My consciousness and senses sluggishly return to me. I feel the hard wood floor I’m lying on as my ears pick up the muffled sounds of howling winds, splattering rainwater, Reykan’s snores and purrs, and the occasional roar of thunder outside the tree house.
...Tree house... ...Oh, right... We’re inside the Golden Oak Library, Twilight attacked me, and I must have been unable to handle the pain, resulting to me losing consciousness... I wince as pain shot to my brain. Ow... My leg still hurts like hell...
I slowly open my eyes, blinking a few times to clear my foggy vision. I’m...in the kitchen, I guess? I can see red light entering through the wide open entryway.
With a groan, I pull my two front hooves up, lifting my...upper half or front half? Whatever. I lift myself up into a sitting position, careful not to ouch my ouchie hind leg. Sitting up, I look down on my wound which is a few inches below my knee, wrapped sloppily with white bandages, tainted with a red mark.
I sigh as I look around the kitchen. Minus the red light from the main room, the kitchen is devoid of light, making the room look gloomy. There are cupboards, a sink—is that a refrigerator?—and other kitcheny stuff in here, as well as a small table and two chairs around it. No windows though. I don’t remember seeing a window back in the main room. Eh...
On the floor, the three other creatures lay asleep. Sienna is sleeping under the table, Seri is sleeping near the sink with two rolls of bandages near her, and Reykan is sleeping inside a large and empty metallic pot on its side, his snores and purrs amplified slightly.
I wonder how long was I out? And if my wound is wrapped with bandages—where’d they get these bandages in the first place?—I guess Sienna couldn’t heal it... I wince and shudder as I remember how freaking painful it was when Twilight’s beam struck me.
I hear sniffling... I hear sobbing... The quiet sounds are coming from the library’s main room.
...Twilight’s the only one in that room. And judging from the red light entering the entryway, she’s still...surrounded by the gems?
...
... ...
... ... ...Should I? Uh, no... Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I’ll just...stay here and wait for Twilight to—I don’t know—get better? I still don’t understand what Seri meant by Twilight having episodes. Maybe that was it? Twilight going nuts? That would explain why the Equestrians I’ve met have told me that Miss Purple’s a crazy mare. And my ouchie leg’s a perfect example of that.
I turn my head and stare at Seri’s sleeping form. I remember her saying something about Twilight having some more time to be normal. Does that mean that she and Twilight know when the unicorn’s gonna go crazy? Does that also mean that Seri knows when Twilight returns to normal? Gah! Too many questions... Maybe I should ask Seri? But...I kinda don’t wanna disturb her sleep. Sleep is, like, one of the greatest things in the world...any world. My gaze shifts to Reykan’s sleeping form, making me frown. ...Yeah. I sure as heck won’t appreciate getting disturbed from my beauty sleep.
I bite my bottom lip as my twitching ears hear Twilight choking on a sob.
...
... ...
... ... ...Fuck it... I find it very difficult to ignore someone crying.
I slowly pull myself on my three good hooves, careful not to put any weight on my wounded hind hoof. “This is a stupid idea,” I mutter under my breath as I limp my way towards the entryway. Reaching my destination, I gulp and take a breath to collect myself before I slowly poke my head out of the safety of the walls.
The main room is gloomy as well, illuminated by the soft red glow of the red glowing gemstones forming a two-ponies tall sphere-like cage in the very middle of the room. And eeyup, no windows. Anyway, inside the gem sphere, I can see a faint and dark figure trapped within, her quiet sniffles and sobs mixing with the muffled storm noises outside.
I quietly shuffle towards the sphere, trying to push my nervousness away.
“G-go away...” I hear Twilight’s quiet voice from inside the gem sphere.
I stop a few hooves away from the sphere, squinting my eyes a little bit so I can stare at Twilight’s dark figure inside. “Twilight?” I whisper her name.
“Go away...” Twilight sobs. “W-what more do you want from me?” Sobbing. “They’re gone... I-I’m all alone now...”
Right... Twilight’s parents and her brother aren’t alive in this world... It doesn’t make sense though... If the Twilight in this world’s already dead before the real Twilight came here, shouldn’t she be dead, too? Then why is she—? Was it because of that spell that she mentioned she performed on herself before that...light got her? Possibly... Maybe...
I slowly and carefully sit down on my rump, blinking at the glowing red gem sphere before me. This must be Twilight’s ‘safety precaution thingie’ that she told us about. The precaution that would stop her from harming others when she’s in her episodes? And maybe those gems are also the stolen gems from the unicorns in ‘Canterlot’?
I blink. ...What am I doing here again? To console Twilight? I...have no idea how to do that... I suck at consoling people... I look away, my gaze landing on one of the books on the floor that we stacked on top of each other so Reykan can reach the table... I bring a hoof over a book, pin it down and drag it towards me. I ope—I ope—nope, I can’t open the book. It’s probably just a random item shaped like a book and the illusion spell makes it look like a book. Hm...
I feel my ears twitch as I hear Twilight choke on another sob. I close my eyes and sigh... Damn... I feel like I need to say something, but I don’t know what to say. I’m hopeless...
“M-momma...”
I look up at the gem sphere.
“...Poppa...” Twilight mumbles. “...Brother...”
Muffled wind gusts and rain showers.
“I miss you... I miss you... I-I miss you...”
I quietly listen to her.
She continues to sob. “...I...I-I couldn’t...do anything... I...watched you...and I didn’t...do...anything...”
“...When did it happen?” I suddenly ask. I blink, surprised. I don’t have any idea why those words suddenly left my mouth.
I hear Twilight sniffs. “A-a long time ago... W-when I was still small...”
She answered. Hm... So this world’s Twilight’s family died when she was still a filly... Hm... Should I? Eh... “...Who did it?”
“T-them...”
I blink at that. Should I ask again?
“One of them...tried to kill me, too...” She sniffs. “T-they ate them...but they wanted more... One of them saw me...” She chokes on a sob. “B-but then... Rocks...”
Rocks?
“O-other unicorns came and threw rocks at them...”
Ah... Predators then. ...Like Reykan.
“I...miss them...” She sniffs. “I...really miss them...” A pause. “I was all alone... They were...gone... No momma... No poppa... No brother...” Another pause... “They threw rocks at them. They didn’t help us. They only wanted to scare them off...” She sniffs. “Nopony helped me... T-they didn’t understand...” A pause... “...I-it made me angry. I got angry...” she says in an angry tone. “...I got angry and wanted to kill them...” A cold pause. “...So they would know what it’s like...”
I notice a purple light glowing from inside the sphere, the gems shining brightly in reaction, almost drowning the purple light completely.
“I wanted them to know what it felt like...” she whispers angrily. “But they’re all cowards. They didn’t want to know...! It made me angrier...!” she says a little louder now.
I’m not sure that talking to her is a good idea anymore... I just made her angry again, and maybe it’ll delay her ‘return to normality’ or something...
“Do you have a family, Jay?” she suddenly asks, making me blink. “I’ll help you understand how I felt, so you’ll know.”
I glare at her dark silhouette inside the gem sphere. “...Good luck with that,” I reply with a cold tone. I can take hits directed at me, but I won’t let anyone hurt my family. I blink... Wait... “How...did you know my name?”
No reply...
I furrow my brow. “...Twilight? Is...is that you?”
She didn’t answer.
I’m glaring at her silhouette. “...You...can see her memories, too, can’t you?”
No response. Suddenly: “They’re alive...”
I arch an eyebrow.
“...They’re alive... I...I remember every...every...birthday celebrations we had...” A pause. “Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns...” Another pause. “...Spike... My five fr-friends in Po...ny...ville...”
I’m not sure what’s going on with her right now...
“Lies...” she says. “Those...didn’t happen... N-not real...”
I think I hear her teeth grinding against each other.
“Grr...! Lies! Y-you did something to me!” she growls. “Th-these gems! M-maybe you’re using them to—”
“They’re alive, Twilight,” I cut her off.
I hear her choke on her words.
I take a breath and sigh. “Twilight, deny it all you want, but you can’t push back her memories. She can see your memories, so it can only mean that you can also see hers as well.”
“I... I...”
“Her memories are real, Twilight. Yours? Eh... Uh... P-probably real, too...” Right... I’m going to another train of thought now... “...She knows what you feel about losing your family in this world, Twilight.” I pause. “And that is why she wants to figure out how to fix it... To return to your family.” I take a breath and let out a calm breath. “...Don’t you want that?”
“...A-Applejack...”
I blink.
“...Pinkie...Pie... R-Rainbow Dash... Fluttershy... Rarity... S-Spike...”
A pause.
“...I...have friends...”
I nod. “And a family.”
Another pause. I hear her snort, making my ears droop. “...Her friends are more important to her than her family...I think...”
I blink.
The red gems suddenly start glowing in a bright purple light. I quickly close my eyes and stand up to back away, but a powerful shot of pain runs through my head from my wounded hoof, and the next thing I know, I’m lying on my side on the wooden floor, hissing from the pain.
I hear the gems falling on the floor. A lot of them. A few of them even slides on the floor and painlessly bumps on my fallen self.
...Ah, fuck... I just told her that she can access the real Twilight’s memories... M-maybe she learned how to stop the gems from stopping her? I’m screwed...
“Get up,” Twilight’s loud voice suddenly reaches my ears.
I slowly open my eyes and see her standing on the floor littered with faintly-glowing gems.
“Wha? Already?” I hear Seri’s voice from the kitchen. “It’s still too early for Twilight to be normal.” A pause. “Oh! Hello there, Twilight! I must have miscounted while I was asleep.”
She can count while sleeping?
“I said,” Twilight angrily says as she violently uses her magic to force me to stand up. “Get up!”
I hiss and wince in pain as my four hooves slam on the wooden floor.
“But I’m already up!” I hear Seri say from behind me.
Twilight shifts her glare from me to her. “Not you, you dumb duck!”
A pause.
Twilight then shifts her glare back to me. “Tell me what to do.”
I am still making a face from how painful my injured hoof is, even though I’m not putting any weight on it anymore. “T-to do what?”
“Wait...” Seri says as she stops beside me, blinking at Twilight. “...You’re...still in your episodes.”
Twilight chooses to ignore her. “Well? Tell me what I need to do already!”
“First off,” I hiss, “calm down!”
She stomps her hoof on the floor, making Seri jump. “You expect me to calm down?!” she asks, her eyes blazing in fury as it burns through me. “Something toyed with Equestria, and it killed my family! I’m going to change it back and be with my family again!” She stomps her way towards me, pressing her snout against mine, pushing my head back as a whimper escapes my quivering lips. “Now either you tell me what to do or get lost!”
“Lovers quarrel again?” I hear Sienna say from behind me. She lets out a long yawn before she continues: “You’re really hopeless, Jay.”
“And you,” Twilight immediately removes her muzzle from mine to glare at the deer. “If you’re so sex deprived, then go and get yourself a buck that can buck you like a whore that you are!”
“I—ah—uh...”
Twilight snorts and takes a few steps back to give me some space, which I’m thankful for, but I wish she turns her glaring eyes down a notch... “Stop stalling,” she tells me.
I shakily shake my head. “I-I’m not.” I take a breath and sigh. “...Twilight and I already talked about it.”
She angrily blinks at me. Seconds pass. She snorts. “Useless,” she hisses as she throws her glaring stare aside.
Sienna walks and stands beside Seri, exchanging confused looks with the swan.
“Elements of Harmony... Cutie Marks...” Twilight mumbles and mumbles some more. “—ube Corner... Celestia... Tree of Harmony... Discord... Tirek... Starswirl the Bearded... Windigoes... Clover the—wait.” She blinks and turns to me, her glare not-so-glaring anymore. “You’re from the real Equestria, too.”
“Erm...”
“Why are you guys so noisy...?” I hear Reykan’s sleepy voice as he sleepily drags his sleepy paws on the floor.
“Predator...” Twilight growls a quiet growl as she glares at Reykan’s approaching form. She closes her eyes, slightly shakes her head, and reopens her glaring eyes to me. “Tell me how the three pony races united.”
I blink at her. “Uh...” I gulp. “T-the magic of friendship?”
“How did that silly magic came to be?”
“May I sit down?” I say with a wince. I let out a startled yelp when Twilight uses her magic to slam my bum on the floor. “Ow!”
“Answer the question!”
“Why is Twilight pony suddenly so—”
“Be quiet!” she snarls at Reykan’s wincing form. She then turns to the other wincing females. “You two as well! I don’t want any interruptions! Now...” she then glares back at me.
“Um... W-when the unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies became...friends?”
“And why did they became friends?”
Thank god I’m a brony and not some uncultured guy hurled in Equestria, else Twilight have already killed me by now. “B-because of the Windigoes?”
She slowly nods her angry head. “But what would happen if the Windigo incident didn’t happen?”
I blink. I blink again.
“Stupid earth pony,” she says with an angry roll of her eyes as she paces around, glaring on the gem-littered floor. “You and Twilight are from the time when the Windigo incident happened. I and the other creatures in this Equestria are in this timeline where the Windigo incident didn’t happen. A different timeline where pony races and other creatures didn’t unite!”
Oookay...
“I...She studied about the possibility of having multiple existing worlds with different events that branched from the many ‘what-if’ scenarios. Of course, there is no way to prove that any of these other worlds exist...until now. Until that ‘mysterious white light’ changed everything. But!” She kicks a random gem, making her four little audience wince. “That doesn’t prove that the multiverse is real! No. There’s only one real world. One real Equestria. One real timeline. And that light changed everything.” She stops and glares at the four of us. “Someone tampered with the past, and changed the future.”
Oookay... That’s...possible. But how am I connected to all of this? Does changing the past also pulls a random human from a different universe and turns them into a pony?
Twilight starts pacing again. “Twilight has proven that little theory of mine. You two are apparently the only ponies who still have your real memories even after Equestria changed. She changed the past by going back in time, and it indeed affected the future. How?” She stops and glares at me. “You, Jay, wouldn’t be talking to a wingless Twilight right now if she didn’t change the past by saving me from dying.” She paces around again. “The time-traveling spell only allows the caster to go back a week from time, and only the most powerful of unicorns, and alicorns, are able to perform such an advance spell. There’s no spell in pony history that can travel back in time so far. And even if there was, the future wouldn’t be affected. No, that spell—in theory—would use a lot of mana to create a different and independent timeline so the ponies and other living creature wouldn’t be affected. That much mana could mean the death for the caster.”
Sheesh... Angry Twilight ranting about magic and stuff hurts my head just by trying to catch up. “Twilight...” I call.
She glares at me. “Don’t interrupt me.”
I shake my head. “There’s a problem with that little theory of yours.”
She rolls her angry eyes. “And what would a dirt pony know about magic?”
I ignore her offensive remark because, well, I’m not offended because I’m not really a pony. “What if there really are different existing worlds and timelines and you...er...the two of us are simply...flung into this alternate timeline?”
“Explain that bright white light that held powerful amounts of magic then.”
My ears droop. “Uh... T-that might be the magic used to fling us to this timeline?”
She snorts. “You’re not from Ponyville. So, are you telling me, that a big wall of light sweeps all across Equestria, and only flings two ponies to another dimension? Is that what your saying?”
“Well, fine. How about that other theory of yours?”
She arches an eyebrow.
“The uh, the one you said that if someone really powerful really did went far back in time and changed the events that happened in the past and as a result created a separate timeline, then...there! There’s the other timeline! And then that white magic thing flung us here!” I blink. “Or...maybe a powerful artifact?” Hell, the show showed some of those powerful magical artifacts.
Her eye twitches as she takes a breath, while still glaring at me. “Whoever changed the past and created another timeline would be dead, the spell using their mana and life energy to create a stable altered timeline. There is no way for them to still have enough magic to hop back in the real world and decide to throw two random ponies living in different locations of Equestria to the newly-created altered timeline!”
...Wow... T-that's a good point...
“...Unless there are others working for the past-changer...” She tears her glare away. “...This is something even bigger than I thought...” She shakes her head. “And I’m not fit for the role of thinking bigger.” She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and sighs. “I hate to admit it, but my rage consumes me. I just...” She sighs a very heavy and very angry sigh. “...want my family back.”
“You’ll get them back,” I quickly say with a nod. “You both will. We just have to think of...something...I guess.” I mentally sigh. In before there’s going to be a stupid quest or quests that I need to do before I can go back home. That’s how these types of fics work anyway... Sigh...
“...I have an idea...” Twilight suddenly says, looking back at me with a soft glare. She looks at the other creatures before her. “...You might need your friends’ and your Twilight’s help for this...”
I blink and turn my head to stare at Seri, Sienna and Reykan.
The trio blinks at me.
Soooo... lead in for a sequel?
6391184 Who knows?
In all seriousness though, I came up with Four Hooves when I lost motivation in writing my Pokémon fanfic. I wrote a rough draft on how the story (Four Hooves) will progress, and I only wanted the story to reach where the protagonist finds Twilight.
So, at the moment, I don't have any story ideas for a sequel, so I'm going to need some time to make another draft for a potential sequel. I don't wanna create a rushed sequel. I suck at writing rushed fics anyway. :/
You can not run away fast enough.
Say what now?
Shocks now riots with fellow readers.
6391187
This has been a fun ride and a rather intriguing concept. I hope you will continue it when you are able.
6391187
Weeeeeeeelllllllllll...
You have so many plot elements open, so... please do work on coming up with a continuation.
(Yes, I selfishly just want to see Sienna in modern Equestria.)
YOU GET YOUR FLANK BACK HERE AND KEEP WRITING!!!!!!!
Well there are indeed quite a few more holes now in Twilight's theory, since it is just as unlikely that she was the only pony or creature capable of casting a strong enough protection spell to avoid a timeline wave ripple.
In all possibility once she figured out permanence to the time travel spell she's three fourths there to allowing the jump distance to be variable, and the only real recourse of magical power is if you're doing it wrong. This leads me to believe that someone attempted this (possibly Twilight herself), did it wrong, smashed through the timeline (for lack of a better phrase), and accidentally caused a sort of causality wave ripple when permanence was made effective.
Probably a freak accident. If you do decide to sequel, we'll be waiting!
Keep going! ;)
Say whaaaaaaaaat?
*sees ending*
*sees 'complete' tag*
Oh dear god you cheeky minx.
Well I have to say what you had was enough to get me interested in seeing more. I hope you do continue this soon. As someone who is trying their hand at writing, I can understand how difficult it can be though.
Na, na, na na. You get back here and finish this up! I don't care if it's the most Cliche or Cheesiest ending you can think of! I need closer!!!!
But in all seriousness, it's been a fun ride. And I really enjoyed this story. Hope you make a sequal or at least mark this as incomplete and finish it up.
Anyway, thanks for the good read!
... I think his subconscious makes a list of all the things he shouldn't say or do, and then when he decides that he needs to do something, it makes a plan up on the spot, combining the available knowledge together(including the 'don't' list) for what he should do.
that's the end?
...
....
...
...what the fu-
Gotta say that alternate Twilight is interesting whenever she talks about magic. Also, Jay should probably be honest about where he's from as I don't think alternate Twilight would take it well if he keeps that information. Regardless, I really enjoy this chapter.
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Sigh...there better be a sequel to this.
Complete? What?! RIOT!
(I'll look forward to a sequel!)
I'm have been amazed by how your story turned out to be so good. you rely went out there to create this story, that is truly different from all the other BiE that I have seen dust far. You created fully flushed out characters that are not ponies set in a world that has nothing to do with the Equestria we know. I think it fantastic idea that Twilight is both the smartest of the group and the craziest as well, it saves a lot of trouble of creating an other lunatic and justify their company within the group. With twilight already with a reputation of being a raving lunatic I also make it that much harder to convince other ponies to trust them of their good intentions, not to mention that Jay will have to find ways to contain her episode weal they travail together. What I have always wandered in all of this is what parts of the story did you improvised or that was not originally part of your story?
End?......End? That it? Are you trolling us?
The story not over yet! GET back here and make a Fucking sequel!
I will come back...
Yeah, I have to agree with the rest, you cannot leave this unfinished at all.
Better than looping in time
Honestly, yes. Reuniting the M6 in Equestria's borders would be kind of routine, as long as it's possible. Percentage of stories with gathering the Elements is huge. I do not underestimate this story or assume it is about that, because its originality so far says otherwise, meanwhile Celestia may be hiding in an underwater volcano, leading a commitee of beavers...
Two chapters in one day! Finally these four houves move with a speed of eight!
Nice touch with an illusionary books.
Well dang, when I saw it suddenly marked complete I wasn't expecting much of an ending but this was more like if an author died mid sentence, the editor finds it and decides to print it anyway. Nice story while at lasted at any rate.
Does all the hard work of setting up characters, a world , and a bit of mystery. Creates some fun OC's. Teases us with a few chapters of finally getting to meet Twilight.
Sets up a fun road trip getting the gang back together ....
Then kills the story.
6392054
Could have been worse.
Many thoughts. . .
WHY didn't Jay tell her he's from another world, i.e. Human World, i.e. Planet Earth? Is there some kind of rule that HiEs (and PoEs, for the most part) must always suffer some kind of inexplicable compulsion to keep their true origin secret -- even from the one person who might possibly figure out how to help them if they knew all the facts??
WHY did he stick around when every signal in the world was telling us (and presumably him, because he was Right There) that Twilight was about to flip out?
Time travel loop, Twilight fusing with herself, losing wings. . . That's pretty complicated. I think I understood it, after a while. Maybe. Mostly.
Nitpick: Since the whole Hearth Warming story never happened, and Equestria was never founded. . . History ended, and nothing has changed for the last 1500+ (at a wild guess) years? (And yet, somehow, we still have recognizably the same ponies among the populace.)
COMPLETE tag. . . Man, I'm almost tempted to pick up the story here and finish it myself. I would do it if I wasn't already bogged down in my own projects.
Jay is a goddamned retard. What in the hell is he spewing theories out for, and listening to hers, when he is forgetting to add in a huge piece of the puzzle. His damned self and the fact that he is not from Equestria in any way, shape, or form.
6393298
I'm already brainstorming for a sequel, so don't worry about it. :3
6393418 Thank goodness that you have an idea for a sequel or something. But still...
YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION AND MY RAGE! FEEL THE WRATH OF A THUNDERBOLT! WHAT KIND OF ENDING IS THAT? SERIOUSLY?
Wrong way to add a story arc break.
You complete a story and start the sequel by resolving the driving conflict, ending it, then starting a new conflict in the sequel. A slower-burning series-level conflict provides continuity.
In this case, "Jay needs to get home" is the series-level conflict, so the most obvious resolution to the story-level conflict would have to do with reaching Twilight. However, the way you structured it, the whole story feels more like a first act than a complete story.
(Finding Twilight can't provide a satisfying resolution as written and you can't just reposition the split point with minor edits because Twilight's "merging problem" would feel out of place and wrong if your introduction of it were just plopped into the beginning of the sequel.)
...plus, your story is only 42,767 words. Professional editors require first-time authors' submissions to be between 80,000 and 120,000 words exactly to prevent problems like this. and, since you're at roughly 40K words, you're perfectly sized to make this Act 1 in a three-act structure of 120,000 to 130,000 words in total with acts of equal length.
(Which would work, since Act 1 is the setup portion of the story and you just set up for Jay and the two Twilights to quest for a solution to their shared problem.)
My advice is just to un-mark it complete and start writing Act 2 instead of a sequel. (See This Wikipedia Page for more information on what goes into each act in the three-act structure.)
...although, looking at this as a three-act structure, it does bring the "the story is moving too slowly" complaints into clearer focus. The first act (the setup) in a story arc like this is supposed to be 1/4 of the total length, not 1/3rd. It stole part of the 1/2 of the time that the second act is supposed to get.
This ended rather abruptly and without resolution.
Sequel bait story is baiting a sequel and I do hope it gets one.
Anyway, as is my custom with Fanfictions I read, I did a quick and easy conversion of this over to a variety of eBook formats (mobi, epub, PDF, LIT, and RTF). For those like me that prefer to read from the comfort of their eReaders/Tablets.
Click for Reads!
There were some minor issues in the writing, so far as spelling/grammar goes, but this was better than most in that regard. It was mostly things like misused words (such as accidentally putting an 'is' in place of an 'it' and the like).
Out-of-place cliffhanger or not, this story still gets an upvote and a place inside my favorites collection. I wasn't quite expecting such memorable characters from this story, nor had I expected as many plot twists. You do have a talent for story making.
6392838 Your right. At least Jay wasn't attacked by a monster who disappeared as a direct result of some behind-the-scenes worker (an animator, perhaps?) having a heart attack.
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Look dude, it's ok if you don't feel like ending the story or whatever, but please mark it as such.
Like how he was able to pull the other Twi to his side, it will be helpful. Didn't like the odd cut-off. You didn't just finish an important arc, all he did was find Twilight. Nothing else really happened other than her telling Jay that yes, both Twilights are in on this now. Kinda too short a story to break into arcs, but then again my story is just shy of 180k.
P.S. I actually did sleep in odd locations when I was younger, and would often curl up in locations that had my parents and other family wondering how I wasn't hurting myself. I remember one night I ended up curled up on a leather chair. I was 8 I think, so I wasn't that small, but still managed to fit my body, a blanket, and a pillow onto a single-seat chair.
6396157 Oh my god, I love you for that reference.
Hmmmmmmm, weird place for an ending if you ask me, but I understand. Still, okay, let's see. Psychotic Twilight is indeed psychotic, dang. Working to get her to contribute is probably going to be a tense and dangerous project, though with possible rewards. I'm still curious, but I wonder what direction this is going to take. I'm of the opinion Rarity is probably going to be the first to be brought back into the fold, if only because if her past with Twilight, but you never know...
I expect a sequel, author slave.
That... wasn't an ending....
Good writing though.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH! YOU CAN'T END IT LIKE THAT! COME OOOON!
But all in all this was very nice!
Why is this marked as complete? If you are ending the story here then say it is cancelled because you have just stopped before the ending.
6442411
He could be planning a sequel.
Don't like evil Twilight.
Okay now I kinda do.
Complete?!! F that! Get back here! That's like ending Empire when Luke and Vader start fighting!
Even at a time like this you find the time to involve the lovers running gag. Love it.
Wow. That was quite...straightforward. Love that too!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Well, there has to be a sequel in the works, right? No? Then...
Puppy Dog Eyes Attack! Falter under these eyes, Author! Give us more!
YOU GET BACK HERE YOU CHEATING COMPLETING dammit I have no right to complain.
New pony name; Unexpected Cliffhanger. A.K. Yearlings other arch nemesis.
So basically you just cut and pasted your Pokemon fic (I checked it out and it's quite similar) and then changed names and places to fit MLP.... woo for originality bro
I almost thought you had something good going here. While it's your prerogative to write as you please, it would have been polite to at least tell your readers that this was a carbon copy of another fic to aide you overcoming a writers block or whatever.
Hell, even just a note to forwarn all of us on why you decided to quit midway through your story would have been nice. It's not cool to do what you did fyi. We don't even have a good reason to believe you're even going to do a sequel to this, unless by sequel you mean you're going to cull out more chapters from your pokemon fic and change names again. Anyway I'm out. Almost not even worth the energy to mouseclick the downvote, but you're getting it anyway.
I really hope this ends up in the Badfic Bin where it belongs.
6473468 If you're talking about my PKMN fic [Four Paws], then I'm going to have to say that [Four Hooves] is not a complete carbon copy of my PKMN fic. You can tell if you have read [Four Paws] to completion (if you're gonna go ahead and read my PKMN fic, then please mind the grammar and tense issues). Then again, I can't blame you if you think that it's a carbon copy, since [Four Hooves] doesn't have a clear ending. It's not even "complete" yet.
But I can promise you this: [Four Paws] and [Four Hooves] may be identical in concept (because I really love human-turned-pony/pokemon themes), but these two stories are not identical. Sure, the human-turned-nothumananymore waking up in some forest is identical, but that's the only thing identical with them. ...Er, maybe adventure, too, befriending others to help them, figuring out why the human was sent here... Right, I'm not really helping my case here, am I?
But no, as I've said, my two stories will not be identical other than the ones I mentioned. I believe that's how humans-turned-creatures with adventure tags go anyway, in MLP:FiM or in PKMN, so I guess I'm just following the flow, but adding my way of making it stand out from the rest. And I'm blabbing...
While I already made the promise that [Four Hooves] will not be very identical to [Four Paws], I still appreciate your feedback.
And about the sequel, well, I already wrote a concept of how it'll go and already wrote 4 chapters. I'm just waiting to reach 10 chapters and for the cover art to be finished before I publish it. Eh...
... Admittedly, it does seem in rather poor taste to mark a story complete with no sequel yet out, and stopped in quite frankly the rising action of the story overall. Yes, he resolved the task of actually reaching Twilight and learned a bit about the world, but that conflict doesn't... exactly have enough content to warrant a story arc. If I may be frank, this entire fic thus far save for the last chapter or two have been prologue, as far as the 'feel' of the tale goes.
... Also why is Jay lieing by omission to Twilight? He's letting her, including her possibly homocidal alter-ego, believe he's from Equestria proper, and in turn letting her believe that there is only one world. Seems like it'd benefit them both in the long run to explain that - no - he is not from Equestria, and no, there is more than one world. Moving between worlds seems like it'd require less mana than altering or creating a world, and I doubt Twilight has seriously looked into that angle, from what she's said.