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This story is a sequel to Eyes in the Illusion
"There is no good nor evil, there is only power and those too weak to seek it," J.K. Rowling
When one faces death, one sometimes questions the actions taken in the past. In a state of delirium, one such individual lay within a frozen cave, aware her mortal end. As she awaits the inevitable, her past returns to haunt her in feverish nightmares.
Assisted by: Scarheart!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Woot!! This needs to be the cover:
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/112/4/b/the_worst_decision_of_chrysalis_by_ponychaos13-d62oyia.png
Is good
This... this is scary a bit.
6085863 In a good way, I hope?
6085549 Thanks! ^_^
~ Chapter: 13
6087841 Like... this is sending the good kind of shivers upon me. As in... I am entertained.
6088043 stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1186332/family-guy-good-good-o.gif
Good, good…
~ Chapter: 13
6088596 In any case I await more.
6088876 I hope I can get more chapters out fast! Since I'm collabing this, you kinda have to wait for two authors to get their butts into gear, so... yeah.
~ Chapter: 13
6088893 Oh yea tottaly I understand.
Btw... in the newest episode.
scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xft1/v/t1.0-9/11407298_825522454208455_8669126963096457076_n.jpg?oh=bf74004f5584c6232be04db733b5948c&oe=55F9D13B
6088952 I know! My heart freakin' stopped!
~ Chapter: 13
Oh god... Wow, Chryssie has gone through Tartarus and back... I wonder how old was she even back then?
Nice. I'd have to read the original chapters again to notice the differences, thought I have a feeling that Chryssie's evil side wasn't as chatty as in this one.
Not a fan.
7431930 Sorry I couldn't impress. If you have any suggestions for improvements, I am happy to hear them.
Thanks for giving it a try, though!
~ Chapter: 13
You can has review!
9420502 I likes the review!
Why did you delete original/rewrite stuff? I would have liked to reread both from time to time....
9690731 Don't worry. I just finally moved the original it to its proper place in my scrap-bin, and the one right here is the rewrite/final draft. Just seemed silly keeping both here.
You can still read it here: [Eyes in the Abyss] Original
9690761
Can't say I understand that decision. Can you at least put the link into the description, not everyone looks into comments, or there might be new ones that will push your comment away. Keep writing.
9690773 I'll put up a link, if it helps. That's for the suggestion.
Strictly going by chapter length, why is this story so long when compared to the rest of the stories in this series?
9704373 It's got a lot more content. Lot more to go through.
Huh. There are a few things I would have changed, but overall I'm liking this a lot!
10218935 Thanks! If you don't mind me asking, what would you have changed? I like feedback like this, because it gives me good ideas and helps me improve.
10226640
Thanks for your response. I would have removed the romance aspect of the relationship between Chrysalis and the Golden Queen. It kind of muddies things up, and Changelings feed on love anyway so it seems kind of weird and complicated for them to love each other.
I also would have really played up the "Chrysalis feeding on pony travellers" part. Right now, her attitude towards ponies seems to come out of nowhere. Perhaps there was some method or technique that the Golden Queen used to make travellers more comfy during the feeding (or make them survive the feeding) that Chrysalis eventually decided not to use. Perhaps the ponies acted in some way that starkly contrasted with the Golden Queen's praises of them, and made Chrysalis think less of them. It could be a sharp, immediate realization, or it could be a subtle, gradual change in attitude.
But I really want to stress that I absolutely cannot find anything wrong with any of the rest of the story. I particularly like the title "Golden Queen," which is actually the title of a character in a book I've been mapping out. I hope you don't mind if I don't stop using it.
10227594 Use away, my friend. I'm honored.
And the romance aspect was in there for something I didnt quite go into as much as I should have. It was more of the Golden Queen falling in love with Chrysalis, and not the other way around. Chrysalis saw it as a sense of weakness rather then something to cherish. Love, in her mind, is only a means for power, weather through emotional draining or for manipulation. It was... well, kinda to show her decent into madness through her detachment to reality. She had everything she needed -- safety, love, wealth -- but not everything she wanted. She wanted power, since she always felt powerless. From your comment, I feel like I didn't show this properly, at least, how this tied into that particular plot element, so perhaps it wasn't worth including. That said, I'm trying to include it more in the sequel (which I really need to get back into finishing) so it does have a point as far as continuity goes. But, then again, I think it was something I did brush over upon further examination.
You're right about the traveler's. I think I assumed it would be more prevalent how she felt about pony's (and the golden queen's view aswell). I think this was the writer's trap of having things in my head I thought I went into, but didn't. I do plan on doing a big editing run through this (get rid of the parts and make it one long novella, and fix some grammar mistakes and repetitive wording) so I'll make sure to adress this upon that time.
Again, thanks for the comment! A lot of the short falls of my writing fall blind to me, as I assume I include details that explain certain things more then I really do, and I rely on comments like these to point then out. Also, thanks for the praise! I'm really proud of this particular story, as it's one of the few I've actually finished, and I'm really honored when people like it.
Hope I can continue to entertain, and thanks again.