I am a 13 (turning 14 in may 2012) year old brony who just started to get ito fanfiction.
A light hearted new story of mine features Spike taking a test from his homeschool teacher Twilight Sparkle that is based on the metric system when Pinkie Pie comes along for a visit! After taking Twilights test, Pinkie Pie realizes that she is missing a question on the "pinkowatt" which is the metric system unit for measuring fun.
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constructive critism is very much appreciated i tried very hard to write... at midnight last night
hmm reading it over again i rushed the plot but its pnikie pie. how aren't you suppossed to rush the plot?
Nice.e.deviantart.com/emoticons/moods/love.gif U mind if I use in one of my stories?
It's funny, at midnight I function perfectlg (my sleep deprived face hitting the keyboard)
689345 the anollogy of measuring fun is open to all!
you know i dont mind dislikes if you explain why my story didnt entertain you to your expectations, you can say:
it wasnt long enough
it was rushed
it was poorly delivered
poor grammar
poor interpretation of characters
poor details in writing
blah blah blah but if you dont explain why you're disliking then you're just being a dick to me and a dick to yourself because you're preventing me from delivering the quality writing that you dont even deserve
Good concept Matt. But 1st thing, yes you should separate text from dialogue with a white line, it makes it a lot less irritating too read. 2nd a lot of it is unexplained because if Pinkie had known about these Pinkowatts for a while, why would they suddenly appear in public?
otherwise 
notbad
The feeling I got after reading this was "wasted potential." You've got a great hook, a casual setting and in comes Pinkie Pie. But the way it was presented ended up being messy and distracting and I focused more on understanding what was going on than appreciating the ideas and effort you put in. I feel no sympathy for you just because you posted when you were tired. You're not on a hard deadline to post that would cost you to lose a job. You're writing for fun (I hope) so others can read the ideas you have. If you failed to convey what those ideas are because you wrote late at night, you can't just say "whoops" but instead make sure before publishing, after getting some rest, that you look through the story or have someone that isn't tired look through your story. Even after you post you can still fix up the mistakes once you notice them.
That leads into my first main criticism: give your story a pre-read and review for mistakes or give it to a pre reader/proofreader if you don't feel capable enough of fixing up the errors before you publish. They'll be able to correct your spacing, grammar, spelling and give you advice on how to use middle-of-the-story author's notes to the best comical effect (if the author's notes don't serve a purpose for the story, place it before or after the story or get rid of it entirely). There are a bunch of groups on FIMfiction with pre-readers and proofreaders or go on ponychan.
Second of all, You spent way more time giving a weather report and describing random happenings in Ponyville than setting up the situation between Twilight and Spike. A very strange and jarring sense of pacing happens between the drawn out (and really unorganized mention of a fog over a lake then the smell of baked bread and sweets...over the lake? Common sense dictates that's not true but there's no change of focus of a bakery nearby this lake or making it obvious to the reader that the description has moved away from the lake to the town proper.)
It's obvious that you're assuming the reader's familiarity with the Ponyville library because the level of detail from the first paragraph drops immediately when concerning the layout of the library and where Twilight is and where the scene takes place and jumps straight into dialogue. The dialogue itself feels stiff and unorganic. No one, not even Twilight would speak like this because that's the tone of voice I heard since you didn't use any notable adjective modifiers beyond "grumbled" "snapped", "asked nervously", "matter-of-fact type tone", "bitter, irritated tone" or "confused". The characters don't feel alive because you didn't have them "sigh" or "slump" or "sigh" or "roll their eyes" or "click their tongue", "yelp", "boast", "lecture", "huff", "shake their head" before, during or after speaking (as a list of examples).
Finally the two biggest disappointments I've found would have to be Twilight's tired acceptance of Pinkie's antics, and a wasted punchline. The humor is simply sapped away from any of Pinkie's outrageous actions such as wanton destruction of the library and the whole situation involving her pre-recorded pinkowatt lecture (in case of pinkowatt emergencies). Where's Twilight's righteous anger? Why isn't she burning with rage with how inexcusable Pinkie's being, breaking in and out of the windows like a crazy pony? Reading about that would be hilarious because it points out how absurd the situation is. The best part about "Pinkie being Pinkie" is that no one else would be expected to even consider doing those types of things, much less actually pull them off. The key would have been Twilight playing the "normal" perspective to hammer in that what Pinkie's doing is ridiculous, but instead it was lost within the wordwall.
Second is the revelation of the pinkowatt in common usage, without any set up at all. It just happens and I didn't even realize that that was supposed to be a joke before I reread that line after noticing the "?!" Twilight should have been mumbling to herself or thinking to herself about how ludicrous the idea of the pinkowatt was. That it's one of Pinkie's jokes or some cute made up word....all before Twilight finds out that it's a legit unit of measurement.
Just keep reading and writing to rack up experience and I wish you luck on your next submission.
689965 ill have to say that that was some pretty i pressive and interesting critisism. most the time when im writing i try to look into popular books the see how the mood annd story is set. my main problem is is that i do not want to bore anybody with random sentences but then i miss out on soome key plot points that i should be making. do you think i should edit it and then repost it?
690219
Just edit then use what you learned on your next story.
AWESOME!!!!!!!!
Hahahaha. Pinkowatts. Might have to steal...I mean, borrow that for my story.
694598 feel free!
your story will be over 9000! pinkowatts
"The quicker Spike took his weekly test, the quicker they could enjoy the beautiful day".
-Person and tense problemss: "The quicker Spike take his weekly test, the quicker we can enjoy this beautiful day".
Pinkie Pie started to spray duct from the leaf blower all over the library,
-"spray duct"? Huh?