What are Stars?

by Feathery

The Stars are...

Author's Note:

Listen to this while reading! ~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6uBsAQF5uI

[LUNA'S P.O.V]

Chuckling to myself after seeing the younger diarch in awe, I walked the lone marble halls. The marble was cold, and held no warmth except for my gracious touch, blossoming a quick warmth that soon subsided.

My mind quickly traced back to the moments of my former darkness, my former evil. The thoughts still hissed in the back of my mind, unwelcoming, not cherished or permitted by my heart, anymore. It was a sizzling pain, that made my heart sink and make me think that my Night was not loved, or preserved in multiple articles of history and beauty.

I listened to the tune of silence, walking along the corridors further into the castle. Looking at my beautiful, elegant sky through a large window, I saw the constellations and galaxies lining behind and in front my beautiful sky of darkened hues. Contrary to popular belief, the Night isn't black. It is an array of dark blues, whites, and purples. Looking at the moon's light affixed on me, raising my light form into a float. I watched as my form gilded through the halls, levitating as my wings stayed shut at my sides.

The moon was a warm embrace to my normally cold night.

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I went to her room, gilding no more. I allowed my hooves to hit the ground releasing me of the Moon's embrace, as my mane fell towards my face. I promptly proceeded to whack my mane out of my face, seemingly holding an irritated moment before it faded. Why does my mane do this? I thought it could be conditioned after thousands of years having it like this! I thought as I I opened the doors to my chambers, and walked into the dark room. I moved to my inviting waxing crescent shaped bed, and fell asleep uncovered from the Night's cool embrace.

I soon stirred, after a long needed rest. I looked at the clock in my now illuminated room, realizing it was nearing sunset at an unwelcome, speedy pace.

Oh, buck! I cannot be late! Even though I never specified a time, I assume she'd want to meet me at the moon's full arrival, or want to see the moon rise! I thought, my eyes holding slight irritation. I looked down at my regalia, realizing a piece was missing. Chuckling to myself, remembering that I gave it to her.

" Oh dearest Twilight Sparkle, I will enjoy our Date under the moonlight. " She said, arising and slipping into her regalia.

After I got ready, I looked at my balcony. Who knew the view of Canterlot was so much fairer than the old castle's viewing capabilities in it's limited perimeter? I thought to myself, walking towards it at a hasty pace.

Spreading my wings, as I lit my horn. I took off, and mid-flight I teleported to where Twilight Sparkle lived.

Arriving there, and flying down to one of her balconies, which was the highest and most convenient to land upon. Shifting my wings to a close, and my hooves still shaking from the teleportation, I settled.

When I saw her standing there, behind me, my heart melted as I saw her levitating my crown towards where it should be placed.

" I.. I found your crown in the dreamworld, and it got sent to reality... I decided to return it to you, like any normal pony who is civilized and has a conscience. " Twilight said, smiling meekly towards me. She blushed and looked away when I saw the sun setting over the horizon.

" Do you want to see the Moon rise? Watch the ending of the day? " I spoke to her, as she nodded with as much vigor as she did last night, in the dreamworld.

One energetic mare is an understatement, I thought to myself, humming lightly before beginning the actions that would soon ignite the beginning of the nighttime.

I closed my eyes, my wings opening. My horn lit up, carrying a strong magical flow pulsating through my horn. My eyes opened, as I turned to face her. I lifted my head, leading the moon into the sky. I ascended higher than the moon was, as Twilight soon noticed there was no stars. I raised the moon into the sky, as I did a free-fall drop through the clouds. I landed perfectly on the stone, as my horn continued to light up. The sky turned into hues of blue, white, and purple.

" Luna, why are there no stars tonight? " Twilight asked, confusion in her tone.

Luna simply smiled. " That is for you to bring in, my dearest Twilight. But now, you will find out that the Stars are... "

Comments

[Sigmacipher]

Do you want to see the Moon rise? Watch the ending of the day?

This feels like something out of a disney movie.

Like it would be something outta frozen.

And now I want to see where this goes.

Because it's a magic ponyland.

And stars are not made of plasma there.

[Feathery]

All intentional....

[Feathery]

6092115 They aren't, it's just that I plan to ship them.

[Sugar]

So first of all you have some really grate imagery, especially when describing how Luna raises the moon in the second chapter. It feels spot on and I could clearly create an image of that event in my mind. That being said you don't need the pictures, especially since you don't credit any of the artists for the works that appear inside your writing, this does not include the cover image that you did credit. Besides not crediting the artist it is very jarring to be reading and suddenly have a giant image that interjects itself in the middle of reading and messes up the formatting of the writing. On the other hand sentences like "I thought, my brow bunched, as I let my eyes close and lead to the blackness of my eyelids covering my pupil and cornea." offer to much detail and I'm not sure what the purpose of the second half of this sentence is for because instead of imagining the scene I know have a biology lesson on the eye going through my head.

Speaking of formatting I almost skipped this story completely because you credit yourself as the editor. If you are the author of this or any story you shouldn't be crediting yourself as an editor as it's assumed that you edited it as you wrote the story. It feels a little arrogant and makes errors that I would have just glossed over stand out. No author should be the final editor of their own work because they are to close to it and will often read it as they intended to write it instead of how they actually wrote it. Editors can also give a different viewpoint, a readers viewpoint to a piece of work, that could help the story flow better.

I like that you kept Luna and Twilight's point of views confined to their individual chapters. Because of that you don't really need to call out whose PoV it is at the beginning of each chapter. I think you write well enough that I would know who's PoV each chapter is from so far without a notification.

The whole scene with Luna in the first chapter feels disjointed. So they both like each other, they are comfortable enough to tease and use pet names, they are not dating, but they are super embarrassed that Twilight called it a date? The whole conversation seems out of place because there is no background for any of these feelings so as a reader I feel like I've come in at the middle of this relationship.

I think this story could be good but you need an editor and the plot points need to be fleshed out. Also the pictures inside the story really need to go.

[Dragon of Shadows]

MOAR!!!