-Prologue-
Ah... Where to begin this tale? Hmm... Well, let's just say that it all began when I was but a normal boy in a normal city. I went by the name Alexander Grey. However, most days, I now go by Madara Uchiha. Confused aren't you? Let me rewind. I forgot to mention this, but when I said "back then", I meant: "back then."
Are you starting to get it now? No? Let me start again and refresh your feeble human minds. As I said before, I lived in a city- New York City- to be exact. I was a boy around average height and weight with deep green eyes. I was slightly Caucasian in skin color and had an average physique too. My hair was jet black and I wore regular clothes. They consisted of a pair of slacks, a blue shirt with flames, fingerless red gloves, a black jacket, and boots.
It was just another boring day in my opinion, but when I think back, I wished it stayed that way. Anyway, I was returning to my apartment (I live alone) after a long day working at the local book store. I know it's not a real "exciting" job, but it pays well. I then stopped at the entrance when my landlord approached me.
"Alexander!" He shouted. "Your rent is long overdue!! Where's my payment?"
Sighing (quietly mind you) at that, I took out my wallet and counted the amount due. I then gave it to the greedy man and he gave me a smirk.
"Heh. You got lucky boy," he taunted, "But I'll have you gone eventually! In the meantime, thanks for the money." He then walked off with his head held high like a king. Bastard.
As you could see, I was not well-liked by most. Mainly because I was a recluse with little to no social contact. Not to mention, my parents were involved with some...acquaintances...from bad parts around town. Yeah. Now let's get something straight. I'm no gang member like they were, but I do have a bad habit of pickpocketing people at times. One day my parents got caught and I was left homeless without any family. I was taken in by many orphanages, but was never adopted. I then managed to strike out on my own one day, and here I am.
Anyway, the main reason my landlord hates me is because I "borrowed" some money from him once. He was NOT happy. He was planning to evict me of my apartment, but I bargained with him. I said that if I payed double the rent for each and every month, he'd lay off. Thankfully, he accepted. I'm still running low now though, and it's only a matter of time before he double-crosses me. That slimy snake is in it only for the money. Sigh. Guess what they say is true: "Money is the root of all evil."
I wiped my shoes on the carpet and entered my apartment room. It wasn't all fancy or anything like most people make apartments out to be. It was mainly dusty and rundown, with some refurbishing done. Had a working TV, microwave and kitchen, along with a regular bedroom. It wasn't always comfy, but it was home (for now at least).
After eating a small meal consisting of a sandwich with french fries and a small soda, I took a shower and put on some pajamas. I was going to hit the hay, until I saw that my computer had received an email. Fancy that! I don't get emails from many things, except for Facebook and the various sites I sign up on.
Deciding it was worth a look, I opened the email and it seems that I was formally invited to a Comic Con being held in Manhattan. There was plenty to see, buy, and eat. Not only that, but they were holding a Comic Con Costume Contest! If one were to win they'd receive $5,000 for 1st, $3,000 for 2nd, and $1,000 for 3rd. I was ecstatic. If I entered, this could be my chance to escape this hellhole! Mustering up a small smile, I decided to get the materials tomorrow as the Comic Con would be three days from today.
The next day, I walked out happy and with an easygoing grin. Not even the old, pompous landlord could ruin my day! I had already thought of who to dress up as at the Contest. You see, I am a big fan of a certain manga called Naruto. Epicness I tell ya. Anyway, I had a liking towards the main antagonist Madara Uchiha. I could kinda relate to him someway. Maybe it's because we both have a bit of a dark past? Hmm.
After picking up the necessary supplies, I headed back to my apartment and put together the costume. With a satisfied grin, I was ready.
The day finally came when the Comic Con would be in town. I drove my Mustang car to the entrance and entered. As Madara Uchiha, I wore his crimson armor with numerous metal plates, with protective guards along the chest, waist, shoulder and thigh areas. Underneath, I wore the Uchiha outfit: a blue high-collared, long sleeve mantle that split down the lower half, and a simple, light-brown obi and belt. I also had his (handcrafted) orange-brown gunbai made from various material. I finally had a metal belt, as well as a brown leather sash to hold some of my other "weapons", and a pair of belt sashes to hold two of my pretend swords. To complete the look, I had multiple black "cracks" appearing all over my body. This stuff was simply make-up however. You can probably guess at what version of Madara I am cosplaying as. That's right. The Edo Tensei version of Madara Uchiha.
Back to the main topic though. As I walked and took a look at the many sights and various wares the merchants had to sell, I saw many good costumed people too. Still though, I had no doubt I was gonna win the contest.
Feeling hungry, I decided to grab a bite before the contest started. I had a burger, diet soda, and of course, some french fries with some good ketchup on the side. Delicious I tell you. Seeing that I only had about twenty minutes left before the contest began, I started to make my way to where it would be held at.
It was before I reached the main hall entrance, that my life would change now and forever. There was a lone stall near me. For some reason, I felt a strange force of sorts that led me to walk towards it. It was a relatively regular looking stall, but when my eyes landed on some unique eye contacts, my interest was piqued.
I reached for them and looked at them delicately, as if they'd break any moment. The way they changed patterns from the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan to the Rinnegan had me completely and utterly mesmerized. I had to have this.
It was then that I was interrupted from my inner thoughts by a small cough. I turned around surprised to see the merchant of this particular stall right behind me! How'd he do that without me noticing? Was I THAT absorbed in my thoughts? Looking at him, I took note of his appearance. He had tanned skin, a hunched form, amber eyes, and a wrinkly old face. To complete the appearance was a small grey goatee.
"Ahem," he coughed again, "I said I was wondering if you liked that particular item lad?"
Nodding my head in an affirmative, I said, "Yes sir."
He grinned a toothy smile, which had a few rotted teeth (ugh) and stroked his goatee. "Mm. I see! Well my boy, it is a unique item. It was created to change eye patterns depending on the person's mood, but sadly, wasn't popular. I believe that I possess only this last one." He informed me.
Hearing this, my eyes widened in surprise. This was the last of these cool looking items?! That just made me want it even more! Fumbling around in my pockets for my wallet, I asked, "How much do you want for it?"
Seemingly satisfied that I wanted it, the man grinned again and said, "Well, it IS my last one, but I'm willing to part with it for $70. Is that acceptable?"
I grinned and shook his hand, sealing the deal. "It's a deal old man." I totaled the exact amount needed and gave it to him while he handed me the contacts. He then handed me a mirror while I put them on.
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw how amazing my eyes looked like with the contacts. Simply incredible. Before I could thank the man again, I saw something in the back of the mirror. I then looked a bit closer at my reflection. It was then I was immediately freaked out as my reflection gave me the most evil grin I've ever seen. I wasn't even making the same face! What was going on?! The "me" in the mirror, smiled once more and opened his mouth. It was then that the mirror glowed and I was swallowed into a portal of sorts. I then immediately blacked out, not seeing the changes being made to my body.
I then awoke to find myself in a forest of sorts. That, however, wasn't what was strange to me. The forest somehow looked familiar in my mind. I also saw that my eye vision was somehow sharper than it was before. Why was that?
I slowly got up and immediately knew something was wrong. I felt...taller...and more older. I looked down at myself, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Although the "cracks" over my body seemed a bit more realistic though. Seeing a nearby pond, I looked at it and it was there that I knew I wasn't in the Big Apple anymore.
I still had the relative same appearance I did before, at least costume-wise, but what seemed to have caught my attention was that I had the Sharingan! I looked closer and they immediately turned into the Rinnegan. What?
I touched my now long flowing black hair and felt that it was completely real! Could it be? Was I actually Madara Uchiha? In the undead flesh?! I had heard of this happening to people on made-up stories, but I never knew it'd happen to me.
I was angered at being tricked for some odd reason. I wanted to destroy something. Something should suffer! I'd- wait. What WOULD I do? This, this wasn't me thinking. Something else was at play here. But what?
'It's simple, it's because your Madara Uchiha.' My inner voice reasoned. 'That can't be.' I thought back. 'You know it's true. Search your feelings. It's the truth!'
Looking at my hands once more, I begrudgingly admitted to myself that my inner voice did have a point. That left the question as to where I was. I know that the trees looked very familiar when I first woke up, perhaps if I explored a bit more?
After a couple of hours and still nothing, I began to think it was futile to find out where I was. I was about to give up hope when I suddenly heard...weapons clashing? And...war cries?
Giving in to my curiosity, I ran to the sounds. As soon as I arrived, I saw hundreds of horses- no- ponies fighting insect-like creatures that were similar in appearance to them.
"Keep fighting everypony! We have to drive them off! FOR EQUESTRIA!" A general (most likely) shouted. The other soldiers saluted with their hooves and replied back.
"FOR EQUESTRIA!"
Well shit. Wouldja look at that? Me in Equestria as freakin' Madara Uchiha. Did NOT see that one coming!
Realizing that their efforts were in vain as more of those creatures (Changelings I recall) swarmed the army. It would seem that they needed help. Thinking no further, I jumped into the fray.
Everypony and every Changeling was awestruck at my sudden appearance. I folded my arms and hands Madara Uchiha style and spoke like a badass. "You can try and hurt these ponies that are now under my jurisdiction and die, or flee for your lives. Choose wisely little insects!"
Thinking I wasn't a threat, the bugs simply ignored me and attacked anyway. I was annoyed. How dare they?! They dare to ignore the great Madara Uchiha?! They would pay dearly with their lives!
I unleashed a huge amount of Killer Intent and every single Changeling froze in fear as shudders went down their exoskeletons. They hesitatingly turned to me as soon as I gave the instinctive command, "Fire Style: Great Fire Annihilation!!"
A huge stream of fire engulfed the Changelings and I gleefully smiled as they burned to ashes. Some more came at me and tried to avenge their fallen comrades, but I repelled them with a Shinra Tensei as my Sharingan suddenly transformed into the Rinnegan again.
One even dared to look me in the eye and I said, "Tsukuyomi!" Immediately, the Changeling was caught in my Genjutsu and almost immediately died from mental strain.
I laughed. These things were pathetic! How could they possibly match up to me? As more and more came, I once again grew annoyed. Their queen no doubt is trying to flee as I destroy her precious hive. Coward. I despise them with a passion.
I then used Amaterasu and quickly killed off the rest of the Changelings as I began to locate the queen. Seeing that she was nearby, I used a Body Flicker and appeared before the terrified royal.
"P-please!" She stuttered. "Have mercy on me! Don't kill me!"
I glared down at her pathetic form and simply said, "You're pathetic. Out of my sight little insect!" Her pleas were immediately silenced by an Amaterasu and she lived no more.
Grunting in satisfaction, I saw that I was not alone as two ponies trotted up to me. I looked at them and one of them gulped while the other said, "Equestria owes you a great debt stranger. However, we do not know your intentions. I politely ask you come with us as their Royal Majesties, King Eclipse and Queen Eternity wish to speak with you."
"Very well." I replied with some hesitation. It appears that there is no Celestia and Luna yet. What could this mean for me?
TO BE CONTINUED!!
Well, it looks good for now, the prologue were fine, but I need more information to see where this is going
5989577 Of course. Once I've finished the outline, I'll make sure everything is explained. In time of course! Heh heh...
A rush job like this is fine for getting repetitive intros out of the way, but I hope you won't rush the rest of the story.
5989611 Thank you for that. I'll definitely take my time. I'll start by making an outline since this is just the prologue. Your help is much appreciated!
op characters are hilarious and fun to read. moar
5989826 Glad you approve! Patience friend. More will be on its way!
This is pretty good for an anime crossover prologue. I've seen some terrible ones, and yours definitely surpasses them. The grammar is quite good, and the point aspects are stellar. I most definitely see bountiful amounts of possibility with this story.
On the other side, I think you're a bit too specific on his clothing when walking around NYC. It doesn't really hold importance to the novel what street clothes he wears. Next, I'd advise using italics instead of bold for the names of those moves. They're more like names, so italics indicates that they're something different or real, rather than an option one would pick from a list, as bold tends to do. Finally, it might be wise to have some mention as to how he knows about Equestria, as that is a rather sudden realization. Try and write the story to be as if he were talking to an audience that was iignorant to that fact. Also, that "to be continued" is rather unnecessary and out of character for a story of this type, also redundant considering the story is marked as "incomplete".
Welp, that's my two pence. Keep writing!
I really like how brutal you are just like madara. But don't make him a puppet for the ponies
5990197 Thank you for your criticism. I'll be sure to keep that in mind!
5990432 By that, what do you mean?
So, he can switch between the Rinnegan and Sharingan in both eyes, or is it like in the manga/anime where he has one in each?
5990897 He can switch between the two.
More please.
5999759 Glad you like! There will be a new chapter up hopefully soon! I'll even let ya know when it's up! How's that sound?
That sounds awesome! Thank
you.
6000438 Sure thing! No prob mate.
you know i haven't really read any of the villein fics before , i mostly go for hero. anyone have any good suggestions? other then this one of course.
6026060 Well, there is quite a few villain ones out there. I guess one to suggest would be: Bat Out Of Hell a Bleach story starring Ulquiorra.
So... this isn't the worst story I've read; but the pacing is a little off, there's some unnecessary description in there, and the way he acts straight out of the gate is just... wrong. If you were suddenly transported to Equestria, would the first thing you do be kill a bunch of changelings? If it were me, I'd do a little bit of freaking out, then probably not believe it, before I came to the realization that I couldn't go home. Either way, it's your character, so I guess he can act how he wants.
Anyway, this isn't a bad story. It's just... novice. Needs some polishing. More backstory and motivation from the characters. I assume there will be more in the future; but, where it is now, it's a newborn that needs nurturing. I'd recommend you get an editor, as a first step; and, secondly, just keep writing! Practice, practice!
I hope to see more from this story!
6032863 Well thank you for the advice! I'll see what I can do. By the by, do ya know any good editors that could possibly help me out?
Ive only one thing to say MAOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6043775 Patience my friend, more will be on its way!
6043990 ....YAY!
I like where this is going. PM me if you ever wan to do a crossover
it is not bad, but not my thing, because he has to battle with a second mind, or something like that.
I never liked it when there are two minds in one body, well mostly if there is no good explanation, but i can´t say it about this story, because i didn´t read the whole chapter.
6066326 I understand. It's up to you whether to read it or not. Nonetheless, I thank you for at least leaving a comment!
If only it were Nagato instead of Madera
6078688 Sorry to disappoint. I WAS thinking of using Nagato, but I decided to use Madara instead because he fit better.
6078978 Eh, being my favorite character from Naruto, I couldn't help but think that, considering how noble Madera was in his first battle. But still, a pretty interesting concept. I hope Madera becomes evil really fast.
6079886 Oh no worries. He will! Just not until a couple more chapters though. Heh heh...
6079895 Good good, I'd hate to see such a self proclaimed proud example of the Uchiha clan be tamed by colorful ponies which i'm sure will try and imprison him for him being a threat.
6079922 Most likely. Lol! I've also got REALLY BIG plans!
Great story but, why the rush? At slower pace could make this much better. Wanna see pseudo-Uchiha Madara vs. everypony. Yay! Will there be another dimensions too? Like those stories in the group of League of Humans Acting Villainous.
6080901 I admit, part of it was rushed, but no worries! I'm planning out the next chapter right now. It should be longer than the first by a couple hundred words! And who knows? You may get your wish!
I want to know more about Madara(?) , not Madara.
6096917 You're interested in learning more? Please elaborate.
6097018 Fake Madara, not Real Madara.
6097295 So mainly my character in general. Well, you'll find out more eventually. However, if you don't mean this, you must be meaning this "version" of Madara. Well, he's the Undead version/Edo Tensei Madara. In this form, his power knows no bounds and even possesses both Sharingan and Rinnegan.
Man you really did a good job of making me hate this character in just the right way.... good job.
I have only read up to this part right here and I can already tell this guy is the problem. The simple point that he's pissed he had to pay rent even if the guy he's giving it to is a douchebag sells me he is a self-destructive character. In my opinion I already know what's going to happen when he gets any kind of power he turns into a dictator or a monster without question.