No one in Equestria knows that happened to the original Crystal Princess after the fall of the Empire. No word in any text book. No historical documents. Nothing except the drawings and tales in a book.
No one except the princess herself, and she’s still alive.
Where is she now? Wandering the countryside, a shell of her former self. A great mare reduced to nothing but a failed leader, trying to remember who she once was. Where it all went wrong. Who she truly is.
Her name was Crystalline.
Her name is Chrysalis.
Chapters (1)
This looks very interesting indeed. I hope you continue with it. I always love stories that delve into Chrysalis' history.
6278950 Thnaks and don't worry this will continue.
I really like the concept of this one. :)
It's a clever concept, but what can you really do with it?
More mundanely, you really need to work on your dialogue. Pretty badly. Find an editor who'll work with you on that shit, because in slice-of-life, and especially something like this that's probably going to try for being emotional, it's literally the most important part of the story as a work.
Please.
Intriguing concept, but I think it'll need some editing, perhaps read it over yourself and see if it produces the picture you have in mind. If it isn't in the text, perhaps you need to elaborate creatively. It isn't all that bad, but dialogue and reactions seem a little...out of place.
Sounds pretty good, wonder how it'll continue though. You probably have something planned out and if not... then there's going to be a problem. Though it's an interesting story - don't listen to the put downs, just constructive critisizm and there's a difference. And your dialogue isn't that bad, besides there isn't much stories that focus on Chrysalis - this is the first one I found.
It sounds like Chrysalis' history is a mystery more for her than anyone else.
This needs to be continued. Please don't call it quits here. Suspenseful endings may be good on long, 100K+ works, but not on oneshots - unless they're perfectly written around the suspense. This isn't. It's written like a prologue. So, please continue this. I would hate to see this stop here (
).
6285781 I don't plan on stoping it here. I have a whole fleshed out theory for this story that I will make sure is known. Don't worry I'm not finished with this.
Interesting, interesting. I'll keep an eye on this one.
Chrysalis renouncing her name only minutes after responding to it doesn't speak well for her mental faculties. Gaining old memories could still feel like losing her mind.
I'm pretty sure
is supposed to have in within it.
I really like the concept thus far. And aside from a couple of grammatical errors, the story reads well.
But I'm going to hold off on favoriting it for now, it's going to go into the Read Later pile.
I just noticed, but in the story, C(h)ryssy states, rater vehemently, that her name is not Chrysalis. However, the summary claims otherwise. You may want to fix that.
6288554
Chrysalis is not her name, but it's the one she was either given, or chose when leading the Changelings with her being the only one knowing that isn't her real name. So for all intents and purposes, she is Chrysalis to the world [Including us, I suppose] until she proves or provides a reason to believe otherwise. It doesn't really need a change. It's fine as it is.
6289153
M'kay. I just needed some clarification.
Another story named 'Crystalline'? Seeing that title just made my day.
Update?
Would've been great if there were more to this story. But sadly, there isn't.
10223220
I'm really crap about keeping update promises > >