• Member Since 11th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen Last Tuesday

TheUnknownPerson


Just an unknown person who likes writing stuff.

Sequels1

T

Shining Armor has been injured in a recent attack upon the Crystal Empire from Queen Chrysalis. Due to an injury he sustained to his horn whilst fighting her, he is unable to create any spells, even the simplest ones. Because of this, he feels that he is inadequate and undeserving of everything he has gotten in life. Is he correct, or is he being a bit too difficult with himself?
Princess Cadance would say otherwise.

EDIT: A link to the sequel.

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 30 )

Published and already on hiatus uhh ?

Yeah that may be an incorrect choice

I mean he accidentally put hiatus instead of incomplete

6092141
6092185
It's on hiatus because I'm going to wait and see if I get enough good feedback to continue. If I don't it will stay as a one-shot. If I do, then it'll turn into a full blown story.

6092197
Its give wrong message, for example I won't even read it because hiatus show that I will probably forget before its gonna be continued

6092254 Ok, I'll set it as incomplete then. I apologize.

I like this and hope you continue.

6094303 Thanks.
It's a certain possibility that it will

Hmmm.... Who is this pony at the end..?

It was good.
and bad.

I mean, yeah, the depression was real, at first and he acted like he was destroyed, but the villain was kinda childish and her new motivations were not all that well developed. She suddenly seemed all powerful and sadistically causing brutal mayhem and murdering, then she just leaves because she's proven her point. It's a bit too much trauma to brush off, and very few stable people can keep a following and do things like that. Such actions would prompt Celestia to burn her hive mercilessly with the power of the sun without a second thought. All in all, it makes no sense.
I suggest you either tone her sadism and vengefulness down into a realistic attack that gets beaten off (which only reinforces how incredibly stupid Chrysalis is), or make a different origin of the injury.

"... then you'll get your wish, ok?! I-I'll just leave! You'll never have to see this face again!" Cadence said with tears in her eyes, each syllable trying to mask the pain in her words. Shining could tell that it was very hard for her to say it. He looked down at the bed, feeling ashamed. It was only now that he was realized how selfish he had been being. They both sat in silence for the moment.

This rapid transition from depression to shame, from the point of view of someone who's been through major depression, is almost laughable. You can't snap out of a low like that unless the low wasn't real- or he wasn't really feeling bad about himself in the first place. A truly depressed Shining Armor would have called Cadence's bluff (Yes, a bluff. if she really loved him, she would have been supporting him, not threatening to leave him. That's the last thing a depressed person needs.) and attempted to let her leave him. She, saying that, would have broken his hopes and made him suicidal.

6135422 Well, there'd be no reason to stay afterwords. Queen Chrysalis had ruined Shining Armor's reputation as a strong, disciplined guard and former captain of the Royal Guard in Canterlot, publicly humiliating him in front of his subjects, his guards, and worst of all, his wife.
Well, we are talking about Queen Chrysalis. Her subjects are either brainwashed into thinking that the actions her justifiable, or they're too scared to leave in fear that she might hurt them.
I was planning for her to attack later in the story.
Ok, you have a point there. I apologize. I may do a revision of that part of the story. Sorry :twilightblush:
But, it is your opinion and I will respect it.

Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!!!

6174203 :raritywink:
I approve of them doing so.

6174313

Oooo... Looks like the author is shipping instead of making it canon!:derpytongue2:

6174767 Possibly. I think it's technically counted as both

6174881

*shrugs* I don't know.

6174886 Me either :derpytongue2:(I should really look up some tips and other stuff about literature and writing).

6174886 So, how have you liked the story so far?

6175166 Glad to see you've been enjoying it. But, have you seen any errors or things I could improve on(plot-wise)?

6175372

Hmm...

I think that you should expand on the Changeling Kingdom. Or let us see the Kingdom in a changeling's perspective.

Or maybe let us see the Crystal Empire in a starving/homeless(?) pony's perspective.

Ooh, ooh! No! Let's see Blooming's perspective! Maybe as an interlude? It would be rather nice (for me at least) to see her perspective for a whole, um... chapter?

6175760 Alright. Good suggestions. I'll see what I can do.
(P.S: I was already thinking of doing a chapter from Blooming's P.O.V. See how she reacts to her sister and her new friend being taken away)

Damn it! The feels for Blooming right now... Damn it, TheUnknownPerson!

Does the picture of Shining on the story's cover remind anyone else of Edge in FFIV when he gets KO'd?

Do you know why you got those downvotes? Like was there an apparent mistake you fixed, or did you get PMs? It kinda annoys me when people dislike good stories and dont say why. It just deters other people from reading it.

P.S. I liked the story. Glad I found it the same day you finished it. :yay:

Comment posted by TheUnknownPerson deleted Sep 29th, 2017

"I thought you were supposed to be smart. I'll never tell unless you call of the guards." Queen Chrysalis said. The guard to the left looked over at Shining. He nodded. The guards sheathed their spears and stepped away.

That should say “off”

I really like the story though super underrated

Login or register to comment