Long ago, a year after the imprisonment of Discord, a being of immense and terrible power appeared in Equestria. Locked behind the gates of Tartarus, the creature is thought to be forever trapped. Until now. Though it has taken more than a few centuries, he has finally managed to climb the dark pits of Tartarus, and escape the hellish prison. His name, is Ulquiorra.
AN: Tags will be added along the way, expect lots of explosions. First ever fic, mercy...
Special thanks to ponyclaws, who helped edit this fic, of which I am immeasurably grateful for.
Chapters (8)
How does she know?
not bad
I'm glad you got the emotionless void that Ulquiorra is known for, it also does not seem like he IS Ulquiorra, but has the mindset of him. I'm also glad he is not just another whiny asshole "Malideus" that is seen to often in these costume wearing humans, but something different. Anyway, this is a good start to a different way of bringing Ulquiorra into the MLP universe, good luck.
A good beginning. I am interested to see where this story will go.
I don't know who the he'll downvoted this but their stupid they should be ashamed their family should be ashamed and and he should feel stupid. This is great it's well thought out well written and has ulquiorra. Seriously this can't be your first fic I've seen writers who have been doing this for years who could take some tips in keeping readers attention from you. Overall this truly is great it looks like it's been picked with a finetoothed comb with so few grammar errors.
I'll have but two things left to say, take all my moustache
And please give us more soon
Yours truly
Ponyclaws
Fix this a simple revision.
Replace the first "His" with "The"
I would replace Sighed with Gave or a different word help it keep a consistent flow.
I think you meant creature?
Jesus! I posted this like minutes ago and I already have favorites and comments! Thanks! Anyways, to address somethings
4045038 Thanks for pointing those out, I'll get around to fixing 'em soon, hopefully have another chapter up as well.
4044821 Maybe cause of the massive laser beam from the sky?
And last but not least,
4044969 Thank you.
4044974 Thank you!
4044974 And Thank you!
4044990 Also, thanks for the mustaches!
4045038
Do something with, "closing The doors behind her" it sounds ... wrong
Gravity taking control of the moon as she entered, smiling.
Save for a few clouds delete "barely any clouds" and put that at the end
'Now noticed was a' and 'with'
My spell check powers tell me it's spelt 'fauna'
Hey if u need an editor send me a message I have lots of free time and can usually get to a chapter to fix.it within a day
4045204 Careful what you wish for...
4045218 I have but 1 condition...
4045226 And that is...?
4045237 you CAN'T tell me where the story is going ... I like the surprise
4045242 So be it! I'm actually working on the second chapter now, and hope to have it up by Monday/Tuesday.
For a cosplay fic? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
4045248 great if you want me to view it before you put it out after you've finished just message me I'll b sure to get to it asap
4045263 To quote Casablanca, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship..."
4045274 ooh into the oldies are we?
yea I think this will be a very beautiful freindship.
NICEly done
I'll follow, for now at least but no matter what so deserves thumbs up
I would like to see more of this.
Add "Crossover" tag, please. Ulquiorra belongs to Bleach universe, not Pony.
I can smell some good here, more please.
this could be one of the amazing story i have read very.......very...........interesting in deed
While I enjoyed this and look forward to its further development, I only clicked the link because it sounded like a Meatloaf cosplay story. Which would've been epic. Have a fave and an upvote anyway.
You might want to re-word this bit. Maybe. Totally your call.
1. Discord was defeated 1000 years ago, not 10,000 years ago.
2. When Ulquiorra first became a Hollow, and before he became an Arrancar, his mask covered his entire face.
4046720 I'll be honest with you, the chronology in this Universe is screwy to me... Nightmare Moon was deated 1000 years ago, so was Sombra... but I'll make the edit, thanks for pointing it out!
they were pretty busy a thousand years ago, or they were just lazy and decided to date all events to that year.
I will admit when i frist saw this i thought well shit this is gonna suck.
but the i read it and well done
4047711 Well thanks for the vote of confidence! I think...
Curious, most curious. I look forward to your updates.
4050200 looking forward to the rest
and yet another of sealed can of evil has busted open and is about to take another chunk out of her plot
time to call in her personal attack dogs/tool box aka Twilight and the other elements
nice update by the way, poor doggy
Awesome chapter!
guessing it his sword in vault A-34? bet some ponies tried to use it didn't they?
I think your Bleach crossover is better then mine man.
Umm arancar are created from menos grande (huge hollows). Size has noting to do with fear there.
http://bleach.wikia.com/wiki/Arrancar
I like it that you are using Ulquiorra; best Espada ever, arguably should be Number One, if not Number Three hands down. However his last name is "Cifer," also why not just use the real character instead of this "Mark" guy? Is it because the real character dies in Bleach? Other than that, I feel invested, and can't wait for more.
4052873 You're forgetting that this guy isn't actually part of the Bleach world. He was a normal human who became Ulqiorra, and what he's referring to here is how he would've reacted back when he was an ordinary person.
4052873 This is a cosplay fic. Where the main character was once human, but then turned to whatever they were cosplaying as. But no worries though, I understand the... ( •_•) ( •_•)>⌐□-□ (⌐□_□) Coufnsiou!
Also,
4052899 The last name varies in spelling I believe but I'll make the edit, also I totally agree. As for the character thing I was planning on using the actual character for instances in the future while using "Mark" in the past, of which I will write about in later chapters.
4052845 Wanna hear something funny? YOUR fic inspired me to make THIS ONE!!
Great chapter.
there were three different ways
which is in and of itself a challenge... ... the cavernous walls were nigh... ...more for effect than literally... he would then offer
Finally
so he could once again savor the taste (suggested word change) the doors opened completely, but Cerberus (add a but it help the flow of the sentence)
change heavier with worse (you use heavier a few to many times it is slowing the flow of the paragraph. another suggested change.)
more weight fell upon... .. accompanied by each footstep.
change mass to pressure. pressure is better because it is his spiritual pressure for one and it sounds and applies better to the situation.
capitalize if (If)
fells like a state testing question. please revise to "each going for a different limb" delete the rest
as if he simply annoyed it (Cerberus should know his own gender. at least i hope he does)
no actual grammar mistake here just wanted to say that i'm glad you did your home work. but im gonna be nitpicky and say that a balla is not actually as powerful as a cero (though ulquiorras balla posses the strength to go completely through others) it is approximately 20Xs faster than a cero
a dead stare
i would like to say sorry both to the author and to the readers of this Fic for my lateness in editing this chapter. i was called into work on an emergency and was unable to attend to it till 20 or so minutes ago. Even with this excuse i know to some this is unforgivable, but i hope you all can find it in your heats to forgive a foolish youngster. Especially you Coufnsiou. You have been wronged, and i hope will forgive me this once so i may have another chance.
Yours truly,
Ponyclaws
4053036
4054737 No problem at all! A late editor is better than none! Anyways, credit where credit's due, Special thanks for the author!
4055183 well that's a relief its been a while since I've actively edited a story but unless something really unexpected happens again like a 12 hour shift right before a story is posted there shouldn't be any problems.
I love the espada but Cifer is my all time favorite and you have managed to find a way to make me love him even more
Keep up the good work
This is gonna be the first I've read of this new type of story, Humans acting villainous right? Gotta say that I'm interested, and I gotta give you props for the story cover art, loved it!
a quite Tartarus is a happy Tartarus!
quiet
“Fetch.” I said, sonidoing in front
...I don't even.
Also,
"Had i had my blade with me I would have done"
Had my blade been on my person
While you need to either find an editor or go through your chapters better. Some of the errors I found could be handled with Word autocorrect.
I would advise using any resources available to you.
Of course everyone may not be in the same circumstance, so I'll give you a handy little tool, use it well.
Auto revewer app
It's not as good as a real flesh and blood editor, but it can do for the meantime.
new update or not? punch the update button by mistake?
Lies! There is no update!