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Umbrella's Final mission

Umbrella is very strong, durable and smart, but one of his final mission gets him landed in Equestria. He makes some valuable allies against Commander Red, and new enemies.
Although, Umbrella is not aware that this is his final mission;Until it is too late

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Comments ( 2 )

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Hclegend

Hclegend #1 · Jun 22nd, 2015 · · ·

I would point out the many, MANY things wrong with this, but I'll just stick with the one thing:
This introduction is rushed. Like, you barely spent any time on anything. "Here's some Diamond Dogs! Welp, they're knocked out now, never mind!" "Umbrella knocks down some apples! NEXT!" "By the way, the bad guy has FUCKING SPACESHIPS."
I mean, this is barely 1000 words and I had to skim half of it lest I went Full Grammar Nazi and corrected EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE.