I am a 13 (turning 14 in may 2012) year old brony who just started to get ito fanfiction.
When Owlowiscious discovers a threat against ponykind, her first reaction is to get Twilight and the others to help. When Twilight and her friends are blind to the peculiar threat, its up to Owlowiscious , Angel, Tank, Opalescence, Winona, and last but not least: Gummy to seal away the Shard of Erida
Page generated in 0.046 seconds
Total duration
966 users online
1,656,990 hits today, 2,724,632 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Interesting concept.
Not so well executed, unfortunately. I'm not going to give you a thumbs down, but there is a lot of room for improvement.
For starters, break up your paragraphs more, especially when a new character is speaking. Also, I doubt the story itself is the best place to insert notes to the reader. Pulling your reader out of the story just to remind them that you stole an idea from J.K. Rowling hardly does much to keep him/her interested. Anyway, I'm by no means an expert, but I also would strongly suggest having people look over your story before you submit it.
Best of luck, keep improving.
I wanted to like this story. I REALLY wanted to like this story. I love pet stories (Mostly if they're pet-shippy) and this seemed interesting. But ugh... Wall of text, sloppy writing, not editing/proofing at all... it was a miserable exercise. Such a shame to have such potential completely destroyed.
Hell, I was even willing to overlook the 63-ing of Owlowicious. That's kinda cute, actually. Pair the spares with Tank.
While this is a great idea for a story, I do have to question upon whether or not Spike's pet baby Phoenix will be involved or make a cameo in this story line of yours ?
Still, Please do keep up the good work.
This needs work. That's all I can say, because it's true. I would heavily rewrite this before you continue. Best of luck.
618909 Hmm... we forgot about him.
IT'S FINALLY OUT!!!!!!
I'll post mine when I'm finished working on it.
618812>>618825>>618909>>618932 i thank you all for explaining my faults in the fanfic. i know im not the best writer and i kind of rushed to get this out on time. with the exception of lousy paragraph transitions and placing footnotes in REALLY awkward places i dont see the problem. any more constuctive critisism would be fantastic and i dont mind if you thumb down the story so long as you explain why. also please do not judge the other members of this collab by how badly i wrote my fanfic, they are way better than me, i assure you
618812>>618825>>618932 one more thing: can you guys that criticised the first 2 chapters stay around for chapter 3? if it still sucks ill trash the idea but i could really use the constructive criticism in the next chapter. also, ill repost the first 2 chapters with proper editing and erase the footnote and just put them at the end of the chapter, sounds good?
okay, ive edited the location of the footnotes to be in the end and changed it so that the paragraphes follow proper form. now hopefully i can get the next chapter out in 3 or 4 days, once again i thank you all for your constructive criticism and wish you all the best
I have to say this is some idea for a storyline and a good one in fact.
Yet, I still wonder whether or not you'll add Spike's pet into the story ?
Still this is some idea as I would always suspect that Gummy was a bit.....
like his master and we don't know about it.
Still, it was a great storyline tale so far so please do keep up the good work.
621722 iappreciate your support but spikes pet may or may not appear. if it does it will be like derpy in the backround(nobody knows and nobody care) but if you did notice that the book that owlowiscious found the shard in was the first in a series of strange books so i set myself up for another fic if i want to. ill give spikees pet a decent role in that one. thanks for your support!
625356 fair points indeed.although i did fix the wall of text everyone was complaining about, words per chapter will depend on the subject at hand. obviously an epic adventure is going to take more words than someone eating a muffin for breakfast. team names were rushed, i do notice now that it is a very awkward part in the story so far. although i dont get what you are talking about with twilight. i decided to make it the other way around, instead of nopony beleiving twilights bizzare story, twilight dosent beleive owlowiscious's bizzare story. but i do appreciate the support. the adventure is the 3 teams survivng and searching in various locations all over equestria for the ancient shard in order to preserve peace