat

Bumpy Road

Vinyl Scratch loved cars, and as such she knew pretty much every - or most - rules when it came to the driver. Drivers drive, that's all they do. They keep their eyes on the road at all times, the only exception allowed being a quick glance at another part of the car or to reach for an item nearby if there's no one in the passenger seat, and the glances mustn't exceed two seconds. The driver can eat and drink while driving - except for alcohol, of course - and has more pull over the choices related to the radio and music more than anyone else, except for the car's owner but that's a whole other debate. All of this Vinyl knew, as they were natural and easy rules to elaborate that most drivers could agree on or bend a little.

She did not care about any of these rules, however, when she set her back against the door and kicked Discord in the side of the head with both feet.

"OW, motherfu-!"

Discord's scream of pain was interrupted as the world outside spun much too fast and in too many directions. Discord's head was thrown forward and he bashed his forehead against the steering wheel, which caused his antler to get stuck there. Vinyl was stuck in her seat, hyperventilating and watching the deep purple world outside turn darker and darker, and she noticed ice forming on the windshield. After a few seconds of dizziness, Discord struggled to free his antler until he simply willed it to be immaterial, thereby allowing him to regain control of the vehicle.

He immediately wrenched the wheel to the left, using his lion paw to shift to the highest gear and his cloven hoof to hit the brakes while willing another gear stick, located right next to the usual one, to make a ninety degree spin. The car - a 1932 hot rod - immediately drifted in the air to the left, only to fall off whatever invisible surface it was on and back down to the ground. Gritting his teeth, Discord spun the wheel as if he were sailing a boat, the car slowly spinning on itself until it hit another imaginary slope that seemed to form a slope. He shifted into the highest gear and put the pedal to the metal, using his talons to slap a lever next to the wheel upwards. The car drove full speed down the invisible slope, shifting towards the right as it approached the ground and drifting to a stop once the desert ground stabilized itself.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Discord engaged the hand brake and pulled a toothpick out of thin air, sticking it in his mouth before before turning to face Vinyl with a growl, who was frantically pulling on the door handle.

"What the hell was that - No, don't!"

But before he could finish his warning Vinyl pushed open the door, leaving the purple sand and the howling wind to rush inside, blinding Discord for a few seconds. Meanwhile Vinyl took a few steps forward and was about to throw up when she felt the most horrible chill rush up her spine, feeling horribly warm and cold all over before actually throwing up, then collapsing in said vomit. When Discord pulled the door closed, he rubbed his eyes and spat out sand before looking outside and seeing Vinyl on the ground. He then sighed explosively, collapsing back in his seat.

"Great, and now she's dead again. This is going to eat up a whole day again, I swear..."

************

Vinyl Scratch awoke to the sounds of grumbling and the clanking of metal, feeling completely numb. Her eyes snapped open, knowing she had been rendered unconscious but feeling as though the transition between now and then had been instantaneous. She tried to move, but found that none of her limbs would obey her and that she couldn't look down to see if she was attached. Her erratic breathing caught Discord's attention, who grunted before walking over to her. He tapped his foot on the ground once, disappearing in a flash of light before the same young man from the bar stood in his place and knelt before her.

“Alright, I'll let you move again if you promise to be good,” he said, no amusement present in his voice. “Close your right eye if you understand me.”

She did so immediately, and once he was sure she was focused he snapped his fingers to release her. She remained were she was, back against the front left wheel of the car, moving her fingers and toes then slowly lifting her feet and arms. He went back to work under the hood of the car.

“Try anything and back down you go, by the way. Fixing this takes a while and I have stuff to do so we'll have no more of your hysterics. Plus your little stunt left the engine quite startled, so this whole thing has left me quite ticked off."

Vinyl listened to him while moving her body, scared once she realized that he could get really angry the moment she tried anything. She stood up, looking around them. They appeared to be standing on top of a rocky hill, where nothing stood out in the miles of flat desert land that surrounded them except for a few other hills and a massive city that took up quite a bit of land, even though they were very far away. She then turned to watch him work, illuminated by the large setting sun, scratching her thumb with her index out of nervousness.

“You're Discord, aren't you?” she asked in a small voice.

He glanced at her, a tiny smirk forming before he went back under.

“That's right. What else do you know about me?”

“Not much. Just what I heard on the news, and that you're...good now, apparently.”

“I suppose...but if I was you wouldn't be here.”

Vinyl stayed silent after that, trying to remember everything she could about him. He had escaped from his stone prison about two years ago, barely escaping defeat at the hands of the Elements of Harmony, popping up here and there to spread chaos before disappearing. That is until he was captured, then pardoned by the princesses who assured the nation he was safe and nice. She couldn't remember many details, but that about summed it up.

“Well, that's what the news will tell you anyway. Can't trust the media, man!” he said, chuckling as he reached for a wrench in his pocket. “But there's more to it than that, and that's why you're here.”

He closed the hood of the car, wiped his hands somewhat clean, then pulled a chocolate bar out of thin air and snapped his fingers to make fire spring from the tip of his thumb, inhaling deeply as he sat on the hood of the car. He then looked at her, and patted the space next to him while offering another bar. She climbed up next to him and looked at it questioningly.

"You can also eat it, just so you know,” he said, sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes, then took a bite and looked at the horizon. There was a very soft breeze, and she looked down at the town below. She couldn't exactly tell if there was any activity from where she sat, but she could see impossibly tall buildings reaching far higher than any other she had seen, and some smoke seemed to be rising from several parts of it. Then, a thought suddenly struck her.

“Oh my goodness I flirted with you, didn't I?” she asked, feeling her face get very warm.

He laughed jovially, then popped the remaining bit of chocolate into his mouth.

“Yes you did, and I don't blame you. I mean look at me, I'm a stud! And my oh my, are those cheeks red or what!” he said, waggling his eyebrows while grinning.

She looked away from him, annoyed at how her face seemed to be getting even warmer, how he was teasing her, and embarrassed when she remembered what she thought of him at the bar. Then the obvious question came up.

"Where are we?"

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye, then looked up to the sky while scratching his chin. Instead of answering, he jumped down from the hood and stretched.

"You know what? Staying still like this is making me itch, so let's get going!"

Without budging he teleported them back in the car, Vinyl bouncing in her beige leather seat while Discord snapped his fingers. The beast of a car roared to life, engine roaring and exhaust spitting fire like a dragon's nostrils, before it took off with screaming tires and a cloud of purple dust. They drove down the rocky hill, bumping and skidding down the road until they reached flatter land and drove towards the setting sun, the city slowing sliding out of vision on their left.

"You wanna hit the town? See all the 'hip joints', as they say? You know what I haven't seen them in a while, too, so..."

"Nah, I don't, actually," she muttered. For some reason, the sight of that town - although familiar, somehow - made her feel very uneasy, like a serious wound that you both want to stare at and look away from.

“Alright. So like I said, there's another side to the story the newspaper tell you. After I...got away from the Elements, I was not in the best of shapes. I mean, it's a good thing I'm a super powerful being otherwise I would have died instantly rather than being stoned forever. Good times...Anyway, I had to lay low and get my strength back. I had limited powers and options, but I did what I could and only created chaos in focused bursts here and there just to speed my recovery up by a few centuries.

“And then I got caught because – according to the news - I got too cocky, can you believe that? How can I not get cocky, I'm a frickin' beast! So anyway they strap me into a straitjacket, stuff a gag in my mouth, chains, cuffs, et cetera. And I'm forced to kneel before the princesses, so mad I tried to eat through my gag when Celestia decided we should take a trip to Ponyville. I was really surprised, meanwhile Luna just wanted to throw me into the deepest pit Tartarus had to offer.

“So we went to Ponyville, after much bickering between them, and I was shown to the Element bearers. I still remember their faces when she told them she'd decided that Fluttershy should try and reform me. Can you believe it?”

“You know Fluttershy?” asked Vinyl, finishing her chocolate.

“Well yes, everyone knows Fluttershy because she's a national hero. So can you believe it?”

“Dude, I know Fluttershy too!”

“What did I just say? Also can you believe it?!”

“No I mean she's a friend, and no I can't believe it, there, happy?” she snapped, annoyed by his antics.

“Very much so, and how in the world are you friends with Fluttershy?” asked Discord, turning towards her.

“Well,” she said, scratching her head in deep thought, “I won't go into details, but she actually let me crash at her place for a few weeks when things were rough and she's pretty cool. I mean things were a bit awkward sometimes when I tried to strike up a conversation because she's...well, shy, but it was cool to just hang out and be calm sometimes. She's pretty cool and nice is what I'm trying to say.”

“I know, she's the best right after me isn't she?” he gushed, then turned back to the front of the car and let his arm hang out the window. “Why hasn't she told me about you?”

Vinyl went silent for a few seconds, picking at the side of her thumb with her index.

“Well I've been busy and it's been a while since we hanged, so...you know, we haven't had the chance and stuff...”

He turned his head to watch her, an eyebrow raised.

“Uh huh. Anyway, moving on; so the thing is she actually managed to get to me, and we've been friends ever since. I mean it was really annoying and hard at first – I was annoyed at how much of a doormat she was, she couldn't deal with my attitude at times, I got so mad at her bunny I tried to eat it once but she stopped me with a chair, classic stuff - but we got past the bumps and it was nice for a while...and now I'm kinda close to relapsing, so to speak.”

He pulled a toothpick out of thin air, then stood very still for a second after leaning towards the windshield, before he continued.

“The thing is I feel like this whole friendship thing is holding me down. I mean, every single time I do something a bit chaotic someone's there to complain. 'Discord, you have to stop teleporting us without warning; Discord, you can't just make it rain chocolate even though the kids love it; Discord, you can't turn the grass blue even though there's nothing wrong with it!”

He hit the steering wheel with his fist, releasing his frustration with a strong sigh then patting it and whispering apologies.

“So yeah, those were really not the best of times. I mean I'm okay with being nice and everything but I can't stop being me. Plus I may have been pardoned but no one really believes me. Those who are closest to Fluttershy always look at me with suspicion, either clear on their face or hiding in their eyes, but I can see it. And people in general are afraid or passive aggressive jerks – that I would get back at within reason – so yeah, more on my plate. Basically I'm trapped, and I get the feeling things could get ugly if I don't do something soon.

"So, after a particularly annoying day I - "

"Wait, just a sec. I want to know where we are," she asked, crossing her arms.

"Oh yeah, that. Well after I hit you with the car outside the bar I got us to this dimension so I could resuscitate you. Had to do that twice after you almost kicked my jaw off by the way, so you're welcome," he replied, nonchalantly.

For a few seconds she just stared at him, then the shock of his statement caught up to her. She began to sweat, and her feet shuffled almost on their own as she ran her hands through her hair.

"What? Wait, I died? You killed me?!"

"Yeah, sorry about that," he said, not looking very sorry.

"And now I'm alive? Right?! How...what?!"

"Woah, calm down now. And if you really must know it's a mix of this place's atmosphere and a bit o' magic on my part."

"No wait, no! That doesn't work! You can't bring back the dead!"

"...But I can. And I did, so yeah," he replied, looking at her incredulously. "What's the big deal?"

"No you can't dammit! You can't just kill me and bring me back like that!" she yelled, shaking her head furiously.

"Says who?!" he snapped, "I'm Discord, and I don't give a damn about what you think I can and can't do!"

She was about to answer, spluttering in frustration and fear, when he blocked her mouth with his palm.

"No, wait. Shut up for a second. Don't move."

Discord leaned towards the wind-shield, looking up at the sky with his hands folded over the steering wheel, before kicking the door open and stepping out with his hands in his pockets. He sniffed the air a few times, lifted a finger as if he were testing the wind, and spat on the ground, watching the saliva solidify just before it hit the floor.

"Ah, crud. We gotta go," he grumbled, scratching his chin and stepping back in.

"What's going on?" asked Vinyl, trying to see what was wrong with the outside world.

"It's the end of this world as you know it," he sighed, turning the key in the ignition then turning to look at the backseat from where he pulled out a black leather coat, "and I feel great," he added, with a wink.

"Who are you talking to? What's going on?!"

"No one important, and I just told you. Let's go!" he replied, shifting to the highest gear and slamming his sneaker-clad foot down on the accelerator.

The car roared to life, almost rearing back before speeding forward with a trail of dust behind it. The world became progressively blurry as it started shaking, making the car rock along with the Princess Celestia bobble-head that had appeared on the dash board. Discord started laughing, louder and louder, as he slapped his knee over and over and played with the levers and knobs of the car over and over.

"You're insane! Screw this, just stop playing around and let me out of here!" yelled Vinyl, desperately clutching her seat-belt and hitting his arm. He just looked at her, amused.

"Oh yeah, you want out? Sure, just a second."

He put the car in reverse, then wrenched the wheel to the left and pointed to the outside. Vinyl screamed as she watched the land behind them - or rather in front of them, as they were now driving backwards - freeze. The ground cracked and fell down to the center of the planet, mountains crumbled to the ground as gigantic ice cubes and several massive winged creatures fell from the sky before shattering into tiny pieces. In the distance, the city basically exploded.

"What the hell! Discord, what the fuck is going on?!" she screamed, hyperventilating.

"Like I said, the world is ending. Big freeze, all that jazz." He said, picking the dirt out of his fingernails with one hand and reaching for her door handle with the other.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" she yelled, slapping his hand away.

"Well you said you wanted out, so I'm just helping out. Unless, you know...you want to live?" he asked, looking at her innocently.

"Yes! Please, dammit, get us out of here!"

"You sure? I don't think you're thinking straight," he chuckled, barely holding back his maniacal laughter.

"YES!"

"Alright, fine."

He spun the car back forward, and pushed a button behind the rear-view mirror. The world seemed to turn dark, and the next thing she knew Vinyl was staring down at the planet, watching as the entire globe quickly froze over, turning white as the stars dimmed down. The sun, as impossible as it seemed, turned into a gigantic ball of ice that glowed a ghostly white.

"So...what do you think?" asked Discord, resting back in his seat. When she didn't reply he simply glanced over and saw her cry, gripping her seat-belt and shaking, the only sound in the car being the chattering of her teeth. He looked at her for a few seconds with an expressionless face, then noticed the windshield was starting to get covered in frost. He turned on the ignition and pressed the rear-view mirror button once more, making a bright white tunnel appear before them, its warped edges flashing with electric blue waves. He drove down the invisible road and through it, leaving the universe to die.

************

The street below Vinyl's apartment was quiet as the hotrod appeared seemingly out of thin air, with waves of blue energy washing over it for a few seconds. The air was slightly cool, making steam rise from the car as the street lights shone their orange light down on it. Its occupants sat in silence, looking at the deserted street and listening to the sound of cars in the distance. Discord smoked a cigar, letting the smoke rise out of the slightly open window while Vinyl stared ahead, emotionally drained.

"Why did we meet?" she asked, not turning to look at him.

He remained silent for a bit, sucking on his cigar, and exhaled before replying.

"Not entirely sure, truth be told, but I do have plans for us. Nothing bad, trust me, but big plans which will mutually help us is all I'll say. I was going to get to that before we got rudely interrupted back there. I'll tell you tomorrow, when we're mellow again."

She let that sink in for a few minutes, feeling her body get heavier and heavier as the minutes ticked by.

"...What happened to the people in the city?" she asked.

"There was no one left there. Only machine people, with machine minds and machine hearts," he replied, blowing out some smoke.

"That place made me feel weird. Although not like you do."

He chose not to delve too deep into that answer, content in letting her come down from their recent adrenaline rush.

"With good reason. Different Manehattan from a different dimension, bound to make anyone from here feel spooked out."

She sighed, letting the truth of that statement pile on with the rest of the shocks she suffered in that short amount of time. Was it short? How long were they gone, and were they back? She didn't really care at the moment.

"We're back at your place, just so you know. Equestria, a few years into the Second Celestial Diarchy, dimension C-173."

"What does that mean?" she asked, replying almost automatically.

"No idea. Point is, you're home. It's been a few minutes since we left the bar," he said, looking at his wristwatch.

"...Can you stay with me tonight?" she asked, turning to face him with humid eyes. She hated asking him for company - hell, she would have had difficulty asking anyone for that - but she felt as though he was the only one she could be around, and she couldn't stand the thought of being alone.

"...Sure thing."

She yawned before they got out of the car, walking up to the door of the building and up the stairs. They stepped into her home, went to the bedroom, and stood at the foot of the bed. He tried to go for the large comfy armchair behind the desk, which stood right next to her bed, but she gently grabbed his sleeve and tugged him towards the mat. He looked at her with an eyebrow raised, she shook her head. They stripped down to their underwear and got under the sheets, simply cuddling.

No fooling around. Not tonight, at least...

They fell asleep quickly, their legs intertwined.

************

That's what she would remember happening, what she'd want to remember.

"...Sure thing."

She yawned, and he tapped her forehead with his index, making her slump forward. He got out of the car, then went around and opened her door. Picking her up bridal-style, he walked all the way up to her bedroom - the doors opening by his mental command - and stood at the foot of the bed. He flipped the covers over, meaning to set her down before noticing that her hand had clenched down on his black leather coat. She had a soft smile on her face, and her eyes moved slightly faster under the lids.

Nice dreams, huh. Neat.

Once she was settled in, he sat down in the armchair and looked at her for a few moments. She looked very peaceful as the moonlight softly shone through the window, the dark blue sheets making her pale face look almost ghostly. He sighed, looking up at the moon and dragging his hand over his face, slowly. She turned over to the window, leaving him to watch her curves hugged by the bed-sheets. He shook his head, a little bit of smoke blowing out his nose, before standing up. Snapping his fingers to make her clothes take his place on the chair, he looked over her once before disappearing. A tiny cloud of dust was all that was left of his passage, and the fading sound of a car engine marked his departure.

Author's Note:

If you see any errors feel free to point them out, that always helps. Thanks for reading :-)